Secrets On Lake Drive (19 page)

Roman arched his little lips and gave me a
kiss on the cheek.

I told him, “I love you. Do you know
that?”

“Yesss,” he said sadly.

“So smile. Come on. Let me see it.” Roman
smiled for me, although he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to see me
go. “I’ll see you on Sunday, okay?”

“Okay, Mommy. I wuv you.”

I almost cried right there on the spot. At
that moment, I really understood the heartache I would feel when I
finally left for good. Not only would Roman miss me, but I would
miss him just as much.

“I love you, too, hun. Be a good boy for
your father, okay?”

“Okay. I will.”

I walked out of the door towards the car.
Keisha hit the trunk release button when she saw Sean walking
behind me with the suitcase. Sean put the suitcase in and shut it
back.

“Thank you, Sean. And thanks for letting me
use your suitcase.”

“You’re welcome. Just try to bring it back
in one piece.” Sean smiled as he walked up to me.

“Okay. I’ll try not to hurt your
precious
suitcase.”

“I’m just kidding. I don’t care about the suitcase.
I care about you. You know that, don’t you?”

“Yeah, I know that.”

“Good.”

“Well we have to get going, but I’ll see you
on Sunday,” I said, as I looked at Sean to say goodbye before
opening the car door. “So I’ll see you later, okay?”

He walked up to me, took me by the hands,
and then moved his hands to meet my face. His strong, lengthy
fingers tilted my head back at a satisfactory angle and he planted
his moist lips onto mine, transitioning into a hot, wet, steamy,
mind-blowing kiss that seemed to have no end in sight, kissing me
like he was never going to see me again. I’ll admit I got caught
up. My tongue got lost in his mouth a few times, but he found it
with his. And while our tongues played a game of Twister, I knew
Keisha was watching the spit-swapping go down. I could imagine her
sitting there with her jaw dropped, not believing what she was
witnessing. And I couldn’t believe what I was feeling. It felt like
the ground was spinning underneath me as his soft, succulent lips
touched mine.

In my mind, I wanted him to stop, which is
why I can’t justify why my hands migrated to those frisky curls on
his head, confirming that I wanted more of him. There was no pause,
no interlude, no coming up for air. We just went for it. And when
our hands met to our sides and it felt as if the kiss was nearing
its end, our fingers interlocked and we kept on going. Then slowly,
the kiss came to a halt like a train once going full speed and then
finally stopping. I beamed into his wanting eyes, which looked
watery like he was about to cry. I didn’t know what to make of it
exactly, but I knew one thing…my kisses weren’t strong enough to
make a grown man cry.

Two smaller kisses followed what I deemed to
be the mother of all kisses, sort of like aftershocks that followed
a huge earthquake. At that moment, I wish I had the power to read
his mind, to know exactly what he felt for me. I sure was feeling
something for him. Sean made me tingle in places I didn’t even know
had feeling.

As we stepped back and swallowed each other’s DNA, I
just looked at him. All I could do was look. I didn’t know what to
say. He was the initiator of the kiss, not me, although I was a
willing participant. I suppose I could’ve pulled away, but I
didn’t. Part of me wanted to. There was a war going on in my head.
One moment I was thinking,
girl, what are you doing?
The
other part of me wanted to kiss him. I hadn’t kissed a man in
years, and that kiss, that one kiss made me want to love again.
That’s all it took.

“So, I’m sure I’ll talk to you later.” Sean
broke the silence, as he wore most of my lip gloss.

I took a deep breath. “Ah, yeah, I’ll talk
to you later.”

I caught my breath and got in the car. It
was time for me to go before Sean decided he wasn’t done with my
lips. As we drove off, Sean threw one hand up and then just stood
there until the car was out of sight.

“Girrrrrl, what…was…that?” Keisha asked.

“I don’t know. He just kissed me,” I replied
with a pleasant smile on my face.

“Oh, it’s like that now with y’all?”

“No.”

“Then why did you just kiss him?”

“I didn’t kiss him. He kissed me.”

“Well, from what I saw, you were all up in
it, too. I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that you are feeling
this dude. What else have y’all done?”

“Nothing. I don’t know why he kissed me,
Keisha. When I find out, I’ll tell you, ah’ight?”

