Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (15 page)
Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
If you’re coordinating a blind date for two friends, make sure they’re interested before you set them up and start handing out phone numbers. You’ll be surprised at how personally a friend might take it if you set her up with your “hot friend” that she ends up thinking looks more like a cast member for a
Dumb and Dumber
sequel. Social media works wonders here. Once they give you the thumbs-up, you can either organize a double date (which can help break the ice) or suggest the two of them get together on their own.
If you’re being set up, go into the date with an open mind (well, to be safe, do some Internet stalking first). Just as you would on any date, be polite and follow good dating etiquette. If the date bombs, remind yourself that you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.
Also, regardless of whether there’s a love connection or not, be sure to thank the matchmaker for thinking of you. It’s the thought that counts, right?
If you need to cancel a blind date, let the person know ahead of time instead of just being a no-show. Sure, you don’t know the person, but whoever set you up does! Plus, not showing up to a date without warning is just cruel and tasteless.
Once you two lovebirds reach exclusive status, one of the next steps is meeting his parents. Meeting the parents is like the first date all over again in the sense that you want to make a sensational impression with the two most important people in your boyfriend’s life. Take a breath and relax because we’ve got you covered.
From gift-giving scenarios to PDA dos and don’ts, here’s what you need to know to be fully prepared for a smooth first meeting. They say first impressions are lasting—so you might as well make yours a good one.
Dress Code
When you’re meeting the parents for the first time, remember to “KIC”:
keep it conservative
. If you’re stopping by their house for a Sunday-afternoon backyard BBQ, a sundress is perfect. Having dinner at their country club? Opt for something dressier.
KNOW WHEN TO GIVE A GIFT.
Certain meet-the-parents scenarios are more appropriate for you to bring a gift to than others. If you are meeting at his parents’ home for a meal or cocktails, you need to bring a gift (after all, they are hosting you). You don’t need to bring a gift if you’re meeting at a restaurant.
Before you meet his parents, do a little background investigation. Ask your significant other about his parents’ interests and what they do for a living. It doesn’t hurt to have some conversation topics prepped ahead of time so you can dive right in asking about their recent trip to France, their plans to remodel their house, or his mom’s love of gardening. These are excellent starting points for lively, engaging conversations.
If you feel nervous, take a breath and slow down so you can articulate your thoughts. Stay away from topics like religion, politics, money, and anything too personal. And if it’s your first meeting and you haven’t been dating your guy for that long, avoid mentioning that you’ve already secretly started planning the wedding.
In the words of Neil Sedaka, “Breaking up is hard to do.” Whether you’re the heartbreaker or the heartbroken, follow this etiquette advice to make breaking up a touch easier:
WHERE TO DO IT.
If you live in the same city, you need to end the relationship in person. I know this probably seems daunting—who likes confrontation?—however, it is the savvy, mature, and right thing to do. Think of it this way: You’ve cared about—and maybe even loved—this person enough to date them, so you should want to part on good terms and give them the respect they deserve.
If you’re in a long-distance relationship, you have a couple of options when it comes to ending your love: You can wait to have the breakup conversation until you’re together again, and ideally you’ll be the one to fly or drive to him; or you can call him and have the tough chat. If he lives within driving distance, make the effort to take a quick road trip to his place and break up in person.
Bottom line: Don’t break up with someone via text, e-mail, social media, a voice-mail message, or on a Post-it note (we all remember how Carrie Bradshaw took that one). Some things just need to be done in person or at least via a live phone call.
If you’re able to end the relationship in person, meet in a private place, such as one of your homes, or in a park. The last thing you want to do is break up with someone in a crowded public space where others will eavesdrop on your intimate conversation or gawk at your reactions to what’s being said. After you’ve talked it through, make sure your ex is stable enough to leave on his own. If he is inconsolable, wait with him for a little while so he can regroup.
WHAT TO SAY.
Mapping out what you plan to say will help you stay focused and on point. Whether he’s just not “The One” or he made some questionable decisions that led to the relationship’s demise, stay calm, collected, and polite when giving him the news that you’re donezo. Essentially, follow the golden rule and treat him the way you would like to be treated if you were in his shoes. Avoid hurtful remarks and even pay him a compliment or two. Let him know that you’ll miss him, but that you feel it’s best to end the relationship.
WHAT TO SAY (AND NOT SAY).
Picture this: You hear the doorbell ring and to your amazement, it’s your boyfriend. An unexpected visit? How lovely! Next thing you know, he’s uttering the dreaded words “We need to talk” and you soon realize this isn’t the surprise visit you were hoping for. He’s here to break up with you.
So, what do you say in response to “It’s over”? First, take a deep breath and digest what he’s saying. Instead of responding with anger, spiteful insults, or pleading through sobs for him to change his mind, do your best to maintain your composure. It may not be what you want, and I know how awful it is to have your heart broken, but a relationship is a two-way street. If he’s not on board, it’s time to go your separate ways. If the two of you are meant to be, trust that your paths will cross again down the road.
LIFE AFTER THE BREAKUP.
So you’ve been dumped. Ugh. You might be OK with what has happened, or you might be devastated. Either way, I promise life
will
go on and you
will
overcome the heartache. To help you heal and keep your dignity, here are some other things to keep in mind post breakup:
DO
have a social-media spring cleaning. Remove him from your social-media channels and your phone. Following his every move on Instagram or texting him after you’ve had five too many glasses of wine will likely result in additional upset.
DO
take care of yourself. Try a new activity, spend time with family and friends, and treat yourself to a spa day or two.