Sawyer (Torey Hope: The Later Years #2) (11 page)

Moving his hand from Luke’s neck, Sawyer let his palm run down the hard abs until it flattened against the heat under mesh shorts. “You say you don’t want me, but this says differently. I won’t force you; I know this is a lot to take in. But don’t lie to me; don’t lie to yourself; you want me just as much as I want you.”

When the hands on his chest applied harder pressure, Sawyer let himself be pushed away. Adjusting his hard length behind his zipper, he smirked as he watched the movement mirrored in front of him.

“Sawyer. I’m not lying. I know I want you just as much as you want me. But it can’t happen. Ever. Maybe someday I’ll tell you more, but for now I need you to just believe me.” Luke let a shaky hand rub over his face while he tried to squelch the longing and heartache.

Sawyer heard the man speaking; he heard the words. But he’d also felt how that body responded to his hands, to his kiss; he knew Luke had something horrible in his past, but he also knew there was something between them. Something real. Something worth fighting for. And Sawyer had every intention of fighting.

Placing a soft kiss on Luke’s lips, Sawyer gathered him in his arms. “One day you will tell me about your past. No matter what happens between us, I’ll always be here to listen to you.” Trailing his nose softly along Luke’s ear, Sawyer whispered gruffly, “But know this, there is something between us, and I won’t go down without a fight.” After a final hug and drawing in a deep breath, Sawyer backed away. “Can we sit? I’d still like to tell you about my day.”

Luke’s eyes shone with tears, but he smiled and gestured towards the couch. “Yeah, sure, I’d love to hear how everything went with the captain.”

After an hour of talking and laughing about the fishing trip, Sawyer glanced at the clock. “Man, it’s getting late, I better go. Thanks for, well, you know, for….just thanks.” As the men stood, Sawyer drew Luke into a full-body hug. Luke stiffened and tried to pull away, but Sawyer held tight. “Don’t fight it, just let me hold you.” Luke relaxed and let his body soak in Sawyer’s warmth and strength.

“Sawyer, I want you as a friend. Honestly, I want so much more, but I can’t have that, so I’ll settle for friends. Are you going to be able to just be friends?” Luke’s eyes pleaded with him.

Just friends? Hell, no. But, until he’s ready to admit there’s more here, yeah, I’ll have to be content with just friends.
“Sure. For now.” Sawyer smirked.

“Sawyer, I’m serious. What happened tonight can’t keep happening.” Luke was getting angry that Sawyer wasn’t taking no for an answer. “If you can’t accept being just friends, then maybe we should agree to disagree and keep our distance.”

The thought of not having Luke in his life made Sawyer’s chest hurt. “No, I need you.”

When Luke’s eyebrows raised in question, Sawyer smiled and went on, “Not like that. Well,
yes,
like that, but I mean I need you as a friend. So, I promise no repeats of tonight unless you want it to happen.”

Leaning in, he gave Luke a soft kiss, “No more after this last kiss I mean.” Deepening the kiss, Sawyer sighed when Luke moaned into his mouth.

With a long, lingering kiss, Sawyer whispered, “And believe me, you
will
want more of this to happen. Someday.” With a wink, Sawyer headed out the door.

Luke padded through the living room and kitchen in a daze. He tossed his half-eaten yogurt and water bottles in the trash. When he crawled into bed, he prayed for a restful night. Instead, he got glimpses of what could be with Sawyer swirled with nightmares of his father and brothers. He woke several times during the night, in a cold sweat, trembling. The dreams were so real, he could hear the venomous voices spewing hate, feel the pain burning through his body. No, no matter how badly he wanted something more with Sawyer, he could never let his father and brothers’ words and actions define him.

“Sawyer, there’s someone here to see you. I tried to get him to make an appointment, but he was insistent you would want to see him.” Katie looked over her shoulder and then scampered into the office, closing the door quickly behind her.

