Test Drive (Crossroads Book 3) (24 page)

And he would have. That didn’t mean there still wasn’t guilt. Or maybe it was just easier to focus on that than it was the pain that gnawed on his insides. Every second it took another chunk of him, ate away at him.

The longer they drove, the more he felt like he was disappearing, like there was a darkness sucking him in.

He’d felt it at Joy’s house as well. He’d known he wouldn’t be able to stay there. He needed to escape but the need followed him here, where he hadn’t expected.

As soon as they pulled into the driveway, Justin was out of the truck. He slammed the door and went straight for the house, Drew right behind him.

Drew didn’t fumble with the keys this time. He unlocked the door and pushed it open for Justin, who rushed inside.

“Fuck!” he yelled at the top of his lungs. “It’s not fucking fair!”

He was losing his goddamned mind, screaming in Drew’s foyer like that but he couldn’t seem to stop himself.

“It’s not fair. We didn’t get enough time to be a real fucking family. I…” Justin’s hand knotted in his own hair…and then Drew was there, wrapping his arms around Justin from behind…and it was suddenly like someone was pulling him back. Like Drew was the sun, trying to bleed into Justin’s darkness. Like he wouldn’t let Justin get lost in it.

“Shh…I got you,” Drew said against his ear.

“I need you. Fuck, I need you so goddamn bad right now. I feel like I’m slipping away. Like this isn’t real. Like
I’m
not real. Make me feel real, Drew. Make me feel something good.” He sounded weak and needy, but right now, that didn’t matter. It was okay to be vulnerable here, with this man.

And when Drew’s mouth came down on his neck, sucking and kissing him, Justin felt himself being drawn back to earth. It meant the world to him that Drew respected him enough not to ask if he was sure, not to say that it wasn’t the time. Justin knew what he wanted, what he needed, and Drew knew him well enough to understand that.

“I owe you a door-fuck. Are you cashing it in now?” he asked and damned if Justin didn’t feel himself smile. He wouldn’t have thought that he’d be capable of that today.

“Yes. Need you in my ass.” Justin was breathless just from feeling Drew’s mouth on his neck, Drew’s dick nudging his crease. “Just want to feel you for a little while. Nothing but you. The pain will be there waiting when we’re done.”

From behind him, Drew’s fingers worked the button and zipper on Justin’s pants. He slid his hand inside and cupped Justin’s dick, rubbing it through his underwear. “Don’t know how I’m going to live without this when you go.”

Justin got a sharp pain in his chest, because the truth was, he would have to leave soon. “We’re here now.”

Drew pulled his hand out of Justin’s pants, turned him around, and jerked Justin’s shirt over his head. “So fucking beautiful,” Drew told him as he licked Justin’s nipple. “Gonna savor you.”

He sucked both Justin’s nipples, one after the other, making him gasp. He licked both collarbones. Bit his neck. Kissed his Adam’s apple.

“You’re making me crazy,” Justin gasped against him.

“That’s the idea.” Drew pulled back and tore his own shirt off before his mouth came down on Justin’s. They rubbed together, chest against chest as Drew devoured his mouth.

Justin’s hands roamed down Drew’s back, to his ass, and he pulled away enough to say, “Want to feel your skin. I’m so fucking cold. I need your warmth.”

Drew growled into his neck before pulling back. He had his jeans off in two seconds flat, his pretty cock swollen and leaking. Justin let his finger circle his slit, collected the pre-come there and then sucked it into his mouth.

“Oh fuck, that was sexy,” Drew shuddered against him and then he lowered himself to the floor. He pulled Justin’s pants and underwear down. Justin’s dick was so tender, so fucking eager to let go that he thought he’d lose it the second Drew touched him.

But he didn’t. He dropped the back of his head against the wall when Drew shoved his face between Justin’s legs and breathed him in. He pulled back, stroked Justin’s cock, milked it, making pre-come spill from him. Drew pulled Justin’s prick away from his body, the come dripping out only for Drew to catch it on his tongue.

“Look at you. So fucking hot. I created a monster.”
And then I’m going to leave him…someone else will be able to enjoy him.
Justin squeezed his eyes closed, shook his head, and then Drew shoved to his feet.

“Don’t you disappear on me. It’s just you and me, baby.”

