Surviving Regret (15 page)

I think about that for a minute. What am I going to do? I knew Madison was popping pills for a while. I’ve seen her do it. And it’s the only time that she doesn’t seem to have a care in the world. I wonder what that would feel like. To not care about the next homework assignment. To not care about what Landon is doing or who he’s doing. To not feel anything. To be numb to the world.

“I’m taking them,” I state matter-of-factly.

Heather shakes her head. “No, you’re not. I won’t let you.”

I look away when I say, “I want to feel what she feels. Even if it’s only for one night. I just want to shut my mind off.”

“I’m going to the bathroom.” She pins me with a look. “Do. Not. Take. Them. Without. Me.”

I salute her.

The second Heather walks away I toss all three pills in my mouth and wash them down with my beer.

The guys from the football team arrive. Colton, Jet, Declan, Holden, and even Sean swarm around me. The music seems to be turned up louder. The guys all crowd my space and they’re causing me to feel like I’m knocking on the doors to hell with how hot it is in here.

Heather comes back from the bathroom and Declan gets a goofy smile on his face when he sees her.

He kisses her cheek and then she scoots her way over to me. “You sure you want to do this?”

I nod and the room tilts a little.

She shakes her head in disbelief. “Alright. Where are they?”

I smile. Warmth comes over my body. It’s getting hotter in here by the minute.

“You took them, didn’t you?”

I nod.

“Fuck, Macy,” Heather says.

I’m burning up now. I can literally feel the warmth in my cheeks rising. It’s actually… nice. I kind of like this feeling. No wonder people take drugs.

Jesus. It’s like a rollercoaster ride but you never quite fall.

“I wanna dance!” I try hopping off the chair and almost fall but Heather reaches out to steady me. “With him,” I say, pointing at Holden.

“That’s not such a good idea,” Heather says looking at Holden.

He winks at me. Oh, yeah. It’s a good idea.

“It’s a perfect idea. Loosen up, Heather,” I say tapping her cheek gently with my hand. “Go fuck Declan all you want.”

Heather’s jaw hits the floor. “This is going to be a long fucking night,” she mumbles as I walk away.

Holden’s smiles grows a little. “What’s up,
Macy
?”

I grab his hand tugging him to the dance floor. “I wanna dance with
you
.”

He chuckles as Jet high-fives him.

Holden and I start dancing to the beat of the song. Our hips swaying in perfect rhythm. I’m sweaty but I can’t stop moving my body. He’s keeping up. Every once in a while I feel his hands slide down and grip my ass bringing me closer to him. He’s hard and I’m not going to lie, it’s turning me on. I turn in his arm, he grips my hips and brings me back to him. I reach behind me and run my hands through his hair as we continue to grind into each other. It feels like I’m having sex with him but we’re still fully clothed.

My shirt is soaked by the end of the fourth song. Holden’s hair is wet too but he never once tries to stop us from dancing. The fifth song is a bit slower or at least it sounds slower. Holden turns me so I’m facing him again. He keeps a hand on my lower back. His fingers dipping into the waistband of my jeans. We’re staring into each other’s eyes but I have to keep closing my eyes as they have grown really heavy quite suddenly. I lean forward needing to rest my head due to the loud ringing through my ears. Holden’s other hand slips up under my shirt on the side and it feels fucking great. His hands are cold against my burning skin. He nuzzles his face into my neck and starts kissing it.

Every sensation in my body comes to life feeling him kiss me like that. I know it’s the drugs talking, but damn, it’s nice.

“Whoa,” Heather cuts into my daze. I feel someone pulling me and it feels like I’m freefalling before I land against something really hard with a thud. “We need to get you home, Mace.”

I try to talk and tell her that I’m fine, to leave me alone but my tongue feels to heavy.

“Dammit, Macy,” I hear someone say as everything fades away with a snap.

***

My mouth is dry and my skin is sweaty and sticky. I go to push the covers off of me but I can’t seem to move my arms.
Damn, what the hell happened last night?
I peel one eye open and the room has a soft glow to it. The rays of the sun rising, spilling into the room painting the walls an orange color. Knowing it’s safe, at least for right now, I peel open my other eye. My head starts hammering and my stomach rolls.
Fuck, I’m going to get sick.

