Shattered Heart (The Hart Series) (28 page)

I
cover my mouth with my hands to muffle the sobs.  I never wanted to tell him. 
Even though I blame Cole for so many awful memories, I never wanted him to
carry this burden.

“You
fell.  I tried to help you up and you wouldn’t let me.  You left…you left and
you lost our baby and I wasn’t there.”  Tears cascade down his cheeks as he
clenches his hands together.  “Our baby was lost and I was passed out at my
apartment.”

Cole
stands and walks towards the far end of my living room as he brings his hands
to rest on top of his head.  He paces back and forth before making a beeline
for the door.  If I didn’t know him better than anyone, I would be afraid of
his next move.  But, I know him.  I know what a good human being he tries to be.
 And even though he doesn’t always shine through, he was my best friend,
someone I loved, someone who is slowly breaking apart.  This will haunt him
forever, and I feel guilty because he feels shame.  I hold so much grief over
the memories, grief that I couldn’t bring myself to console him and scared
because I want this baby more than my next breath.

He
doesn’t say a word until he reaches the threshold.  “You would have made a good
Mom, Elyssa…you
will
make a good Mom.”  With his final words Cole gently
closes the door behind him, leaving me a sobbing mess on the couch. 

Friday, December 7, 2012

The
plane boarded twenty minutes ago and there is still no sign of Oliver.  I’m not
sure what the holdup is, but he better get his ass in gear and get on the
plane.  If I knew there was going to be a problem, I wouldn’t have stowed my
phone in my purse.  In the overhead compartment.  Lame, I know.  But, I took a
Benadryl half an hour ago so I figured I wouldn’t need it. 

Oh,
and did I tell you the great news?  I got a window seat, which is the exact
opposite of where I want to be.  I have no desire to watch the plane take off
or admire the clouds.  You know that Twilight Zone movie where the gremlin
creature sits on the wing of the plane? 
Gulp.
  Definitely not my idea
of fun, so if Oliver bails on me, I’m going to kick his ass.

An
older gentleman takes the seat next to me.  He has a sweet smile and his grey
hair shimmers against the rays of the early morning sun shining in from the
window.  After he takes off his windbreaker and lays it in his lap, he turns to
me, “Going to Reno, eh?”

I
smile and try to swallow my nerves.  The Benadryl should be kicking in by now. 
“Yes.  Never been.  You?”

He
nods.  “Sure am, darlin’, visiting my daughter and grandsons.”  He takes out
his wallet and pulls out a photo of a beautiful young woman with dark hair,
pixie cut, natural make-up and two young boys, a splitting image of their
mother.  I smile, somewhat lost in my thoughts.  I’ve always appreciated family
photos.  Although they’re a reminder of what I’ve lost, they’re also a keepsake
of all the memories I cherish. 

“You
visiting family?” he asks, blatantly wanting to continue our conversation.

I
shake my head no before replying, “Business trip.”

“I
hated traveling for work, puts such a strain on relationships.  My wife, Betty,
practically threatened to divorce me monthly.”  He chuckles as a ting of
sadness wrinkles his eyes.  “I’m sure your family misses you when you are
away.  You have kids?”

I’m
not quite sure how to answer this.  He seems harmless and it wouldn’t hurt to
confide in someone I just met.  Heck, why not?  This is something I should
rejoice in, telling anyone who will listen.  But, like everything in my life,
right when I decide to move forward, I’m knocked down a few pegs.  As I’m about
to entrust my secrets with a total stranger, my throat closes up and I stare in
shock. 

What.
The. Fuck.

Instead
of Oliver’s goofy grin, I’m staring up at Alex’s cocky ass smirk.  His piercing
eyes hone in on me while he places his carry on inside the overhead
compartment.  He looks between the three seats.  He doesn’t seem too happy, but
I’m thankful we have someone between us.  No deep, life altering conversations
this trip.  Nope.  No sirry-bob. 

“Miss,
you okay?” 

I
shake my head and turn my attention back to my traveling companion.  “Yes,
sorry.  No I cu-currently have no kids.” 
That’s what I’m living on these
days.  Half truths.

