Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (25 page)

He wanted that, wanted it so fucking badly but they couldn’t keep dragging this out. “No. It’ll give us something to look forward to when I come and visit you. I’m looking forward to having your dick in my ass again. Maybe I should hit up Rods-N-Ends and buy a toy to tide me over.”

“No,” Justin squeezed Drew’s ass. “It’s mine. I want to be the only dick that’s ever inside you.”

Then don’t fucking go.
Drew closed down those thoughts immediately. Justin had to do this. He understood it, no matter how much he wanted him to stay.

“Can I at least get a kiss?” Justin asked.

“Yes, sir. That you can have.” Their mouths fit together in a slow, languid kiss. Justin’s tongue stroked the inside of his mouth, and then Drew’s did the same to Justin’s. When they parted, they didn’t say another word to each other. He moved away from the car. Justin got in. They shared one more look, and then Justin drove away, and Drew fought like hell not to run after him and tell him to come back.

Justin hung up from his phone call with Drew. It had felt good talking to him. The last time had been a few days before, and this was the third call they’d shared in the two weeks Justin had been home.

He’d gotten a dog, which was fucking ridiculous. It wasn’t that he hadn’t always liked animals, because he had. Still, he’d never really thought about getting a dog before. He hadn’t thought much about getting one before bringing Ireland home either. The local shelter had been running a dog adoption drive. He’d driven by and seen the sign. The next thing he knew, he was filling out the paperwork to bring home the stray, mixed-breed.

His house felt too quiet, which made no sense. He’d lived on his own since he was eighteen years old. He had no problems with a quiet house, but suddenly, it felt lonely as hell.

“How you doing, Ireland?” he asked when she jumped on his lap, wagging her tail. “Are you bored?” He rubbed behind her ear. “Yes, you are, aren’t you? I’m bored too. What are we going to do, huh?”

When he was greeted by nothing but silence Justin rolled his eyes. “I’m losing my fucking mind.” He pushed to his feet. Ireland followed him, wagging her tail like crazy. He opened the door to let her out just as his mom pulled into his driveway.

A few minutes later, Ireland jumped all over her as she made her way to the house. “I got off work early so I thought I’d stop by and say hi,” his mom told him before she pulled him in for a brief hug.

“How are you?” he asked before they walked back into the house. Ireland plopped on her dog bed by the fireplace and they sat at the table.

“Happy to have you home. It’s nice to be able to stop by and see you when I want to.”

He smiled at her, genuinely. He enjoyed that as well. He’d always had a close relationship with her, but for some reason, the word home made his stomach sour. “It’s good to be back,” Justin told her. It
should
feel good to be home. He’d always loved it here. Granted, he hadn’t known anything else, but that had always been okay with him. He guessed it made sense for him to feel a little unsteady still. He’d been through a lot and now he was stepping back into his life. It had been a hard few months.

“Did you figure things out with school and at Paul’s?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I’m picking back up spring semester. I’ll go to work with Paul full time until then, and then I’ll go to part time.” He’d known Paul most of his life. Justin was lucky to be able to come right back to a job.

Justin glanced his mom’s way and saw a wrinkle between her brows. “Are you sure you’re okay? Something’s been off with you. I know you miss your father. I would do anything to make it so that he was still here with you.” She reached over and squeezed his hand. “You had a special few months with him. He loved you so much, Justin.”

“I know he did.” Justin looked down at his small kitchen table, traced patterns on the wood with his finger. “I’ve made peace with everything as best as I could. There’s no changing any of it, and I like Shanen and Landon a lot. Joy’s a good woman, too.”

She gave him a sad smile, and damned if Justin didn’t feel guilty for liking Joy.

“I know she is. They were all nothing but kind to me when I was there. There’s a part of me that wanted to hate her. Even before I knew about Landon and Shanen, I wanted to hate her because I’d always known your father loved her. Do I believe he loved me too? I do, but I’ve always known it was different than the love he felt for her.”

“Really?” Justin asked, locking eyes with her. “Even when the two of you were together?” They’d never had this conversation before. How did you bring something like this up?

