R.I.L.Y Forever (2 page)

“Is it?” he said, as he folded his arms across his chest.

Yup, he was hurt and he was angry. He was all the things she imagined he would be. He was holding it all in. Was it good to see him again? That one question was a tipping point for a hundred more. Julia was astute enough to recognize what he was asking. She read each question in his eyes.

Where the hell have you been all these years?

Why did you go?

After everything we shared, everything we were to each other, how could you walk away?

How could you tear us apart so callously?

Why?

Why?

So many questions, so much pain. She owed him an explanation. She wanted to give him closure. It was the only thing she could offer him, but it came at a high price, one she’d saved for, but still couldn’t afford. The simple answer was—God, yes! It was good to see him. She would give him that simple, honest answer now because it was the truth and because she needed to say it and he needed to hear it. He deserved a full explanation, and maybe one day she’d be brave enough to utter the words that would surely tear his world apart, but not here and not now.

Licking her lips, she straightened her spine, cleared her throat, and said in a strong, clear voice that left no doubt to her sincerity, “Yes, Ethan. It
is
good to see you. Really, really good! It’s been a long time.”

Silence. She waited in silence doing her best to stand still and not squirm under his intense gaze as a variety of emotions passed over his features. After a few minutes he seemed to reach a decision. He unfolded his arms and the storm clouds cleared from his eyes. With a hint of a smile he said, “Yes, it has. Too long I think. I guess you were surprised to see me.”

Julia let out the breath she was holding and her shoulders sagged in relief. “Yes and no. Lexi told me she invited a friend to dinner who recently moved to Lakes Crossing and joined the staff at Lakes Community Hospital. Yesterday she mentioned the friend’s name was Ethan and for some odd reason my gut told me it was you. I thought my imagination was running away with me. Guess not.” Julia looked down at her hands. “I’m sorry about all the drama. Everyone must think I’ve lost my mind.”

She glanced back at the house thinking she better go apologize for her behavior and check on Lilly. Then his words hit her. He said
she
was surprised to see him.

“Wait, you weren’t surprised to see me? You knew I’d be here?”

“Yes and no,” he teased. “I had no idea you and Aimee would be here. When Aimee arrived, we were both surprised to see each other and we behaved like lunatics hugging and kissing. Aimee told me you were on your way. She wanted to call you, to warn you, I guess. But I convinced her it would be okay. Maybe I should’ve let her call you, but I was afraid you wouldn’t come. I’m sorry you were upset, but I wanted to see you. It’s good to see you again. You’re even more beautiful than you were twenty-two years ago.”

Ethan’s smile widened and this time it went all the way to his eyes and all the way to her heart rendering her speechless. Julia’s body heated at the compliment and she felt her face burn. She looked down at her hands again, unable to hold his gaze. Now what?

She wasn’t ready to deal with the past.

She had no idea of how to proceed in the present.

And, she was both excited and terrified of the future.

Panic set in. Her palms dampened and the tearing pain in her chest made a comeback. This wasn’t one of her dreams or one of her many reunion scenarios. This was happening … here, now. She’d never planned for nice. She’d planned for resentment and recriminations. Why did he have to be so damned nice? One minute he was aloof, holding back his hurt and anger, and the next he was charming and genuinely happy to see her. She was spiraling, overwhelmed and confused.

“Jules, look at me,” Ethan commanded.

Jules
. No one had called her Jules in a long time. She was Julia to everyone, but Ethan. From the very first day he met her, he dubbed her Jules and each time he said her name, she felt precious.

“Take it easy. It’s going to be okay. We have a lot of catching up to do, but I guess we’ll have plenty of opportunity to do so since we’ll be working at the same hospital.”

Relieved, Julia took a calming breath. She’d been granted a reprieve for the time being. “Yes, Adam mentioned you’re a pediatrician.”

“A pediatric oncologist, actually. I’ll be starting at Lakes Community Hospital in a week. What do you do?”

