Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (19 page)

“Mine too,” both Justin and Landon said in unison.

The whole time, he felt Drew’s hot stare on him. Felt it in his chest.
There are no guarantees in life…
And there weren’t. All you could do was live in the moment because the next one wasn’t promised.

Drew nodded as though he could read Justin’s mind. His wide, expressive eyes told him it was okay. If it caused problems, they’d work them out later.

Maybe it was because he was going through so much emotionally, because he was so raw and exposed—an angry fucking wound that couldn’t heal—just kept getting ripped open again. Maybe he was just needy for something to hold on to. Maybe that would change when his father passed and Justin was able to go back home. He didn’t understand the reason. The only thing he did know was in this moment, in all these pieced together moments that would make up the rest of his time here, he needed whatever it was Drew gave him. The stability. The support.

Justin walked over to him and stopped not a foot away. “Hi,” he said lamely.

“Hi.” Drew smiled.

And then Justin stepped closer. He wrapped his arms around Drew’s shoulders. Drew held his waist, his fingers dug into his hips. Their foreheads dropped against one another, Drew wearing his hat backward like he always did. Justin closed his eyes and whispered, “Thank you,” over and over and over again.

***

Everyone went quiet, but Drew didn’t pay attention to them. He didn’t let himself think about his brother, or anyone except for Justin.

Justin needed him, he’d be there. That’s all there was to it.

A moment later, it was Justin who pulled away first. Drew had no idea what he planned to say—that they were friends? That they were seeing each other?
Were
they officially seeing each other? He was curious about that himself. As far as he was concerned, it wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs, but he also wanted it out there. Wanted the title.

It was Shanen who spoke first. “Oh…wow… This is a nice surprise.” He liked her a lot. She was a good woman.

“At the party you said—” Landon started, but Justin tossed him a look that Drew assumed was a warning. What in the hell had they spoken about at the party?

“How long have you been seeing each other?” Joy asked. “Or I guess I should ask, are you seeing each other?”

Drew wanted an answer to the same question.

“He’s a friend,” Justin answered. “A good friend. He’s made…” Justin glanced back at Drew. “He’s made things here easier.”

And as much as Drew was glad for that, as much as he wanted to make things easier on Justin, there was a part of him that had hoped for more. This felt like more than friendship to him, and even though he’d told Justin not to worry about that now, part of him wished they could.

“Good.” Larry nodded. “Thank you for being here for my son.”

“It’s my pleasure,” Drew told him, this throat slightly bitter, when he had no right to be. They’d made a step in the right direction. That’s all that should matter.

They were all quiet again. Drew hadn’t expected Jacob to say anything. Not here in front of Shanen’s family. He knew his brother wouldn’t be happy, but what could he do? Drew couldn’t let himself be bothered with that. Still, he could feel the tension around them. The questions…and maybe the concerns.

“I’m tired,” Larry said from his wheelchair. “I think I need to go home.”

Still, no one moved. Was it really that big a deal? Did it really matter if they were seeing each other or not? Drew didn’t get it.

“I think we need a night out.” It was Rod who broke the silence. “I think we all deserve a good time. I want to dance with Landon. You should all see me dance. I’m fucking incredible.”

A chorus of laughter followed Rod’s words and Drew was thankful for them.

“I think that’s a great idea,” Landon replied.

“Me too,” Shanen added.

“Yeah, I’d like that. What do you say, Jacob?” Justin asked, “Let’s go out. Have some fun with the family.” Justin was doing it for Drew. He appreciated it, but it wasn’t necessary. Drew would go regardless.

“I’m game.” Drew put a hand on Justin’s shoulder and squeezed. Now that he could touch him in front of everyone, he didn’t plan to stop. Drew always wanted his hands on Justin.

Until he left, at least.

It felt like a goddamned eternity before his brother finally replied. Drew’s jaw was tight; discomfort slid down his spine as he waited.

“Yes. Of course. That would be great,” Jacob finally answered, before he asked a question. “Andrew, would it be okay if I rode back with you?”