She sighed. “Yeah. At first I think I wanted to try and save him. Never think you can save a man, Justin. It doesn’t work that way, but he was depressed, lonely, and I wanted to fix that. He loved you so damn much from the second he met you, that I told myself it would work. Eventually he’d love me that much too.”

He felt like someone sat on his chest, pressing all their weight down on him.

“Of course it didn’t work…and that’s okay. The two of you were close, and regardless of the fact that I’ve never married, it’s not as if I’ve spent my life waiting for him.”

She had dated a few men through the years, some longer than others. He’d always respected her strength and will to keep going. She didn’t need anyone. She’d raised Justin fine on her own before he came back and she would have continued to do so without his father.

“You’re in love with Drew, aren’t you?” she asked after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah…yeah, I am,” he answered honestly. There was no question in his mind that he loved him. “I’m not quite sure how it happened but it did.”

“We’re never quite sure how love happens. Love isn’t something you plan, love is something that happens slowly, in small doses—something someone says once, something they do, the way they treat you, the way they make you feel—all those little moments and then…boom, you’re just there. You’ve fallen.”

He liked that. Love was in the small things that sometimes went unnoticed. Some of what she said sounded similar to what his father had told him. He liked that thought. “Jesus, Ma. You should write romance novels or something. People would eat that shit up,” he teased her.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled. “Maybe in my next life. I’m pretty settled in this one.” They were both quiet. Ireland snored in the corner, and Justin waited, knowing she had more to say.

“Why are you here?” she finally asked.

I don’t know
was the first thought that popped into his head, but he answered with, “Because I live here?”

She scoffed. “That’s bullshit and you know it.” That was his mom. She didn’t walk on eggshells for anyone. She was always straight to the point. “I’ll be okay, Justin.”

His eyes snapped up toward her, his throat suddenly tight.

“I’m your mother. No one will ever know you as well as I do. I know you’re as loyal as they come, especially to your family. You’d do anything for family. I’m a grown woman. I have a career, a home. I might not be in a relationship with anyone, but I’m even capable of going out and having sex if I want it.”

He shook his head and chuckled. Only his mother would say something like that. “I don’t think I want to talk about your sex life.”

“Me either. I’m just saying, I know how to live. I knew how before I met your father, when we were together, and when we separated. I’ll be okay. You won’t be leaving me behind. There isn’t a part of me who will ever feel like you’ve chosen them over me.”

That was the crux of it, wasn’t it? His mother had been a one-night-stand for his dad. They’d gone their separate ways. He’d gone back to Joy and she’d discovered she was pregnant. She’d done a damn good job raising Justin by herself. When things with Joy hadn’t worked, his dad had made a home here, and they’d found each other again. When he realized he would die, it wasn’t his mom that Larry needed. He’d gone back to his family, and yes, part of that was because of Shanen and Landon, but that didn’t change the fact that he’d needed them and Justin had dropped everything to go with him.

He never wanted her to feel as though he’d replaced her—as though he’d replaced one family with another the way his father had done.

“It’s not just that,” he began. “What would I do? Go there, get a shitty job, move in with him? My life is here. This is my home.”

“I’m calling bullshit again. None of that matters. You’re throwing excuses at me. I raised you better than that. You look around this place, really look and if you can tell me you’re happy here, that it’s home, I’ll shut my mouth and mind my own business—never mind, who am I kidding? I’m your mama. I’ll never mind my own business.”

Jesus, he loved this woman. There had never been a time in his life that she didn’t support him. That she hadn’t been there for him. He wasn’t sure there’d ever been a time in his life that she’d been wrong, either.

“Thanks, Mom.” This time it was Justin who reached over and squeezed her hand.

She winked at him, “That’s what I’m here for. So, how did the two of you meet, anyway?”

He couldn’t stop the laugh from jumping out of his mouth. There was no way in hell he could share
that
story with her.

“No one’s stumbled onto my hat yet, have they, Robyn?” he asked her for the hundredth time.

