Secrets On Lake Drive (18 page)

“Whatever, Sean.” I played it off as if he was
joking. “Well, I can barely keep my eyes open so I’m going to
bed.”

“You’re in bed.” Sean wanted me to stay the
rest of the morning with him. I must have made some impression on
him. It seems like he wanted to be with me all the time now.

“I’m in
a
bed, but not
my
bed.”

“It could be your bed,” Sean mumbled,
thinking I didn’t hear him, but I did.

“Sean, you may get a lot of women with that
charm of yours, but that doesn’t work on me.”

Sean laughed. “I already got you. Did I ever show
you a copy of our marriage license?”

I was beside myself. I couldn’t believe Sean
would even keep a copy of the bogus marriage license. We both knew
the marriage wasn’t really a marriage – just an oversight in a
contract. Sean kept it in the top drawer of his nightstand, under
some cherry menthol cough drops, a box of Magnums, an Omar Tyree
novel and a pack of Big Red chewing gum.

“Here it is,” he said, handing it to me.

“Wow. This is actually the first marriage
license I’ve ever seen.” I handed it back to him quickly. “That’s
really weird.”

“Yeah, I know. What feels even weirder is
that my wife sleeps in a separate bedroom than I do like people
used to do in the old days.”

“Whatever. I see you got jokes.” I began
walking to the door, but Sean wasn’t joking. It seemed as if he
viewed this marriage, if you could call it that, as a sign like we
were supposed to be together.

“I’ll see you in the morning, okay?”

“Ah’ight, Monica.”

Entry 6

Sean and I talked about Cornelius today.
Just talking about him made me realize some feelings for him that
were still lingering inside of me. I wanted him so bad, but I knew
I couldn’t have him back. And if I were that fortunate, things
would never be the same between us. So, at this point, I’m
contemplating how it would feel to love another man besides
Cornelius. Could I? Could I find enough courage to let the past be
ancient history and move on to someone else? I know that I cannot
have Cornelius again, and it wasn’t my aim to find someone who was
just like him. At this point in my life, love is enough.

On a more jaw-dropping note, I cannot
believe Sean and I are married. I didn’t even know something like
that could happen. Being the prompt man that he was, I’m surprised
Sean didn’t get something like this resolved immediately. Instead,
he knew about this from the moment I moved in and didn’t do a thing
about it. Just by listening to him, I got the impression that he
wanted this marriage to work. But why? He hardly even knows me.
Maybe he misses being married to Shanelle. I’m not sure. All I know
is that I can’t be nobody’s wife right now. This may sound selfish,
but right now, it’s all about me. I have to find myself. I can’t do
that while being attached to someone. That just won’t work.

Chapter 18 -
The Dells

“Moooomyyy,” Roman said slowly, while standing
beside my bed. “Wake up, Mommy.” I opened my eyes just enough to
see the smile on his cute little face. Kids… gotta love ‘em. Even
if they do wake you up at the butt crack of dawn.

“Hey, Roman. What’s going on, sweetie?”

“Me and Daddy cooked breakfast for you.”

“You did?”

“We sure did,” Sean said, as he came walking
into my bedroom with a tray in his hand. He had on a smoke gray
tank and a pair of jean shorts.

I sat up in the bed with my back propped up against
a few pillows.

“Actually, Roman cooked the pancakes.”

For that moment, I was speechless. I could
never picture Sean cooking breakfast for anyone, especially not for
me.

“To what do I owe this honor?” I asked Sean,
as he stood beside my bed.

It was eight in the morning and already he
was looking good, like he’d just crawled out of bed that way. I
know he put in his normal two-hour prep time, but there I laid with
bed hair…looking as if I’d been in bed for weeks with the flu. I
was embarrassed for him to see me like this.

“We just wanted to do something nice for
you. You deserve it for everything you do for us.”

“Aww, that is so sweet. Thank you,
guys.”

Sean bent over to give me a hug. When he
did, his smooth face bumped up against mine. I could smell the soap
he’d showered with mixed with the cologne he wore. It smelled so
good I had to ask him what it was.

“Gosh, you smell good. What are you
wearing?”

“It’s called Contradiction, by Calvin
Klein.”

