Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette (20 page)
Read Savvy Girl, A Guide to Etiquette Online
Authors: Brittany Deal,Bren Underwood
Tags: #table manners, #thank you notes, #social etiquette, #entertaining, #dating etiquette, #thank you note etiquette, #bridesmaid etiquette, #maid of honor etiquette, #how to shine as your best self, #tech etiquette, #modern manners, #win friends, #etiquette expert, #proper social behavior, #respect, #social conduct, #charming, #etiquette advice, #good manners, #wedding etiquette, #move on over Emily Post, #polished, #self-help, #etiquette guide, #build confidence, #how to be your best self, #guest etiquette, #manners, #hosting, #host etiquette, #elegant, #being a great guest, #nice people, #social media etiquette, #the power of appreciation, #Etiquette
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BRITT:
My idea of a perfect lazy Saturday morning is nestling under a heap of warm blankets with my iPad and scrolling through my favorite blogs.
Recently, I was doing just that as I nursed a light headache thanks to the three (OK, five) glasses of wine I’d had at dinner the night before. And as I caught up on my
Must Bring Buns
reading, I read a post that inspired me to send a thank-you note to the hosts of that little dinner party.
Normally, I wouldn’t have thought that a semi-casual dinner at a close friend’s apartment required a “proper” handwritten thank-you note, but Bren’s blog post made me think again.
I remembered the care my friends took in cooking with organic ingredients, the effort they put into toasting the nuts in the salad, the thoughtfulness in leaving out the mushrooms in the risotto (I passionately despise mushrooms), and the meticulously cooked salmon that took
five
hours to roast to perfection.
Recalling those thoughtful details made me realize that just because the hosts were two of my dearest friends, that didn’t mean I was excused from good manners. So I dusted off my custom stationery and wrote a little note. Per
MBB
’s recommendation, I made sure to mention the hosts’ efforts in making such a delicious gourmet meal and how it made my week since I rarely get to enjoy home cooking. I mailed the note shortly after and then forgot about it, assuming it would be read casually before getting tossed.
Two weeks later, one of those friends stopped by to say hi and halfway through the conversation, my thank-you note came up. He told me (in front of my husband) how much the note meant to his girlfriend and him and how they sincerely appreciated my thoughtfulness. Not only did it make me glad I took the few minutes to write the note, but I also got the nice “I’m proud to be with you” wink from my husband. Total win-win!
Thanks to
MBB
, I now try to remember to appreciate and give thanks after any occasion—whether it’s a fancy dinner party, casual night with friends, or anytime I’m feeling especially grateful for the love and friendship in my life.
]
Showing our appreciation is a timeless etiquette tradition for good reason: There is serious power in a simple thank you. From a handwritten note to a text message to a phone call, saying thanks is an easy, yet thoughtful, way to show gratitude. And appreciation always makes the receiver feel touched that you took the time and made the effort to remember them.
So, whether you’re a novice in the thank-you note department or you’re the girl with custom thank-you stationery, here’s what you need to know about how to send classy, memorable thank-you notes, from start to stamp.
While this may come as a surprise to some of you, the art of sending a handwritten letter is alive and well. In fact, in this digital age, it’s become even
more
important. Think about it: How often do you get snail mail that’s not credit card statements or some other form of a bill? How much does it make your day when something
fun
arrives in your mailbox?
Of course, there are times when a quick text or e-mail is the perfect way to say thanks. For instance, you might want to express an immediate thank-you after staying at someone’s home or receiving a surprise gift. In these cases, sending a quick and thoughtful text or e-mail is a fantastic start. Then, when you have a bit more time, follow up with a handwritten thank-you note that you pop in the mail.
Fun Fact
After the future king of England was born, Prince William and Kate Middleton sent thank-you notes to every person who had sent them a congratulatory card when Prince George Alexander Louis arrived. The card said, “The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge were most touched that you took the trouble to write as you did on the occasion of the birth of their son Prince George. Their Royal Highnesses have been overwhelmed by all the wonderful messages they have received and send you their warmest thanks and best wishes.” How endearing is that?