“That’s
a shame.  They would be beautiful, I’m sure.”  I turn red and duck my head
slightly.  “Don’t you agree?”  He looks to Alex, who has leaned forward
intently listening to our conversation.  He looks gorgeous in a plain black
v-neck sweater and jeans.  The white of his t-shirt underneath peeks out from
the neckline.  Hair messy, just like I love it. 

“Definitely
beautiful,” he smirks, raking his eyes over my black-tight covered legs.  I most
definitely didn’t dress to see Alex.  I was going for relaxed in some leggings
and an off the shoulder brown sweater that hugs my curves, falling just below
my waist.  “As a matter of fact, this stunning girl used to be mine.” 
Used
to be mine; as in past tense. 
My heart constricts.

“Is
that so?”  The old man’s silver bushy brows perk up, turning his head from Alex
to me.  I nod and can’t help the eye roll directed at Alex.  “Well, aren’t you
a stupid son-of-a for letting this one go?”

Alex
chuckles, a sense of contemplation reaches his eyes, before nodding.  His sky
blue gaze meets mine, “Biggest mistake of my life.”  I look towards the window,
closing my eyes hoping to shut out the words desperately trying to burrow deep
inside my heart. 
So not fair.

“Well,
I know what it’s like to live with regrets.  Sometimes they can be as small as
three little words that never left your lips before someone is taken from
you.”  I glance back at the man as his eyes wander, not staring at anything in
particular.  “Or as big as letting the love of your life slip through your
fingers.  Don’t let these types of choices haunt you for the rest of your life,
son.”

“These
types of choices?” Alex questions.

“Choices
you have complete control over.”  The elderly man tilts his head towards me
while he addresses Alex.  They continue to chat as if I wasn’t sitting there. 
“You have a beautiful girl sitting right here.  And those eyes…the way she
looks at you,” he shakes his head.  “A man can only be so lucky to have a girl
who looks like her look at you the way she does.” 

I
can feel my cheeks redden, my chest tightening.  Obviously, I don’t hide my
feelings well if a complete stranger has reached into my heart and put it out
for everyone to see in a matter of minutes. 

The
left side of his mouth upturns, as Alex shakes his head.  “I’m not so sure
anymore.  I don’t think you’re reading those eyes right.  I assume the look
she’s giving me is one of shock, not adoration.” 

The
man chuckles.  “You, my boy, have never seen a girl in love before , have you?”

Alex
speaks softly as our eyes lock.  “Just once.” 

“Do
you want to sit next to your girl?”  The old man stands as he pats my knee,
gesturing to Alex to switch seats.  I try to stop him, but Alex quickly thanks
him and engulfs the space beside me.  I sigh and close my eyes, resting my head
against the headrest.  His bulky frame takes up his seat and encroaches into
mine.  His knees touch the seat in front of him and his broad shoulders span
the width of his chair.  Effortlessly, he adjusts to being sandwiched between
two people.

“I’m
surprised you’re traveling in coach,” I joke, eyes still closed as I search
aimlessly for a sense of peace.  With the roar of the engine my eyes shoot
open.  I grip the armrest tightly; nerves anxiously build inside me waiting to
burst through.  I hate, hate, hate, planes.  Ever since my parents’ death, I
haven’t been able to set foot on a plane.  Well, I guess that’s a lie.  This
will officially be my second plane trip, including my round trip ticket to
heartache.  In my defense, when I traveled across the country to make sure Alex
was okay, I wasn’t thinking with my right mind.  Obviously.  Because we all
know how well that trip ended. 

Knocked
up. 

Alex
takes my hand in his, a small attempt to calm me.  I appreciate his comfort and
clench my eyes shut as the plane accelerates down the runway.  His fingers run
over my knuckles and caress my hand over the next few minutes while I grip his
palm as if my life depended on it.  Instead of feeling the knot in my chest
from the utter fear rolling through me, I’m surprisingly calm, focusing only on
his light, searing touch.  The way his hand caresses mine with each stroke of
his finger is the only thing keeping me centered. 