“Mmm.” I sniffed the air to get a whiff of
the good smelling cologne. “You look good, too.”

Sean smiled at the compliment and said, “You
look good yourself.”

“Yeah, whatever. I haven’t even brushed my
teeth yet, and look at my hair. I’m a mess.”

Sean sat on the bed beside me, then leaned and
kissed me smack dab in the middle of my forehead with those juicy
pink lips of his.

“You look beautiful, Monica.” I smiled, then
remembered how Cornelius used to kiss me in that very same spot
sometimes before we went to bed or when he would say goodbye to me.
“Now, we are going to let you eat. We’ll be downstairs, okay?”

“Okay, Sean. Thank you so much, and thanks
for my pancakes, Roman.”

“You’re welcome, Mommy.”

After I enjoyed the delicious breakfast my
boys whipped up for me, I dressed quickly and ran downstairs. Sean
was sitting in the family room playing video games with Roman.

“You’re not beating him too bad are you,
Roman?” I asked.

“He can’t catch up to me, Mommy.” Roman
cackled.

I looked at them playing games together, and that is
what I always wanted to see. It gave me a sense of completeness to
see them together like that.

I was a little hesitant to tell Sean that I was
going out of town with Keisha for the weekend. In a way, I didn’t
want to tell him. I wasn’t sure how he was going to take it.
Lately, it seems that Sean wanted all of my time.

“Sean, can I talk to you for a minute?”

Sean came walking out of the family room and into
the living room where I was standing. He shut the door behind
him.

“What’s up? How was breakfast?”

“It was wonderful. Thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.”

“Anyway, it had completely slipped my mind,
but Keisha and I made plans a while ago to go to the Dells this
weekend. I’m leaving tonight…back on Sunday night. Are you okay
with that?”

Sean was cool as a fan. He showed no
emotion. That’s how I knew I was going to be in trouble. I had a
feeling he wouldn’t like this. Somehow I knew he wanted to spend
the day and the weekend with me.

“Well, I guess I’m going to have to be okay
with it. Your mind is already made up, right?”

Now the disappointment was starting to show
on his face, and that’s one thing I didn’t like. I never wanted to
disappoint anyone. And though I knew I shouldn’t live my life
pleasing other people, I found it difficult to not give my all in
anything that I did.

“Sean, if you’re not okay with it, then I’ll
stay, alright? I don’t want to cause any problems.”

“No…don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I
don’t want to interfere in your life.”

I couldn’t tell if Sean was being sincere or
sarcastic. It was hard to tell with him. He was one of those people
that I just could not read.

“Sean, are you okay with this or not?” I
wanted further reassurance that he was okay with my trip. I didn’t
want to come back home to an angry man. “I’m leaving around seven
and I’ll be back on Sunday night.”

“Ah’ight.” Sean turned to go back into the
room with Roman.

I still wasn’t convinced, and I knew Sean didn’t
want me to go. I just knew it.

“Are you sure?” I asked him again before he
could completely open the door.

“There’s no problem. If you want to go, just
go.”

I could sense the agitation in his voice
that went perfectly with the look of displeasure on his face.

“Sean, wait a minute.” I grabbed him by the
hand. “It’s only ten o’clock. We still have time to do something if
you want.”

“Nah, that’s ah’ight.” Sean pulled his hand away
from me.

Although I knew he wanted to spend some time with
me, he turned me down. Sean was one of those brothers who wanted
all or nothing, and he wouldn’t settle for less.

Shortly after we spoke, Sean took Roman to the park
with him since he was going to play basketball. They were gone for
hours. I guess he wanted to be nowhere near me. And I knew they
weren’t playing basketball for that long as hot as it was. The
temperature was pushing ninety-five degrees.

When they returned home, Roman went into the family
room to finish where he’d left off in his video game. I heard
Warren’s voice, as well, so he must have accompanied them at the
park. Meanwhile, Sean came upstairs. I was busy packing my
suitcase, trying to cram ten pairs of sandals into my suitcase that
was already full of clothes. I guess you can say I had a summer
shoe fetish.

I left my bedroom door open while I packed.
Sean peeped around the door while simultaneously knocking.

“Hi,” he said, while entering. I’m surprised
he knocked.

