Sapphire (36 page)

She went to see her bank to try and secure a loan of thirty thousand but they simply weren’t prepared to give it to her in the current economic climate, or even give her half that. It was terrible knowing she was being buoyed up by Markov’s money. But good things happened too – her mum, horrified by what she had got her daughter into, agreed to contact Gamblers Anonymous and begin the long road of acknowledging that she had a problem. It would take time for Sapphire to trust her mum again but it was a start.

And Jay called her every day, often twice a day, to see how she was. He was just being a friend, a good friend, she tried to tell herself, trying to subdue the rush of longing that speaking to him or even seeing his
name flash up on her phone evoked in her. Whatever Jay’s motives, the calls were the highlight of Sapphire’s day.

By the weekend she seemed to be turning a corner, and she had some very good news indeed. Cal had returned from LA and offered to lend her the thirty thousand. At first Sapphire turned down his offer, she was so fiercely independent, she wasn’t sure if she could accept help from anyone, even if that person was a friend.

‘And how did you even know about the situation?’ Sapphire demanded, when the two met for an early evening drink. ‘Did my mum tell you?’ God! She was so interfering.

Cal shook his head.

‘Was it Jazz or Sam?’ Sapphire asked, wondering why her friends hadn’t told her.

‘It was Jay,’ Cal said quietly. ‘He didn’t want you to know he’d asked. He called and told me what you’d been through. He sounded so worried about you.’ Cal paused, ‘I think he still has really strong feelings for you, Sapphire.’

Sapphire remained silent for a few minutes, reeling from what Cal had told her.

‘He’s still with Sam,’ she said finally. ‘He’s just being a friend.’

Cal smiled, ‘Oh no, Sapphire, he’s way more than that. Just wait and see.’

After several vodkas and plenty of persuasion, Sapphire finally agreed to accept the loan on the condition that she paid interest on the money. It was only a nominal rate but it made her feel better.

Back at home she couldn’t get Cal’s words out of her head. Was he just saying those things because he was such a romantic himself and haunted by the loss of his great love? Or were they true? Later that night she found herself looking through her jewellery box for the
engagement ring, holding it in her hand as if it were a lucky charm and could tell her the truth.

Sapphire didn’t see Jay or Sam for the next couple of weeks. Jazz told her that Sam had a lot on her mind and she couldn’t decide whether to make the move to London. She knew Jay was busy helping to arrange his mum and dad’s twenty-fifth wedding anniversary party but they continued to talk on the phone. Jay told her about the plans for his personal training business, which matched personal trainers to clients outside of a gym. Jay had realised that in the current climate not everyone wanted to fork out a monthly subscription to a gym.

Sapphire got a real kick out of hearing how it was going and in return she confided in him about her own business. She suddenly realised that Jay had a very good head on his shoulders and that he was someone she could talk to about work. Neither of them ever mentioned Sam.

‘So, you’re definitely going to come to Mum and Dad’s, aren’t you?’ Jay asked her during one of their late-night phone calls.

‘Are you sure?’ Sapphire asked dubiously, not at all sure that his parents would want her there, but at the same time longing to see Jay.

‘Mum will bloody kill me if you don’t come. She’s always asking after you and you know she and your mum are thick as thieves now.’

It was warm for May, the air sweet with the promise of summer. Sapphire felt some of the tension of these past weeks leave her as she walked along the promenade, gazing at the beautiful sunset blazing across the sky. Cal’s loan was such a relief. The last six months had been so fraught and now at last she felt there was some hope for her. The memory of Markov stalking her was
beginning to recede, now it seemed like a bad dream. Sapphire was just relieved that he was out of the country. True, her love life was still a disaster area and she was no closer to getting over Jay, but at least they were friends now.

Vicky and Clayton were holding their twenty-fifth wedding anniversary at a restaurant on the seafront. They had hired the whole of the downstairs and the terrace. She could see the guests milling about outside, drinking champagne, the fairy lights strung round the terrace giving off a soft glow. A few weeks ago she would have been dreading being at the same event as Sam and Jay, now she was resigned.

Vicky was the first person she saw when she arrived – as usual she looked fab and considerably younger than her forty-six years, in a peach strapless dress.

‘I love your dress!’ Sapphire exclaimed.

