Sex and the Confession Box (2 page)

OK John when you get to the phone box I told you about you call me from there at two thirty and I’ll give you the address from there. I know hone she whispered so lingering but it keeps you and all the girls here safe. Ok she said hanging up. As soon as she placed the receiver on the hook it rang again instantly, she just clicked it at the side and the ringing was muted. My don’t you look the part, yeah it’s nice. Well you carry it off well they’ll come just seeing you in that! See you met Susie your threesome partner for the day. Yep we had a good old chat. What do you think of our Susie’s tits great aren’t they? They certainly are I think I’d topple over in those I can barely wear heels! Susie was busy taking out her stuff from her holdall. Well your both set”John”will be here in twenty minutes he’s your three in a bed. Ready Kara? No but I’m going for it. Wish I had a drink, what about some diazepam she said holding out her hand. I looked down, at her hand and there was a wee yellow pill I had no idea what diazepam looked like, I’d heard of it of course my mum used it from time to time, but looking at the pill then Susie I thought hell no this girl could be giving me anything and besides If I’m going to do this I do it sober 100% or I will become one of them and be no good for my son or myself. No taut thanks best I start as I mean to go on but you can bet it’ll be straight for the off licence after get a nice bottle of red wine the good stuff. Susie emptied the contents of her working briefcase as she called it onto the floor. It was “Ann summers “on the go take-away style. Three boxes of condoms, a box of ribbed and flavoured, I picked those up, flavoured I said like a big kid on the floor playing with her toys. Yeah banana flavour my favourite, really? Girl get these trust me I’ll let you into a few secrets when you’re sucking their cocks you do it with the condom on! As the taste of the rubber is foul, the flavoured ones help a lot and you don’t go around with breath like the Michelin man! OH! My god what the? It was shaped like a rocking horse and rubber but flexible with two cock shaped ends. It’s an anal tease, your both bum fuck at the same time or Goes up his ass and you cunt at the same time can be fucking tricky epically as most of them their brains only on sex so trying to get them to do anything is like leading a child. Doesn’t it come out with crap on it? Susie shot her Lucozade out of her nostrils! You would think of that, I like you and not wanting to scare you it does and yes it’s so gross and disgusting don’t know what to tell you I see it all but I don’t I walk in there and I’m not me, it’s that or drugs and I did  drugs for a while but cleaned up. Buying my own house now so have to keep going. She took out a lovely red lace tie at the front teddy with fishnet stockings and a barely there g-sting. OH! That is so sexy, thank you I got it in Debenhams last night £65 quid worth it. They drool at these always have piles of stockings you can never go wrong there, She’s giving you pearls Kara tricks that take years for a lot of us to discover on our own the hard way. Thank you, invest in some solid undies but not white if they come on you , she stopped talking seeing the look of horror on my face They both laughed the look on your face, very funny so your joking I asked? Susie shook her head still laughing, no they do sometimes they miss. Doreen piped in the punters have been planning and thinking about this, coming here for months maybe even a year, they usually ring around over and over, getting up the nerve to visit, then by the time they actually get into that bedroom and in you walk well they can’t hold it any longer they just come, explode right there and then, the fantasy has come to a head. It’s not good when it happens why? I asked Doreen, girl you are green, I said nothing just sat on the floor listening to these words of wisdom, just sat there in my school girl uniform, taking it all in and just not believing any of this was actual happening. When they come and they have just paid their money they still want to have sex hone, which is harder work for you. You have the job of getting them rock hard again so you can fuck them and get them out for your next appointment the longer he takes to get hard the more money you lose. Remember in and out as quickly as possible. Some are so embarrassed when they come they run out of there walking into doors so ashamed not noticing the leak in the trousers. I howled but felt sorry for the guys, oh no said Doreen, I’ve  seen that look now don’t you go falling for these guys and their stories none of them true and don’t give it away for free the house has to get paid. Understand? Yes you’ll harden to it. I don’t want to get hard, well you will or you’ll be used by them, we use them they think they’re using us no way we use them. You must always have the upper hand, the power in that room the control. It can get ugly in there and while there is always another girl while you’re in there it can turn bad fast and you need a plan, it can take a few minutes to get to you a lot can happen then and there’s nothing we can do if he hurts you. You understand, I take it you mean we don’t call the police? Pointless you’d be treated like a disease. Doreen saw the concern and panic on my face the thoughts racing. I’d never imagined being treated like less of a woman never mind a human being, yeah I read articles in newspapers read stories we all have how these girls, working girls hookers get raped and go to police and get laughed at, how can you rape a whore right? Doreen sensed my chain of thought, Your entering another world, where you not only become someone else but the people here live in ways outsiders can’t or don’t want to imagine it’s not an easy place, but if you stay smart keep your wits about you and stay of drugs you can survive and get out clean! She turned the phone back on and it instantly rang Doreen answered in that sexy drool voice “HI! John honey you are well? That’s wonderful she said as she walked over to the bay living room window, ever so carefully pulling back the closed curtains and looking across the street at the public phone box, whilst still talking to “John “she waved at  me with her hand to come over .I did and she put her hand over the  receiver, look there he is, she turned back to her call, hold on a min would you hone, placing the receiver in her ample bosom she said see hone we always take added precautions, we get the punters to come to this phone box, we never give them the address directly, we tell them to come here then we get a good look at them, also you can tell at lot from that, how he’s dressed is he alone does he have a bag, more importantly does he look like a cop and yes hone you can tell, well make a good judgement call. What do you think just by looking at him now tell me and always trust your gut .I looked over to the red phone box not more than twenty metres away, he was looking all around nervous yes, who wouldn’t be, well dressed in a really nice suit, young twenty five thirty at most, no bags no car by the phone box so my guess a punter. Doreen I think he’s genuine a punter good girl I get that to. She put the receiver back up to her mouth and told John the address of our street and the number of the house ten! He hung up and I watched him walk over towards us he could be anyone, thank fuck no one I knew then that hit me. Doreen what do I do if someone I know came, precisely why we do this if you recognise anyone unhook the phone or tell them your booked. Susie laughed yeah imagine your dad came!!No way not my dad, you don’t really know anyone it’s happened. The door knocked and it must definitely was not Avon calling!

