The Awakening (22 page)

              She shook her head. "It’s still sad," she argued. "Poor Thanatos."

              Nolan frowned. "He doesn't deserve your sympathy, Raina.”

              She nodded. "Can he earn his freedom? “

              Nolan cleared his throat and shook his head.

              "So, he can never just...live?"

              "She could release him...she never will. In most cases you don't even notice the power another has over you. I may hear from Joseph now and then, but he only contacts me for financial advice."

              "So you belong to Joseph, not her?" Raina looked relieved.

              “I am responsible to Joseph. Never Elenora."

              Raina drew in a breath. "She knows about me."

              "Thanatos took care of that. The evening we had dinner...when he showed up...the talk in the parking lot? He promised me he'd clean up the mess. Elenora can be very jealous."

              "She still wants you." Raina frowned. "I knew I disliked her the moment I saw her."

              Nolan looked pleased.

              She blushed, and hurried on. "So why did Thanatos not just reveal you had taken me under your protection? He is so determined to hurt you...to seduce me. It would be easy just to blow up the whole situation. I don't understand why he agreed to clean up the mess."

              His lashes lowered, and he gave a shrug. He looked ready to say something unpleasant. "He’s enamored by you Aelan...he couldn't tell her about you without revealing his own feelings that would upset her. He’s carried on with other mortal girls...but it’s different with you. She would have a fit. She'd have a fit if she knew I was spending so much time over you...and enjoying it. He certainly would enjoy seeing her flip and come after me, but he'd be in hot water too. She'd come after you too, and he could not stand that. I hate saying it...but, his being obsessed with you is a blessing. If ever he feels it would benefit him he may tell her all...but for right now you should be safe."

              She sighed in relief. But a new source of anxiety entered her thoughts. Thanatos didn't merely lust after her. There was a chance that he even cared...and that scared her. It also gave her hope for the tormented soul he was. His heart was not all black. "He hasn't always been bad, has he?"

              Nolan sighed, "No."

              They sat in silence for a while, glancing out over the water.

              Raina peaked shyly at him. "So if you ever had to...to save me that way...I would be yours? If I were bestowed to you?"

              He growled deep in his chest and frowned at her. "Don't talk like that!"

              Raina bit her lip and glanced away. "I'll rephrase…”

              He leapt from the rock and walked away, cutting her off. “We’re not going there,” he growled. He wasn't going to even allow her to ponder.

              "Fine, be an ass," she mumbled, getting down awkwardly. She was shocked when he spun around. Crazy immortal hearing!

              "I'm an ass? Because I won't allow you to discuss dying...being cursed? That makes me an ass?" He shouted. He was visibly shaken.

              Raina leaned against the rock. She watched him advance on her, trap her between his body and the rock. He was breathing rapidly, obviously trying to control his anger.

              "My job is to keep you alive. Do you understand that? I will not have you entertaining thoughts like that." He leaned toward her. "Don't make my job harder than it has to be," he pleaded softly.

              Raina drew in heavy breaths. His nearness did not help. She wanted to reach up and touch him, wanted her fingers in his hair again, his lips on hers, in the worse way. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

              He briskly stepped away, drew in a deep breath, and seemed to calm himself. "I’m sorry too...I just...please don't, okay?"

              Raina nodded.

              He stood back and just looked at her. She stared back. He was really upset with her...so upset the pulse at the base of his throat was pounding. Did he really see his immortality as a curse? Why? What was so incredibly wrong with the amazing being he was now?

              He tilted his head toward the trail. "You want to head back? We...we'll go get some lunch, talk a bit more?"

              Raina drew in a steady breath. She smiled. "You'll tell me more about David?"

              He nodded.

              "And I get to ride on that beautifully fast bike?"

              He smiled back "Of course."

              "Then I'm famished," she sighed.

The breeze in the outdoor cafe was perfect for heated cheeks, as much as the cool glass of ice water the waiter gave her was good for her parched throat.

              She jumped right into the questions. “I know you said you made a promise to David that I would be protected...and other than being without him....why would he feel the need for me to be protected?”

              "Did you see how enlightened to my kind of world he became in the end?"

              She nodded. "I thought he was doing it just for my benefit."

              He smiled "I suppose that was part of it. He knew you well...knew how to comfort you...keep your mind elsewhere."

              Raina smiled back. David’s face flashed before her, and her smile turned sad. "He told me it was important that no one ever take my faith from me. That I should hold on to those little beliefs people would call silly!"

              His eyes turned dark grey as he focused. "He was smart Raina."

              She bit her lip. Then her eyes widened. "David wanted to be like you."

              "He did. I was going to help....but not with immortality. I had another plan. We have strengths….some can heal." He swallowed and stopped short, as if he was preventing himself from revealing more than was necessary. "He didn't want to be healed. He wanted what I had."

              Raina shook her head.

              "He learned Thanatos...was like me" he paused. “Greed can cause a man to think differently...react differently, and maybe set aside the safety of himself...and even the safety of those he loves...especially when a man is faced with the thought that he might not last to the end of the month."

              Raina shook her head in defense. Her lip trembled slightly. "There wasn't a greedy bone in David’s body," she protested. "Do you think I had grieved so long for a selfish man?"