Then they were kissing again. Their arms were wrapped around each other, chests glued together, hands roaming each other’s backs as they kissed. Sucked each other’s tongues, lips.

Justin wanted to keep going. Wanted to stop so they could fuck. Wanted to do everything all at once and never stop.

“I need you. Christ, I need your dick stretching my ass. Wanna feel you inside me.”

“Shit. Condoms. I’ll be right back.” Drew went to pull away but Justin grabbed his arm.

“I don’t want to wait,” Justin said, meaning it.

“There’s lube. I bought some and put it in the closet, for that fuck I owe you. I haven’t gotten to the condoms yet.”

“Just take me raw. I’ve never had anyone raw before.” He didn’t know why he wanted that so much right now. Why he couldn’t let Drew run upstairs or why he couldn’t go up with him. Maybe he just wanted this one thing with Drew that he’d never had with anyone else. “I was tested before I came here. I haven’t been with anyone other than you.”

“I haven’t been with anyone other than you since I was last checked either. I go every six months like clockwork.”

Justin tried to smile. “Look at you. Looks like you do follow some rules. If you don’t want—”

“I want,” Drew cut him off. He opened the closet full of coats beside them and pulled out a small tube of lube.

Justin could see his hand tremble as he opened it, stroking his own dick to get it wet for Justin.

He wanted Drew’s come, he realized. Wanted it spilled inside him. Wanted a part of Drew inside him that he’d never had inside of him before.

Justin turned, put his hands on the wall, spread his legs, and gave Drew his ass.

It went quickly after that. The head of Drew’s thick cock pushed past the first ring of muscle, before sliding in slowly, deeper until he bottomed out.

They were both still. Drew’s body was hot and hard against his back. His dick stretching Justin’s ass the way he fucking loved. “Make love to me, Drew. Make me feel good.”

Drew wrapped one arm around Justin’s waist. His hand gripped Justin’s cock and he started to stroke. Stroke as he pulled out, and then jackhammered in again. With his other hand, he threaded their fingers together against the wall.

It was slow, so fucking slow and so good. Every time Drew thrust deeper, Justin breathed out.

This was what he’d needed. Drew was what he needed.

Drew kissed his neck, whispered in his hear from behind. Told him how good he felt. How tight he was. How he’d never get enough. That Justin was so fucking hot, hugging his raw dick. That he couldn’t wait to fill Justin with his come.

Damned if he didn’t want the same thing.

When Drew slammed in again, hot spurts jerked in Justin’s ass, and he let loose himself. His balls tightened as he came all over Drew’s hand while Drew did the same in his ass.

And then he fucking cried. The pain was there, waiting to crash into him, to turn him into a pile of rubble.

He couldn’t hold it back anymore. He’d lost his father. He still felt insecure of his place with his family. He lived in fucking North Carolina and Drew lived here. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t far, it wasn’t here and when in the hell did long distance relationships ever work?

“Shh, baby. It’s okay. I got you.” Drew’s cock still filled him. It started to soften before he eventually fell out. He didn’t let go of Justin—kept hugging him, kept kissing his neck.

And Justin continued to cry. Tears poured out of his eyes. Mixed with his come on the floor. And then Drew was holding him again. They were lying down in Drew’s bed, and he didn’t even remember how they’d gotten up the stairs.

They were facing each other, on their sides. His whole body was squeezed between Drew’s legs. His face in Drew’s neck. One of Drew’s hands on the back of his head as he comforted Justin. As he told him he loved him. As he told him it would be okay.

When Drew said it, Justin believed him.

His wishes had been to be cremated, so that’s what they’d done. Today was the intimate celebration of life at Shanen’s home.

Justin’s mom came from North Carolina to be with him. Drew was there, always there supporting him. Joy, Rod, Landon, Shanen, and Jacob were there, of course, but Drew’s parents had come too. It made sense, Justin thought, considering Shanen was their daughter-in-law. Obviously they would want to be there to support her.

“You okay?” Drew asked.

“Yeah. Just thinking about how sexy you look in a suit,” he winked at Drew, who rolled his eyes, before wrapping his arm around Justin’s shoulders, pulling him close, and kissing the top of his head.

This was the first time they’d been in the same room with Drew’s parents since his dad’s birthday party, which felt like an eternity ago. He hadn’t been sure how Drew would react, but he found himself closing his eyes, relieved that he wouldn’t pull away.