“Seriously, Sawyer, I happened to see this guy at the front desk. He was giving the new assistant a hard time so I stepped in. I think he’s harmless, but I’m not sure you’ll want to deal with him. However, he says he’s your friend.” A knock on the door made Katie’s eyes go wide. “Do you want me to have Decker get rid of him?”

“Katie-girl, I don’t even know who it is. I’m sure I can handle whoever is on the other side of that door. Feel free to call…” Before he could mention his brother’s name, Sawyer heard a ruckus on the other side of the wooden divider.

“Decker Morgan, you sexy beast! Come over here this instant and give your Adam a hug. And any other type of physical contact you want to give would be perfectly acceptable.” The man all but purred, and Katie swung the door open in shock.

“Decker? You know this guy?!” Katie tried to smile politely, but seeing the petite, dark skinned man clinging to Decker was enough to have her laughing out loud. “Well, it appears you DO know who this is. Want to introduce us?”

Adam climbed down from his perch around Decker’s waist. “Is this little hellcat yours, Decker? You might want to tell her to put her claws away. Down girl.” Adam made a scratching motion toward Katie.

“Whoa,
ladies
, let’s all put the claws away.” Turning to Katie, Sawyer smiled and put his hands on her shoulders. “Katie-girl, this is my friend from college. His name is Adam, and he’s obviously forgotten his manners.”

Turning to Adam he pulled him into a hug. After releasing him, he spoke, “And, Adam, this beautiful, strong, talented, smart girl is Katie. My old girlfriend from high school and Decker’s better half nowadays.”

Looking between the two, Sawyer shook his head. “I take it you two got off on the wrong foot. Let’s start over.”

“Adam, this is Katie. She means the world to Decker and me. Katie, this is Adam. Decker tolerates him, and I survived college in part thanks to him. So, let’s all get along, shall we?” Sawyer motioned the other three into his office.

“Adam, it’s very nice to meet you. I’m sorry I gave you any trouble out front; I didn’t realize you were a friend of Sawyer’s. I shouldn’t have insisted that you make an appointment.” Katie held her hand out. Sawyer knew it was killing her, but she was ever the professional.

Holding his hand out as if he expected her to kiss it, Adam rolled his eyes when Sawyer cleared his throat and shook his head. Moving his hand so that he could shake Katie’s hand instead, Adam sniffed, “Well, you could have just believed me when I said Sawyer would be happy to see me. But, apology accepted.” Pulling her into a hug, Adam squealed, “
Now
, you’ve got to tell me where you got that nail polish. It is to
die
for.”

With Adam and Katie getting along, Decker headed back to his office with a promise they would all meet up for drinks later.

“Adam, it was so nice meeting you, but I really do need to head back to my office to get some work done. I’ll see you for drinks tonight.” Kissing his cheek, then pulling Sawyer into a hug, Katie winked. “Have fun you two.”

Leaning in to whisper to Sawyer, she giggled, “Torey Hope isn’t going to know what hit them.”

Sawyer threw his head back and laughed. But, he knew she was right. Torey Hope hadn’t ever seen the likes of Adam.

“Well, sugar, Adam is here. Take me out on the town, show me around, let’s spill some T.”

“Spill some T? Seriously, Ad? Can’t you just say ‘talk’?” Sawyer shook his head. “Did you purposely wear your loudest outfit so you could make a grand entrance?” He took in the vibrant hues of his friend’s clothing.

“Well, I couldn’t come to town looking like everyone else. You
know
how I like to stand out. Speaking of
out
, are you? Out?” Hooking his arm through Sawyer’s, Adam began leading him toward the door. As they walked past the gym, Adam slowed to a crawl and barely contained his drool.

Sawyer glanced past Kendrick and Zach, but his own heart sped up and he worked to control his breathing when he saw Luke was there with them.

“Day-um, Adam likes. Remind me to say hello to Kendrick, Zach, and friend when we return. Please tell me they’ll be joining us for drinks.” Adam turned large eyes toward Sawyer and batted his lashes.