Eileen’s Story.

Pushing the heavy old wooden door the kind you have to put your shoulder against I stepped into a familiar place though not one I’d been to for quite some time. The smell was the same, it smelt like a mixture of childhood and home and school all in one. All mixed up with rules and confusion and discipline but mainly safe. The door closed behind me with that long haul bang. I breathed a sigh of relief, I was in a sanctuary of safety the door closed against the ugly world, closed against the sin the pain ME! It was empty not a sinner, except me! I dipped my hand into the cold familiar water, I did so slowly half expecting it to ooze steam and make the noise you see in the horror moves when Satan puts his fingers in but no it was just cold and wet. I brought my two right fingers to my forehead “In the name of the father and the sun and the holy ghost.AMEN.I began to walk and the click clack of my heels made that god awful sound I tried to tiptoe as you do but still I literally sounded like a whore in church and I was. I felt all the statues turn to stare and gaze with disgust at me their cold eyes burning into my now dirty impure soul. I could swear our lady really did start to cry as I walked further inside this my once heaven. I wanted Jesus to jump down from the cross and shout at the other statues cast yeah the first stone if you not be a sinner. But they were not sinners I was. I couldn’t even walk straight pass the altar I skipped into the pews and all the time those eyes of judgement where there how dare she enter here that whore of Babylon. I was about to run out when the light in the confessional box turned on a warm glow of red welcoming the sinners. I pulled at the door and inside was the familiar wee crimson step with a shelf just feet above to place my crossed hands onto when I confessed my dirty deeds. I gulped as I stepped inside not sure if the floor would indeed swallow me up to the gate of hell. I knelt in my black laced stockings handbag by my feet and the hatch door slid gently across revealing a mesh divide kind of like chicken wire, which when you think about it is it’s kind of fitting we still need some coverage to hide our sins from the priest, the father, ourselves. The priest in his accent, a mix of Belfast or Kerry or both it was hard to tell He began with in the name of the father and the sun and of the Holy Ghost. I couldn’t really make out his face he had his left hand up to his face as though resting on it but not making contact with the eyes they all know us sinners don’t really like that, it seems to burn. Bless me father for I have sinned it’s been a very long time since my last confessional and I, m having trouble remembering what to do. That’s OK my child your here just tell me what’s on your mind. I felt like saying well Father its more what’s been on me over and over but I didn’t. I choked I began to feel that sickness, shame, tears swelled in my eyes and I just began to sob. Now, now he said my child it can’t be all that bad, oh father it is I’m disgusting if God knew I was here he would have you as his bouncer and chuck me out. Nonsense God forgives all sins, and you can be sure I have heard it all. I hate myself and what I have done I can’t look my family or my son in the face I’m nothing a disease, I’m disgusting .Then it just poured out the sobbing the pure gut retching sobbing I didn’t even notice the priest get up from his chair until a light beamed onto me as he opened the door to find me a mess slobbering all over the holy shelf. He didn’t say a thing just reached in and lifted me I offered no resistance, couldn’t wasn’t even fully there in so many ways.

