Selfless: A Relentless Series Novella (The Relentless Series Book 3) (8 page)

Gage was waiting when my plane landed. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led me to his car. I was thankful for his silence as we drove back to his apartment. Somehow he knew I didn’t want to be alone, but he wasn’t making me ask for his time.

“Thank you,” I mumbled softly.

He nodded and placed his hand on my knee. “For what? Being your friend?”

I wanted to cry, but I didn’t have any tears left. “You’re the best friend I could ask for, Gage.”

“We’ll talk about it when you’re ready. Until then, just make yourself at home. Lucy loves my apartment by the way.” A smile curled his lips. “She also learned that the couch is a million times more comfortable than the floor.”

I groaned. “Really, Gage?”

He grinned and shrugged. “She was just too cute. I couldn’t tell her no.”

Despite my mood, I laughed. He patted my knee.

“Are you hungry?”

“Pad Thai?”

“Call in the order and it’ll get there at the same time we do.”

I laid my head on his shoulder for a second. “You’re the best, you know that?”

His smile was a little bittersweet. “Yeah, I do.”

Lucy practically climbed up my body when I walked in the door. Even though I hadn’t been gone a full twenty-four hours, she was ecstatic to see me. Gage pushed me in the direction of the couch and I snuggled my puppy in my lap. I needed something to comfort me and help take the pain away. The puppy seemed to pick up on my mood because she sat next to me quietly. Every once in a while she would lick the top of my hand just to let me know she was there.

“What can I do to help kid?”

Gage startled me. When I looked up, I realized he was sitting next to me on the couch.

When did he even sit down?

“I don’t know. Everything feels hollow, Gage.”

“Are you ready to hear what I have to say?”

Slowly, I nodded. Sometimes Gage’s tough love conversations were a little rough, but he always meant well.

“Rhys loves you.”

My head snapped up and I glared at him.

“How can someone who says they love—”

“I’m not done, Mandi.” He sighed. “Rhys called me as soon as you left. He knew he couldn’t be the one to go after you because you wouldn’t listen. I may or may not have laid into him over that one. He knows he screwed up and it’s eating him up inside like a cancer. That man wants to be with you more than anything, but he’s scared of losing or hurting you again.” I started to speak, but he held his hand up to cut me off. “How would you feel if there was a girl putting her hands all over Rhys? It might mean nothing to him, but you still had to witness it and there was nothing you could do about it.”

“I wouldn’t like it,” I whispered.

“You’ve been his all these years without even realizing it. Rhys is struggling because even though he knows what you do for a living, he doesn’t know how he fits into your life anymore. He doesn’t realize that all those other fools you dated were just a distraction.”

“I told him I would give everything up for him.”

Gage rubbed his hand down his face in frustration. “That’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want to be the reason you give something up you love to do.”

“But he’s not. I decided I was going to do IVF before he showed back up. I’m serious about having a baby. I was going to take a few years off anyway. My publicist has the announcement ready to go when I tell her to send it to the press. I was just waiting until things started happening before I made the announcement.”

“Did you tell Rhys any of this?”

“Kind of, but not really. I mentioned that I wanted a baby, but I don’t think I went into any details. Every time we got together, we….made up for lost time.”

“You don’t
think
you told him details?”

I looked away, my cheeks flushed.

“There was this phone call,” I mumbled.

Gage laughed. “You drunk dialed Rhys? That’s awesome, Mandi.”

“No, it wasn’t. I was mortified. Lord only knows what I said in that voicemail.”

Gage clutched at his stomach while he laughed. “You’re kidding me right? There was a voicemail? You left evidence of your drunken mistake? You’re killing me here.”

I glared at him. “I’m glad my stupidity is giving you a good laugh.” He tried to straighten his face unsuccessfully. “You’re an asshole.”

“I’m sorry, but that shit’s funny.”

My lips tipped up. “I guess, but it’s really embarrassing. I was so mad, but I kept telling him I loved him over and over again. I do vividly remember calling him a pussy.”

Gage cracked up again. I grinned and the knots in my stomach loosened a little. “What am I going to do, Gage? I love him and there’s obviously a reason why I never found anyone else. He just shredded my heart again, but I still want to be with him. I feel like I should just let him go since he’s fighting me so hard on this.”

“In his defense, you did catch him off guard. When I talked to him, he sounded really torn up. I think you should really consider talking to him. This time just meet on neutral territory and be honest with him. I know you and I would bet anything you’ve been holding back what you’re actually feeling.” He sighed. “You both are just being too damn selfless. Giving up something perfect just to make the other one happy, when in reality all you need is to be together. I wish I had that.”

I flushed. Gage was right because I hadn’t been totally honest with Rhys. I should have laid everything out on the line, but instead I was still guarding my heart when he was being completely honest with me. Or maybe he was holding back too and we both had things we needed to come clean about? I wouldn’t know until we actually
talked
.

“You’ll get that one day, honey. There are plenty of good women out there.”

