The Awakening (26 page)

              Turk whined, then gave up, lying at her feet.

              Raina finished her lunch, and then leaned back on her hands, closing her eyes. She listened to the sounds around her for a moment. Her ears strained for any kind of foot fall. She wished she could open her eyes and find..."NO!" she growled at herself, and forced her eyes opened. "No Nolan today."

              Turk looked up and whined at the name. He was missing Nolan too.

              "I know boy. Nolan has his own life....I wish he was here..." she bit her lip. Why couldn't she just stop thinking about him? She sighed and closed her eyes again, blowing out a deep breath.

              "I wish I could do the dream thing like our dear Nolan."

              Raina's heart leapt and her hand went to her throat. She blew out a breath, trying to calm the heavy beating.

Turk growled deep in his chest, and jumped to his feet. His fur bristled around his neck and his teeth bared.

              Thanatos teeth flashed, and he laughed at her response.

              Raina did feel a bit of fear, but his manner soon calmed her. "I wish the two of you would stop doing that," she growled.

              "Doing what?"

              She rolled her eyes. "Showing up out of nowhere and scaring the life out of me.”

              Thanatos grinned. "It’s so much fun though!" He found himself a place to sit on a fallen log. He gave Turk a look that quieted the dog right away.

              "It’s not fun for me. You may have endless years left, but I'm still just a mortal."

              He stifled another laugh.

              Raina’s lips quirked and she forced a frown. "Stop making me laugh...I want to be mad!"

              He gave her a shrug. "I'm doing nothing."

              She wanted to stick her tongue out, but kept it in her mouth. "What did you mean about the dream thing?" Her blues watched him warily now.

              His green eyes softened. "I could make all this a dream. You'd wake up healed, and none the wiser." He stared down at the ground. "I could reappear as not so big a jack ass...and maybe you'd kind of want me around."

              She gave him an amused glance.

              "Maybe you'd even kind of like me."

              Raina held her breath for a second. He had never shown this vulnerability. She didn’t think he could be capable. And of course, it could all be an act. He could be a very convincing actor. "Nah, you'd do something to mess it up," she teased.

              He chuckled, scratching his blonde head. "You're probably right."

              Raina glanced up into the tree tops and sighed. Her eyes drifted back down, and she glanced about, hoping for a glimpse, of what, she didn't know. Or did she?

              "It’s useless," he growled.

              Raina’s eyes shot back to him. "Hmm?"

              "He's not around...not now," he whispered.

              Raina looked away.

              "Can't I show up, without you thinking of him?"

              She shook her head. "That’s impossible Thanatos, and you know that."

              "He and I….we’re one and the same huh?"

              She scowled. "Only that you share immortality. You and Nolan are certainly not one and the same. Where ever he is, you usually aren't far away."

              He crossed his arms. "You would see it that way," he agreed.

              Raina studied him. His blonde hair was perfectly in place, his face clean shaven. He wore a designer t-shirt...and extremely well made jeans...even his shoes cost more than her entire outfit. He did a lot for the appearance he gave. It showed two things...one, he was overly concerned for his looks...this was after all...the woods, not a fashion show...and two, for as much confidence he tried to show...he was a very insecure guy.

              "What other way can I see it?"

              He shrugged, and turned his face to her.

              Raina bit the inside of her cheek to keep her mouth from falling open. He really was quite handsome. She broke the gaze and turned to the wary Turk. She patted his head to calm him.

              "You are so beautiful," he said softly.

              Raina felt her cheeks warm.

              "I wish you knew just how much. Any man is a fool that would hurt you."

              She bit her lip. "What can I say to that? You're a fool?"

              He laughed, revealing his perfect teeth. "Yes...you should say just that. I'm a fool." He cleared his throat. “It’s hard for you…being told to keep away from him?”

              She nodded. “Very.” She shrugged. “I can do nothing about it.” Her eyes lowered, not daring to look at him.

