Silenced 2: The Overtaking (Silenced Series) (21 page)

I try to control the tears that threaten to break free. My mouth goes dry
, and it feels like the walls are coming in at me. I need to get out of here. I can’t sit and look at him while my heart’s shattering into a million pieces. Without saying another word, I hastily make my exit. I don’t even make it to the car before the tears break out.

I hold the steering wheel tightly as I sob
through pain. This is by far the worst feeling I have felt in a long time. After several minutes of hard crying, I slowly try to pull myself together so I can drive home. I need to get away from this place.

While wiping away my tears, I put my belt on
, and pull out of the driveway. Every now and then another tear escapes, and I swiftly wipe it away. I don’t remember the ride home or the walk to my room. I flop myself down on my bed, and have a hard cry. The release feels great but the heartbreak sucks. I cry loudly, not caring if my mom hears or not. This is too painful not to let it come hard and fast.

Chapter
Twenty Five

As I wake, the sun is shining directly into my eyes, which are puffy from all the crying the night before. Sleep didn’t come easy. I kept waking up through the night and had to fight myself to stay in bed. The urge to cut is consuming me. So far, I have control and if I can help it, the control will stay in my grasp. I’m determined not to let Landon’s stunt drag me back to the darkness. I’m finally looking at my future with hope in my eyes. I won’t allow him to take that away from me.

I grab my phone from my purse, and notice the battery died. I lie back down on my bed, and plug the phone in to charge. The urge to turn it on now is present because I want to see if Landon texted me at all.

I shouldn’t have left the way I did. My stuff is still there
, and I have no idea when I’ll see him.

“Good morning.” Mom says as she pokes her head in. “What’s going on?” She asks
, worried.

“Landon and I broke up last night.” I say in a broken voice.

“Oh no! I’m sorry!” She says making her way to my bed and sitting down. “Want to talk about it?”

“I knew it was coming
, but no matter how much I tried to prepare myself...it didn’t work. I feel lost again.”

“Time will heal your pain, honey. Your first heartbreak always feels the worse. My best suggestion for this is loads of ice cream
, and a bitch session.”

“Huh? What are you talking about?”

She doesn’t say anything as she stands up, and walks out of the room. It doesn’t take her long to return with a pint of my favorite ice cream, cookies and cream, and a spoon.

“Here take this,” she says, handing the spoon and ice cream over. “Take a bit and then let it out. This is an ice cream and bitch session. Don’t think about anything. J
ust talk. Ramble on about everything and anything that comes to mind.”

This is weird but I don’t ask any questions. Even though I just woke up, I’m taking her advice. I’ll try anything to get over this quicker
, and push the slowly impending darkness away. Popping open the top of the ice cream, I shove the spoon in, and bring out a huge bite. After shoveling into my mouth, my rant begins.

“I don’t understand him at all. He was always there for me
, but when I need him the most... he’s gone. I understand he’s having problems, but so does everyone. You can’t push away those who love you. I know this from experience. All that does it hurt you more in the long run. He told me that with my cutting and his mother’s cancer... it’s too much stress. I’m blown away. He’s supposedly in love with me, but he can’t see me through a tough time in my life.”

As I’m rambling about Landon, I start to feel slightly better. My mom winks at me, which encourages me to go on.

“I can’t believe he talked to Patrick about our relationship, while ignoring me for over two weeks. Where is the fairness in that? Now I understand why he was so distant at the therapy session. He says that he cares, but he still decides to take time for himself. I don’t want to sound conceited, but come on... I’m supposed to be the one he’s in love with, but he can’t talk to me. For some reason I don’t believe that.”

“Feeling better?” my mom jumps in.

“Surprisingly, I do. Why does ranting make you feel so much better? All I wanted was for him to be there for me, as I have been for him with his mom. When the doctors told him his mother was getting worse and not better, I stayed up with him all night listening to him curse God. Of course I didn’t agree with his reasons, but I can understand his anger. In the end, I never once took out my anger, or lack of control on him. I didn’t take any of the stress I was under, and put it out like it’s his fault.”

