Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (26 page)

I
didn’t notice the door leading to the exam room opening until a nurse in pink
scrubs called out  my name, “Elyssa Hart?”. 

Rachel
pats my knee and stands, placing the tabloid magazine back on the side table. 
“Let’s go, kiddo.” 

The
nurse walks us back to an examination room and takes my blood pressure and
weight.  I’m not far along in my pregnancy so I haven’t been concerned about
weight gain, especially since I haven’t been able to keep much down.  After
collecting my medical history she leaves me a thin paper gown to change into
while we wait for the doctor. 

I’ve
been to my gynecologist’s office before but never paid too much attention to
all of the posters and knick knacks.  Because I know my sister well enough, I
know it’s going to be disastrous when she spots the large replica of the female
reproductive system lying on the counter next to the sink.  Being her curious
self, Rachel starts to toy with the fallopian tubes.  Did I mention it was a
bad idea?  Well, I was right.  Within a matter of seconds, the poor plastic
uterus is in shambles on the floor.

“Oh
shit!” Rachel shrieks as she drops to the floor trying to pick up the small,
individual plastic pieces.  My eyes open in shock before I break out in
laughter.  “Don’t sit there and laugh at me.  Help me pick this up.” 

“Uhhh,
that’s not a good idea.”  I point to my thin gown.  “I’m not trying to show my
own reproductive system to the world.”

Rachel
stands, placing all of the pieces on the counter while she frantically starts
to ram pieces into the body cavity.   

 
“This is like a damn Rubik’s cube.  I can’t figure out what this is.”  Rachel
holds up a piece as she recklessly attempts to piece it back together before
the doctor steps into the room.  “You’d think I’d be able to put it together
seeing as though I have one inside me.” 

“And
you want to be with me when the baby comes?” I joke.  But seriously, can my
sister be any more awkward?

“Hey! 
It’s not like I’m going to have to piece together your vagina in order to
deliver my niece or nephew.  I have to be there so you can squeeze the crap out
of my hand when you pop out a small human.”  She turns to smile at me as she continues
to fiddle with what I think is a bladder.

A
knock on the door causes panic to set in.  For Rachel, that is.  Me?  I’m quite
amused watching her act like a toddler trying to fit a square peg into a round
hole.  I can’t help the giggle that forces its way out as she growls in
frustration.  Not for lack of trying, she gives up and opens a nearby drawer
and tosses the plastic bladder inside before closing it, quickly sitting in her
seat.  There is nothing I can do but shake my head. 
I love my sister.

Just
when I thought this situation couldn’t get any worse, in walks in Dr. Hottie. 
Probably only a few years older than me, he’s ridiculously attractive with dark
blonde hair, sporting a five o’clock shadow (at eight in the morning).  I gulp
as he smiles, closing the door behind him. 
Just my luck.
 

Looking
over my file in his hand, he greets me, “Ms. Hart.  I’m Dr. Parker.”  I
normally see another OBGYN; however, there were no available appointments.  So,
wanting to get it out of the way, I settled for Dr. Parker in her absence.  I
didn’t really think anything about having a male OBGYN until this very moment. 
My eyes follow him as he sits in a stool next to the examination table.  I
smile like a kid in a candy store. 
Uh, hello?! You need to get a grip, Ely! 
Don’t forget he’s your vagina doctor!

I
may have missed a few things, seeing as I was staring at his lips, but not
paying attention to what he was saying.  That is until he mentioned due date. 
“I see here that according to your last period you’re about seven weeks, which
would make your due date July 26.” 
That sounds about right.
  “When the
nurse comes in, we’ll take a listen to the heartbeat and confirm how far along
you are.  Do you have any questions?” 
No lines, no bullshit.  Straight to
the point.  I like this doctor already.

Rachel
raises her had as if she’s in school waiting for the teacher to call on her.  I
slap my hand against my forehead in embarrassment while the doctor looks at her
sideways.  “Yes, Ms…?”

