Reasons to Leave (Reasons #1) (18 page)

He ran his hands down her back and slid her bottom nearer to him. She kissed him with increasing urgency and thrust her tongue into his mouth. He groaned the same pained sound he had made the night before.

“Jason…make love to me… I want to help you forget what I said… I didn’t mean it… I want to prove that to you.” She looked directly into his eyes as she spoke, hoping that her sincerity was evident.

He shook his head. “No…no…I won’t…you can do better than me. There was an element of truth in what you said.”

She took his face in her hands again. “Jason…
no
…I was
wrong
. I want you to make love to me. I want to feel how I felt last night…please?”

“No…I can’t…not like this. Not when you’re feeling guilty. Pity sex isn’t my thing.”

She stood from his lap, remembering that she was still damp from the smelly loch water. She held out her hand. “It wouldn’t be pity sex. I need you. Even if you just hold me tonight. Please?” He didn’t move as he gazed up at her with a blank expression. “Come on, we’ll take a shower then. I’ve spent most of the day upside down in the water. You can wash my hair.” She smiled. When he still didn’t move, she tugged at the hem of her top and pulled it over her head. Next she kicked off her boots and slipped down her khakis.

She stood before him in her underwear, plain black, every day cotton underwear, nothing fancy—a fact that she regretted now that she was displaying it so brazenly. His expression changed. Biting his lip and with dilated pupils, he stood slowly. She stepped toward him and grasped the hem of his T-shirt. In one swift move it was gone. Next she crouched and lifted each foot in turn and removed his heavy boots and socks. Then his pants were pulled down his long toned thighs, and he stepped out of them. He stood before her in black fitted boxers
.

Stunning
.

Confidently taking his hand, she led him through the door past his bedroom and into the bathroom. Leaning over, she turned on the water in the walk-in shower. He watched her every move silently. She checked the temperature, and when it was about right she turned to him. Crouching before him again, she tugged his boxers down his legs, freeing his arousal. Gripping his hips, she kissed him there and glanced up to find his eyes closed and lips parted. Standing once again, she unhooked her bra. He opened his eyes again and continued to watch her. She slipped her panties off and grasped his hand once again, drawing him forward to join her under the water.

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back onto the tiles. She found his body wash and squeezed some into her hands. She made lather and spread it slowly all over his chest and down the rest of his toned, muscular torso. She took his arousal in her hands and worshipped him again as he stared at her hands and braced himself. His breathing became erratic and loud until he threw his head back, closed his eyes, and made a guttural noise as he came, grasping her arms and pulling her into his chest. Eventually, he dropped his head back down and looked at her.

Her tears were relentless. “I’m so sorry that my words hurt you. I’m very angry with myself for what I said. It was wrong. I can’t even begin to imagine the things you’ve done and the things you’ve seen, but those things were necessary. What I said
wasn’t
necessary in any way. I wish I could wash my words away with the soap so they can’t hurt you anymore. It’s your turn to forgive me now. Do you think you can?”

He nodded as he kept his glassy eyes locked on hers. She rubbed the soap from his body, and while he stood, allowing the suds to rinse away, she washed herself under his watchful gaze.

She let the water cascade over her hair and face, and whilst her eyes were closed, his breath heated her neck as he began to leave a trail of feather-light kisses on her over-sensitised skin. It was as if he had awoken from a trance. She didn’t speak or make a sound. She simply brought her arms around him and cradled him to her. He slipped his arms around her and pulled her close, still leaning against the tiles.

He slid down the wall and pulled her with him. “I’m sorry too…the things I said about fuck buddies—”

“Hey…let’s pretend that it all washed away. Let’s not keep dragging awful things back up. It’s all forgotten, okay?”

He nodded against her neck. They stayed huddled together until Jason began to shiver. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” She pulled him up and wrapped him in a clean towel that was folded on the vanity unit. She wrapped herself in another and pulled him by the hand toward the bedroom. Once inside she rubbed him down with the towel and then did the same to herself. She pulled back the covers and climbed in naked, holding her arms open for him. He climbed in beside her and immediately nuzzled into her breasts. He stayed there just holding onto her as she stroked his back.

After a while, his breathing changed, and she could tell he was sleeping, so she closed her eyes and allowed herself to drift off too. The last couple of days had been draining, to say the least. Sleep was something she definitely needed.

Chapter Thirteen

Once again Jason opened his eyes to find that his arms were wrapped around Stevie.

My soul mate
.

He thought back to the events of the night before. He was ashamed of his behaviour. If there was a sure-fire way to push this woman as far away as she could possibly get, he’d done it. Yet she had come back to him. She’d comforted him. She’d wanted to take back her hurtful words even though he probably deserved them, and she’d
stayed
with him. If only it was as simple as taking back words to rid oneself of terrible memories.

Last night had been so intimate, even though they hadn’t made love, just being washed and pleasured by her and then being held to her breasts and falling asleep in her arms. It was the most intimate night he’d spent with anyone.

Ever
.

And now he lay as still as possible, barely breathing. He didn’t dare move a muscle, considering that things had gone so terribly wrong the last time he had awoken with her in bed beside him. Instead, he carefully inhaled her scent. Except this time she smelled of him—his body wash at least—and the scent enveloped him warmly like her arms had done, giving him sense of belonging that was long overdue; like she was marked as his for real, even though she really wasn’t. In a few days time, she’d be gone and he would be changed irrevocably. He watched her sleep for a while, trying to commit to his memory the way she looked and felt in his arms. It would be a cruel memory to be left with, but it would be marginally better than having no memory of it at all.