"You don't deserve to be told what to do you know? You should feel free to...to be you...want what you want. Not be ordered about like a child."

              "You don't have to try to make me feel better after what happened last night. I don't blame you."

He frowned. "Still...I hated being the bearer of bad news."

              Raina gave him a sideways glance. "Why do you do it? Listen to her?"

              He frowned. "I'm hers," he sighed. "She has a power over me...not complete, but I can't help myself when she asks something of me."

              "You loved her before it all happened," she whispered. "That would make it harder to disobey." She gave him a small smile. "You can't change that."

              Hurt flashed in his green eyes. "I would love to be able to change it...believe me!" His eyes skimmed the ground below him. “I guess sometimes we make bad choices." He looked down at his hands. "We just have to live with them."

              Raina watched his profile, saw the jaw clench, the eyes squint. His hurt was apparent, even if he tried to hide it with his down turned face. She felt like she was witnessing something very few had ever seen.

              He shrugged. "Just bad choices."

              "We really can't choose who we fall in love with." Raina drew in a breath. "It just happens.” She pulled her gaze from him and looked out across the little stream. "It’s not your fault."

              He pursed his lips and shrugged.

              "She hurt you...but you love her. It allows for you to forgive easily. It makes her betrayal even worse." She almost felt his reaction, saw him stiffen out of her peripheral vision. "Love can help you take an awful beating."

              His jaw clenched again. "I don't know if I love her like that anymore," he admitted. "I desire her. I’m attracted, but..." He cleared his throat, deciding not to continue with his train of thought. He hated that this girl could open up this side of him.

              "Why did you love her in the first place?"

              He still studied his hands. "She showed herself as someone different." He shook his head. "Someone kind of like you." he barked out a bitter laugh. "I thought I was a lucky man, to win her so easily...but it was she who was reeling me in."

              Raina bit her lip.

              "After I was sucked in...I had no choice. I was bestowed to her, and she had a stronger hold on me. Of course, I enjoyed the physical portion of the relationship." He closed his eyes. "But it felt...off. I knew she didn't love me in the same way." He rolled his eyes. "I don't know how many times I've gone back thinking it’s going to be different."

              She cleared her throat. "She made you believe she loved you. Still...you believe she is capable of that...loving you."

              He snorted. "No one is capable of loving me."

              That sentence made Raina's heart hurt. She wanted to argue, but kept quiet. She didn't know if he believed that, or if he was fishing for comfort.

              "I was stupid to fall for it," he sighed. “And yes...stupid to still believe it may change." He dipped his head into his hands.

              Raina couldn't help herself, her kindness won out over her fear, and she went to him, sat on the fallen tree he now perched on. Her hand gently touched his forearm. "I'm sorry she used your love against you," she whispered.

              Thanatos straightened his stance, ashamed of himself. He looked down at her hand. His blood warmed at her contact. He lifted his eyes to the gentle blues.

              "I really am sorry." She was held by the greens...eyes that could not hide the pain. It was a different side of her green eyed devil. “I know you have your issues, but she had no right...has no right to use you like that."

              Her face, so concerned, her eyes so sweet made his stomach summersault. He felt weakened by that, and it made him angry. He looked away quickly.

              "Anyone who would use love as a weapon..." Raina shook her head. "She is the worst kind of person, and she doesn't deserve you!"

              He turned his gaze on her, his green eyes darkened. "Perhaps it wasn't love to begin with." he scoffed. "It’s more like lust." He let his eyes wander over her. Felt his heart hardening all over again.  He wanted to wipe the pity from her face. It was again softening him, and he would never be soft!

              "Kind of like what I feel for you. Full blown lust." He smiled when he saw her shock. Mission accomplished. He used his free hand to touch her face.

              Raina felt a chill. She couldn't quite turn away from him. The green eyes held her captive. "Don't...don't make this something dirty."  She pushed away the hand at her cheek. She started to remove her hand at his arm, but he stole her fingers back. She saw the veil of arrogance fall over him. He was not about to accept and admit he needed her comfort. She shivered a little at his contact.