“Respiratory therapy. I moved to New York to attend Holy Cross University after graduation. I completed a community-based rotation at Lakes Community Hospital and I loved it. New York never felt like home, but this little New Jersey town did. I fell in love with Lakes Crossing and I was lucky enough to be offered a fulltime position at the hospital. The people are great. They’re very welcoming. It’s a small town, but there’s a lot to do and see. And…”

She was babbling and sounded like a commercial for the town. She had to stop. She cleared her throat. “Uh, what made you come to Lakes Crossing?”

“I’ve been in Boston since I finished my residency and I needed a change of scene. I’ve known Adam and Lexi since undergrad and we’ve kept in touch. Adam told me Lakes was expanding their pediatric services, so here I am. I’m trying to put this all together, though. You obviously know Adam from the hospital, but how do you know Lexi?”

It was a good question with an easy answer, but she hoped she wouldn’t have to go there so soon.

“Uh … well. Adam introduced me to her and well … Lexi handled my divorce.”

“I’m sorry, Jules. I didn’t mean to bring up a painful subject.”

“It’s okay. It’s in the past,” she said in a small, sad voice as she reached for the locket nestled between her breasts and fisted it.

His eyes shifted from her face, down her neck and to her chest. She felt the locket come to life, heat, and pulse in her hand.

“Is that…? It can’t be. After all these years, after all this time…”

Julia met Ethan’s eyes and nodded, cutting him off. She swallowed passed the orange-sized lump in her throat. Her eyes filled with tears and she looked away. She didn’t have it in her to continue this conversation, not where it was going. Seeing him after so many years wrung her out. She was as wobbly as an over-cooked noodle. If they delved further into the past right now, she’d lose it. She needed time to adjust to having him in her world again.

Julia released the locket that had imprinted itself on her palm and turned back toward him.

“I have to go in and see to Lilly. She can be a handful when I’m not around.”

She was using Lilly to get some distance and after a second of hesitation, he smiled and let her have that play.

“Sure. There’s plenty of time to catch up. Let’s go see what mini-Julia is up to. Did you know that kid is the spitting image of you? She’s sweet, Jules.”

“Thanks, but she has her moments. Lately she’s been doing her damnedest to try my patience. We’ll see if you still think she’s sweet when she throws a fit. She specializes in those.”

Together they walked back to the house and into the kitchen where Lilly came barreling into Julia. Lilly wrapped her small body around her mother’s legs and pulled at Julia’s dress. Everyone looked up and then continued what they were doing as if nothing extraordinary had happened. Aimee’s troubled eyes met Julia’s from across the room. Julia nodded, assuring her friend she hadn’t lost her mind.

“Mama, up. Mama, up.” Lilly’s demanding voice broke through Julia’s fog.

“Say please, Lilly.”

“No. No.”

The hint of willfulness Julia heard in her child’s voice warned a tantrum was right around the corner. Julia had to turn things around or the evening was going to come to an early end. Lilly, she learned the very hard way, had a remarkable amount of stamina and stubbornness for a child her age. Once she committed to getting her way, it could be hours before she capitulated. The terrible twos had hit the Walker household like the plague a few weeks back and Julia had yet to discover the magical antidote.

Julia called upon the directory of tricks she learned from the dozens of
Super Nanny
episodes she watched. She ignored everyone, including Ethan, and took charge of Little Miss Demanding before Lilly took charge of
her
.

Julia bent down to Lilly’s eye level. “Lilly, do you want me to pick you up?”

“Yesh. Yesh.” Lilly fisted her tiny hands at her waist and stomped her patent leather shoes.

“I’ll pick you up as soon as you ask nicely and say please. If you don’t say please, you and I are going up to Aunt Lexi’s room for a time-out. Do you understand?”

