Sever (The Ever Series Book 3) (29 page)

Yep.
After I’m dead
. I bite my lip and nod, trying not to let self-pity take over. Closing my eyes, I rack my brain for a potential Plan B. Then I remember another loose end I haven’t tied up into a neat bow. My nose wrinkles in distaste.

“Wait. What about Richard, the thing that’s dating my mom—and all the other people like him? The ones who made deals?”

“They’ll still be greedy and power-hungry as humans, but Victor will no longer wield any influence over them.”

I nod again.

“Good. But you have to promise me something else. When this is over, and he doesn’t have any power left, make Richard disappear. Please. I don’t care how. Leave him in Antarctica. I just don’t want that parasite anywhere near my mom.”

“You have my word.”

“All right. As much as I hate to say this, we’re going to need another human for this to work. Someone to anchor the rest of you in this dimension while Victor and the rest of them get a one-way ticket to nowhere. I’ll go into the portal next, and that will be the end.”

“Who?” Audra asks.

I cringe. I don’t want to make another awful decision, but I already know the person I’ll choose. The person who might understand because he’s had to fear that others would judge him for who he is and who he might love. Matt.

“Matt … but you have to
promise
me that you won’t let anything happen to him.”

She nods, and we start again, making sure we’ve covered every possible scenario. Finally, after we’ve exhausted all possible solutions to prevent world destruction, I find myself sitting alone in complete darkness, wondering if this is what it will be like after I’m gone—complete darkness. Slowly I realize that I will never be able to understand what it is
not
to exist until I get there, and by then it will be too late. A burst of laughter threatens to erupt from my chest, but I know that if I start laughing, I’ll start crying, and then I’ll never stop.

It’s funny, though. After thinking I was about to die more times than I can count, after watching Alex disappear into oblivion to save me, after thinking Ever was gone forever, after accepting that I have to lose everything to save the people I love … After all of these things, I finally know that I can make one of the worst decisions I’ve ever had to make. I can choose the one I want to spend my last night with. I can make the choice now because it doesn’t matter who I choose. After tonight, my life is over.

Closing my eyes, the total blackness around me doesn’t change. I breathe in and out as images of Ever and Alex swirl through my head over and over.

R
ising from the couch, I walk through the darkened passageway and press the button, listening as the trapdoor opens. I walk up the stairs and step outside, stopping to look up at the night sky. For several moments, the wind dies down, and I watch snowflakes gathering in my hair. Then I close my eyes and take a shuddering breath, ready to say his name, when a hand clasps mine.

“Wren,” he says quietly.

It’s Ever’s voice, not Alex’s. Opening my eyes, I look up at him, shaking my head.

“I can’t promise you more than tonight.”

He touches my cheek, his hand slipping around my waist. Suddenly the frigid wind disappears, and we’re standing on the beach. It’s untouched. No tsunami. It’s perfect, the way it was in my calendar. As Ever’s hand comes around the back of my neck, he bends to touch his lips to mine. I shiver as his other hand skims across my skin, his lips traveling slowly to my jaw, then my shoulder. Lifting me into his arms, he carries me inside and sets me down in front of the massive bed. Then he cups my face in his hands and kisses me until my breathing is choppy. I feel his lips at my ear.

“My love.”

His lips graze mine again, causing my skin to warm under his touch. As his hands skim my sides, I reach to trace his jaw with my fingers before sliding my hands down to his neck. My fingers shake as I lift his shirt, exposing his chest. When I touch him, his muscles ripple beneath my touch. Taking a deep breath, I look up. His expression is serious, his eyes feverish and glowing with so much desire that it almost scares me.

Ever scoops me up and places me at the center of the bed. Then I watch as a blade appears in his hand. He raises it, his eyes glittering with madness.

“If I can’t have you forever, then no one will.”

My eyes snap open as dream-Ever’s words echo in my head. Shivering and breathing hard, I try to piece together reality. I’m still in Audra’s bunker.
It was just a dream
. An awful dream. And suddenly I know there is only one choice.

Enough whining and waiting and hoping that somehow the decision will get easier to make. Ever told me he wanted forever, and I can’t give that to him—so I will choose the one who found a drowning girl on West Street beach all those years ago. The one who sacrificed himself for me. The one who said he wanted only one night if forever wasn’t possible.