‘Isn’t it great! It’s a total rip-off of the Matthew Williamson one I saw Cheryl Cole wearing. I got it off ASOS. You look gorgeous too, love.’

Sapphire had gone for sexy sophistication in a flame red satin dress that made the most of her curves. ‘Thanks,’ Sapphire replied. ‘I just can’t believe that you guys have been married for twenty-five years, you don’t look old enough.’

She took a glass of champagne one of the waiters offered her as Vicky exclaimed, ‘I guess I’m just lucky and happy, plus I’m wearing
loads
of make-up! But promise you will tell me if I ever look mutton. Marissa and Estelle are way too self-obsessed to comment on their poor old mum, but I can trust your judgement.’

‘Of course,’ Sapphire reassured her, ‘but I don’t think you ever will.’

‘She looks great doesn’t she?’ Jay appeared next to his mum and put his arm round her. Sapphire had thought that she was cool about seeing Jay but the sight of him
close up blew that thought out of the water. He looked so handsome, so sexy in a white shirt and jeans.

Automatically she looked round for Sam. ‘Where’s Sam?’ she asked.

Vicky glanced at Jay before saying that she was off to circulate.

Jay waited until his mum was out of earshot before replying, ‘She’s not here.’

Jay looked awkward as he went on, ‘Actually we broke up two days ago.’

Sapphire was torn between feeling sorry for her friend, wondering why she hadn’t said anything and, well, she couldn’t stop herself – she felt secretly thrilled that they had broken up. She couldn’t stop herself getting a rush of excitement. Jay was single. So was she. She studied Jay’s expression, trying to work out his feelings. Was he hurt, upset, angry? She could read nothing. He seemed pretty matter of fact. ‘I’m sorry,’ she mumbled, knowing that she didn’t sound it.

‘Yep, she dumped me, told me she didn’t feel as if we were going anywhere, said she wanted to be with someone who could really commit to her.’ Jay took a long swig of beer from the bottle of Beck’s.

‘I had no idea,’ Sapphire replied, still unsure why her friend hadn’t called her. She felt sad to think of how distant they had become over the past months.

‘I don’t think she’s told anyone. She’s gone to stay with her brother in London, said she needed to get away from Brighton.’

‘I must text her,’ Sapphire said, automatically reaching inside her bag for her mobile.

Jay reached out and touched her arm, ‘Don’t right now.’ He hesitated and looked less matter of fact. ‘You were one of the reasons we split up; I don’t think she’ll be ready to hear from you just yet.’

Sapphire gazed back at Jay. What did that mean? She
was all set to ask him when Estelle and Marissa joined them, wildly giggly on one glass of champagne and wanting to fill Sapphire in on all the gossip about Estelle’s new boyfriend. Meanwhile Jay’s attention was claimed by some other guests. As she chatted away to the twins, her mind was in overdrive – why had she been one of the reasons Sam and Jay split? She was desperate to get some answers from him but then it was the meal and she was sitting on a different table to Jay. Since they broke up she had been ruthlessly strict with herself about not giving away her feelings, putting on her tough-girl act that everything was fine, but his words had unleashed all the pent-up desire and longing she felt for him and she could hardly keep her eyes off him during dinner. Once or twice he caught her eye and smiled but he didn’t seem to share the same inability to tear his eyes away from her. Never had a meal gone by so incredibly slowly. Both Vicky and Clayton gave wonderfully touching speeches about each other and their marriage. ‘We’ve had our ups and downs, it’s true to say,’ Vicky told the guests. ‘Clayton’s business went bust in the early years of our marriage, and I had a miscarriage before I went on to have the girls but Clayton has always been there for me. He’s the love of my life, twenty-five years on, as much as he ever was.’

Sapphire was relieved to see that she wasn’t the only guest surreptitiously wiping away a tear. It was just so emotionally charged! And hearing Vicky and Clayton’s heartfelt comments about each other clarified something that had been in her mind since breaking up with Jay – she did want a committed relationship with someone. She no longer wanted to have flings with men that meant nothing. In twenty-five years’ time she wanted to be able to stand up with her husband and talk proudly about their marriage. And she knew exactly who she wanted that man to be . . .