“Hart. 
Ely’s sister.  I have a question?”  Rachel flashes a girlish grin before
continuing on her quest to humiliate me.  “Would you recommend a water birth? 
I was watching the Discovery channel and this woman…”  At this point, anything
my sister says could be taken as a crazy person asking about jumping off the
Empire State Building.  Meaning, it will never happen.  Not with my body. 
While Rachel rambles about birth and water, my head bounces back from her to
the doctor in pure horror. 
There is no way in hell I’m giving birth in a
bathtub!

Dr.
Hottie, I mean Parker, watches me shake my head rejecting Rachel’s suggested
birth plan.  He smiles and nods while Rachel goes into theories about mammals
that give birth in the water.  I’ve lost my patience, hearing her compare me to
an Orca whale, while the doctor continues to placate her and listens to her
ramblings. 

God
must have heard my silent pleas of help, because just as I’m about to go postal
on how absurd my sister is being, in walks the nurse.  I’ve never been happier
to place my feet in the stirrups in preparation to get poked and prodded. 

After
he assures that I’m lying as comfortable as can be, the nurse hands him a long
wand.  “Because you’re still early on in your pregnancy, we’re going to do a
transvaginal ultrasound.  This might be a little cold, just try and relax.”  I
love when male doctors think its okay to tell a woman to “try and relax.”  Like
it’s “just” that easy.  With the wand in place, the doctor points towards a
small peanut on the screen.  “And that, Ms. Hart, is your baby.” 
Your
baby…my baby…Alex’s baby…our baby.

My
heart expands.  Although my little one is just a blimp on the screen, I’m
surprised at how my heart expands to include instant love.  Everything from my
past, the death of my parents, Cole, Alex, and Arianna, all of it has been
worth it for this very moment.  I smile, feeling the tears touch my eyes and
trickle down my cheeks.  Rachel reaches and takes my hand in hers.  I look over
and notice a wide grin and matching drops of dew. 

I’m
mesmerized by the sheer amount of emotion trembling through my body.  I have a
life growing in my tummy, someone who I can love and be loved by
unconditionally.  Biting my lower lip, trying desperately to keep the tears at
bay, the doctor hands me a copy of the ultrasound.  Our baby’s first picture. 
Alex will never get to experience this.  I’ve stolen this from him and even
though I have my reasons, I feel the guilt poking at me.  My body shudders with
the pain of guilt.

My
first pregnancy was such a shock and I hate to admit that at one point I wished
for a do over; a chance to take back the moment of conception.  My life was
different then.  I was in college, still waiting to start my life and the love
I had for Cole was not nearly as much as my love for Alex.  Back then I never
imagined being responsible for another human being.  And when I lost the baby,
I thought the opportunity to be a parent again was lost, as well. 

But
this time it feels different.  I’m excited and an overwhelming urge to protect
our little one resonates deep within.  I have hopes and dreams for my baby’s
future and I wouldn’t change the fact that Alex is the father for anything.  I
just hope that he or she looks just like him; brown hair, bright blue eyes, and
a smile to die for.  And dimples.  Definitely dimples.  My dimpled LJ. 

