R.I.L.Y Forever (20 page)

In a shaky, yet determined voice, Julia described the two policemen that came to the front door. She remembered every detail, from the color of their eyes to their approximate height and weight. Ethan recognized the two men because he’d seen them two days prior in his father’s study and thought it was odd. When Julia told Ethan of the message the police officer gave her from his father as he dropped her off in front of the emergency room, Ethan’s brain misfired and for a second he thought he might be having a stroke. His vision blurred, he stopped breathing, and he was fairly certain his heart skipped a beat or two or ten.

Julia was lost in the past, however, and didn’t notice his distress. She continued the story without missing a beat, recalling the sheer terror that gripped her when she saw Ella lying in the hospital bed, broken and battered and how afraid and alone she felt. She told of the overwhelming guilt she felt for Ella’s attack because she could have prevented it if she wasn’t so weak and she’d done what his father directed. She recalled the terror she lived with every day for months even years after the attack, worried his father or his goons would show up again and this time kill her or Ella.

There was no one to turn to. No family or friends other than Aimee to rely on and no police to report his father to. In her eyes, Mayor Sullivan was all powerful, a force she couldn’t conquer. She was by herself at the age of eighteen dealing with a problem most adults would have difficulty fathoming.

Although it caused her indescribable pain, Julia was relieved when Ethan finally gave up and left because she and Ella would be safe. Finally, Julia told him of the all-consuming depression that gripped her after losing him and how she even considered taking her own life on more than one occasion. If it weren’t for Aimee, she probably would have. She was certain her life was over. It was almost two years before she could sleep the night through without waking up crying for him, years before she could breathe without pain slicing through her.

Ethan was sick. His head spun as his world shifted from what he thought he knew about his family to the terrible reality Julia was revealing. He believed every word Julia said. She had no reason to lie, but he couldn’t assimilate all the facts, not yet. His elderly mother who proclaimed her love for her husband and son to anyone who’d listen was, in actuality, a ruthless bitch who tortured an innocent girl that wanted so much to please her. Worse, the father he’d just buried and was still mourning had been a monster.

Ethan knew his father had been a hard, uncompromising man, but the man Julia was describing was a not anyone he recognized and certainly not anyone he would’ve wanted to know let alone love and mourn. His father had terrorized Julia and Ella, hired people to threaten and hurt them. His father had preyed on two helpless women. Why? Because he could and because he would do anything to get his way. What kind of soulless deviants had given birth to him?

Growing up, Ethan and his parents hadn’t agreed on much, but this was beyond anything Ethan could imagine. Ethan had learned to accept his father for who he was and he even admired him for some of the wonderful youth programs he put in place before he left politics. Ethan had forgiven him for the harshness by which he treated him when he was a young man, but this was unforgivable. The rage he felt now was overwhelming and it was a good thing his father was dead because if he’d still been alive, Ethan would not have been able to control his actions. His mind raced, his head pounded, and his stomach revolted.

“Ethan?”

“Hmm.”

“Please say something. I’m sorry. I … It’s okay. I’ll go. I’ll call Aimee and ask her to pick me up. I’m…” Julia started to pull away from him and out of his lap, her voice trembling and unsure.

Ethan was dazed, unable to put a string of words together to express what he was feeling, but he was alert enough to know what he needed from Julia right at this moment. He needed her, plain and simple. He needed to hold her and keep her safe as he should’ve done, as he failed to do. He needed to feel her in his arms. He tightened his hold on her and kept her firmly in his lap.

“Jules, sit still baby. It’s okay. Just give me some time to digest all of this.”

Julia immediately stilled. She sat in his lap and encircled him with her arms, hugging him to her. She laid her head against his chest. He sat lost in his thoughts remembering the days after Ella was attacked. He recalled how his parents acted when he told them of the attack. They didn’t say much except the hospital was in a dangerous part of town and these things happened all the time. He remembered thinking they were wrong. The hospital was not in a particularly bad area and things like this never happened in their town. It had been a bizarre attack and was reported as such by the media.

Ethan’s parents never acknowledged the fact he no longer mentioned Julia anymore. They acted like she never existed and even ignored his deep depression. When he told them he changed his mind and would be attending Duke, they said he made the right decision. That was it. At the time he didn’t think anything of his parents’ odd behavior. They weren’t demonstrative or particularly warm people. He assumed they got what they wanted and wanted to keep the peace by not discussing anything controversial.