Alex
turns my hand over, palm facing up; his finger begins to trace letters across
my skin.  I can make out an I, then an L, then an O.  I open my glistening eyes
and watch his face as he finishes tracing a V, then an E and finally finishing
with a U. 

“I
think we’re safe now,” Alex whispers, breaking my focus as the plane levels
off.  He reaches over and unbuckles my seat belt the instant we have the green
light to make ourselves comfortable.  His arm grazes against my thigh sending
tingles to all the wrong places.  Wrong because for one we’re on a plane and
two because he’s Alex and I’m Elyssa and the universe hates us.

“Thanks.” 
Our gazes lock and I allow myself to bask in his devotion.  His eyes move
across my face while his lips tug into a small smile.  The moment passes and I
pull my hand away and rub my tingling palms against my tights.  Alex shows his
disappointment by groaning in frustration, tilting his head back.

“What
are you doing here, anyways?”  That came out worse than intended.  I don’t know
who I’m supposed to be when I’m around him.  One minute I get lost in his eyes,
the next I’m brought back to reality.  My reality.  Arianna.

His
jaw tightens, teeth clenching together, “Well, I’m happy to see you, too.” 

Reaching
into his pocket, Alex pulls out his iPhone and puts in his earbuds.  I can see
him starting his playlist as he closes his eyes and leans back, folding his
muscular arms across his chest.  He doesn’t want to talk anymore?  Fine.  Two
can play this game.  I follow his lead, scrolling through my own playlist.

Finally
feeling the drowsiness of the medication, I’m partially asleep when Alex pulls
out one of my earbuds.  “Are you seriously that disappointed that I’m here and
he’s not?”

I
squint my eyes and shake my head in disbelief.  “Are you seriously jealous
right now?”

“Jealous?” 
A devilish grin spreads across his lips as he glances over at our traveling
companion.  Noticing he’s asleep, Alex brings his attention back to me and
leans in to whisper, “What’s there to be jealous of?  I’ll admit, at first you
had me worried.  I thought he may have been a threat, but this man’s right.” 
Alex points his thumb in the direction of our elderly companion.  “I see the
way you look at me.  I see how nervous I make you.  How you react every time
I’m close.  I may have been blinded by my broken heart, but I know you still
feel the same way about me.  You’re just scared.”  Alex shrugs his shoulders
and eases back against his seat.

“So,
you’re not jealous then?”

“Are
you admitting that you’re disappointed he’s not here?  That you wish he was
with you instead of me?”  I shake my head coyly.  “Then what is there to be
jealous of?  As long as you still want me…there’s still hope.” 

“Hope
is nothing but a heart’s lie,” I mumble.

“Since
when did you become such a pessimist?” 
The moment I lost my heart to the
only man I can’t have.

I
shrug and bring my knees up and nuzzle against my chair.  Seconds pass before I
fall asleep again.  I’m not sure if it’s the Benadryl or Alex’s presence, but
the anxiety of flying is gone and all I can think about are his words and those
ocean blue eyes looking at me.

It’s
not until the captain asks us to fasten our seatbelts that I’m brought out of
my dreams, which I might add have been the best visions I’ve seen in the past
month.  My lids flutter open and I’m perfectly comfortable.  It takes a moment
before I realize why.  I’m not surprised that, even in full-on rest mode, my
body clings to him for survival.  My head rests against Alex’s shoulder, limbs
folded over his lap where his fingers lazily graze back and forth behind my
thigh.  My arms cling to his muscular bicep while he rests his cheek against
the top of my head.

I
panic and pull away slowly, mumbling my apologies.  I stretch and tighten my
seatbelt, but not before catching Alex’s playful grin.  As much as I try, I
can’t help my returning smile, while shaking my head. 
Oh, what am I going
to do with you, Alex?

~~~~~

The
bright neon lights covering the entryway of the Braxton Hotel and Casino remind
me a lot of Vegas, just on a smaller scale.  Large fountains line the circular
driveway and when we exit the beat up generic cab a slight mist sprinkles us. 
Grabbing our bags from the trunk, Alex hurries us to the front entrance.  It’s
absurdly cold and I wouldn’t have wanted to stay outside much longer.