Alex.

“Are you ready?” Audra asks.

The overhead light clicks on, and Audra frowns when I shake my head. At first, I’m afraid even to say it out loud. Because it’s completely selfish. And because I know I may regret my decision for as long as I’m alive. It’s almost a relief to know that I probably won’t be alive very long.

“Audra, I need you to tell me something first.”

“What?”

I look down at my prom dress, shocked for a few seconds that I’m still wearing it. It’s like prom night has been frozen in time. Swallowing, I raise my eyes to hers.

“Is there any way I can—I mean, is there any way a human like me can be
with
someone like you and not
become
like you?”

I expect Audra to accuse me of being selfish, but she just stares right through me.

“Either he would have to be very careful, or you would have to be capable of blocking his mind from consuming yours—and I don’t think you can achieve that.”

Disappointment floods me before I feel a spike of pure rage. I never
asked
to be some virgin sacrifice, and I’m not going to oblivion without this one experience. My anger gives me strength, and I think Audra can see how serious I am.

“Let me restate,” she says carefully. “I don’t think
you
alone can deflect the power of Ever’s mind if he means to change you.”

I wince. Of course, she thinks I’m talking about Ever. It makes sense. Maybe her assumption makes more sense than my decision to be with Alex.

“I can’t promise he wouldn’t change you to become like us if he had the opportunity, but I
can try to help to shield your thoughts.”

“
You
can? I mean, you … would do that for me?” I ask skeptically.

“Wren, you are giving up everything you have.” She looks down. “I can understand your desire for this before you—”

“Cease to exist?” I ask numbly.

She nods.

“But you have to understand, my intervention won’t last long.”

“A night?”

“Yes.”

One night. Then, after I’m gone, they’ll all have forever to sort it out.

“Audra, I need one more thing. I need to see everyone.”

Audra grimaces, like my human sentimentality physically pains her.

“
That
wasn’t part of the plan, either.”

“I know. But I need to know that they’re all right.”

She nods.

“You’re not going to have much of an opportunity to recover from this, so we may as well go,” she says, gesturing toward the trapdoor we came through.

As soon as we get outside, she takes my hand and everything goes black immediately. By the time I regain consciousness, I’m sitting on a vinyl-covered bench. Staring at the Formica table in front of me, I concentrate on not throwing up.

When I cough, Audra thrusts a glass of water in front of me. As soon as the nausea passes, I look up, searching for some sign of where we are as I take a gulp of water, tasting the invisible algae and metallic particles of tap water.

Hearing familiar voices, I look over Audra’s shoulder and see my friends. They’re at a table like ours. Now I recognize where we are. It’s a twenty-four-hour diner not far from school. Everyone is staring up at a TV screen above the cash register. Even if they don’t realize it yet, they’re watching the beginning of the end of this world. I swallow.

“Do they remember what happened at the dance? Victor? Any of it?”

Audra shakes her head.

“They never will.”

She means that their memories have been permanently altered to edit out the bad stuff. I nod and take her hand as she stretches it across the table. Everything goes black, but when I open my eyes again, I feel less sick, or maybe I’m just starting to get used to the constant nausea of inter-dimensional travel. Standing up, I look down at the carpet beneath my feet. Then I see the sleeping form of Benjamin, my baby brother, his small hand curled around his blanket.

The pictures my dad sent don’t do him justice. He’s so much bigger than when I saw him last summer. Reaching down, I touch his cheek. Then I walk out of his room and down the hall to the living room where I see my dad on the sofa with his back to me. He’s working on his laptop, the same way I remember from my childhood.

I want to say something to him, but I can’t. As I stand frozen, I watch as he runs a hand through his dark hair and looks up at the window. Our eyes meet in the reflection, and I think about how angry I was with him. About my “stepmother” Jessica. About feeling replaced by my baby brother. About a lot of things. It all seems so far away now.

“Wren?” he asks.

I smile at him. Then I feel Audra’s hand take mine. A second later, I’m standing in a place that is achingly familiar and foreign at the same time. My bedroom. My Trig textbook is sitting on the desk, like a creepy reminder of the life I won’t be returning to. I stand perfectly still, trying to absorb this moment.