For a few seconds Lilly glared at her mother and thrust out her lower lip in an adorable pout. Lord the child was cute and a weaker woman would have caved. But if she did, it would be a free-for-all for the rest of the night. In a move Julia couldn’t have predicted, Lilly turned to Ethan, tugged on his pants, and raised her arms.

“Up, pu-weese.”

Julia’s mouth hung open as she stared first at her child—who normally was distrustful of strangers, especially men—and then at Ethan. She heard her friends’ hushed laughter, but she couldn’t tear her gaze away from the surprising scene playing before her.

“Sure, angel face. Up you go.” Ethan hoisted Lilly into his strong arms and held her to him as if he’d been doing this her entire life. He smiled at her and the little rat snuck a peek at Julia then gave Ethan her most adorable toothy grin followed by a loud smooch on his cheek.

“Thank-um.” Lilly laid her head on his chest and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

“You’re very welcome. I haven’t been kissed like that in a long time.”

Okay, this was too much
. In less than five minutes, Ethan had somehow won Lilly’s trust, gotten her to say please and thank you, and was granted one of her few precious kisses. Although he’d always been good with children, Julia never knew he was the antidote to the terrible twos.

“Okay Lils, good please and thank you. Come to Mama and leave Ethan alone. You look tired, baby.” Julia tried to take Lilly out of Ethan’s arms, but her daughter surprised her again. Like a baby ape, she latched on to Ethan’s shirt and wrapped her chubby legs around his middle, molding herself to his frame.

“No. No.” Lilly protested.

Ethan’s arms went around the child and tenderness flooded his face. “She’s fine,” he murmured as he gazed down at the bundle in his arms. “I don’t mind. Besides, I come with experience. Angel here is going to nap on me I think. Why don’t you get a drink and relax?”

Ethan rubbed Lilly’s back in soothing circles, just the way she liked it. The child settled deeper into him, her eyelids drooping. Julia was riveted by the beautiful picture they made.

“Okay. If you’re sure. Let me know when you’ve had enough and I’ll take her.”

“No worries. We’re perfect as we are, aren’t we angel eyes?”

Ethan whispered in Lilly’s ear and she smiled and tumbled deeper in sleep. He cradled the child and kissed her forehead. Julia’s chest ached, this time in a good way.

Julia envied her child’s ability to let go and trust the people in her world to keep her safe. Lilly’s life, to this point, was unblemished, pristine—untouched by ugliness, pain and tragedy. Of course, she could surrender to sleep. Her world was filled with goodness and light. Julia had done everything in her power to shelter her. She made damn sure Lilly never knew the darkness and for as long as she could, she would. Julia hadn’t been so lucky and she wanted her baby to have the one thing she never had, not until Ethan entered her life … joy and everything that came with it. Love. Acceptance. Peace. Safety. Security.

She had it.

She lost it.

And now Ethan was back. He waltzed right into her life, grabbed her by the heart, and started twirling her around and around. Her world, which had dimmed for twenty-two years, was now flooded with blinding sunshine, warming her as she danced with him under its powerful rays. She had no idea how to execute this dance, the steps were complex and the lunges and twirls that were sure to come were down right terrifying. Yet, she was helpless to resist the hypnotic rhythm of the song that kept her feet moving and her body swaying right along with his.

Years ago, like Lilly Julia let go, trusting him to lead her, to not let her stumble and fall. But he couldn’t protect her. Those days were long gone. Now, if she chose to continue this dance, she’d have to sharpen her skills and learn some new moves. Over the years she learned a valuable lesson about the dance called life. At any time, day or night, the smooth, glossy floor you were dancing on could turn to rubble. No matter how flawless or polished your performance was, the end was inevitable … you’d still stumble and you’d still fall.

