Soldier from Heaven (9781629021911) (13 page)

“Amen.”

We all looked at each other and smiled as we began to pass the food. No one had to say a word about what they were feeling because it was felt by each of us. We were having the best Thanksgiving that we could have asked for and were so thankful to God for all we had. We knew that had become our new tradition.

Chapter 13

A Kiss Under The Mistletoe

Months had passed since Jacob and I felt the Holy Spirit, and we were all dealing with life positively. We had gotten through Thanksgiving, but I had a feeling Christmas wouldn’t be as easy without Pete. Christmas was approaching quickly, just a few days away, and the boys were on Christmas break. Our little family of four enjoyed baking cookies, fudge, and peanut brittle together. I used to always worry about the mess and gave them the jobs that didn’t require too much skill. They often poured in the ingredients, after I had already measured them into the measuring cups, mixed the cookie dough, after I had already blended in the loose flour, and helped create the gift bags. But that particular year was different. I was very conscious about every moment I spent with my children and savored all of the time I spent with them. I no longer worried about the mess they made when helping me. Instead, I focused on their desire to help and allowed them to take the reins. Sure, we were always left with flour on the floor and eggshells in the mix that had to be surgically removed, but it was worth every minute of the time we spent together laughing and creating. It was amazing how much more we began to do together as a family.

On the 23
rd
, Linda and I decided to go out to dinner and do some last minute Christmas shopping. Matt eagerly volunteered to watch the children as he always did to give me time outside of the house. He was stepping up to fill in the gaps that Pete left when he died. Not only did he take care of the family business, but he took on the father figure role that I could not. Their Uncle Matt took the boys to the baseball field to hit the ball and out in the driveway to shoot hoops. He faithfully attended all of Ben’s baseball games and Jacob’s basketball games. He even took Ben to practice and volunteered as an assistant coach. Matt lightened the load and helped our household run smoothly. I often felt bad that he didn’t have a family of his own because he would have made an excellent father. But just a glance at the smile on his face and endless enthusiasm he had each time he was with my children would wash my guilt away. He was doing exactly what he wanted, and we weren’t holding him back from anything. That night was no different.

Linda and I were seated in a booth at Snapper’s Seafood, our favorite seafood restaurant. We always decided to go there for dinner before our shopping excursions. Every entrée was delicious, and the lobster bisque was to die for. It was pretty much the favorite part of our shopping dates.

“I see Matt is watching the kids again. Why doesn’t he just move in?”

“I know, right? Sometimes I feel so bad that he focuses so much, if not all, of his free time on them. But he loves it so much. I don’t really ever ask him to help out, but somehow he is just there doing what I need him to do. The boys just light up every time they are with him. And Mary, well, she has him wrapped around her little finger just like she did Pete.”

“Catherine, do you think Matt has feelings for you other than as a brother-in-law?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. He’s been in our lives since the beginning, and we have become great friends. He’s family, the kids’ uncle, and my brother-in-law only.”

“But why doesn’t he date? Is he gay?”

I could hardly hold back the laughter.

“Really, Linda? He has been playing around with the ladies and loving it since I met him. There is not a gay bone in his body.”

“Then again, why isn’t he dating?”

“I guess he just doesn’t have the time. He’s so busy at the garage and then he devotes his time to our family. Maybe he’s lonely and that’s why he’s over so much. It makes him happy. Then he has no time left to even look for a girlfriend. It doesn’t seem to bother him much.”

“Okay, Catherine. But I know men. He’s handsome and could date anyone he wishes. You are beautiful, and he has always been flirty with you. I think he would have scooped you up if Pete hadn’t done so. It’s only a matter of time, Catherine.”

“I don’t think so, Linda. Let’s just order and change the subject.”

“Alright, do you feel like going back to our favorite bar and hunting for Colin?”

“
No
. Pick a subject other than men,” I replied with a grin.

“But that’s my favorite subject.”

“Then let’s talk about finding one for you, Linda. The bartender over there looks like your type. I think I see an arm tattoo on him.”

We both laughed and continued to pick out men for each other throughout dinner. Linda made everything fun. I felt like a giddy high school girl with her. She always made me relax and loosen up my usual buttoned up self.

After our man hunting dinner, we hit a few strip mall department stores and then headed to the mall. Finally, all of my shopping was completed. And luckily, the kids were sleeping when I got home. I was able to pass off their gifts to Matt so he could hide them at his place.

“Man, did you buy out the store or what?”

“I actually got really great deals, so the boys, like it or not, are getting a lot of much needed clothes for Christmas.”

“That’s a bummer, Mom. I guess Uncle Matt is going to have to show you up.”

“Don’t you always? However, Jacob and Ben are both getting the Lego sets they’ve been wanting forever. And not the small sets they like, but the big ones. And Santa is not getting credit for them this year. Mary will get her kitchen set and again, not from Santa. I want all of the thank you’s and hugs this year. Santa will just have to bring the little stuff, like maybe the clothes.”

“You are sneaky, Catherine. My kind of lady.”

I tried very hard to ignore that comment. I could smack Linda for having that conversation with me earlier. It made me feel weird about his otherwise normal silly comment. He couldn’t possibly mean anything by that. No, he was just being silly. I had to respond quickly and wisely back.

“Well you know, you have been known to be sneaky yourself. Who else could pull off dating two, or should we say three, ladies at a time? Sorry, lady killer, not my thing,” I said laughing and then quickly changed the subject. “So, I’m sorry your parents can’t make it until Ben’s birthday next month. I guess we should be glad they’ll make it at all.”

“Yeah, but the kids will enjoy that better I think. They’ll end up getting another batch of presents. You know my parents. They aren’t going to miss out on seeing their faces when they open up my parents’ gifts.”