“I’ll ask them. Kendrick and Zach probably will. I don’t know about Luke.” Sawyer tried not to show any emotion when he spoke the other man’s name. It had been a week since he’d shown up unexpectedly at Luke’s door, and things had definitely been tense between them as of late.

“Oh,
Luke
is it? And just what does Adam need to know about this
Luke
? Is he your baby, your lover, your butt-buddy? Do you want to marry him with rainbows and unicorn decorations? Mmmm, Sawyer is blushing, Adam must have hit the nail on the head. Tell me, Sawyer, do you want to
nail
Luke or do naughty things to his
head
?”

When Sawyer shifted uncomfortably and rolled his eyes, Adam clapped and bounced up and down. “Ohhhh, you
so
want him. This visit just got totally delish. Let’s go grab lattes and dish, sugar.”

Following Adam to his car, Sawyer could only shake his head.

***********

Sawyer and Adam settled into their seats with steaming hot lattes. Sawyer had chosen the little coffee shop in town knowing it would be less crowded than the larger one a few miles away.

“So, you big, sexy man. Tell Adam all about what’s been going on.” Adam munched daintily on his shortbread cookie.

“Well, one thing that hasn’t changed is you talking about yourself in 3
rd
person.” Sawyer took a sip of his latte and smirked at his friend. “So, I came out to Decker and my cousins fairly soon after coming home from school. I just recently told the rest of my family. It’s been a bit rough with some of them, but overall, I totally lucked out and have their support.”

“Really? How did you do it? A big dramatic announcement? Text or email?” Adam, always ready for juicy stories, barely contained himself in his seat.

“Well,
I didn't come in on a pride parade float wearing a mankini and dancing to Lady Gaga…” Sawyer deadpanned.

“Hey! I only did that
once
. It was hilarious and you know it.” Clapping his hands again, Adam laughed at the memory Sawyer had brought up.

“Yeah, well, I did it with less show. Took Decker camping and told him. Invited the other guys up and told them too. We had a good evening. They were very supportive and curious.” Sawyer smiled as he recalled the camping trip and conversation. “I told my parents pretty much right after. They were upset, but supportive. They weren’t shocked like I expected them to be; they said they’d had suspicions for several years.”

Sawyer still felt like he’d dodged the proverbial bullet when it came to his parents’ support. So many friends had been less than lucky when it came to telling their parents.

“One of my grandmas, an uncle, and my grandpa took a bit to come around. My grandpa was the worst. Some really hurtful things were said, but we recently took a day to go fishing and talk, and things seem much better. The beauty of it all is that I can see myself overcoming it eventually. Friends and family are accepting me. I think everything is going to be alright.” Sawyer offered a genuine smile.

“Okay, that’s great. I’m happy for you. Yay!” Adam nodded his head enthusiastically. “Now, skip to the good stuff. Who are you kissing, blowing, fucking, and loving?” He smiled coyly and raised his eyebrows in anticipation.

Sawyer’s cheeks pinked and he immediately took to studying his latte.

“Oh. My. God. You are totally doing all of those things, aren’t you!? Tell Adam who the lucky guy is.” His eyes were wide with anticipation.

“Well, I guess it would depend on which guy you want to hear about…”

Sawyer ducked his head and grimaced at Adam’s shrill “
Whaaat?!?”

“Shhh, keep it down. Finish your latte and we’ll leave. I’m not talking about this with you in the coffee shop. We need an open place where you can squeal and bounce around until your little heart is content.” Downing his drink, Sawyer stood and walked to the trashcan.

Turning around he almost knocked over an elderly lady. She stood her ground, hands on her hips, giving him an evil glare.

Shaking her finger in his face, she spoke lowly, “I told her. I told her this would happen. Well, not
this
exactly, I surely wasn’t expecting
this
, but I told her.” The old woman gave him the stink eye once more then turned around to the counter. “I’d like a hot tea. To go, please. I’ve got somewhere to be.” She cast a final threatening glance over her shoulder in Sawyer’s direction.