After the speeches the guests gathered on the terrace while the tables were cleared to make way for dancing. Now, Sapphire thought she would get chance to talk to Jay, but he was helping pour out glasses of champagne and handing them out to guests. It felt as if everything was conspiring to keep her away from him. Direct action was needed. Sapphire walked over to where he was and stood in front of him. Jay briefly looked up at her, before continuing his waiter duties. ‘I have got to talk to you, Jay.’

‘I’ve got to talk to you too, but as you can see, I’m busy.’

‘I’ll help,’ Sapphire offered, glad of the distraction while she waited for Jay to be free and for the next ten minutes she circulated among the guests with trays of champagne, smiling and chatting away as if she didn’t have a care in the world, while all the time all she could think about was Jay. Finally, when she returned to the bar area Jay looked at her and said, ‘Now, but not here, let’s walk.’

The pair quickly wove their way through the guests and onto the promenade. Sapphire waited until they were well away from the restaurant before blurting out, ‘I can’t wait any longer, you have to tell me why I was one of the reasons you split up with Sam.’

‘Can’t you guess?’ Jay asked, putting his hand on hers to stop her walking on. They stood gazing at each other, and it seemed to Sapphire that nothing in her life had ever been as important as this moment. She wasn’t sure if Jay expected an answer but he took a step nearer to her, reached out and gently traced his finger along her jaw, tilting her face up.

‘I couldn’t get you out of my head; I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.’

There he had said it. Fireworks of happiness exploded in Sapphire’s mind as she murmured back, not wanting
to break the spell, ‘I haven’t stopped thinking about you either.’

And then they were kissing, a passionate, desperate, ‘I want you’ kiss that sent pure lust pulsing through Sapphire.

Jay pulled away. ‘Let’s go back to yours,’ his voice was husky with longing. He took her hand and they started running through the night, oblivious to everything but their overwhelming desire for each other.

Then it was everything that Sapphire had been longing for, burning for, as they shut the door behind them and fell on the sofa, not even making it to the bedroom. This was not the time for slow caresses and foreplay, this was raw intense passion. They were ripping off their clothes in their desire for each other, for a fuck that was urgent, desperate, perfect, right.

Afterwards they moved to the bedroom and lay in each other’s arms, spent, sweaty, satisfied. Sapphire took a deep breath. Now it was time, time for her to tell Jay that she loved him; that she always had. She was about to speak when Jay said, ‘That was just the best, Sapphire. This is all I want. Let’s go back to the way we were, except this time we’ll play by your rules: no-strings-attached fun, with no demands.’ He stretched his arms over his head and smiled. ‘Yeah, you were so right, who wants relationships? We can be friends that fuck. Perfect.’

And with that he closed his eyes, turned over and seemed to go to sleep.

Sapphire was too shocked to reply. For the first time in her life she was lost for words. She lay staring at the ceiling in utter disbelief. How was it possible that Jay felt like this? It was so bitterly ironic. She had turned Jay into the man she thought she wanted, only to discover that she wanted the man he had been . . .

THE WEEKS THAT
followed were like some kind of sweet torture for Sapphire. Yes she was now back with Jay but only on his terms. He saw her only when he wanted to, never said he missed her when they met up, hardly ever called or texted her and seemed far more concerned with going out with his mates and setting up his personal training business. Though at least he appeared to have abandoned his plans to move to London. Sapphire hoped that had something to do with her, but really it was a fragile hope as she seemed to figure very low down on his list of priorities.

She realised that must have been exactly how she treated Jay when they were together the first time. It wasn’t pleasant being made to feel so unimportant and it was very damaging to the self-esteem. God, she had no idea that she had been such a total bitch. Well, that was certainly coming back to haunt her, as however offhand she used to be with Jay, he seemed to take it a step further. He had been far nicer to her when they were simply supposed to be friends. Sapphire just didn’t understand him – was it his way of punishing her for how she had treated him? Or did he genuinely want this kind of easy come easy go arrangement?

Jazz, ever the optimist, told her things were bound to change, that Jay was just learning to trust her again.
‘Babe, he wanted to be with you, just give him time,’ she told her on one of their nights out. They were waiting in the Star Bar for Sam to join them. It was the first time Sapphire had seen her friend since she had started dating Jay again and she was nervous. She really didn’t want to hurt Sam. But it seemed Sam had well and truly moved on as she breezed into the bar with a very good-looking man on her arm.