“Hi,” I replied stiffly.

It bothered me the way Sean nonchalantly left the
house, like he didn’t want to spend time with me when I know he
did. And here I am thinking I was being cordial by telling him that
I was going to head out of town. I could’ve just bounced and not
said a word. But it’s all good. I leaned over my suitcase in a
desperate attempt to close it.

“Do you need help with that?”

“No, I got it.”

“Wait. Let me help you, Monica.” He came
rushing over like he was my suitcase superhero.

“Sean, I got it, okay! I don’t need your
help.”

Sean backed up and watched me do my thing. I
did everything in my power to get the suitcase closed, but it just
wasn’t happening, and I wasn’t about to compromise by leaving some
of my shoes behind. No way.

“I have a bigger suitcase you can use,
Monica.”

“Did I ask you for a suitcase?”

“Look, why you gettin’ mad at me for trying to help
you?”

“You mean the same way you got mad at me
when I told you that I was leaving for the weekend?”

“I didn’t get mad.”

“Oh really? Then why is this the first time
I’m seeing or hearing from you since this morning. I told you that
I wasn’t leaving until around seven.”

Sean closed his eyes and exhaled deeply.
“Ah’ight. I was a little bothered by that.”

“Why?”

“It’s just that you’re only here…well,
living in my house…for a short while, and I want you to spend your
time with us, that’s all. I want your time,” Sean said bluntly.
“Sean, it’s only for the weekend.”

“Okay, so does that mean you’re staying in
my house one weekend longer?”

“No.”

“Okay. So that’s what I’m talking about.
You’re taking time away from me…I mean us, but you’re not replacing
it.”

I took a break from my personal vendetta
with the suitcase. “Sean, what do you want from me? It’s
four-thirty. Keisha will be here in two hours. So, if you want to
do something together before I leave, we can.”

Sean stood there absorbing my response.
“Okay. Let’s spend time together.”

“Doing what?

“Nothing but enjoying each other’s
company.”

We went downstairs in the family room where
Warren and Roman were playing games like they were addicted to it.
Sean and I sat on the cocoa-colored, soft loveseat next to the
couch. The pillows were so soft that when I sat down, my body
shifted toward Sean. He liked that. It gave him a reason to put his
arm around me. We just sat there hugged up like a couple, watching
Warren and Roman out race each other. Sean rubbed my right shoulder
with his fingertips, pulling me even closer to him. I felt so
comfortable I leaned in on his shoulder. He stroked my hair, as he
always did, admiring the way I surrendered to his touches. A few
more strokes from Mr. Magic Fingers and I was dozing off.

“You know she’s sleep, right?” I heard
Warren say vaguely while I was drifting off.

“Yeah, I know.” Sean kept on rubbing my
hair.

I could tell he loved the way I felt in his
arms, and really, right there in his arms is where I wanted to be.
It felt right. I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel good to be
next to him.

“Monica, wake up, sweetheart.” Sean shook me
just enough to wake me. “I think your ride is here.”

He probably didn’t even realize he called me
sweetheart. I can’t remember him using a term of endearment with me
before, and the one time he did, he said it like it came naturally.
I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

“What? Keisha’s here?”

“I think so. I just heard a horn outside, I
think.”

I yawned, wiped my eyes again, and went into
the living room to peep out the window. I saw Keisha sitting in the
driveway.

“She
is
here. I have to go and get my
suitcase,” I said, then took off up the stairs.

“No, Monica. I’ll get it for you.” I could
hear Sean running upstairs behind me.

“I never did get this suitcase closed.”

“You can use mine. Let me go and get it for
you.”

From inside his closet, Sean grabbed a brown
Louis Vuitton suitcase, which looked brand new. “Here you go.”

I transferred my clothes and shoes from one
suitcase to the other, and then I grabbed my purse. Sean brought
the suitcase downstairs behind me.

When I got to the bottom of the stairs, I
saw Roman waiting for me by the front door.

“Come here, sweetie.” I hugged him.

“Mommy, when are you coming back?” he asked
sad-faced.

“I’ll be back on Sunday. That’s two days
away.” I wrapped my arms around his little body, while Sean
watched. “Now give me some sugar.”