“Wait a minute. Did you just say
ah’ight
?”

I giggled like I was hopped up on some
mind-altering drug. I knew I said
ah’ight
, but it was only
because Sean says it all the time and you are the company you keep.
Sean was starting to rub off on me.

“I guess I did,” I responded to Keisha.

“So you mean to tell me that Sean has Little
Ms. Innocent School Teacher talking slang now.”

My giggle remained. “Nah, it’s nothing like
that.”

“Mmm hmm. I knew something was going on up
in that house.” Keisha started singing R. Kelly, wiggling her neck
and snapping her fingers.
“
I don’t see nothing wrong with
a little bump n’ grind.”

I laughed at the silly girl. “Whatever.
There ain’t no bumping and grinding going on nowhere. You just
concentrate on the road.”

“Mmm hmm. I knew something was going on
between y’all. I knew it.”

“Keisha, I promise, besides that kiss you
just saw, nothing has ever happened between me and Sean.

“Okay, Monica.”

Keisha didn’t believe me. After all, Sean
and I were under the same roof. Anything could’ve popped off at any
minute.

AS SOON AS we arrived at the Chula Vista
Resort, I called Sean. I had to. He was on my mind the entire hour
and a half it took us to get to the Dells.

“Hey, Sean. We’re here.”

“Okay, good.” There was a bit of idle
silence. “You know, I didn’t mean to kiss you. It was
just…just…ah…uh…a reflex.”

I held my mouth so Sean wouldn’t hear me
laugh. I didn’t know why I was so giddy after the kiss. “A reflex,
Sean?”

“Yep.”

“So you mean to tell me that’s all it was. A
reflex?”

“Yep.”

“Whatever. You could’ve come up with a
better lie than that. The way you kissed me was no reflex. That was
intentional.”

“Okay, well it’s like this…you were leaving,
so I kissed you.” Sean’s tone changed from playful to serious.
“What do you want me to say, that I’m head-over-heels in love with
you and that I didn’t want you to leave me?”

Suddenly, he grew cold. I couldn’t discern
whether or not his
head-over-heels
statement was true or if
he was trying to be funny. And I didn’t care what kind of
cockamamie excuse he gave me as his reason for the kiss. The kiss
was intentional. He knew it and I knew it. There was no denying
that.

“Sean, why do you sound upset? I was just
making conversation.”

“I know, but you act as if I can’t get
emotional. Why do women do that? Men have feelings, too, you know,
and sometimes I get emotional.”

“You, emotional?” I laughed again. In the
time it took me and Keisha to get to the Dells, I’d somehow morphed
into a human giggle box. Sean, however, didn’t find my humor
funny.

“I’m serious, Monica.”

“Okayyy, I’m sorry.” Sean was so quiet on
the phone that I had to make sure he was still on the line.
“Sean?”

“Yes, baby?”

“Baby? I’m not your baby.”

“You are if I say you are.”

“Yeah, unh huh.” I laughed at Sean and the
way he could switch between being mad and happy…serious and
silly.

“Let me ask you something, Monica. Do you
think I love you?”

What…the…
I said quietly to myself,
while struggling to find an answer to his question.

“Hello…Monica, you there?”

“Yeah, I’m still here.”

“Did you hear what I just asked you?”

“Ah…yeah, I heard you.”

“So what do you think? Do you think I love
you?”

“Honestly, I don’t even know why you’re
asking me that.”

“Because I want to know what you think.”

I sighed. “I don’t know, Sean.”

“Now you sound irritated.”

“I am irritated. I don’t know why you’re
asking me this.”

“Because I want to know what you think,” he
repeated again.

“And how am I supposed to know if you love
me or not? I’m not inside your head.”

“You would know by my actions.”

“Then no.”

I didn’t mean to be short with the
brother, but none of his actions really said he loved me. Albeit
we’d been getting along over the past few weeks, we still had spent
more time fighting than actually being friends. Just because he sat
with me in the hospital and kissed me like it was about to go out
of style didn’t mean he loved me, or did it? He didn’t respond
right away to my answer. Maybe he was expecting me to say yes, but
I had to keep it real.