My breath catches when I hear my mom’s voice from down the hall. She’s laughing. She sounds happy, and this gives me hope. I walk out of my room, listening to my pulse pounding in my ears as I approach her room. The door is halfway open, and I stop a few steps back where she won’t be able to see me.

“It’s been good to hear your voice, too,” she says with a wistful lilt to her voice. “I know! It seems like just yesterday I was on the back of your motorcycle.”

My mouth drops open as she laughs again.

“Oh,
no
! Don’t even tell me you still have that monster!”

My mom—on a motorcycle? The same woman who told me, “
I’ll
never let you leave the house again if I see you on one of those two-wheeled death machines
”? It suddenly makes so much sense. ‘
Don’t make my mistakes
’ is really what she was saying. No motorcycles. No slick-talking, darkly handsome jerks.

I look down. Choices aren’t always so clear-cut. Ever isn’t the hero; Alex isn’t the hero. One choice isn’t better—because I would have lost something no matter which one of them I chose. Now I won’t have to choose. I can save them both as long as I give them both up.

“I can’t believe we’ve talked all night like this, James. I haven’t even looked at the time. It’s my daughter’s birthday—her eighteenth—
and
her senior prom …” She laughs tearfully. “Yeah, I know. I’ve almost texted her twenty times. I’m a wreck, but what can you do?” Another pause. “I’d really like that.”

Smiling even as tears start burning paths down my cheeks, I turn and step away from the door. I’m happy for her, and as much as I want to hug her one more time and tell her it will be okay, I can’t.

“I love you, Mom,” I whisper.

Now I’ve seen the people I care about most in this world, with two major exceptions. As I walk back to my room, I stop in front of the mirror, the same one that changed the course of my life forever. Staring at my reflection, I remember the exact moment that I reached out and took Alex’s hand. On that day more than a year ago, my only hope had been that I would survive that moment.

Then things happened that I never could have expected. Now, I’ve given up trying to predict the future. Instead, I’m going to try to change it. I’m going to try to save it. But first I’m going to have one night.

“Alex,” I whisper into the glass.

I can be greedy in these last moments, I tell myself. I can make bad decisions … because this time I don’t have any hope—at least not any hope of saving myself. I only have hope of saving everyone else. And that’s enough. It has to be. The mirror ripples with the inky blackness I remember so well, and Alex’s hand extends toward me.

Reaching out, I step into the blackness one more time.

A
lex releases my hand, and I turn to look into the deep pools of blue water I had caught glimpses of before Ever appeared. The steaming, crystalline blue water is only inches from my feet. I’m tempted to reach down and touch its glassy surface. Instead, I move away from Alex and sit down on the rocks of the cavern, careful to shield my thoughts. Finally, after a few seconds of silence, I look up at him and try not to lose my nerve.

“You asked me if I trusted you, and I do,” I say carefully. “That’s why I’m here. I trust that you’re not going to try to change my mind about what I have to do.”

“Then you’ve misjudged me,” he says in a tone that makes me wonder if it was a mistake to come here.

“So you’re looking to get blasted by another fireball—is that it?” I ask defensively. “How about before trying to change my mind, you ask me why I came here?”

He leans toward me.

“Why
did
you come here if it wasn’t because you wished for me to talk you out of an irrational decision?”

“Irrational?
Irrational
? Like
hell
saving everyone is an irrational freaking decision!”

I take a deep breath and start over.

“Alex, you asked me to spend one night with you …”

I stop talking when his eyes blaze. Breaking away from his stare, I study my hands.

“Well, I was coming here to do that,” I mutter. “You know, one last experience before sacrificing myself on the altar of immortal—”

I don’t get to finish. I’m suddenly in Alex’s arms. His lips come down on mine, and he kisses me until my legs are weak. When he finally pulls back, I look up. The look of barely contained hunger in his eyes is inescapable, and I want him to keep kissing me—to keep me from thinking too much. Instead, he sighs and sets me down. Clasping his hands behind his head, he walks several feet away before facing me again.

“Wren, I understand your motivation better than you might guess. You think there is no other choice but to sacrifice yourself. You feel guilty for having a power that makes you valuable to Victor. You feel alone, adrift from everything and everyone because of what you are. You think that saving yourself means sealing the fate of those you love.”