As Ethan sat deep in thought, time passed and the room darkened as the sun went down. Julia’s breathing became steady and deep. In time, Ethan looked down and found she’d fallen asleep in his arms still holding him tightly to her. He stood and carried her to the bedroom. When he laid her in bed, she opened her eyes and sleepily gazed at him. She was exhausted, he could see that, but she was also afraid. Perhaps she was afraid he was angry for keeping this significant part of his life from him or that he blamed her somehow. If he knew Julia, and he did, it could be just about anything.

Julia carried the weight of the world on her shoulders. He needed to find the words to reassure and soothe her. She’d protected him for so long, but it was time he took over. Ethan wanted her to know the past no longer had any power over them. They brought the demons out into the light and in time, together, they would conquer them. Julia wasn’t alone any longer. She and Lilly had him from now on. Together they would create a life filled with beauty. She would never feel so alone, so scared again that she would need to wrap her arms around herself because his arms would be there, holding her, shielding her, and loving her.

Ethan sat on the edge of the bed and brushed Julia’s hair off her face. He needed time to work this shit out in his mind and once he did, he would find a way to lay the past to rest and put it behind him, behind them … somehow. She had years to come to terms with the past, but he’d known for approximately two and half hours.

“It’s going to be okay, Jules. Go to sleep now. We’ll talk more in the morning.”

She searched his face. Reaching up, she cupped the side of his face with her hand and caressed his cheek with her thumb. “I love you, Ethan. I’m sorry sweetheart. I don’t know what else to say. I didn’t want to hurt you with this. I don’t want to lose you. I love you.”

He took the hand on his face in his and placed a kiss right in the center of her palm. “You’re never going to lose me. I love you, baby. Nothing is going to change that. Now sleep. I’ll be okay. We’ll talk again in the morning.”

Chapter Nineteen

It was almost 3 a.m. when Ethan slid into bed next to Julia. He reached for her and she went to him, molding herself to his side and laying her head on his chest. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t have to. He was hurting and she hurt for him. She kissed his chest and wrapped her arm around his abdomen and squeezed. Wordlessly, he squeezed her back. They slept wrapped in each other’s arms the rest of the night.

As sunlight streamed through the curtains and directly into Julia’s eyes, she wondered what this day would bring. She woke up a half hour earlier and couldn’t lie still anymore. She wanted to get up, clean up, and check on Lilly and Aimee, but she didn’t want to wake Ethan. She waited as long as she could, but then her bladder made the decision for her. She slid out of bed and moved as quietly as she could toward Ethan’s newly-renovated bathroom.

The bathroom was beautifully updated to include a massive walk-in shower with multiple showerheads that she enjoyed briefly yesterday. As Julia brushed her teeth, she decided that a shower would do her good. She turned on the shower and as the water warmed and steam filled the room, she stripped out of her clothes and stepped under the steaming water.

Julia let the water massage her body from all angles. Although she felt better than she had the last few days, she was still a bit rundown. She closed her eyes, took deep breaths, and tried to get her muscles to relax as she thought about all that happened over the last few days. Matt walked out of Lilly’s life and out of her life for good. She couldn’t help but feel his loss, not for herself, but for Lilly. Then there was Ethan. The veil of secrets she’d held on to for so long was finally lifted and she could breathe.

Julia had done almost all the talking last night. It was a lot for anyone to take in and poor Ethan was overwhelmed. She wondered how he would feel about everything once he had time to digest it. Things always looked different in the morning. He was up most of the night pacing. This old house creaked with his every step. But at the end of the day, she was relieved it was all out in the open. No matter what the future brought, a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders and she felt lighter and freer than she had in a long time.

Cold air hit Julia’s body and her eyes flew open to find Ethan with his beautifully sculpted, very naked body entering the shower. She took him in, her eyes devouring his sexy tousled hair, broad shoulders, muscular chest, flat abdomen, then continuing lower to follow his happy trail. When she saw his erection jutting out rigid and thick in front of him, she licked her lips.

She jumped when she felt his hand on her hip pulling her toward him. Their bodies collided skin on skin and it felt magnificent. She met his smoldering eyes and took in his soft smile before he took her mouth in a deep, wet, passionate kiss.

Julia sighed and melted against him. God, she needed this. They both needed this. They needed to connect on an intimate level again. It had been too long and she missed the feel of his hard body against hers and the reassuring sound of his heart beat. Her arms encircled his neck, pulling him even closer, unable to get enough of her man.