              Thanatos liked the feel of her soft hand in his. He squeezed gently. "You have some lust for me, don't you Raina?"

              She frowned. "No," she said hesitantly. She hated the breathy sound her voice made, as her fingers were lifted to his lips.

              He shook his head. His lips brushed her knuckles again. She rewarded him with a startled gasp. "Don't lie Raina. You are horrible at it." His stare dipped to her mouth. "Would it make it easier if I called you Aelan?"

              Raina gasped again at his arrogance.

              "No, I suppose not. That name only turns you to mush when it comes from your precious Nolan." He stroked her fingers.

              "Let’s not do this," she tugged her hand away.

              Turk growled, hearing the fear in her voice.

              Thanatos sighed. "Do what?"

              She frowned. "The second you start to open up, you have to turn into alpha male."

              "I don't open up," he growled. "I am my own person...no need for everyone to know my inside."

              "Your own person?" Her eyes were wide with surprise. "Thanatos, you obey the whim of a woman. How is that being yourself?"

              A growl came from him, and he dropped her hand. He got to his feet and walked away from her.

              Raina watched him, saw the struggle in his stiff shoulders.

              "I do not give in to her every whim." His voice was dark, and angry.

              "You wouldn't dare disobey her," Raina yelled at his back. "She gets her way with just the simplest request!" It wasn't just about him anymore either. Her anger over Nolan was appearing.

              He looked back over his shoulder, and gave her a chilling glare.

              Raina swallowed hard, and was silenced. Turk nuzzled her arm and whined.

              "I should go," she mumbled. She went to her discarded back pack, fumbling with its stays. She lifted it neatly over her shoulder, and then turned back to him. He was still watching her with those angry eyes. It disturbed her. Why would he be angry with her? He should be angry with himself. Her words were not untrue.

              He swept her with the angry eyes.

              Raina was unsure why her legs wouldn't work. She didn't want to leave him like that. Her goal had been to bring him some comfort. Lord knows he didn't deserve it!

              "You really find me that weak?"

              She was startled at the fierce malice in his voice.

              "No woman owns me. I do not bend..."

              "Thanatos," she sighed. "I didn't mean..."

              "Yes you did," he growled. "You so easily judge me for bringing you that message. You have yet to question why Nolan so easily obeyed her too."

He gritted his teeth. He knew why Nolan obeyed. Nolan loved Raina. He would stay away to protect her. He counted on that.

              She ducked her head, feeling the betrayal.

              Thanatos felt a pain in his chest. He wanted to steal his words back. He wanted to pull her into his arms and comfort her.

              "I really should head back," she whispered. She called to Turk and started away.

              "Raina," he called. He so wanted to say he was sorry, but he didn't want that to prove her words were right. He hurried after her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around.

              "I have never judged you," she shouted at him. She drew in a breath. "Okay, maybe at first when you gave me no other option."

              He grinned at the words she spat. "When have I given you another option?" His eyes danced.

              Her blue eyes shadowed. "When you brought me my ring." Tears pricked her eyes. "If you were truly evil, you would have tossed it."

              His fingers gentled on the arm he grasped. "I had considered that," he admitted.

              Raina frowned.

              "Then I realized... I didn't like the idea of you hurting over its loss."

              Her frowning lips tipped up into a smile. She felt a tear threaten to escape the corner of her eye. "See...you're not all bad." The tear spilled over.

              He tipped her chin up, and wiped the tear away with the tip of his finger. He could not explain how that act affected him. The tear fell because of him. And not because she was feared him or that she was missing Nolan.

              He smiled at her, liking that she returned it. "Careful…saying that out loud. I have a reputation to uphold!"

              Raina shook her head and laughed, pulling out of his grasp. "I'm sure you will do something to make me want to take that statement back! Rest assured your reputation is safe Thanatos Clay!" She smiled to soften the words. "I'll see you later," she threw over her shoulder, as she pulled away.