He had no idea what his brother was up to, but he assumed it had to do with something Drew was doing wrong. Butting into Jacob’s new family, maybe? Still, he told his brother yes. They made quick plans to go out that evening, and to invite Nick and Bryce.

Joy and Larry were going home, and as they all said their goodbyes, Drew leaned close to Justin’s ear and whispered, “That was a surprise, Sleeping Beauty.”

He hoped Justin knew that he meant what happened between them and not his brother. He knew by Justin’s reply that he did. “For me too, Cinderella.”

Drew kissed his cheek. “I’ll pick you up later. It’s time for my lecture.”

“Fuck him if—” Drew silenced him with his mouth. Let their tongues wrestle. It felt really good to kiss him when and wherever he wanted, even if it was temporary.

When their kiss was over, he let his mouth trail to Justin’s ear again. “We’ll go out and dance, but it’s going to take everything in me not to stick my hand down your pants like I did the night we met. I’m hard just thinking about it. I’m not sure we’ll even make it upstairs by the time we get home. I might have to fuck you right there against the front door.”

A low rumble reverberated from Justin’s chest. “I’m looking forward to it.”

“Me too,” he said before they parted. It was a few minutes later that he sat behind the wheel of his truck, Jacob in the passenger seat.

The second they pulled out of the parking lot, it was Drew who spoke. “I won’t apologize for it. It was a coincidence that I met him. At the time, I didn’t know who he was. I refuse to feel guilty about this. I know it’s hard for you to see clearly where I’m concerned, but this isn’t about you, Jacob. It’s about me and Justin. I—”

“You’re in love with him,” Jacob interrupted.

If Drew had been standing, a feather could have knocked him over. His first instinct was to say,
Yes,
followed by,
How did you know?
He settled on a different version of the latter. “What makes you say that?”

“Because you’re my brother and I know you. I see it in the way you look at him. It was killing you not to go to him when he was watching Landon and Larry drive. Your pain matched his and something like that only comes from loving someone. I know because I feel Shanen’s pain the same way.”

As much as Drew wanted to tell him yes, to say thank you, a slow anger simmered beneath the surface. It got stronger and stronger as his hands tightened on the steering wheel. “You know me? Fuck you for saying that, Jacob. My whole life you’ve accused me of thinking I’m better than the family. Of wanting to be different and not respecting the rules or making my family proud by following in Dad’s footprints. In
your
footprints. You fucking accused me of going after Iris because I wanted to hurt you. That’s not me. You can’t claim to know me when you’ve believed those things about me.”

He saw red. Was afraid of crashing the truck, he was so angry. How dare Jacob try to pretend they were close? That they knew each other. “Do you know what it feels like to have your brother believe those things about you? To hate you for no reason? To resent you so fucking much? And why?”

“Because I was jealous!” Jacob yelled. His voiced filled the truck. “Because I was jealous,” he said again, more softly.

“Why?” Drew asked. “What did you have to be jealous of?” He hadn’t expected that. He wasn’t sure what to think about it.

“I don’t know… I’m not sure I realized it at first, but I think that’s what it is. I’ve tried to tell myself I’m not, but the truth is, I’ve always envied your ability to be yourself. To do what you want no matter what anyone expects of you. To have your own dreams. I love what I do. I love being an attorney…but it was Dad’s dream that became my dream. You’ve always had your own. People gravitate toward that about you. I’m the boring one. I’m the one who does what’s expected and follows the rules. I took that out on you.”

“I…” Drew started but he didn’t know what to say. How did he respond to that? “I thought you hated me,” he settled on.

“No,” Jacob shook his head. “I think I hated me, but I took it out on you. Especially after Iris because that fed my insecurities. She chose you over me. But things are better. Being with Shanen makes me feel better in ways I never imagined, but old habits die hard. I’m sorry for that. For how I’ve treated you.”

Drew’s brain was still a mass of confusion. His heart beat heavily as he tried to figure out his thoughts. He’d been with Shanen a long time now and that hadn’t made their relationship better. “Why now? What’s the difference now?”