Her eyelids fluttered open, and she gazed up at him. He held his breath. Waiting. To his relief, she leaned up and kissed him, stroking her nose down his tenderly. Pulling herself to a sitting position she pushed him onto his back and began to kiss his chest, his tattoos receiving special attention. He closed his eyes, soaking up each and every sensation.

Smoothing her hands up and down his body, she grasped him again, sliding her hand up and down as she kissed his neck. He remained silent, expecting that any moment he would wake up and the latter part of last night and the whole of this morning thus far would have been a cruel dream. He waited, but other than the wonderful sensations shooting around his body like shafts of light, awakening every nerve ending, the dream remained a reality.

She rose above him and took what she wanted, slowly and tenderly. He gazed up at her to see her head back, lips slightly parted and her eyes closed.
So, so beautiful
.
And so damned sexy.
She began to move on him, and he slipped his hands up to caress first her waist, enjoying the concave curve down to her hip. This wasn't just sex. This meant something. Knowing this terrified him, but watching her, feeling her, having her here was better than any dream he'd experienced in the time they had been apart.  The look on her face was mesmerising. She was lost in bliss. How had he survived all these years without the other half of his soul? The question would no doubt remain unanswered thanks to the brief nature of her visit and he wondered how the hell he would cope when she left if this was how she affected him still.

Leaning forward, she pulled the long veil of her deep auburn hair over one shoulder and placed her hands on his chest, opening her eyes. They were somehow no longer vivid blue but dark indigo. She stared deeply into him as if looking into his soul and moved faster until her mouth was open and her brow was furrowed. He watched her in awe. Never had he experienced such an array of emotions watching a woman come apart like this.

Her nails dug into his shoulders, and she cried out, tears springing from her eyes and down her face, falling in chilled drops onto his heated skin as she kept her eyes locked on his and repeated his name over and over.

Hearing her call his name in her desperation sent him heaven bound as he gripped her waist with one hand and her breast with the other. “Stevie…oh please…” His garbled and almost incoherent words fell from his lips as he stared into her blue eyes.

She smiled down at him as he began to fall back to earth from somewhere around Jupiter. He tugged her face down to his and kissed her deeply before whispering, “
My
…soul…mate,” again as he caressed her cheek. “You know…I don’t mean to make you cry. You’re supposed to feel good.” He kissed her hair.

“I do feel good. In fact
good
doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel with you when we’re together like this. I’ve never had such an emotional reaction to...making love like I do with you. So don’t take it as a bad sign.” She nuzzled his chest and traced his tattoos with her fingertips. He decided to let the matter drop. She had hesitated before saying
making love
as if she wasn’t sure what label to put on it. But the reaction she’d had reassured him that it certainly wasn’t
just sex
to her.

****

They lay snuggled together for another hour. Smiling and caressing but saying very little. Once again worry crept into Jason’s mind about what would happen when she left. He fought it away, doing his best to concentrate on the fact that her eyes were sparkling once again and he’d had something to do with that. What he had taken away, he had also begun to put back. It felt so good. He focused on the little flecks of grey that he could see in her eyes. He focused on the way she wet her lips with a flick of her tongue right before she kissed him. He thought back to the intense, earth shattering orgasm that had racked his body, rendering him an incoherent mess. If he wasn’t so sated he could feel embarrassed about his cries. But frankly, he would do it all over again…and he
hoped
to.

He traced her arm with his fingers and watched as little goosebumps rose at his touch. “Today is freedom day, so the kids are allowed to take the bus into the nearby town with my staff as chaperones. It’s meant to be of benefit to the kids for their independence, but it’s also supposed to be a day when the accompanying teachers get to chill out. So…”

“So, there really is a freedom day? I thought that perhaps Matt at the cycle place had got his wires crossed somehow.”

Jason cringed. “Oh…yeah…no I just…I didn’t want you getting involved with him. He’s a bit of a ladies man if you know what I mean.”

She smiled up at him. “Hmm, a little jealous maybe?”

He chuckled. “Okay, now who’s being arrogant?”

She tapped his chest lightly. “I
am
not! I just think that you were being a little possessive.”

He manoeuvred to face her. “Oh? And you haven’t looked daggers at Dorcas much at all, have you?” She was silent for a few minutes, and he wondered if perhaps he’d hit a nerve. After chewing on his lip for a few moments whilst he decided how to put things, he spoke, “I’m going to be completely honest with you, okay? Dee and I…we kissed…once…a long time ago, but I didn’t feel
anything
for her and so I put a stop to it. She’s like a kid sister to me. I think she has a wee bit of a crush…I admit that. But
I
don’t see
her
that way.”

She nodded, looking thoughtful. “I knew there’d been
something
between you. I have a kind of radar for these things.” She flopped onto her back. “She still wants you. I’m sure of that.”

“Hey.” He leaned over her. “She’s not getting me, so it’s a moot point. Can we just get back to what we’re going to do today? I have a few ideas.” He raised his eyebrows playfully.

“Oh yes? And am I to guess that they involve me…maybe staying here…in bed with you…naked?” She smiled. “To help me chill out obviously…not because you have an amazing body that I may have become addicted to.”

He chewed his lip and turned one side of his mouth up. “Well no…
obviously
to chill out…and…you know…
sleep
.”

She bit her lip and nodded. “Well yes, sleep is
very
important.”