He took me into the parish house gently guiding me into a chair in a wee cosy kitchen part of the parish house. He went about making what I assumed was tea when he placed a crystal glass of brown liquid in front of me, It was whiskey the smell whiffed up my noise, knock that into you he said, never mind all that stuff about a cup of tea you need a drop of the good stuff! He sat across me and I saw he had his own glass of the good stuff, I said to him is that to prepare you for what I have to tell aye! No indeed not you can’t drink alone, bad manners, bad news, and it’s my teatime! He said winking. Bottoms up then as I knocked it into me. I don’t like whiskey but I needed it then. Wow what a burn as I began to cough a little another he said? No thank you Father, now, now it’s Peter, father Peter if you prefer. Thank you Father I think I’d throw up if I had another I’m a wine drinker really, Aye my self’s the same but drinking it all the time at the service, mass you know you get a bit bored of the stuff and you need something that the old taste buds can really get to grips with. So what might I be calling you or would you prefer to remain a woman of mystery? Eileen, Eileen well hello there Eileen he said as he extended his right hand, Hello Father Peter,now I’m not what you’d call a clever man hence why I joined the priest hood but I sense you have a lot on your mind would I be right in saying that? Nothing gets past you father, it’s just so hard to talk about it
.Aye but its eating you up inside, and you such a beautiful young woman what could be causing you such pain. And please God if it’s a man, I’ll kill him myself for ya for you’re a beautiful thing. He declared as he raised his hand to God in an act as though on stage, messing of course to lighten the load! Hell no I wouldn’t let a man drive me to this if anything he’d be running in here looking for sanctuary. We both laughed, there it is the smile of an angel he said looking at me. I put my head down suddenly remembering my shame and my inner most pain. I darted my eyes to the door, thinking of fleeing, I looked up at him and looked  really looked for the first time, Jesus he wasn’t old  maybe thirty five, thirty seven at most Handsome with a softness, a rough softness, nice olive skin with tiny signs of teenage acne but it suited him, an oval shaped face with lovely beautiful grey eyes with flecks of gold, his hair jet black almost with a blue colour and unshaven but not hung-over unshaven, kind of like when your Da comes home from work with that bristle that he’d rub of your face when he lifted you up to hug you as you ran to greet him at dinner time. He was tall I’d say 6 feet one but then most men seemed so tall to me as I was five foot five and a wee bit! I felt myself get a twinkle of light in my gut, butterflies. I thought oh my god you whore here you are with a man of God and you’re having impure thoughts your damned to hell for sure. As though he was reading my mind he said would you prefer it if we went back into the old box and continued or maybe leave it for another day. I smiled, I do need to tell you but it’s just so hard, and I don’t know if I could take the judgement. Listen I will tell you a story to give you an idea of the things I have heard.

Ok I nodded, he poured himself another and me to but added a wee drop of white lemonade to it. I’ve been a priest fifteen years and was working here on the confessional about a week ago, it was one of those days when the sin was in everyone and everyone in sin. I’d been in that bloody box for well at least two hours when I had a wee peek out and there was just one feller left thank the saints I thought well not really but I can’t say what I really did with a lady present an all. I bowed my head. I heard him come into the box and I give him a few minutes to get comfy as you do then I slid back the wee slot and there looking right at me was my own life. What? I asked, he was pointing a gun straight in at my head, big old gun but real and deadly none the less. Holy fuck what did you do, oops sorry! Are you joking me that’s what I was thinking to? Well I looked at the gun and at the man’s face which he didn’t try to hide which is when I knew for sure I was a dead man as a dead man can’t identify anybody now can they? But I looked up at him, you know really looked, and all I saw was fear, he was more afraid than myself, so I said to him” I don’t blame you, you know on a good day I want to kill myself, the man looked at me with amazement, what the fuck do you mean you want to kill yourself aren’t your kind against suicide burn in hell and all. Well sometimes you just feel there’s no way out of this fucking life. I have no choice, said the man in his late twenties with red spiky hair and bleak blue eyes nice skin, I knew he wasn’t there out of choice you know with this shit hole of a war with Britain all sorts of wee young lads are drawn in and I knew he was one who didn’t have the stomach for it but it was me or him. What’s your name son? why do you want to know that for ,well why not say a wee prayer to the big man when I’m up there for ya.
You’d pray for me after I killed ya? Of course I would forgiveness an all. Well fuck you and your fuck forgiveness I don’t need it, I don’t want it.Thats when his eyes filled up and he wiped them on his dirty faded denim jacket, I’m as lost as you father. Peter what? Peter that’s my name well I’m not telling ya mine, that’s all right. How can I help ya? By stopping talking so I can think. Theres no way out you no they told me I had to kill a priest to kill you show them I was really in,  if I run they’ll find me and do you know what they’ll do to me? My family? I can guess. I could help you get away, what do you mean you can help me? Didn’t you hear me Peter I’m here to kill you and I have no choice there is no escape.I,ve helped lads on both sides of the fence to get away to me  your no different. You’d help me a prod who’s shoved a gun in your face. Aye surely would, then I get to choose when I die no offense but I don’t want to die in this dress. The guy laughed you’re not right in the head Peter. And that’s when I knew I wasn’t going to die when he used my name ,Father Peter said turning to me. OK! So what happened to him I asked? I myself can’t tell you anymore swore you know and besides I’m not drunk enough he laughed, come on you got to tell me what happened. You tell me what brought you here and you have a deal? Blackmail! My God, father soon it’ll be me who’ll have to be listening to your sins. I said as I smiled up at him and then I realised what a frigging sight I must have been all this time after my convulsion of crying in the confession box.