“Nope. You know I’d let you know if they did.”

He ran a hand through his hair. He felt naked without the damn thing. He had no idea where it could have gone, but it had been missing for weeks. He should just buy a new one but he liked his old hat. It was worn, it fit his head just right.

“You know they carry those things at the store, right? It’s a pretty amazing concept. You go in, pick out a hat, and buy it.”

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. “Ha, ha. When did you become such a comedian?”

“I’m just giving you shit,” she teased him. “So…how’s your guy? Are you really trying the long distance thing?”

Well, there went his good mood. Drew pulled away and leaned against the counter. The gym was pretty slow right now. He didn’t have any more appointments lined up so he was about to head out. “I don’t know,” he shrugged. “We haven’t really said for sure what we’re doing. It was mentioned. We’ve talked a few times. I still want him. If long distance is the only option, I guess we try it. I’m giving him some time to get his bearings.”

Sympathy played in her eyes as she looked at him. “You tell him I said to treat you right or I’m going to steal you away from him. You’re quite the catch.”

He knew she was only giving him a hard time, probably trying to make him feel better. “I’ll be sure to tell him you said that. And you’re quite the catch too.”

They said their goodbyes and Drew headed out for the day. He considered calling Justin, but hell, he didn’t want to push the man.

Actually, that was a fucking lie. He wanted to drive his ass to North Carolina, kidnap Justin and bring him back home. He’d just pulled into his driveway when his cell rang. Drew grabbed it from the seat beside him and saw Jacob’s name on the screen. Things still weren’t perfect between them, but they were better than they had been. They were working on things and that’s all you could really do.

“Hello?” Drew killed his truck’s engine.

“Hey, do you have plans tomorrow night? Shanen wants you to come over for dinner. Joy, Landon, and Rod will be here as well. She’s still struggling with the loss of Larry. She wants her family close.”

Drew’s heart broke for her. He understood that desire and he felt damned honored to be included in the people she wanted close. “Yeah, I think I can make that work. Thanks for calling.”

“Sure…so, have you talked to him?” Jacob asked. It was strange as hell having conversations like this with his brother. This had never been who they were…but he was glad it was who they were becoming.

“I talked to him a few days ago. He’s getting things in order. He’ll be heading back to school soon. He’s…living his life.” Which was exactly what he was supposed to do. “Listen, I’m going to run. I—”

“What are you doing, Drew?”

“What do you mean?”

“If there’s one thing I’ve always respected about you—even if it was also the thing that made me jealous of you—it’s your fire, your determination to go for what you want, no matter what the risk is. You are who you are and you have never made apologies for that. It’s a damn admirable quality and you’re losing it now when it’s the most important.”

Drew sighed, reached for his hat before he remembered he’d lost the damn thing, and dropped his head back against the seat. “What are you talking about?”

“You want him, you fight for him. You fucking go to him if you have to. Don’t just roll over and accept whatever happens. If you do, you deserve to lose him. If things don’t go your way, at least you know you fought.” Jacob sighed. “I’ve never had to fight for something before. I’ve always just done what’s expected and honestly, it’s come easy for me. That’s not you. You’re a fighter. Prove it.”

Drew stared at the phone for minutes after Jacob hung up on him. At first he was in shock—who the fuck was that who’d just told him to go after Justin? Then he was pissed—who did Jacob think he was? Drew was doing the right thing. He was giving Justin the time he needed.

Then he was angry at himself, because Jacob was right. He was giving up, letting whatever happened, happen. He was accepting the status quo and not going for what he wanted, which was Justin. He wanted Justin more than he’d ever wanted anything in his life.

He jumped out of the truck, fire burning in his veins. He fumbled the keys like only Justin made him do, before he got into his house. He took the stairs two at a time as he made his way to his room. Less than ten minutes later, he had a bag packed.

Fuck this. Fuck waiting. Justin was his and Drew would make damn sure the other man knew it.

Drew got down the stairs even quicker than he got up them. He jerked open the door and… “You stole my fucking hat.”

Justin smiled and it nearly stopped his damn heart.