It took a moment for Jacob to answer. Drew waited, let him sort through his thoughts. “I don’t know, exactly. I haven’t shown it but I’ve been coming around for a while. Like I said, being with Shanen has helped, even though I’ve treated you like shit because of her. I would tell myself not to, that I was wrong, but being wrong meant I had to take a look at myself. At the
why
of my actions and that’s a scary thing.”

He took a deep breath and continued, “But then when you announced that you’re bisexual the other day, I just kept thinking that I didn’t know you at all. I was your brother and I didn’t know you. That’s something we should have spoken about. It’s something I should have known about you, and I didn’t because I hadn’t treated you fairly.”

Jesus, Drew couldn’t believe this was real. That this conversation was really happening.

“But today I watched you with Justin. You found a way to come because he needed you. You looked like you would have taken every ounce of pain from him if you could. You just wanted to make it better for him, even if in some way it hurt you, because of me, and I realized I
do
know you. We’re alike in that because I feel the same way about Shanen. I want nothing more than to make this better for her. You went into a relationship with him knowing what he was going through. That takes a big man.”

Drew wasn’t so sure he deserved all the praise Jacob gave him. It felt nice, but he’d never meant to fall for Justin. He was supposed to be a hookup. From there, he just wanted to apologize for walking away, but spending time with Justin changed things. “I didn’t expect to fall for him. It just happened, but I’m selfish too. I want him to feel the same way. In between every fucking thing he’s going through—losing his dad, gaining siblings, not knowing his place in his new family, leaving his home and his life behind—I also want him to carve out a spot for me. For him to be able to work out his feelings for me, when he has so many more important things in his life. I tell him it’s okay, that it’s not important but really I want it from him.”

Drew tensed when Jacob reached over and squeezed his arm. It was a show of support, but not one his brother had ever given him.

“That’s not selfish, Drew. That’s human and it’s okay. Regardless of anything else, you’re putting Justin first.”

He turned and looked at his brother, shocked on too many levels to comprehend. He thought about Justin and their family. What they were going through. How they’d been able to forgive Larry because they were family and sometimes that’s what you did. You forgave. You moved on. He hadn’t been perfect himself. “About time you called me Drew,” he teased and Jacob smiled.

“It is.”

“I’m sorry about everything. About Iris and—”

“It happened. It’s in the past. I know she was the one to kiss you; I was just being an asshole.”

And it was a start. Things weren’t perfect, but it was definitely a start.

It had been such an emotional day and Justin couldn’t wait to go out tonight. This would be the first time he did something like this with his siblings. They probably should have planned something earlier, spent more time getting to know each other, but they were still testing the waters.

He smiled at his choice of words. It looked like Drew wasn’t the only one on a test drive. They all were in a way, as they navigated the new territory they’d been thrown into.

Justin stood by the window of the small house. When he saw Drew pull into the driveway, he went straight for the door, ready to just let fucking loose. He deserved that. They all did.

When Justin got to the truck, he looked inside the open door and wasn’t surprised to see Drew with his black hat on backward. He also wore a black, V-neck shirt that clung to his arms and across his muscular chest, and black jeans that Justin could tell were just loose enough to hang off his slender hips but tight enough to show off his ass. Drew had his signature scruff that Justin found so fucking hot, making him doublethink his earlier thought that going out was a good idea. He’d much rather stay in and fuck the night away.

Drew gave him a cocky grin. “You like what you see.”

“I do.”

“Wait until I stand up and you get a glimpse of my ass. It’s fucking sexy in these jeans.”

Justin didn’t doubt that. “It’s fucking sexy all the time and if you stand up now, we’re not going to make it out of my driveway tonight. Hell, we might not even make it back into the house.”

Drew gave him a husky laugh, his cheeks colored a light shade of red. He loved that Drew blushed. He’d never really thought about something like that turning him on before, but it did.

“As good as that sounds,” Drew told him, “and believe me, it does sound good, I think you need to get out tonight. I think maybe you’re not the only one who needs it, too.”

Justin nodded, knowing Drew was right. He adjusted himself before he sat down in the truck and closed the door. “Don’t blame me if I’m sporting a hard-on all night.”