“I think I’ve already screwed myself on that one. I wasn’t ready when my other half came, and now I’m kicking myself in the ass for not growing up sooner.”

I laid my head on his shoulder and put my hand in his. We sat there in the quiet for a long time. Both of us were lost in our own thoughts, but thankful not to have to face the darkness alone.

Violet looked at me from the side of her eye. I didn't want to be at this stupid red carpet event, but my agent told me it would be good for me after Rhys’ little outburst on set. Under normal circumstances I would be ready to mingle, but I’d just sighed for the third time in five minutes, which explained the side-eye from Vi. Jaxon snorted beside her and I tried to hold back a giggle. He hated these events, no matter what the cause, so he was my best ally for the night. 

"Can you guys hold the complaining to a minimum?" Violet mumbled under her breath.

Jax scoffed again and I gave an unladylike snort. It was hard to be serious when we had been subjected to back to back presentations so depressing that it made you want to slit your wrists. Even Vi was starting to look a little frayed around the edges, but as normal, she was holding it together a hell of a lot better than I was. 

"How soon can we sneak out of here?" I whispered to Jax.

"God willing, soon."

Violet shot us another look, and I had to take a drink to keep from laughing out loud. This had been the longest three hours of my life. Luckily we were free to start mingling and I was able to get another drink. At this rate I would be drunk within the hour.

"Hey guys. What are you doing here?"

I froze as Rhys familiar voice filled my ears. He was supposed to be in Washington. Why was he here? It had been five weeks since the
incident,
as Gage and I had taken to calling it, in Vegas. My heart thundered in my chest as I turned around to look at him.

"Hey Rhys," Jaxon said, shaking his hand.

Violet hugged him while I stood staring at him in shock. The alcohol was making me much slower than normal.

"We agreed this would be a good opportunity, so here we are,” she answered, looking between his handsome face and my shocked one. “But these guys have had at least one drink too many, so I’m on my own. What about you?"

"My brother asked me to come. Something about a good networking event, but I'm not sure I believe him. This has to be the oddest event I’ve ever been to."

I felt like an idiot; all I could do was stare at him. He looked yummier than normal in a tux, but that could have been the alcohol talking. Or it could have been the fact that I had missed him so much I could barely breathe.

"Hey Mandi,” he said softly. “You look amazing."

"You look beautiful too."

Oh god. I'm such an idiot.

“Um, I mean you look very handsome.” A flush raced up my cheeks, and Rhys’ husky chuckle filled my ears. Jaxon snorted and I smacked at his chest.

“Amanda’s been hitting the bottle a little too hard tonight,” Violet said laughing.

I scowled. “I’ve been bored out of my mind. Plus, Jax is just as tipsy as I am. I’m not drunk yet, but if I have to sit through another depressing speech, I will be.”

It surprised me when I looked up and Rhys was next to me. His lips tickled the shell of my ear and I shivered. “Can I talk to you alone for a second?”

I nodded and he took my hand in his, leading me away from our friends. Jaxon and Violet shared a look as we walked away. If I wasn’t in an alcoholic haze, I might have said something.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” Rhys asked.

“I haven’t been avoiding you. I’ve been busy.”

“You’re telling me that you’ve been so tied up you couldn’t take thirty seconds to send me a text to say that? Plus, it has nothing to do with what happened? I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for weeks.”

My cheeks flushed.

“If you don’t want to talk to me anymore, just let me know. I don’t want to play games Amanda.”

“I don’t want to play games either.”

“So why haven’t you texted or called me?”

I looked away.

Because I’m terrified of what you make me feel, and I know you’re going to hurt me again.
I wish that I could tell him everything I was thinking. Gage helped me figure out what I needed to say to Rhys, but now that he was here, I just couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

“Can we talk about it later? Maybe after this thing is over?”

He studied me for a full minute before answering, and I squirmed under his sharp gaze.

“Is that what you really want?”

“Yes.” My voice was barely a whisper.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead. “Then I’ll be there.”

I stared at Rhys, burning holes in his tux jacket as he spoke with a breathtaking brunette. Each time they laughed or she touched his arm, I tensed up. My hands clenched into fists every time she threw her head back and laughed at something he said. Violet followed my gaze and raised her eyebrow.

“If you’re that jealous then maybe you should do something about it?”

I stared at her blankly.

“Go talk to him,” she laughed. “Are you really that plastered you can’t think straight?”

“I’m just—I don’t—I’m not,” I stammered.

“You’re a little green-eyed right now. Go stake your claim on him and run the bitch off.”

“I couldn’t do that. We aren’t,” I trailed off. “Things got…heated in Vegas and now it’s all awkward. This is the first time I’ve seen him since then. I’m such an idiot.” I laid my head down on the table.

“I think we need to get some carbs in you to soak up some of that alcohol, honey. I’ve never seen you act like this.”

“That’s because it’s
Rhys.
I’m so fucking in love with him, but I’ll never be able to actually tell him that because I’m a mess and he broke my heart. He was supposed to be my everything and I fucked it up.”