“Sugar, I don’t know what you did to make that granny angry, but we better leave. If she had a cane, I think she’d be beating you with it by now.” Adam hooked his arm with Sawyer’s and snuggled against him. “Let’s go, you’ve got some explainin’ to do.”

With a confused look back at the lady, racking his brain as to why the she seemed so angry with him, Sawyer let Adam lead him out of the coffee shop.

Arriving at the park, they walked to the duck pond. Sawyer laughed as his friend paid a quarter for duck feed and spent the next fifteen minutes calling, “Here ducky, ducky, ducky. Come see Adam you little quackers, I’ve got food for you.”

“You don’t get out much, do you?” Sawyer rolled his eyes as Adam threw the last of the feed to the ducks.

“I get out plenty, I just don’t visit many towns this small. Let me enjoy being quaint for a bit.” Rubbing his hands together, Adam settled cross-legged onto a rock and indicated Sawyer should sit on the adjacent bench. “Now, let’s start at the beginning. Who are you kissing?”

“Um, I’ve recently been kissing Hayden and Luke.” Sawyer admitted.

Adam raised his eyebrows in question, but continued.

“And blowing?”

“Hayden.”

“Fucking?”

“Hayden.”

“Loving?”

Sawyer turned away. “I don’t know that I love him. But I know he doesn’t love me.”

“Who? Hayden? He must be an idiot.” Adam pursed his lips together.

“No, I don’t love Hayden. He probably believes he loves me.” Running his hands through his hair, Sawyer sighed. “Uhhhh, I’m not being fair to him, I know it.”

“Okay, now you’ve got to give Adam a bit of time to figure this out.” Taking a deep breath and blowing it out slowly, he continued. “You kiss Hayden and Luke, right?”

Sawyer nodded.

“Hayden may love you? He blows you and vice versa? And you’ve fucked him? And him you?” Adam lists the points on his fingers.

Sawyer again nodded.

“So, what’s the problem? Is he mean? Ugly? Bad in bed?” Adam questioned as if Sawyer had lost his mind.

“It’s just not there, that spark. We are friends, and we’ve enjoyed each other’s company, but I just don’t feel it.” Sawyer gazed out across the pond. “He’s not…”

“Ahhhh, Adam gets it now, it’s all becoming clearer. Hayden isn’t
Luke
. Your eyes don’t go all dreamy when you talk about Hayden, but you start breathing funny when you mention Luke. Does Hayden know he’s competing against Luke?” Adam was smug.

“There’s no competition, Ad. There was nothing between Hayden and me even before I met Luke. Believe me, I wanted there to be something. Hayden is perfect, attractive, established, steady, ready for commitment. But I feel like I’d be settling if I took things further with him.”

Closing his eyes, Sawyer thought back to the night before when Hayden had stopped by. Sawyer should have just been honest with him, right then and there, but he’d let Hayden stay. He’d allowed a kiss. He hadn’t stopped Hayden’s roaming hands. Why? Because he was thinking of Luke the entire time.

When Hayden had inquired if Sawyer was feeling alright, he’d quickly grasped onto the excuse and run with it. “Just tired is all. Probably just need a good night’s sleep. How about we catch up later?”

Sawyer had seen the shadow of doubt flicker across Hayden’s face when he showed him to the door. Closing the door behind him, Sawyer leaned against it.
Cut him loose, Morgan. He’s got a lot to offer. Don’t keep him hanging. It’s not fair to keep him around until you’re sure this thing with Luke is or isn’t going to work out. Hayden deserves better than that.

“So, when are you going to give Hayden the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech? Sugar, you can’t just keep him in your back pocket as a backup. First, because he’ll find out, and how do you think that will make him feel? Second, Sawyer Morgan doesn’t string guys along. Cut the man loose.” Adam imparted his sage advice with a knowing nod of his head.

“Now, what about Luke? There’s been kissing?” Adam was hopeful.

“Yes, there’s been kissing.” Sawyer touched his lips absentmindedly as he recalled their sensual kisses.