“Are you still there?” I thought
for sure he had hung up on me.

“Yeah, I’m here.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m lying in bed, smelling the scent of
your vanilla lotion that has somehow become embedded into my
sheets, and you know what?”

“What?”

“I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Sean was laying it on thick. “I don’t know
what to say to that, Sean.”

“Don’t say anything. I just wanted to let
you know how I feel about you. And I kissed you because I knew I
would miss you and I just wanted something to remember you by.”

Sean was really overwhelming me with all of
his game. It’s like the man was completely in love with me, but I
didn’t want to just come right out and ask him if he was.
Is
that why he doesn’t have a girlfriend, because he’s intending on
charming me into his arms?
I didn’t know. And I wasn’t about to
hang around on the phone and let him tell me those three words. I
didn’t want to put myself in that awkward position, because then
that would leave me to have to say
I love you
back to him.
And I couldn’t. I didn’t love him, at least not the way I perceived
he wanted me to.

Entry 7

A lot has been going on between Sean and me
in the last week. I’m getting the vibe that he doesn’t want me to
leave, not only for Roman’s sake but for his own. Before going to
the Dells with Keisha, he kissed me, and I’m still trippin’ over
that now. I think I felt something between us; something I can’t
explain. But for the sake of writing, I’ll try as best as I can.
Kissing Sean made me think of Cornelius. When Cornelius used to
kiss me, I could see stars and it felt like I had temporarily lost
control over my own body. He was in control. I never knew another
man could make me feel that way, but that’s just what Sean did. And
the way he groped and caressed me made me think he wanted me. He
was so tender and compassionate. That’s how I knew he was lying
when he said kissing me was a reflex. A reflex is a little peck on
the lips, not an all-out vacuum attack on my tonsils. I probably
would never understand why Sean does the things he does. Now he’s
making a big deal about me leaving in September. He does not want
me to go and the reason I keep hearing is Roman this, Roman that.
Roman needs you. Roman needs a mother. Granted, that may be true,
but I know the sole reason Sean wants me to stay is not all on
Roman.

Chapter 19 -
Eric

Keisha and I arrived back to the castle, as Keisha
called it, around six o’clock on Sunday night. I ran inside to give
Roman a hug. I missed him, and he was standing there anxiously
waiting to see me. Sean was standing off to the side as if he was
waiting for his turn. I hugged him, as well, after which he went to
the car to get my suitcase. Keisha was standing by the trunk of the
car.

“Hi. I don’t think we’ve officially met,”
Sean said to her, while stretching out his hand. “I’m Sean.”

“Hi. I’m Keisha. I’ve heard a lot about
you.”

“All good I hope.”

I took one of my shopping bags in the house,
but could still hear Keisha and Sean’s conversation.

“Yes, of course. Anyway, Monica absolutely
adores your son. She says he reminds her of Eric.”

My heart dropped. It could’ve fallen out of
my chest for all I know. I turned to look at Sean. He was baffled
by her comment and rightly so. He had no idea who Eric was. I never
told him. It was never my plan for him to even know anything about
Eric.

“Eric? Who is Eric?” he asked her.

Keisha looked shocked, as well. Perhaps she
was thinking I had already talked to Sean about Eric. Now she
realized he had no idea who Eric was.

I came walking out of the door, pretending
to hear nothing of what they discussed. “Keisha, it’s been real. We
must do this again soon,” I said, while hugging her, but I really
wanted to strangle the life out of her.

“Okay, girl, later. Oh, and nice meeting
you, Sean.”

“Nice meeting you, as well.”

I was exhausted from the trip. It seemed like every
time I took a vacation, no matter how short or long, instead of
coming home refreshed, I was tired and needed a vacation from my
vacation. I went into my room, took a shower, and pulled my hair
back into my normal ponytail. I put on a big, navy blue t-shirt
about three times my normal size and a pair of baggy jogging pants.
Then, I went back downstairs for a glass of orange juice and sat in
the family room, flicking through the channels in a relaxed fashion
with my legs crossed and propped up on the table. Sean walked in
the room wearing only a pair of Burberry boxers.

“So, how was it?”

“How was what?” I said, really not paying
attention to Sean. For some reason, I was more focused on channel
surfing.