Oh God. The word vomit coming out of my mouth was unbelievable. I needed to quit drinking. I was dealing with things the same way my parents dealt with everything, denial and alcohol.

Violet stared at me. “What?”

Shut up stupid drunk brain and mouth.

“Nothing. It’s just nothing. Ignore me, I’m drunk and tired.”

“Amanda, it sounds like a hell of a lot more than nothing. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Probably,” I said miserably. “But things have been so crazy with Stephen, and then I started on my new movie with Connor and haven’t been around much. I didn’t want to bother you guys with stupid stuff.”

She sat down in the chair next to me and took my hands in hers. “Sweetie, we’re here for you whenever you need us, no matter what’s going on. Yes, bad things happened with Stephen, but that doesn’t mean the world stopped spinning. Stephen would’ve wanted you to talk to us and you know that. Me, Taylor, Sophia, we are all your friends, and we want to know if you aren’t okay. For that matter, Stephen, Gage and Jaxon are too. We are all here for you if you need to talk.”

I nodded and tried to fight the tears that threatened to fall. “It’s just been so confusing. Plus now the alcohol is making me emotional.” I sniffed. “I hate this.”

She wrapped her arms around my shoulders and I put my head on hers. “Thank you,” I whispered. “I’ve been on my own for so long it’s hard to remember I have people there when I need help.”

“You don’t have to be so strong all the time.”

We heard someone clearing their throat behind us, and I wiped at my face before turning.

“Are you ready to go Mandi?” He reached for my hand, but stopped short when he noticed my tears. He dropped down to a knee next to me and ran his hand down my face. “Shortcake, what’s wrong?”

Violet squeezed my hand. I glanced at her and she kissed my forehead before standing up. It surprised me when she leaned down and wrapped her arms around me.

“Be strong,” she whispered softly into my ear. “You two will figure it out.”

I nodded once and closed my eyes for a second to gather myself.

“Mandi, are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just had too much to drink.”

“Are you sure you still want me to come over?”

“Yes, I think we should talk. Things didn’t end well last time and I think we should at least try to end things on a good note.”

His eyes flashed with disappointment. “End things on a good note.” He shook his head like he was trying to knock my words away. “This is my fault, and I’ve been kicking myself every day. Will you at least let me try to explain why I acted like such an idiot?”

Honestly there wasn’t much he could say, but I would let him try if it would help me move on with my life. The ups and downs with Rhys were too much to handle and I was through. At least this way I would have some closure. I stood up and tipped slightly. Rhys wrapped his strong arms around my waist.

“You’ve had quite a bit tonight haven’t you?”

“I’m turning into my parents,” I mumbled.

He stopped and tilted my face up to his. His eyes were unguarded and I could see the concern in their depths. “I will
never
let that happen.”

The ice in my water clinked against the side of the glass, pulling me from my dazed thoughts. Rhys was standing in front of me and I had no idea what to say to him. Where did we even begin after the nightmare that was Vegas? I
had
been avoiding his texts and calls. It wasn’t hard to do since he was a state away.

“Do you still love me?” he asked softly. The vulnerability in his eyes was disarming. He was never unsure of himself, or at least the kid that I used to know wasn’t.

I swallowed around the bile growing in my throat. It was going to kill me to see him walk out of my life again. Images of him with the brunette flashed through my mind.

“That’s a loaded question, Rhys.”

He sighed and turned back towards the ocean. “That wasn’t my intention. I know I messed up. When you came to Vegas, I should have seen it as a sign.”

I ran my fingers along the edge of my glass. “I’m not going to lie, when I went out there, I fully planned for things to end differently. I wanted you to come back with me, or at least for us to make up, not for things to get worse. You just disappeared, and I know it was my fault for not reaching out sooner other than a drunken call, but it still hurt.”

Rhys lifted my face to his. I hadn’t even realized he’d crossed the deck. “Shortcake, I’m so sorry I was so stupid. I’ll beg and plead if it’s what you need from me. Will you just—”

“What is it you want, Rhys? I can’t keep on with the back and forth. We both said we didn’t want to play games, but that’s all we’ve been doing for months now. I’m making myself sick trying to balance my feelings versus yours and how this is going to end.”

His lips met mine and I savored the kiss. When we broke the kiss he rested his forehead on mine. “This isn’t going to end. Micah sent me to find you because he can’t stand me right now. The event tonight was just an excuse for me to be in Cali.” He chuckled and I felt my lips turn up in a smile.

“So what happens now? What has magically changed in the past few weeks?”

“We’ll get the happily ever after, Shortcake. I don’t care what I have to do to make sure you get it, but I’ll move heaven and hell to make sure you’re happy. I never should have left in the first place. Seeing you in your element scared me. You don’t need me in your life, but you
want
me there.” He took a deep breath. “And you’re right; I have been letting my father bully me from the grave. I would
never
hurt you. The thought of it makes me sick. He was a weak man, and I’m nothing like him. We will make it, Mandi.”