You have your stationery, stamps, return-address labels, and your favorite writing pen. Now what? To make thank-you-note writing that much easier (and faster), here is a go-to formula for you to follow the next time you give thanks.
LINE 1:
Address the person with “Dear”—e.g., “Dear Katherine,”
LINE 2:
Open the note by thanking them for the gift, gesture, etc.: “Thank you for the beautiful floral arrangement; it was so thoughtful of you.”
LINE 3:
Let them know that you are enjoying the gift and what it means to you. “I adore roses and peonies. Every night when we have dinner we admire the gorgeous flowers you sent!”
LINE 4:
Close the note with a final thank-you. “Thank you so much again for the lovely arrangement, and I can’t wait to see you soon.”
LINE 5:
Sign the note with a closing and your name. If it’s a dear friend or family member, you might want to sign “Love.” If it’s a work friend or acquaintance, it’s recommended to sign “Fondly,” “Best,” or “Warmest Wishes.”
NOTE:
For tips on sending a perfect thank-you note after a job interview, see the Bonus chapter available for download at
BrittanyDeal.com
[
BRITT:
When writing a thank-you note, be real. There is a clear difference between the thoughtful thank-you notes I’ve received that make me feel loved and appreciated and the ones where I felt the sender was writing what she felt she was “supposed” to say (or worse, just sending a thank-you note because it’s what she’s supposed to do).
]
The recipient’s name and address need to be written as follows:
UNMARRIED WOMAN:
Ms. Katherine Smith
UNMARRIED MAN:
Mr. Charles Mercer
MARRIED WOMAN:
Mrs. Katherine Mercer or Mrs. Charles Mercer
MARRIED WOMAN KEEPING MAIDEN NAME:
Ms. Katherine Smith
MARRIED MAN:
Mr. Charles Mercer
DIVORCED WOMAN:
Mrs. Katherine Mercer or Ms. Katherine Mercer
DIVORCED MAN:
Mr. Charles Mercer
WIDOWED WOMAN:
Mrs. Charles Mercer or Mrs. Katherine Mercer
WIDOWED MAN:
Mr. Charles Mercer
MARRIED COUPLE:
Mr. And Mrs. Charles Mercer
MARRIED COUPLE, HUSBAND IS A DOCTOR:
Dr. Charles Mercer and Mrs. Katherine Mercer
MARRIED COUPLE, WIFE IS A DOCTOR:
Dr. Katherine Mercer and Mr. Charles Mercer
MARRIED COUPLE, BOTH ARE DOCTORS:
The Doctors Mercer or Drs. Charles and Katherine Mercer
UNMARRIED WOMAN WHO IS A DOCTOR:
Dr. Katherine Mercer
UNMARRIED MAN WHO IS A DOCTOR:
Dr. Charles Mercer
You already know to send a note expressing your gratitude when you receive a gift or after you go on a job interview. Here are the other times a thank-you note is called for:
FAVORS.
Send a note to someone who has helped you out or surprised you with a random act of kindness.
HOSTS.
Send a note to someone who has hosted you, whether at their home for an extended stay or for a scrumptious meal.
SYMPATHY.
Send a note if someone has offered their condolences via flowers or made a donation in a deceased relative’s name.
LIFE EVENTS.
Send a note to someone who has supported a project of yours, brought you meals, or sent you a care package.
We all have busy schedules, but “I’m too busy to write a thank-you note” is not a good excuse. A thank-you note can be written in hardly any time at all and should be sent within two weeks of receiving a gift, going to a dinner party, or being on the receiving end of a lovely act of kindness (bonus points to the Savvy Girls who get their notes out in the first two days).
If you accidentally forget to write a note or time slips away, don’t worry; thank-you notes are always better late than never. Pop that note in the mail as soon as you remember, and check it off your list.