              Nolan sighed, running his hands over his face. "It's not like that Raina....men can be greedy over more than power or money,sex, politics." He leaned forward, his grey eyes glinted silver in the light, and his handsome face was too beautiful to turn away from.              

"This is going to sound horrid, and you may hate me for this. Just know I made a decision out of kindness...out of experience." He swallowed, pausing, only to make sure she was still listening closely. "He wanted immortality like myself, like Thanatos”

She nodded.

“I knew that, better he leave this life, saying his goodbyes now...then living forever and saying them over and over. The goodbyes never end in my life. The cost is great."

              Raina felt tears well up. "But if he had been bestowed, you would not have taken advantage. It would have cost him nothing!"

              Emotion colored his eyes silver again. "I'm not talking about the initial cost, Raina. The price I paid was nothing...I offer my smarts to a man who otherwise is no good with money. There are other costs!"

              Raina shook her head. "I don't understand."

              His face softened. "Men were made by God to first love him.... love others...and pass, simple as that. How could I allow him to be cursed, as I am cursed?"

              "You call what you have a curse? Nolan...you have lived your life several times over, befriended multitudes...traveled the earth....enjoyed thousands of sunsets, sunrises! You have been blessed with a beautiful face, a perfected body...how can you deny another?"

              He shook his head." I did not morph when I became immortal Raina....I was born and grew up to what you see now...I work daily to keep myself strong.” He shrugged. "I have the same face I had that day I was "gifted" It’s not a magical occurrence in that way. Yeah I get to live forever, but I still have to deal with the humanness."

              She blinked at the vehemence in his words. "I'm sorry." she whispered. "I just assumed.... So you...you feel physically...you can hurt then?"

              He gave a curt nod. "I cannot die. I can be hurt....I will heal but I'm not completely bullet proof. I have emotions....and over a lifetime many times over I've lived through pain...suffering. Life has its moments Aelan....but man was only supposed to live those moments one time."

              Nolan accepted her silence, and continued on with his story. "When I would not help him, the way he wanted, David turned to Thanatos. It’s a game to Thanatos, and David was just a whimsy. He was taking the necessary steps, spoke to Joseph even, but I knew he was expecting a lifetime of servitude from David. I could not allow that...."

              "So you let David just, die?"

              Nolan growled deep in his throat and sat back. “Have you not been listening to me?” He closed his eyes, and only snapped to life when the waiter came for their order.

              The waiter looked with concern at Raina's tears, but took their order and left without comment.

              “Okay, you didn’t just let him die,” she sighed. “You feel that what you have is a curse…I get that. But David was choosing…whereas you had no choice.”

              Silver eyes soft and soothing met hers. "Raina, would that I had lived the life David did, as short as it was! I am cursed mostly in this way.......every person I meet now, every friend I make, I kow I will eventually have to say goodbye. How could I wish that on David by helping him to become immortal?"

              Raina dipped her head, breaking away from the kindness she felt radiating from him. "It just seems unfair."

              "I tried to convince him to be healed, Aelan," he whispered, though they were the only ones sitting outside the cafe. "That was my idea...the one David rejected because it wasn't one hundred percent certain to work. I was making head way to convince him...when that green eyed demon showed up. Thanatos made it impossible for me to get near him."

              "If Thanatos was helping David.....why is David not still here?" She leaned forward now...needing the whole story.

              Nolan hesitated. He would not look her in the eye. He seemed almost ashamed of what he was about to say. "He never went through on his promise. Thanatos saw you one day, when he went to make plans with your husband."

              Raina frowned. "Why would seeing me change anything?"

              "He was jealous of your husband."

              She frowned. "Me? I am nothing special."

              Nolan reached across and caught a tear that was cascading down her face. "We immortals see differently. We can see beauty in a person...and we can see evil. A mortal woman with a heart and soul like yours is very beautiful." He drew his finger down her cheek, and under her chin, to keep her from looking away. "I will admit, when I meet you for the first time, a long time after the wedding, it took everything in me to fight an instinct to steal you away, make you mine!" He smiled sadly. “I wish could have protected you then.”

“You can protect me now though...why not then?”

              "David had made a pact with Thanatos. He became his protector....when you have vowed to protect a mortal, your strength over that person...your power, is strong.”

              “When did that change?” Her eyes held confusion.

“David was close to death...when he realized Thanatos was going back on his word. He renounced that protection. I went to David then. I told him I would do anything for him...for you. I offered my protection…he accepted...giving me the strength to be your protector."

              She shook her head. “Why didn't you have David healed then?"

              He swallowed hard, looking away. “It was too late.”

Raina felt more tears gathering. She knew how David was at the end.

“I was going to help him to become immortal,” he whispered, reading her thoughts. “I felt so horrid... offered to get Joseph….but David made another decision.”

Raina was starting to understand why. The agony in Nolan’s face was enough to convince anyone that he suffered.

              “David made me promise to watch over you, protect you from Thanatos or any other, and I gave my word." He grinned. "The demon did not consider the chance David would know to ask this of me. He was furious when he found you had a protector." The way the corners of his lips twitched. He sat back when their lunch arrived.

              Raina nearly jumped at the arrival, so involved with their conversation she forgot where she was. She smiled sheepishly at Nolan's amusement.