Relative Happiness (32 page)

“Oh, gosh, it sure was. There wasn't a smidgen of it left at the end of the lesson.” They looked at each other and beamed happily.

Rory, Beth and the girls arrived later in the afternoon and the family sat down to their Christmas dinner. Mom carried in a fat golden turkey on an heirloom platter and put it on the table. They all said how nice it looked, and that's when the realization hit them that Dad was really gone.

They looked at each other. Mom recovered first. “Rory, dear. Would you do the honours?” She passed him her husband's carving set. Rory looked at Beth and she nodded her head slightly.

Rory stood up. “Of course. Who wants the drumstick?”

Dinner was delicious, except for the dressing. Rory was disappointed. As he helped Lexie clear the table he sidled up to her by the sink.

“Excuse me while I run to my mother's and wolf down some normal stuffing, the kind the whole world's had right about now. Lucky sods.”

Lexie put her finger to her lips. “Shh. Kate would be devastated if she knew.”

“How can she not know,” Rory whispered. “No one ate it.”

“Beth and I grabbed it off everyone's plate every time they weren't looking. The kids helped.” She showed him the huge blob of dressing wrapped in some napkins before she threw it in the garbage.

“That's where it belongs.” Rory went back to get more dishes.

Gabby came in with another load of plates. Lexie filled the sink with hot soapy water. Gabby grabbed a tea towel out of a drawer and stood beside her. They smiled at each other.

“Are you okay, Gab?”

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

“Still lonely?”

“Yeah.”

“Me too.”

Once things were cleared away, Rory brought out a gift he'd picked up for Josh: two plastic hockey sticks just his size and a soft puck. They played hockey in the living room. The girls were miffed because they weren't included. Joshua got so excited he took the stick and shot the puck into the top of the Christmas tree. Rory said he would be in the NHL by the time he was seven. Josh gave him his lopsided grin.

Rory took Lexie aside. “You know, if ever Josh wants to play hockey or baseball, I'd love to get him some equipment and take him to his games.”

Here was a man. Josh wouldn't grow up without someone. She gave Rory a big squeeze.

Lexie and her mom and sisters went out to the cemetery while Rory and Daphne watched
The Little Mermaid
with the kids.

The snow was undisturbed, except for the small rabbit paw prints that wound around and through the headstones. The chime they placed on the branch of the birch tree over Dad's grave tinkled in the wind. It was almost twilight. Smooth and glassy ice had formed over the sandbar. They swept snow off the headstone and placed their Christmas arrangement of pine, berries and holly in front of it.

They knelt down and told him how much they loved him and how much they missed him and to thank him for being the best dad in the whole world. They kissed their fingers and pressed them into the snow so they would melt into the ground above him.

Lexie and her sisters walked away and left Mom to say her private goodbye. She stood in that peaceful place where her husband lay. Lexie glanced back. Her mother looked so alone.

Chapter Seventeen

Gabby sat and looked out the window. It rained, a dreary day. She watched people hurry along, big black umbrellas that bobbed like buoys on the water. The rain hit the window and it was a lonely sound. It always had been for Gabby. As a kid, she had hated the sound of rain on the cottage roof.

She had the phone number in her hand. It wasn't hard to find Adrian, once she knew he was in Montreal, but it took a long time to gather up the courage to speak to him. She assumed Adrian hadn't called out to Lexie because he thought she was married, or at least in love with someone. He had seen Joshua, after all. What didn't make sense was that he didn't get in touch with Lexie after he left Toronto. Did he think Lexie would hate him forever for his betrayal? Gabby had no idea. She couldn't think anymore.

She dialled the number. She didn't know what she'd say. She just knew she had to do something. She owed it to Lexie.

A crisp formal voice said, “Davenport Residence. Mrs. Phillips speaking. How may I help you?”

Was she a secretary? Was this his house?

“Yes, hello. May I speak to Adrian, please?”

“Whom shall I say is calling?”

This caught Gabby off guard. “A friend.”

“Certainly. One moment please.”

She was put on hold. Just a few more moments. She should hang up. She couldn't do—

“Hello?”

Her heart leapt to her throat. His voice was in her ear, so close.

“Adrian?”

“Yes?…Gabby, is that you?”

She didn't speak. She didn't dare.

“Gabby.”

“Yes.” It was a whisper.

“Oh, my God. Where are you?”

“It doesn't matter.” She talked as if reading from a script for the first time.

“Gabby. I'm so sorry for everything. Please believe me.”

“I wanted to call you and tell you Lexie isn't married.”

There was a pause. “Lexie? This is about Lexie?”

“Yes.”

“I saw her in Montreal. She had a baby with her. It was such a—”

“She still loves you.” Gabby had her hand in a tight fist as she tried to remember what she was supposed to say. “There's no need for you to stay away from her now.”