After
the emotional upheaval, I become conscious that I’m alone, silently gazing down
at my baby’s first picture.  I realize how silly I must look and with an
immense love in my heart, not to mention a little pain, I wipe the stray tears
from my eyes and get dressed to head out and show the world that I can do this.

~~~~~

Rachel
gives me a rib breaking hug as we say our goodbyes.  She kneels down, talking
to my belly and sends her love.  She’s smiling ear to ear as she walks away
with her own copy of the ultrasound picture, practically skipping to her car. 
Only
my
sister would get away with her own copy of the ultrasound. 
Thankfully, Dr. Hottie didn’t put up a fight and willingly gave her what she
wanted.  I’m pleased that she’s as overjoyed as I am, especially since I have
no one else to confide in.  And at this exact moment my excitement cup is
overflowing and I’d like to share it with the world.

I
could make a pit stop at the hospital and confide in Nana.  I know she would be
excited for us.  And with her wavering memory, she could be a safe choice.  But
I can’t risk her telling Alex, not before I decide what to do about him. 

I’m
walking blindly, staring at my baby’s first picture when I practically run
right smack into someone on my way to my car.  I really should be paying
attention, especially when I look up and that person is Cole. 
Oh shit.
 
In shock, we both stare at each other. 

Considering
the last time I saw him, he was bloody after a round with Alex, he looks good. 
His hair is longer, almost as long as when we were in school together, and he’s
still quite handsome in his simple white thermal and fitted jeans.  Visibly
sober, he’s clean shaven, his eyes focused and completely honed on me. 

When
he moves closer, I flinch and take a step back.  We have a past.  One that I
can’t, nor will I ever, forget.  Not only did he say some hurtful things to me,
he’s the sole reason why I miscarried all those years ago.  Right now, my only
focus is to keep me and my baby safe.  Cole runs his hand over his hair as he
looks at the ground, kicking some stray rocks to the side.  He was my best
friend not that long ago, and even though I could really use him right now, I
can’t allow him to get that close again. 

Instinctively,
I try to ignore him and walk around but immediately he moves in my path.  His
eye catches the ultrasound picture I’m still gripping in my hand and before he
can question me, I quickly place it in my purse in hopes he didn’t get a good
look.

Securing
the strap of my bag to my shoulder, I ask him what he’s doing here.  Seeing as
it’s an odd place for him to be, I’m genuinely confused. 

“Um…er…just
some, ah…blood work.”  He looks out of place; glancing around uncomfortably. 
“You?”  Cole raises his eyebrows, eyes moving toward my purse. 
Damn it! 

“Just
came to see the doctor.”  I watch for his reaction.  Nothing.  After what seems
like ten minutes, but probably was only a few measly seconds, he runs his thumb
over his bottom lip and again eyes my purse.  “Listen, I gotta go.”  I try to
step around him, but Cole once again intervenes.

“Why
are you seeing a doctor?  Are you okay?”  His voice is sweet and shows signs of
concern and for the first time in months, my best friend is looking at me. 
This isn’t the man that showed up drunk at my house spouting vulgar words and
vowing years of devotion.  This isn’t the man who almost ruined not only my
career, but my relationship with Alex.  No, this is the man who looked after me
and showed tenderness when I had no one besides Rachel.  When my eyes moisten
with tears for my missed friend I’m not surprised, chalking it up to my
emotionally unstable pregnancy hormones. 

I
pat away the tears with the back of my hand and try to move past him again. 
“I’m fine, Cole.” 

“You
know, even though things got fucked up, I’m still your best friend, right?” 
And with those words the unshed tears start to fall. 

“You
have an awful way of showing it,” I mutter, my lips quivering.

“I
know that.  Things just got so…”  Cole lowers his head.  “I fucked up.  I miss
you.  I miss my best friend.”  I hate to admit it, but I miss him too.  And
although I haven’t thought of him often since I met Alex, its times like these
where I wish we were on better terms.  But, I no longer have time to look into
the past and search for reasons to forgive him, not when all of his actions in
the present have done nothing but break my heart.

“I
need to go, Cole.”  I push past him, but he grabs my wrist.

“I
saw the ultrasound, Ely.  Are you going to tell me what’s going on?” 
Figures. 
He always did have a way of finding out every little thing about me.  And
then trying to fix it.
Not this time, Cole.  Not this time.

“What’s
there to tell?” I shrug at him.

“Uh,
how about the fact that you’re pregnant?” 
That was blunt.
  ”Is it
Alex’s?”

“You
lost the right to know anything about my life!”  Trying to wiggle out of his
grip becomes futile.  He has a lot of nerve to spout words of friendship and
then start interrogating me.

“Ely,
I want to be here for you.  I know I fucked up, but I still care about you.”  I
refuse to believe him.  I’ve given him my trust too many times to count, and
each time he’s turned on me.  Look where it’s got us.

“You
care about me!  Ha!  Yah right…this here…” I hold my hand over my belly, “This
is my second chance and I won’t let you or anybody else take it from me.  Not
now and never again!”