Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (16 page)

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BRITT:
I met my husband not too long after a rough breakup. After getting dumped I knew I had two choices: (1) Throw myself a pity party and bring everyone else around me down, or (2) Dress up, show up, be positive, and start diving into new activities. Choice number two was the obvious one and it eventually led me to finding my husband.

DON’T
obsessively talk about your ex. This will prevent you from moving on, and eventually, your family and friends will burn out on your former-flame trash talk. Plus, talking negatively about him—or anyone, for that matter—won’t change the situation. Remember, positivity attracts positivity. You’re more likely to attract a new partner with a positive attitude than you are with a negative one.

DON’T
post pictures of yourself at dinner with Mr. Rebound. Or worse, don’t post a shot of you with one of your ex’s buddies. Rather than using social media as a public forum to make your ex jealous, use it to connect with loved ones who are currently a part of your life. You might even want to take a social-media hiatus for a couple of months. Let’s be honest, even if you have the best intentions not to stalk your ex, it can be downright impossible to stop yourself.

DON’T
be a masochist. If you know in your heart that you two aren’t right for each other, make it a clean break. Constantly or even occasionally calling him or asking him out to coffee to chat will only prolong your heartbreak, give you false hope, and keep you stuck in the past when you should be moving on and finding your true match.

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BRITT:
I took a social-media hiatus for two months after my breakup, and it made a world of difference with moving on. Out of sight, out of mind.
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[
BRITT:
In life, there are phone calls we can’t wait to receive, ones we try to avoid, and ones we hope we never get. While working on this book, I got the kind everyone hopes they never get: news that a family member died in a tragic accident.

When I got the news I dropped everything and rushed to be with family. The first twenty-four hours were rough. Coping with losing someone who is young and full of life is hard to wrap your head around, and this type of loss is the lowest emotional point I’ve ever experienced.

But at this same all-time low in my life, I also had the chance to witness something incredible: the support from friends and loved ones during our darkest hours through phone calls, texts, cards, and showing up to just “be there” for us. This kind of love and support somehow made one of the worst times in my life a bit more bearable.

One of the most memorable moments happened the day after the accident. My husband’s best friend called us and said, “So, I know you told me not to come, but I just landed at LAX and I am staying at a friend’s place. There is no pressure to have me over, but I want you to know that I’m standing by to help—even if all you want is a hug.” My husband and I broke down crying. That kind of help—the help that just shows up when you need it and without you having to ask for it—is incredibly powerful.

Knowing how to be there for a friend when they lose someone they love is part of etiquette. Some of it is intuitive, like knowing to “be there” for them, while other parts can be harder to figure out, like knowing what to write in a sympathy card or how you can help in other small ways, like bringing over a lasagna, or taking their dog for a walk.

The thing about friendship is that it starts with an initial introduction—where we get to showcase our “social etiquette” skills by being respectful and kind. These actions open the door to liking and trusting someone new, and they continue to be the things that nurture a friendship and help it grow throughout the years. Being savvy about social etiquette helps us make and keep friends. And friendship not only helps us get more enjoyment out of life, it also helps us get through our most difficult times.
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Greetings and introductions are the bread and butter of social etiquette. We experience this form of socializing every day, whether it’s greeting your best friend when meeting her for drinks or connecting two of your former colleagues for a potential new job opportunity.

Taking it a step further, proper greetings and introductions have the power to not only make people feel comfortable but also to cultivate new and lasting relationships. So, what is the key to a warm greeting or to a flawless introduction of two people? It’s a mix of following protocol and reading subtle social cues.

In this section, we’ll cover everything from when to “go in” for a hug versus a handshake, and how to flex your social matchmaking skills in order to seamlessly connect people.

While I’m a self-proclaimed hugger, I’m also aware that not everyone embraces the embrace. For instance, I have a friend who doesn’t care for hugs, so I always greet her with a warm smile and cheerful “Hi!” instead of a squeeze. Observe people’s social cues and maintain a sense of formality for certain greetings.

When in doubt, go for a handshake. Reserve hugs and air kisses for family, friends, and those who you have a close relationship with.

If you’re greeting someone in a professional setting—we’re talking colleagues, clients, business associates, and so on—a solid handshake, eye contact, and genuine smile is always an appropriate go-to greeting. Of course, colleagues and clients can become fast friends, and a more personal greeting can certainly happen with time. So, if you see your cube mate coming in for a squeeze at the summer picnic, feel free to reciprocate.

DO
stand to greet someone. Get off your bum and stand when greeting those who are arriving or leaving. Standing shows you are a classy lady and that you have respect for the person who has arrived. If you’re seated in a tight booth at a restaurant or in a position that prevents you from getting up, a half-stand is better than no stand.