Chapter Two

Ethan woke up to the sounds of the forest as he did every morning since moving into the farmhouse at the edge of Lakes Crossing. The place was a ramshackle wreck, but he fell in love with it the second he laid eyes on it. Adam thought he was insane to take on a project of this magnitude, but all Ethan saw was potential. According to the realtor, the old colonial-style stone farmhouse was built somewhere around 1900, although no one knew for sure. It sat on twenty-three acres of beautiful, heavily wooded land and had five bedrooms, two baths, and a multitude of nondescript rooms. Every single room was dated and falling apart, and it took the men two weeks of back-breaking labor to get one room habitable enough for Ethan to move in to.

Ethan stretched his aching body and thanked God the place had running water and electricity. He shivered under the down comforter thinking if it was this cool in May, he better make good use of the summer and come up with a plan to prepare the place for winter or he’d freeze to death. Today marked the beginning of his last week of vacation. He planned to spend it meeting with a few contractors he needed to do some of the work on the house and surrounding property. Although he could do much of the repairs on his own, if he didn’t hire help, he would be old and gray before the place was done.

Studying the cracked ceiling, peeling walls, and rotting floorboards, Ethan realized he still had a shitload of work to do to in this room alone, but he came into this project with his eyes wide open. It was going to take years to restore the house to its former glory. But that was fine because he had a lot of time on his hands and needed the distraction. Putting all his energy into a massive project like this meant he’d be too tired to think about the last two years of his life and what a fucking waste they were.

He and Alyssa were married for four long, arduous years filled with argument after argument over everything and anything. From the second he put a ring on her finger, to the second she threw it at his head when their divorce was finalized, he had nothing but heartache. It took two full years to get her and her team of lawyers to agree to a reasonable divorce settlement, and when it was all said and done, he wondered what she got out of the hell she’d put them both through. After the divorce was final, he packed everything that meant anything to him, which in hindsight was precious little, and moved to New Jersey.

It took months of covert planning to get this move to happen. If it weren’t for Adam and Lexi, he didn’t think he’d be here. Had Alyssa gotten wind of his plans to start a new life without her, she would’ve done everything in her power to sabotage him at every turn, just for the hell of it. That was her way. If she couldn’t be happy—and he finally came to terms with the fact she was incapable of being happy—then she wouldn’t allow him to be happy either. Adam and Lexi, God love them, appointed themselves his superheroes and waded into the fray to help plan his escape. Lexi handled the legal mess, while Adam helped Ethan manage the relocation of his personal and professional life to New Jersey. He thanked God for their friendship every day.

Ethan sat up, stretched, and grabbed his cell from the moving box that served as his nightstand to check the time.7:30 already. Time to get up and greet the day. Unlike many people, he was a morning person, waking up with more energy than he knew what to do with. This was a major point of contention with Adam who’d been his college and med school roommate. Adam didn’t join the land of the living until 10:00 a.m. and then stayed surly until12:00 p.m.

Ethan met Adam Coulter his freshmen year at Duke University. They were assigned to the same dorm room and unlike most students who wanted to kill their roommates by the end of the first week, they got along great once they learned to safely navigate around each other in the morning hours. Adam strongly believed the phrase “good morning” was a contradiction of terms.

Over the years Ethan and Adam formed a close friendship. The Coulters essentially adopted Ethan and Lexi was like a sister to him, although it wasn’t always that way. When Adam brought Ethan home for Thanksgiving that first year, Lexi took one look at him and fell hard. Ethan was still mourning Julia’s loss and wasn’t interested in starting a relationship with anyone. When he came out of the fog of misery, the only thing he was interested in was school. In time, Lexi got over her crush and they formed a close friendship. Ethan couldn’t help but wonder how his life would have unfolded if he’d let Lexi in when she pursued him or if he’d listened to Adam and not married Alyssa.

Alyssa was his biggest mistake and his biggest regret. After years of battling his parents and not giving in to family pressure to marry the right type of girl, Ethan dropped his guard for one lousy family dinner and got saddled with Alyssa for his troubles. In less than six months, under his parent’s vigilant eyes and manipulative ways, his relationship with Alyssa advanced at the speed of light, from a few casual dates to wedding plans. It was the first time in his life he had his parent’s full attention and approval. Like any child, he reveled in their praise and acceptance not seeing the path he was travelling would lead to disaster, until it was too late.