Ethan was a starved man. He feasted on her lips and then licked and nipped his way to her jaw, down her neck and to her breast, sucking hungrily on her nipple as one of his hands kneaded her other breast and rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

She held his head to her as he switched breasts and she arched into his mouth, loving the delicious sensations he was eliciting with his mouth. He walked her backward until her back hit the wall of the shower then lifted one of her legs to wrap around his waist as he continued his kiss. Her arms went around him and the fingernails of one hand dug into his back while the other hand kneaded his firm buttocks.

Ethan’s hand found its way between them and he ran his fingers down her body to her center where he zeroed-in on her clit and rubbed it in circles with his thumb. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head as she felt the pressure build. Then he entered her with two fingers. She dropped her head back against the wall and let out a moan, calling his name as he pumped his fingers in and out of her fast and deep. He took her nipple in his mouth and bit down. That was it! An electric current ran down her spine and spread through every cell in her body. The pressure that built exploded and she let go crying out her release into the side of his neck as her body clamped down on his fingers.

When she floated back to Earth, her eyes opened and she gazed up at him with flushed cheeks and smiled. Her muscles were mush and she was deliciously sated.

“Good morning,” she said against his lips.

“Morning baby. Hope you don’t mind me sharing your shower.”

“Nope. You can do that anytime you like.”

“Glad to hear it because I plan to … a lot.”

They took turns under the shower and she reveled in his touch when he ran the soap over her body and lathered his hands to massage it into every crevice. She returned the favor and when she felt his erection push against her belly, she decided it was time to return that favor as well.

Julia took charge and kissed Ethan, pouring all the love and passion she felt for him into that single kiss. She traced his lips with her tongue then kissed him deeper as her tongue explored every inch of his mouth. Her hands explored every inch of him, gliding over the muscles of his abdomen, chest, shoulders, back, and buttocks. When she made her way to his erection and firmly grasped him in her hand, it was his turn to moan. She smiled to herself, delighting in the knowledge she could give him such pleasure.

She ran the pad of her thumb over the tip of his erection, gathered the pre-cum that formed, and looked into his eyes as she brought her thumb to her mouth and sucked. He watched her with hooded eyes, enjoying the show.

“My turn. I want to taste you,” she said with a sensuous smile as she turned off the shower, took his hand, and led him out.

Ethan grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it then grabbed another and hastily dried off as she led him to the bedroom. There she dropped her towel and dropped to her knees in front of him. She was nervous. They hadn’t done this before and she wanted to please him. In all the time she was married to Matt, she only took him in her mouth a few times. She didn’t enjoy it and although he got off, she was never sure if he enjoyed it either.

She raised her eyes up to Ethan and saw the love shining in his eyes as he stroked her hair away from her face then stroked her cheek. He was letting her lead and giving her time to do whatever she wanted at her own pace. She took him in her hands again, caressing the head of his erection with her thumb and enjoying its velvety soft texture. Bending down, she took him in her mouth and ran her tongue over the tip, tasting him.

She moaned as she took him deeper and rolled her tongue over him. God, she loved the way he tasted. She sucked and licked him up and down as her hand gripped him firmly and moved with her mouth. His hands slid through her hair as he guided her movements. When she took him even deeper and hollowed her cheeks sucking harder, he groaned and pumped into her mouth with abandon, finding his rhythm. Then she swallowed and he cried her name out, tensed and with a shudder came hard.

When his hand relaxed in her hair, she pulled away, giving him one final lick. The satisfied look on his face left no doubt he enjoyed himself and seeing that, she decided they’d be doing this a lot more.

“Come here, beautiful,” he said as he pulled her to her feet and in his arms where he held her to him.

Julia buried her face in Ethan’s neck and wrapped her arms around him, holding him to her. She gave a small yelp of surprise when her feet left the ground and Ethan carried her back to the bed. She asked him one time why he carried her everywhere and he said, “Because I can.” She wasn’t complaining. She loved being carried and held by her possessive caveman.

Ethan placed her on the bed and went to his dresser. He removed a clean t-shirt and a pair of boxers from the drawer. When he was dressed, he made his way to her, stopping at her bag on the floor.

He rummaged through her bag. In his hands he held a t-shirt, a clean pair of her panties, and the blue velvet jewelry box containing the locket. When she saw the box, her eyes filled with tears and she dropped her head. He didn’t say a single word. Rather he let his eyes do the talking, eyes that were tender and overflowing with love for her it was impossible to miss. He brushed her tears away with his thumbs and placed a soft kiss to her lips. Then he dressed her, brushed out her wet hair, and took the locket out of its box, slipping it over her head.