My shoulders sag.

“Yep. That’s sounds about right.”

“What if I told you there was another way?”

Staring at him, I stiffen as I remember what he said when Victor appeared at prom.
We have to leave
. Why is that everyone’s solution—to run?

“No! Absolutely not!” I growl. “I’m not running. Not this time. Remember? I tried that, and it didn’t work.”

“Have you heard of the theory of multiverse?” he asks conversationally as he bends to pick up a smooth stone from the cavern floor.

“Is it the same as what Alistair told me about last year? About your dimension? String theory, right? Different planes of existence? I only understood bits and pieces of it.”

“Yes, but it’s more than that. Essentially, if you can imagine it, it’s likely that it exists in some form.”

I shake my head.

“So, what you’re saying is … another version of me is sitting somewhere in another universe studying for my Trig final instead of watching Victor prepare to destroy this world? That somewhere everything is normal?”

“It’s possible. Is that what you want? To snap your fingers—and have everything return to
normal
?”

I smile, but it’s brief. If my life were completely and totally normal, then, knowing me, I would be sitting in that other plane of existence thinking that failing Trig was the end of the world. Everything is relative. I shake my head.

“I don’t need
normal
. I just want Victor gone and everyone safe and free.”

“What about a compromise, then. If I could offer you both of those things, as well as your own life, what would you be willing to sacrifice?”

I study him as the stone he’s holding floats across his fingers, free from the laws of physics. It makes me think of the day I first saw Ever outside, a shining coin floating across his fingers like magic. I close my eyes for a few seconds, forcing the memory of Ever from my mind.

“I don’t have to give myself up … and Victor’s gone forever and can’t hurt anyone?” I ask carefully. Alex nods. “Okay. What are we talking about here? Giving up chocolate?”

“Perhaps a bit more painful than that,” he says.

“Seriously? You
are
talking about leaving here!”

“I am,” he admits without hesitation. “But not without ensuring Victor and his kind have no power over this world or the ones you love.”

“You’re asking me to give up Ever,” I say flatly. “And my mom. And my friends. My
life
.”

“Yes, I am asking you to sever your ties to this world, but you were going to do that anyway, were you not? Death
is
a rather permanent solution.”

My eyes burn. He’s right. I was prepared to give up everything, because I didn’t think I would have time to regret the decision. But what if I give up everything—and then live to regret it in some other parallel universe?

“Your plan with Audra?” Alex prompts, jarring me out of my indecision. “I imagine it involved you sacrificing yourself in order to give Ever and my other brethren what they have sought for an eternity—peace, freedom—while also saving your human friends and family.”

There’s no point in denying it.

“Yep,” I shrug. “That’s pretty much the plan.”

“What if I told you that you could achieve the same plan without sacrificing yourself?”

“How?” I ask skeptically.

“After we trap Victor and prevent him from returning, we skip dimensions, just like this.”

Alex looks down at the stone in his hand before throwing it toward the steaming water. The rock skips across the glassy surface one, two, three, four times before disappearing into nothing.

“But don’t I have to—I don’t know—
die
to close the gap between dimensions? How does that fit into your plan—me already being dead?”

“Let me worry about that.”

“Let
you
worry about whether I live or die. O-kay. Question time. Assuming we
do
manage to stop Victor—and I
don’t
die—then what? And just out of curiosity, how come Ever hasn’t come crashing in here to stop you yet? And while I’m poking holes in your plan—I thought the two of you were in agreement for once about locking me up in some bunker until the apocalypse is over. Even Audra seemed more than happy with that possibility—and she’s the one who’s been helping me avoid you two.”

Reaching up with both hands, I start rubbing my temples. I thought this was going to be like ripping off a sticky bandage. Painful, but quick. One more bittersweet
goodbye
, and then done. Instead, Alex is offering me door number three. And it just so happens that door number three is even more complicated. Save Ever and everyone else I love, and then leave this world—with Alex?

“The answer to your first question of ‘
then what
?’ is: I don’t know for certain,” Alex says.

I frown.

“That’s a pretty big risk.” I pause. “Out of curiosity, can Ever and the others skip dimensions like you’re saying?”

And if they can, I can’t help wondering why they haven’t already.