Adam tried to convince him to reconsider his engagement, but Ethan felt obligated and pressured to go through with the wedding. By the time it was all said and done, the wedding resembled a three-ring circus. While Alyssa had the time of her life, he was miserable. That pretty much described the next four years of their marriage, followed by two years of separation, reconciliation, unending family arguments, and the ugliest divorce proceedings imaginable.

Ethan pulled on his running gear and laced up his sneakers. It was time to clear his head and the best way to do that was to run. Thanks to Alyssa, he developed a love for this solitary sport that challenged his body and lulled his mind into serenity. While he picked his way to the front of the house, avoiding the piles of power tools, boxes of nails, and wires that snaked out of the walls and hung from the ceilings, he sketched out his day. Exercise, shower, and then breakfast at the diner he discovered during his run the day before.

After breakfast, he’d give in and stop by the massive Food-Feast in town to stock up on groceries. Other than coffee and beer, he didn’t have anything in the house. Grocery stores, especially the ones that took up an entire city block, or in this case an entire strip mall, intimidated him. They were too large and offered too many damn choices. While he got lost and wandered from aisle to aisle unable to make a decision, the women he observed there seemed to know exactly what they wanted and where it was located. Those women intimidated him too.

Ethan stepped out into the sunny, but chilly day, filled his lungs with clean forest air, and scanned the small rundown cobblestone courtyard in front of the house. It too was a mess with weeds growing in between each cream-colored brick, and green moss, like primordial ooze, beginning to blanket them. In the center of the courtyard was a large, circular fish pond with a water fountain in its center, also made out of the same cream-colored stones the courtyard and farmhouse were constructed of. The pond was filled with rainwater, dirt, weeds, and God knew what else. Getting it cleaned and working was going to be a hell of a job. But Ethan was determined come July, he’d hear the sound of splashing water along with the birds singing in the trees. At the end of his run he’d stick his head under the running fountain to cool off.

Ethan put his body through a series of stretches that had his muscles tightening and tingling, preparing for their daily challenge. He never listened to music on his runs, preferring the sights and sounds that came from his surroundings—the awakening of nature, the city and all its inhabitants. He learned a lot about Lakes Crossing and its people through his morning runs. This wasn’t hard to do since the entire city was a little over three square miles. Each day, he took a new route discovering the small town’s historic homes and buildings as well as its lush green parks.

Finished warming up, Ethan found his rhythm on the pavement and let his muscles and joints take over the running, while his brain did double duty, cataloging the scenery for review later and reviewing the previous day’s surprising events. He ran down Spring Street, the town’s main drag lined with a variety cafés, diners, boutiques, and antique shops on both sides. People recognized him and many waved or called out a greeting. He returned their gestures, warmed by their acceptance of the stranger amongst them. He loved this charming town of 8,000 inhabitants. He couldn’t believe how lucky he was to get out of Boston and to land in this well-kept secret, deep in the woods of Northwest Jersey.

He left Boston in hopes of starting fresh, rebuilding, and finding some peace. So far, his decision to move was the right one. For the last few weeks the farmhouse consumed his time and when he wasn’t mired deep in it, he enjoyed reconnecting with his friends. A great new job, new house, loyal friends—what more could a man ask for? He was content and at peace … until last night. Julia. What were the chances he would pick the one small town in America Jules lived in to start fresh? It was absurd.

He was convinced that chapter in his life was done. For years he struggled to put her behind him, to accept he would never see her again and never find the answers to the questions that plagued him. He made his peace with the past long ago and got over his hurt and anger at the way they parted. At least that’s what he thought. Dealing with death every day, he learned the value of life. He forgave them both for the mistakes they made as teenagers. But seeing her yesterday triggered all kinds of conflicting emotions and a deluge of memories he had trouble sifting through.