              He followed her, as she started back toward home.

              Raina knew he was there, but didn't fear him. She actually felt comforted by him. Her mind rejected that idea. No, not comforted, just not completely terrified. He was in a good place right now. How well she knew he could turn at any moment.

              "Are you stalking me?"

              His chuckle was deep and pleasing to the ears. "Maybe a little."

              Raina sighed heavy enough so he would hear her.

              Another chuckle.

              Turk was not happy with the traveling partner. He stayed close to her legs, glaring back at Thanatos now and then.

              They traveled in silence; only the sound of the forest touched their ears. She wondered why he stayed with her...following, not too close, but close enough. Was she his job today? Why hadn't he gone to look after Nolan? Surely that was who Elenora was most concerned about. It was then that it hit her...he really wasn't around...Nolan. Thanatos had nothing else to fill his time with.

              Raina bit the inside of her cheek, then, without turning to look at him asked what was tearing at her. "You said Nolan wasn't around." She pulled in a breath. "Where is he?"

              Thanatos didn't answer for a moment. "He went on a trip."

              He hadn't even told her he was leaving. She felt a chill up her arms. "Business trip?"

              "No," he sighed.

              "Who did he go see?"

              Thanatos cleared his throat. "You really don't want to know."

              Raina knew then the answer. He was with the She-devil. "Was he summoned?" She turned around now, to meet him face to face. "Another meeting?"

              He continued walking, until he was toe to toe with her. "He went to talk to her, yes," he said softly.

              She looked down at her feet. "I don't deserve to know why."

              He frowned at the top of her head. "Yes you do," he said softly. "But it will have to be him answering the question. I have no idea why he would choose to go to her, over coming to you!"

              Raina steeled herself. "Sure you don't." Her blue eyes snapped to his.

              He looked hurt by her accusation. "I really don't know."

              Raina rolled her eyes, and turned toward home. She knew he followed because of the occasional twig snap behind her. She didn't give him the gift of her attention, choosing to act as though he wasn't there.

              Turk, who was now more comfortable with Thanatos near, believing he meant no harm, wandered ahead. He nosed and dug, and ran after tumbling leaves. Raina chose to use him as a distraction.

              She was not distracted long, before her mind turned to Nolan again. He was with her...that evil woman! And he had gone without one word. No comfort, no I'm sorry this happened. No explanation as to why. It hurt more than anything she thought possible. She allowed the tears, hoping Thanatos wouldn't hear her soft sobbing.

              He heard, and he hated it. The hurt she felt pained him, but also gave him the upper hand over Nolan.

              He followed her with his eyes. She had a long pretty neck, uncovered now...as her hair was pulled up on top of her head. She had a lovely sway to her walk, which was made all the more pleasant by the nicely rounded hips. She was lovely...inside and out. He had never met someone who appealed to more than his body. His eyes noted the shake in her shoulders, and a growl had to be forced down. She was crying over Nolan, and that tore him more than anything else.

              "He’s not worth your tears," he spat.

              Raina forced her shoulders to still. She didn't look back or acknowledge his words.

              "Why are you so hung up on him?

              Raina shook her head.

              He quickened his steps, until he was only two feet behind. "I get it...his sweetness overwhelmed you," he growled sarcastically. "Well so much for your sweetheart now!"

              Raina spun at him, her face raw with tears and anger. "You wouldn't understand! You don't care about anyone else but you! I think you are after me now because you think it would be a win against Nolan," she tripped over his name. "You wouldn't understand what we've shared...and why I'm sad! He is worth my tears." More made an appearance at those words.

              "You think my motives toward you are not pure?"

              Her brows lifted. "Seriously? You are going to play innocent? Thanatos from the very beginning you have made known what your intentions toward me are! And I wouldn't use the word pure when referring to them!" She shook her head.

              He frowned at her. "You don't know me."