When he opened his eyes again, he saw Drew’s parents heading their way. They held their heads high, backs straight, confident. His mom wore a lot of make-up and excessive jewelry. You could tell they were used to things of a certain standard, which couldn’t feel further from who Drew was.

Justin stiffened slightly. Drew had told him they were okay with his revelation, but it was an instinct to be on edge.

Drew’s father’s eyes darted to Drew’s arm around him, and then at Drew.

“Hello,” his mom said. “We wanted to take a moment to properly introduce ourselves. I know we met briefly at the party, but…well…things are a little different now.”

Justin straightened himself up and held his hand out, first to Drew’s mom, then his father.

“We’re very sorry for your loss,” his mom said.

Justin’s chest got tight. Yeah, he was sorry about it too. “Thank you. I appreciate that, and it was nice of you to come and support Shanen.”

Her brows pulled together, but it was Drew’s father who spoke. “We’re here to support you too since…um…you and Drew are…” His cheeks darkened and Justin saw that he flushed the same way Drew did. But he couldn’t focus on that for very long. They were here for him too, because he was important to Drew.
How was he supposed to do this? How could he leave Drew?

“Dating. They’re dating, dear,” his mom smiled. “My husband is never at a loss for words. We should document this!”

Drew laughed beside him, before he stepped away from Justin to hug both of his parents. “Thank you,” he whispered softly.

When they parted, it was his dad who spoke. “Drew said you worked in construction, but you were enrolled in school. Will you continue both here?”

A cold front swept through Justin’s insides, but Drew didn’t falter. He replied, “Justin has to go back to North Carolina. It’s his home. He has a life there.”

Both of his parents looked confused. “Oh. I just assumed…I’m sorry.” His dad looked uncomfortable again.

“We’ll figure it out,” Drew replied, as Justin watched him. Would they? How? Would they try a long distance relationship? Fear spiked inside him. Did they have any chance of making this work? But then…could he just drop his life at home and move here when the past few months had been such an emotional rollercoaster?

Before Justin had the chance to think about it further, his own mother approached them. “You must be Drew’s parents. I’m Emily. It’s very nice to meet you.”

The conversation went on from there. Then the group got together and told stories about Larry. There was laughter and tears, but most of all, there was life because life went on. No matter what happened, you had to keep living.

***

It was early the next morning that Drew and Justin stood outside Drew’s house. It was still dark, the air chilly, but it was peaceful. Drew liked this time of day. He always had. The world seemed so much quieter before dawn.

“Sure was a fun test drive. Lasted a little longer than both of us expected.” He was trying to lighten the mood, to show Justin it was okay and that he understood, but the other man didn’t smile. He just stared at Drew, who leaned against Justin’s car.

“It’s more than a test drive. You and I both know that. It’s not that I want to leave. Christ, my insides feel like they’re torn to shreds at the thought of leaving you…I just…that’s home. I belong there. My head and my heart are a mess right now. I need to sort things through. I need some downtime to make sense of it all. In less than a year I found out my dad was dying, that he’d lied to me most of my life. That I had siblings I didn’t know. I dropped everything to go to a new state, and tried to find my place in a new family, while leaving my other one behind. I lost my father, fell in love—”

“About time you said it,” Drew cut him off, then hooked his finger through Justin’s belt loop and pulled him close. His arms immediately went around Justin’s shoulders. Justin’s fingers dug into his hips as they held each other. “You don’t need to explain anything to me. I get it. Like I said yesterday, we’ll figure it out. I’ll come visit you and you can show me North Carolina in more detail than I showed you Scotland and Ireland.”

This time, he got one of Justin’s chuckles.

“You gonna keep working out when you get home?” Drew asked.

“Don’t know. Not sure it’ll be as fun without you. I just did it for the post-workout sex.”

“That’s because I’m good.” They were quiet, stalling. Drew knew it. Justin had said his goodbyes to Joy, Landon, and Shanen yesterday. He’d promised to call and to visit. He’d spent his night with Drew and now they just had to do it. Nothing was going to change.

“You should go…you’re supposed to pick your mom up at the hotel in five minutes.”

“Do we have time for a quickie?” Justin kissed Drew’s neck, nipped his earlobe.