By the time I was done with my ramble, the ice cream was gone
, and the pain had eased. It didn’t totally disappear, but it lessened where I could function without dwelling on it. I handed my spoon and the empty container back to my mom.

“Thank you.” I say. “I’m off to get ready. I have to pick up Casey
, and get to my appointment.”

I’m glad that this happened with Landon the night before the session with Lily. I desperately needed to talk to her and I can’t wait for Casey to meet her. I know the
y’re going to get along well.

Directly after there’s a meeting
, and we’re hoping Rachel doesn’t mind if Casey is with me. I know I’ve seen people bring others, but I never actually asked if I could.

I
leave and pick up Casey in record time. Amazingly, I feel great after a night cry and a morning ramble. It’s quite surprising. The ride is short as I fill her in with the most current events, as quickly as I can.

“He says he wants time, but we all know what that means.”

“True that, sista.” Casey says, trying to make me laugh.

“He had the audacity to talk with Patrick about our relationship
, but couldn’t talk with me about it. I think that since it’s
our
relationship, he could ... you know... talk with me about it.”

“Amber, I hate saying this but you’re actually acting a bit
immature. So what if he talked to Patrick. You talk with me all the time about this stuff. At least he didn’t keep you in the dark and have some other broad on the side. It could be a lot worse. He could have been acting that way, because he cheated on you and got her pregnant. So, just be thankful he decided to not only shy away a little, but went to Patrick.”

Without realizing it, I have been acting like a spoiled brat. Casey’s right.

“I’m sorry. It hurts, and I know it’s not an excuse. Plus, you make some valid points.” I say, pulling into the parking lot. “We’re here. Let’s get this over with.”

****

Casey and I make our way to the reception desk so I can check in. I notice her looking around in amazement. “Beautiful…isn’t it?” I ask, knowing she’s just as fascinated by the surrounding
as I was for the first time I was here.

“Yeah, it’s amazing.”

Once I’m finished checking in, we grab a seat and wait. The wait doesn’t take that long, thank goodness, because the silence between us was getting weird. Dr. McKinley calls my name.

We follow her into her office and take a seat. “I’d like to introduce my sister, Casey.” I say, smiling because it feels good to say that. I never imagined being able to say that for real. Sarah and I played that we were sisters because we were so close, but nothing beats the real thing.

“It’s great to meet you, Casey. I’m overjoyed to see how much support Amber has in this hard time.” Lily says.

“Thank you and I couldn’t imagine bailing on her now. She deserves happiness
, and if that includes my support, then I’m here.” Casey replies.

I think that’s a bit overboard, but I know she’s only trying to make a good impression.

“The reason I asked Amber to invite you is, because I want to see your take on what she’s going through. This will help her, because I can adjust her treatment if needed. She’s come very far in such a short time and when the timing is right, she’ll no longer have me. I want to be sure that when this time comes, Amber will have a full support system to help her stay on track.” She says, as she pushes her glasses up. “So, please tell me how you feel about her cutting.”

“I know I haven’t been the best friend she deserves
,” Casey explains. “I’ve done so many things that haven’t really helped in her situation, although at the time I had no clue what she was going through. Finding out we are sisters…changed everything. My dad told me that my sister was out there somewhere; I just didn’t expect her to be right here in front of me. I feel like I owe her.”

“This is your way of repaying her?” Lily asks.

“I guess you could say that. Not to mention her douche bag boyfriend decided to bail on her last night, I think she could use all the supportive people in her life that she can get.”

They continue talking as if I’m not even there. I feel like the third wheel but it’s nice to see Casey interacting, unlike Landon. I didn’t realize how much Casey has changed
, since the big secret came out.

“How are you feeling about everything
, since Landon decided to take some time?” Lily asks, looking at me.

“Ohh…um... you know... I’m surprised. I expected it but didn’t really prepare. I thought he’d be the one here showing his support.”