“They haven’t been compelled to do so in more millennia than you can fathom, but I imagine they
could
,” Alex says circumspectly. “It could be the ‘
then what
?’ part of the equation that gives them pause as well.”

“What about you? You’re not worried about the ‘
then what
?’ What if we skip to a dimension that is worse than Victor?”

Alex’s eyes glow with determination.

“As long as you’re with me, I … don’t … care.”

This makes my heart beat faster as Alex watches me.

“Now you might be wondering why Ever didn’t ask you to leave with him,” Alex says. “And perhaps he eventually would have if he had become desperate enough, but for once I’ve had the first opportunity to do so. And if you’re still speculating as to why Ever hasn’t intercepted us, it is because I didn’t wish for him to—”

“Whoa! Hold on. So, last time—when he nearly knocked you through that window,” I point up toward the house, “did you
wish
for him to find us?”

“Yes. You needed to know he had been revived.” Alex smiles. “I knew you could never find peace unless you had been assured of the wellbeing of everyone you love. And just to be clear, locking you in
some bunker
until the end of humanity—that was
Ever’s
original plan, not mine. My wish has always been to be with you,
not
to hand you over to Ever like some prize.”

“Then, just now, why did you stop me when I told you that I wanted to spend the night with you?” I demand, feeling my cheeks burn.

He smiles.

“Clearly not for my superior moral code. In fact, it’s more selfishness on my part.”

Frowning, I shake my head.

“Sorry, am I missing something? I throw myself at you, and you turn me down because you’re …
selfish
?”

“Yes, selfish. Wren, I don’t want to be your last act of defiance before you cast yourself into oblivion.
I
want to be your forever, not your consolation prize before you sacrifice yourself. Please. Give Ever the peace he has sought for an eternity, and
choose
to be with me.”

I swallow and look down. Give up Ever and choose the unknown with Alex. Or end … everything. Part of me had always assumed that there would be an epic battle to save this world. Now I realize that this is not the way it’s going to happen. If I’m really lucky, I’ll just disappear into another dimension—with Alex—and everything will go back to normal. Or if I’m unlucky, I’ll die, and everything will go back to normal for everyone I love.

Either way, I’ll lose my life. Actually, it’s already gone. And I’ve already betrayed Ever. I’ve betrayed everyone. I’ve lied to them. It’s more than that, though. I’ve been
living
a lie, thinking that I would be able to go back to my life. I already did that last year—and it was Alex who made it possible. But there’s no more pretending. Not now. It’s over. I look up at him.

“Okay. What do we do?”

“We convince Victor that he’s won.”

“That shouldn’t be too hard. I’m sure he thinks he already has.”

Or maybe it’s just me.
I
feel defeated. I try as hard as I can to find the hopefulness of the girl who once believed in happy endings, but deep down, I know there isn’t a happy ending waiting for me. There can’t be. I love two people. Happy endings don’t exist for people like me, which means I have to learn to be happy with survival. And I have to learn to live with guilt. I wish I could escape it, but I’m not built that way. Every time I think of Ever, I will feel a stab of pain straight through my heart.

A long time ago, Ever said he saved me to atone for his past wrongs. Now I will atone for betraying him by giving him up and giving him peace, like Alex said. Standing up, I watch as Alex walks toward me. When he holds out his hand, I look down at the blade he’s holding. It’s the same one Audra gave me, the one I thought had been lost after I crossed back into this world.

“You’ll need this.”

Still staring at the blade, I swallow.

“Why?”

“It’s how you’re going to destroy Victor.”

And suddenly I realize that with every step I take, every decision I make, the ground beneath me continues to shift. I decided to spend one night with Alex because I thought it was all I would have. Now I might have forever with him—at the cost of the rest of my human life. I told him I didn’t need
normal
, but I’m not willing to give up what makes me human. My emotions, my confusion, my love, and the need to protect those I love.

I’m also not willing to step into the unknown again without one thing. Walking toward Alex, I look up and see myself reflected in his eyes. He was right. We are the same—two of a kind, willing to pay any price for what we want and what we need.

I want Alex. I need Alex.

I may hate myself for giving up Ever, but if I can give him peace, then that is my redemption. Ever’s salvation
is
my atonement. We will have saved each other, and that will have to be good enough.