“Oh Ethan, I…”

“Shh, baby. It’s okay now. We’re going to be okay. I love you.”

“I know, Eth. I love you too, sweetheart.”

Ethan arranged the pillows in the middle of the bed against the headboard. He got in and hauled Julia between his legs. She nestled against his chest and sighed. He held her for a long time stroking her hair and dropping kisses every now and then to the top of her head.

Julia felt the weight of the locket as it lay between her breast and she sighed happily. It had been painful taking it off and every day she spent without it she was lost. They still had a lot to talk about, but Ethan would start when he was ready. Unlike the stories he made up for her and Lilly, the story she told him was unfortunately not a fairytale. Julia had carried the truth and all its ugliness around with her for years. Now, Ethan had to face those demons.

“I’m sorry, Julia. Those words will never be good enough, but I want you to know. I’m sorry,” Ethan said in a tortured voice.

Surprised, Julia turned around and straddled him. She took his face in her hands. “Eth, you didn’t do anything. None of what happened was your fault. This had to do with your father, not you. I don’t blame you. I never did and Ella never did. She didn’t know anything about her attacker other than he was an African American male. He was never found.”

Taking her hands away from his face, Ethan kissed them and held them to his chest. “I was supposed to protect you. Instead, because of me, and my family, you went through hell and you did it alone, carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders—trying to protect Ella and me at the same time. You’re an incredible woman. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve you.”

“Sweetheart, there is nothing you could have done to protect me. You were just as young as I was and your father was a force, a beast of a man. You couldn’t have stopped him. In their own twisted way, he and your mother wanted the best for you and, in their eyes, I wasn’t it. I wasn’t the best. I wasn’t even close.”

“That’s not true. You were the best for me. You are the best for me, the very best. They never took the opportunity to get to know you. There’s no excuse for their behavior, no explanation good enough to ever justify what they did. I wish there was.”

Julia saw the overwhelming sadness that lingered in Ethan’s eyes. She wished she could say or do something to make this better, easier for him. She brushed his lips with hers and said, “Thank you sweetheart. You’re the best for me as well, the only one for me. The past is just that, the past, and we have to learn to bury it if we’re going to have a future. We can’t let it rule us anymore.”

Ethan held Julia to him and kissed the top of her head. “Thank God we found each other again. I understand why you didn’t tell me about all this when we were young, but why didn’t you tell me when we first got back together? I’m not angry, I just need to know.”

There were so many ways to answer that question, but Julia guessed there was one thing she could say that would explain everything. There was one phrase that, by itself, provided all the explanation he needed.

“I love you, Ethan. I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you in biology class when I was just sixteen and I always will. In many ways it was torture keeping the truth from you, but it was easy loving you. When you love someone, you do what you have to in order to spare them pain. I never wanted you to know because I knew the truth would hurt you. Even though they were horrible to me, your parents loved you. I would never deny you the love of a parent. I wanted you to have something I never had … good, pure memories of loving parents. I thought I could keep the past buried and not let it affect our future, but I couldn’t.”

Julia dropped her head and rested her forehead against his chest. His arms began to rub her back in lazy, soothing circles. She stopped speaking for a minute, battling with herself on how to say what she needed to say. This was the time to tell him everything, to bring everything to the surface so they could bury the past and start fresh. She took a deep breath and continued in a trembling voice.

“Every time you spoke of your dad, the past came rushing back and I was gripped with sheer terror. I was afraid of how your parents would react once they found out I was back in your life. I know we are adults, but I was afraid your father would retaliate. Then he got sick and died and Ethan, sweetheart, I’m sorry, but I couldn’t say what you needed to hear. I couldn’t say I was sorry. I was relieved. I no longer had to live in fear. The person who’d hurt Ella, terrorized me, and torn us apart was gone. God help me, but I was relieved. I’m sorry Ethan, but that’s the truth. It’s how I felt and how I still feel.”

Julia felt Ethan stiffen. She’d gone too far. She started to pull away from him, unable to look at him for fear of what she may see in his eyes and on his face. Ethan had stopped rubbing her back when she talked about his father’s death and Julia didn’t know what he was thinking. Perhaps he needed space to consider her words. She couldn’t take it back and she wasn’t sure she would, even if she could.