“How are the urges since then?”

This was one question I didn’t want to face. I’ve been fighting them
, since he suggested we take time. I don’t want to give in, but I’m afraid that if I am alone, it will eventually happen.

“The urge to cut is there. I’m trying not to give in
, but I don’t know how much more I can take. I’m afraid to be alone.” I say, as a tear runs down my cheek. “I have made it so far, for so long.”

Casey jumps in.
“I know things feel like they’re at a halt right now and you are facing this big hurdle. Just remember, you’re strong enough to get over it. Don’t let the urges take you down. I’ll even stay with you, if you need me too.”

“I think that
is a great idea.” Lily jumps in “That way you can focus on your relationship as sisters, and not on your urges. What do you think about that?” She finishes, as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

“That will work.” I say, not really sure how I feel about it. I don’t want anyone to think I need a babysitter now.

“Great. Our session is up. We have two more to go until your re-evaluation. So, I’ll see you back here same time next week. Casey, you keep an eye on her and help her. Amber, don’t be stubborn, let her or anyone else who wants to help you. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.”

“I know
, and thank you for all you have done for me.” I say, standing to leave.

I don’t waste any time leaving today. For some reason I feel overly agitated
, and don’t want to be around anyone. Although, I’m not going to give in to that want, I know the urge to cut could be the root of it all.

Casey and I head directly to group. As we walk in, I notice most of the members haven’t arrived yet. We’re early which is perfect.

“Just take a seat over there, while I talk to Rachel.” I say to Casey while motioning to the circle of chairs. “I’ll be right back.”

I don’t want to make a scene when everyone gets here, so asking if Casey could stay and having our mentor
’s permission would make me feel better.

“Rachel, do you have a minute?” I ask, noticing she’s sorting out some papers.

“Sure. Is something wrong?”

“Nothing
’s wrong but I just wanted to be sure my sister could hang with us today. She went to therapy with me, and I didn’t have time to run her home before group. It’s superhot outside and I’d like for her to be able to hang in here where it’s cool.”

“It’s really against policy for people to be here that
are not part of the group. The policy was put into place, so everyone could feel their privacy wasn’t invaded with people who don’t belong.”

“I know
, but what will one time hurt?”

“I’ll tell you what… When everyone gets here, we will take a vote. If everyone is comfortable with her being here, she can stay. It will only take one person to feel uncomfortable
, and I’ll have no choice but to make her leave. Agree?”

It d
oesn’t seem like I have much of a choice. “I agree.” I say, not wanting to start anything.

“Okay, then that will be the first
thing on our list.”

The main door squeaking as it is open
ed pulls our attention towards it. Mark and Kevin walk into the room and take their usual seats. Immediately, they see Casey, and begin talking to her. I knew they wouldn’t shun her, but I hope they don’t think she’s new and is joining us.

I stroll over causally and do the introductions, even though I could see it wasn’t needed. “…she’s my sister.” I finish.

“It’s nice to meet you.” Mark says, putting out his hand to shake Casey’s.

“Likewise.” Casey replies.

It doesn’t take long for all six of us to get there once everyone is settled; Casey is asked to step out of the room. “It will only be a minute, and then I’ll let you know what’s going on.” Rachel explains to Casey, who doesn’t seem to have much of a problem with being told to leave.

“Everyone
listen up, we need to take a vote. As you all have probably noticed, Amber’s sister is with her today, due to some time issues. I need you all to vote on whether or not you will feel comfortable if she sits in today.

“No problem here.” Kristen says, excitedly.

I knew she wouldn’t care. Casey has already met Kristen, and they seemed to hit it off.

“I don’t see what it would hurt. I’m okay with it.” Mark says, as Kevin
also agrees.

This is good. Four out of six isn’t too bad. Hopefully, Daniel won’t be an ass
, and say he doesn’t want her here, just to be spiteful.

Eventually, Kelsey comes out of her shell and says she doesn’t mind, which leaves us waiting on Daniel. Figures!