Light snores have me whipping my head to the side. My eyes snap shut and I cringe from the movement. When everything settles I open them again. Landon is lying beside me with his hands tucked under his face. His brown hair is a mess sticking up all over the place. His lips are red and swollen and he has a faint bruise forming under his right eye. He has stubble growing that’s barely visible unless you’re up close and personal. My eyes continue down to his chest, it’s bare, as usual. I close my eyes realizing suddenly that I’m shirtless too. I reach down because my body feels numb. I have no shorts on either.
Shit!
And I also have no panties on.
Double shit!

“Fuck,” I mumble to myself. We definitely had to have screwed around last night. I go to move my right leg but wince from the soreness between my legs. My body feels like it’s been thoroughly worked over.

Landon moans rolling onto his back. He brings his strong muscular arms up above his head stretching them out, his muscles flexing as he does this. His eyes fly open and he freezes before looking around the room. He turns his head in my direction and shock registers across his face. Guess he doesn’t remember much from last night either.

“Morning,” Landon says. I scowl from the loudness of his voice. “Rough night?” he whispers being mindful of my throbbing head.

I nod and quickly grimace as my brain rattles in my skull. My head feels like it was knocked around much like my aching body. “I could say the same for you,” I say letting my eyes wander down to his chest.

“Damn,” Landon’s husky morning voice sends shivers all over my body. “I fucking missed it, didn’t I?”

I huff and lay my arm across my face summoning the memories from last night.

“Ride me, Macy.” Landon panted in my ear while rolling us so I was straddling him. “Hard.”

Oh, God, do I ever. My head fell forward and I watched as his cock disappeared into me, the tip of him slipped past my opening. Feeling a sense of urgency suddenly that took over I slammed down onto Landon the rest of the way and winced from the bite of him hitting the hilt. I raised up and came back down again.

Landon apparently couldn’t handle it either. He gripped my hips and helped guide me up and down at an unrelenting pace, a pace that he controlled yet I was the one controlling things. I swiveled my hips against his before I raised up and slammed back down again. I reached forward and dug my fingernails from his chest all the way down to his stomach. Landon’s grip on my hips tighten so hard, that I knew I’d have bruises tomorrow but I didn’t give a shit. I reached down between my legs as I slowed my movements and started rubbing my clit. The sensation made me even edgier to hit my climax.

Landon sucked in a breath watching me knowing I just upped the game. He bent his knees and it caused me to pull my hand away. I caught myself before falling face forward into his chest. Apparently he didn’t want me to have too much control. That didn’t surprise me though. Landon always has control at all times when we have sex.

“Hold on,” Landon gritted out.

I placed both hands on his chest bracing myself for whatever he was about to give me. Landon slid out almost all the way, just leaving the head in, and then slammed so hard into me that I knew for a fact that I was going to be walking funny tomorrow. I’d almost lost what little breath I had in me but it felt so damn good I didn’t give a shit. Nothing mattered in that moment.

He did it again and again. “Fuck!” I yelled from the sharp pain and blinding pleasure from that new position that only seemed to drive Landon even crazier.

His relentless pounding caused my vision to go spotty. My heart wanted to give out from the overdrive of his never-ending, out of this world stamina, and threatened to not be able to keep up. He’d pumped into me so hard that all I could say was, “Oh, fuck!” as my orgasm took over.

If Landon didn’t work out as much as he did I would have been worried he’d die of cardiac arrest. He’d barely broken a sweat. My body started to go limp from the intense orgasm that was racing through my body yet again as he continued pounding into me. At one point I lost my balance; my boobs now bouncing in his face.

Landon lifted his head and took a nipple into his mouth biting it hard. A shiver went right down my back and straight to the very spot that just experienced two off-the-chart orgasms. He continued to suck on it as his body started to tense under me but he still pumped in and out. Landon released that nipple and dove into the other like he was possessed. He sucked on it, swirled his tongue around it and then he bit down hard and it threw me right into another mind-numbing orgasm.

Holy fucking hell!