“Good. I’d rather get the load they are getting this year put away before the other mother load comes in. I hope they don’t go too crazy, though. Since Pete died they have been sending little gifts in the mail each month. I guess it’s their way of coping and staying connected. Oh well, I guess it’s better without them this year anyway. It’ll be less people having to miss Pete on Christmas.”

“I know. Well, I better run girl. I’ll see you tomorrow about three?”

“Yes and don’t be late or we’ll never get a seat in church.”

“See you tomorrow.”

“Good night, Matt. And thanks again.”

As I watched him leave, I couldn’t help but think about Linda’s words that evening. She was wrong. He was my brother-in-law and showed no signs of a romantic interest. And I certainly couldn’t look at him in that way either. Our relationship was working out wonderfully the way it was. He was being a good brother and uncle and a great friend to me. Thinking those thoughts, I walked into my bedroom and was startled by Pete’s presence.

“
Oh
, Pete you scared me.”

“Sorry, angel. You look like you were in very deep thought just now.”

I was a little embarrassed that he noticed. Thank God he didn’t know what I was thinking about.

“Yeah, just feeling a little overwhelmed about Christmas Eve tomorrow. Everyone is really going to miss you there.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Only you will know it, but hopefully the family feels me enough not to be too sad.”

“I hope so. Every holiday for the next year will be a first for our family not having you around. We got through Thanksgiving okay. I think my dad’s idea to give out food at the soup kitchen was perfect. It made Thanksgiving have a totally different feel to it which helped keep our minds off of missing you. I mean, we missed you but—”

Pete interrupted, “You don’t have to explain. That’s what should be happening. I don’t want you all to be sad every holiday. I want you to move on and be happy. You’ll never forget me, I know that.”

“Never,” I said sadly. “I never will and I’m glad. I still miss you every day and think about what we would be doing if you were here. I hate that our new normal is without you. Your brother has been great though. I don’t know what I’d do without him.”

“You used to say that about me.”

Feeling really guilty at that moment, I tried to find the right response. Was my husband showing jealousy? How could he be jealous? Maybe it just made him sad. But he shouldn’t be sad either. That would be selfish of him, and that’s a feeling only a living person should have. Was I hurting my husband in his death? I was so confused.

“I’m just saying that he is doing things that I’m not able to do. He has taken a lot of the burden off. He’s by no means replacing you and could never do that. You wanted me to find a way to get along without you and not depend on you anymore. I guess I’m doing that. But if I didn’t have him, I would survive. And that certainly isn’t a feeling I had about you. I didn’t for a moment think I could survive without you. But God helped me overcome that doubt by sending you to me. And I believe your brother is a prayer answered too.”

“Yes, he is. I’m glad you realize that. But Catherine, you’re explaining yourself again. It’s not necessary for you to explain your feelings for my benefit. I’m glad you are doing well. I want that for you. Good night.”

“Good night, love,” I said as Pete faded. I thought about his words and realized that I was explaining things to him as if he was jealous. I guess I expected him to be jealous and perhaps maybe wanted him to be. I was allowing guilt to burden me, and Pete didn’t want that. I could tell by his calmness that he was okay with everything that was happening. I was feeling better but a part of me didn’t want to as I knew that could mean his departure for good.

The next morning was a busy one. I wrapped the rest of the little gifts before the children woke up and then solicited their help to clean up the house. My boys resisted but finally gave in with plenty of moans. After a while, I gave them the job of playing with Mary in her room while I finished up. Christmas Eve always seemed so hectic for me. I wanted everything in the house to be just right so I would be able to relax after church and have nothing to worry about that night. Going to Christmas Eve mass was a tradition. We would go to the earlier mass and then out to dinner. We would get home in time to take a few pictures and then send the children off to bed. A few hours later the presents would be put under the tree while enjoying a few glasses of wine, followed by a good night sleep. That year we would keep with the tradition. And since Matt joined us each year and always spent the night, the only difference would be the absence of Pete.

Three o’clock was approaching fast, and I was just beginning to put on my make-up. The boys, surprisingly, were already dressed. I let them play the Wii to keep them busy and clean. Mary was playing on the floor beside me in my bathroom. She would be the last to get dressed. I was standing in front of the mirror with my black, silky t-length skirt on and my bra. I had bought a lovely new top for Christmas Eve the day before and didn’t want to get make-up on it. Every once in a while, I would lean down to Mary and pretend to put some make-up on her too. I adored the way she puckered when I touched her lips with the lip brush. I longed for the innocence she still had.

I heard a knock on the door, and then it opened up. I could hear the boys yell “Uncle Matt’s here.” There he was; punctual as usual.

“Hello, Matt,” I yelled. “I’m still getting ready. Can you make sure the boys are still tucked in? And make sure their hair is still combed please.”

“Yes, your royal highness,” called Matt. The boys laughed hysterically and kept on repeating him.

I rolled my eyes and smiled. The scene was very familiar. Our home felt just as it did when Pete was alive. It was loud with the roars of happy children and full of wonderful chaos. Pete often teased me the way Matt had just done and for a very brief moment, I had forgotten that Pete was gone. That was our new normal indeed. And if it had to be without Pete, I was so thankful that his brother was still with us. Maybe this would be a pleasant and joyous Christmas after all.

I had to catch my breath when we walked into the living room. Matt looked so handsome in his black pants and red dress shirt. He wore a Grinch tie which, of course, was for the benefit of the children. I just didn’t remember how handsome he was until that moment. Matt usually showed up in his work clothes or sweats; clothing he could play around in pretty much. But all dressed up he was even more attractive. Was I wrong to think that way? No, I had always thought he was nice to look at, every woman must have. It was no different. It didn’t mean I was attracted to him romantically. Darn Linda for ever putting that into my head.