“Gabby, you have to listen to me. I know I hurt you and Lexie very badly. I need to explain. I was in a bad way then. But I've sorted things out—”

“Look, I can't talk to you Adrian. We're in the past. I've sorted things out too. I've moved on with my life. I'm in love with someone else.” She had to swallow. “I'm glad things are better for you. I just wanted you to know about Lexie, because I know you love her and I want to make up for the hurt I caused you both.”

“Gabby—”

“Call her. Goodbye Adrian.”

She hung up the phone and let go of it as if it were too hot to hold. She stared at nothing. She felt nothing, until she tried to open her fist. It was stuck together with blood from her fingernails pressing into her flesh.

Adrian lay on his bed. It was the middle of the night, pitch black except for the nightlight outside Binti's room. He couldn't sleep, so he heard her the minute it started.

Her screams were bad this time. He leapt up and raced into her room. She sat up and stared at the wall in front of her.

“It's okay, baby. Papa's here.” He reached for her and she put her arms around his neck. He sat on the bed and snuggled her close. The screams stopped but her cries kept her hot and agitated. Adrian took the small face cloth he kept by her bed, dipped it in a basin and wiped her face.

“Shh. You're alright. Papa won't leave you.”

The girl's breathing slowed as her tiny shoulders shuttered with the last of her sobs. She stayed glued to his chest. Adrian rocked her.

The day he finally found her was both the happiest and saddest day of his life. He entered the orphanage and was greeted by one of the sisters who pointed to a file on the desk. She had a thick stack. There were so many orphans. But only one “file” was called Binti.

He found her all alone in a small crib at the back of a room crowded with cribs. Flies landed her head. It was hot. She wore a diaper, that was all. She looked just like her mother. She watched him with her big, sad brown eyes, and he thought his heart would stop.

“It's all right Binti. I've come for you.”

The sister said not to pick her up right away, she'd be frightened, but when Adrian held out his arms to her, she held out hers, too. He picked her up and she put her head against his shoulder with a small sigh, as if to say,
what took
you so long
?

It took him forever to get official permission to adopt her and take her out of Tanzania. For the first time in his life, he used his father's connections—and was grateful for them.

To bring Binti home to his mother was the best medicine for them both. She helped him. His father did too. They had no grandchildren, so they were more than ready to welcome a child into their lives. And more than ready to help Adrian heal his broken heart.

Adrian's mother appeared in the doorway, wearing her bathrobe.

“Is she all right?”

“Yes, she's fine, Mother. Don't worry. I'll stay with her, you go back to bed.”

She whispered, “I'm awake now.” She came in and sat on the rocking chair by Binti's bed. “It's almost four. That's very good. Soon she'll be sleeping through the night.”

Adrian nodded. They sat quietly for the next few minutes, as Binti's eyes slowly closed, despite her attempts to keep them open.

“Adrian?”

“Yes?”

“Is anything the matter?”

“No. Other than this upset every night.”

“May I speak frankly?”

“Of course.”

“I know the past few years have been difficult, more difficult than you probably let on. And you've done such a marvellous job with Binti, but there's something else.”

He waited.

“It's very evident to me that you're pining away. For something or someone.”

Adrian looked away.

“Someone other then Binti's mother. Am I right?”

“I can't talk about it, Mother.”

“It's this girl from Cape Breton, isn't it? Lexie. The one who was so kind to you.”

He chewed his bottom lip and looked at the floor.

“You said she understood your having to go back to Africa and find Binti. Now that things are settling down a bit, why don't you give her a call? I'm sure she'd love to hear from you. I'm surprised you never contacted her when you got home, but then again, you've been so wrapped up with our precious girl.”

“As you say, I've had other things on my mind.”

“You're still a young man. You should be living a young man's life. The worst is over for Binti. She's progressing and your need to hover over her is lessening. Do yourself a favour, dear, and start being happy. For her sake, as well as your own.”

His mother rose from the rocking chair and caressed his cheek for a moment, then leaned over and kissed the top of Binti's head. She left the room quietly.

Adrian sat and rocked his child, tears falling from his eyes. What a mess he'd made of his life. Hearing Gabby's voice on the phone was an utter shock. She was a secret he shared with no one. Lying to his mother about Lexie, listening to her try and fathom his misery without knowing the truth, made him sick.

He wasn't sorry he left Gabby to get Binti, but he was sorry about the way he left. He should have trusted her—she might have understood. But Adrian couldn't think clearly back then. He was so racked with guilt that coloured everything. He handled it all the wrong way and that was his biggest regret. Now he was desolate. Gabby was in love with someone else, and it was his own fault.

And so, night after night, as he came in to rock Binti to sleep, he thought about her. And night after night, another thought made its way in. So slowly at first he didn't recognize it, but it soon took over the memories of Gabby.

Lexie.

Lexie and that island and that house. The place where he was finally able to rest. The place where he stopped running for awhile.

Gabby said Lexie loved him still. He didn't know she loved him, not for sure. The thought of her waiting for him filled him with longing. He loved Lexie first. Who wouldn't love her? He wondered if she'd take him back. Maybe he could start over in that wonderful little house by the ocean.

Lexie. I want to come home.