What it came down to was he wasn’t a saint. Part of him, the adult reasonable version of himself, was happy to see her. The teenaged, love-struck boy never got over his confusion, hurt, and anger at being thrown away like he was nothing more than safety blanket she outgrew. He harbored no doubt what he’d felt for her was real and her abandonment changed him forever. He became reserved and distant with everyone but his patients, always holding a part of himself back. He never told Alyssa about Jules, but she sensed there had been another. Many times she even accused him of having an affair and nothing he said or did convinced her otherwise. Perhaps she was right. Jules was the third person in their marriage, the third person in their bed, and the only person in his heart.

No matter how angry he was or how hurt he was, he was damn happy he stumbled back into her life. He didn’t know what it meant or where it would lead, but for some reason fate brought them back into each other’s lives again. At the age of sixteen Jules moved into his heart, becoming a permanent resident. He carried her with him everywhere he went. It was evident by Julia’s reaction yesterday she too carried a part of him with her. She didn’t stop living her life, but she carried him with her. The evidence was in her eyes and around her neck. The problem was, for him, her memory was not a burden. That clearly wasn’t the case for her.

Julia’s emotional outburst intrigued and alarmed him. His sudden appearance was unexpected surprise, but why the tears? She was the one who walked away. More importantly, why the fear? He was certain he saw panic and fear on her face and in her eyes. He loved her expressive, big green eyes, which her daughter inherited. When she stopped crying and pulled away from him, for a few seconds, her guard was down. The pain and loneliness that lingered in her eyes nearly brought him to his knees. Every protective instinct he ever felt for her reignited like a flame to a can of gasoline. The years and circumstances separating them disintegrated leaving only her, his girl, standing in his arms crying, trembling, telling him how much she missed him, and how good it was to see him. That was it. She had him again. He couldn’t help himself.

There was much to be said and much to uncover, but there was time now she was back in his world. First, he wanted to figure who or what put fear in Julia’s eyes. All signs indicated she too had changed and she wasn’t going to make this easy. She spent most of the time at Lexi’s avoiding any direct conversation with him. Like a mama bear watching over her cub, she observed him closely as he held Lilly. She ate and drank little and when the topic of how they knew each other came up over dinner, she was quick to dismiss it with a brief explanation they dated in high school. No one believed she was telling the full story, but the other women moved in to protect her and changed the topic of conversation. This was how it went all through dinner. The instant dinner was over, Julia scooped Lilly out of his arms and bid them all goodnight.

Lost in his thoughts, Ethan was surprised to find himself standing in front of the farmhouse once more. He was so distracted, he’d finished his morning tour of the town but couldn’t remember a single thing he passed or even what streets he took to loop back. He shook his head and got a sense of déjà vu. When Julia was in his life, he often lost time like this. When they weren’t physically together or speaking on the phone, he was absorbed in thoughts of her. It used to drive his parents insane not being able to control his thoughts, yet another aspect of his life they wanted full reign over.

Ethan stretched, drank a couple bottles of water, and showered. He drove to Frank’s Diner in the center of town and parked his new Ford F-150 in one of the few spaces left on the street. Two weeks ago he traded in his BMW for the pickup, and although he loved it and didn’t miss the BMW one bit, he was still learning how to maneuver it around town. Finding a parking space and being able to park the monster was a fantastic way to start the day.

From the street, the delicious scent of coffee, syrup, and bacon filled his nose and his stomach growled in anticipation, begging to be fed. Ethan went inside and scanned the tables for an open seat. He didn’t care where he sat as long as he could get food and coffee fast. His eyes landed on the slim figure of a woman with long, straight hair the color of honey that fell down her back in a thick sheet. She sat in a corner booth wrestling the salt and pepper shakers out of the hands of one persistent, curly-headed blonde toddler in a hot-pink sweat suit with the word “Angel” printed on her bottom in white block letters.