I physically couldn’t hold my body up any longer and fell onto Landon’s chest breathing as if I had just ran the last mile right along with him. My lips were numb, my heart pounding and my legs tingling. He wrapped his arms around my back and drove into me a few more times cursing under his breath before he gasped. I turned my head into the crook of his neck and bit down on that sensitive spot between the neck and shoulder as he came in me. “Fuck, Macy,” he said through his clenched teeth.

Landon’s touch to my breast startles me. “Looks like things got a little intense,” he says, nervously chuckling.

I look down to see I have his teeth marks around my nipple. Groaning, I roll away from him. He’s about to bolt, I can see it in his face. This is his normal M.O., he bolts the second the emotions are brought in. Plus, we’ve never fucked around like we did last night, never. Landon always treats me like I’m going to break. It’s what I normally want but sometimes I want things a little crazy but I’m too afraid to say anything. I’m scared if I do he’ll pull back and push me away.

I lie there on my side and I wait for the bed to dip from him getting up but it never happens. He’s so quiet I think he’s fallen back asleep again. I turn slowly, trying not to wake him if he did. Landon has his arms tucked under his head staring off into space. I scoot a little closer to him and run a fingertip down one of the many scratches that have dried blood on it. Landon’s stomach muscles tighten. He lowers his one arm and brings my body closer to his.
Is Landon Hayes actually cuddling with me after sex?

Shit!

The pills that I took last night. Oh my God, Landon is going to murder me. Maybe I just won’t tell him. Hopefully, he falls asleep and we can skip the pillow talk.

I wonder if this is this how Madison feels every day? Is that why she takes them, for that floating feeling, the escape from reality, the numbness?

Landon takes a deep breath and I watch as his chest rises and falls with each inhale and exhale. The marks on his upper body are red and puffy; they’re probably going to sting a little when he showers. I like seeing them there though knowing I put them on his chest.

“Do you remember anything that happened last night?” he asks.

I stop moving my thumb that’s rubbing just below his nipple. “A little. It’s kind of spotty though. Do you?” It’s a lie. I don’t want to say anything if he can’t remember.

I feel him shake his head rather than answer at first. “No, not really.” Landon plays with a piece of my hair. “I remember showing up to the party late.” He was late because he had to get high first, I’m sure. “Colton handed me a shot the second I made my way over to the guys and then that continued for a while. I remember I kept telling them no more and they weren’t listening so I left but I don’t remember how I got here.”

I lift my head off Landon’s chest and bring my hand up to the bruise under his eye, “Do you remember how that happened?”

He smirks, “Yeah. I punched Holden.” I remember dancing with Holden last night before things got fuzzy but if Landon doesn’t know why he punched him I’m not telling him. I’m sure the guys were rubbing it in his face.

I shake my head, “For what?”

Landon shrugs. “Don’t remember exactly.” He pulls on the strand of hair he’s playing with, “What happened with you?”

And there it is, the talk I didn’t want to have. “Heather and I were at a party.” That’s all I give him. He didn’t seem to care about where I was before he went to his party so why should he now?

“And…” Landon probes.

“And I don’t remember much of it. We weren’t there very long.”

He sighs, “You were trashed, Macy. I remember that part. You opened the door and jumped into my arms.” Landon reaches down for my hand that’s on his chest and brings it to the top of his head. He’s got a lump there. “We fell in the hallway.”

I frown. “I don’t remember that.”

“I’m not surprised. Heather said you weren’t drunk though when she helped us off the floor. She told me it was Madison’s fault that you were like that before she shoved us in here and left.”

Damn Heather and her big mouth.

Laying my head back on Landon’s chest I explain everything that I could remember about last night. “So, yeah, my head is killing me. I took a baggie of pills. I’m naked. I’m sore and I don’t know what the hell happened in those spotty moments.”

When I finish, Landon is breathing hard and his body starts to shake. “You took pills last night?”

I guess he did hear me say that part.
“Yeah, whoever that guy that Madison deals with thought I was her, I guess.”

“Stay the fuck away from Jay, Macy. I fucking mean it.” Landon sits up abruptly. “He’s bad news.”