The Beginning of Never (The Never Trilogy #1) (14 page)

“But I introduced you to him.”

“That’s the thing- it doesn’t even matter because he
did that for you, not because he really wanted to know who I was and that’s the
problem right there. You’re …
there
,
so he doesn’t look anywhere else.”

I couldn’t believe this.

“So what do you want me to do?” I asked.
“To not be there?”

She seemed reluctant, but that didn’t stop her from
saying it. “Yes,” she said.
“If you can manage it.”

Suddenly none of this was interesting anymore, and at that
moment, I wanted so desperately to put an end to all of it.

"Kate," I said, hurt at how selfish she’d
just shown herself to be. “He can’t be in love with me.”

"Really?” she said sarcastically. “And what makes
you think so?”

“Because we’re related.”

Her eyes widened. “Are you trying to be funny?” she
asked, sounding offended that I thought her stupid enough to believe such a
lie.

"No, I’m not, and it's the truth. We’re
cousins," I said, and tried not to imagine Nathan's face when he
eventually got wind of this lie, because he was definitely going to find out.

"Really?
How?" she
asked, still skeptical. “Because in case you haven’t noticed, he’s from a
different continent than you.”

"His mom is American and she's my mom’s aunty.” I
said, wondering why I couldn’t have just said sister instead of aunty. It
sounded too complicated even to my own ears. She watched me, and for a moment
there I was sure that I had overdone it.

"I'm sure I’ve mentioned this to you before,"
I went on to add, hoping that her need to believe me would help her latch more
easily onto the tale. It was wrong, I knew, but I didn’t know how else to
handle what was rapidly beginning to feel like chaos to me. I didn’t keep
myself out of the limelight for so long only to be brought into it for
something as ridiculous as receiving attention from a boy.

When I could see her shoulders eventually relax, and
acceptance gradually come to her face, I threw in another fable to solidify all
the others. "That's why he helped me out, and that's why you see me with
him sometimes." I dug a nail into the skin of my thumb to get me to shut
up; I was overdoing it.

"I'm sorry I overreacted," she finally
muttered. I forced a smile.

"No problem," I said, and then I turned
around to return to my seat. I was pissed as I gathered my things and left the
class.

*

Nathan called me when I got
back to my room after school. I’d just returned from the bathroom to meet the
incoming Skype call, and was surprised when I saw that he was the one calling.

Stunned, I just stared at the screen until it
disconnected, and that pulled me out of my daze. However, when seconds later he
called again, I rushed to grab the hairbrush off my table and roughly ran it
through my hair. I was wearing a sweatshirt over my tank top so I was decent, but
before I could get back to the call, it disconnected again. So with a racing
heart, I plugged my earphones into my ears and called him back. He picked it up
on the second to last ring. My eyes widened slightly as his face came into
view.

"Hi," I said, but my voice sounded hoarse. I
cleared my throat and repeated my greeting. I could see that he was seated at
his desk and scribbling away, but only when he turned did I realize that he
didn't have a shirt on. That drew a small cough from me.

"Hey," he replied, without looking up and I
waited a few seconds before he finally did. "How was your day?" he
asked.

I rolled my eyes.

He chuckled.
"That bad
huh?"

"That bad.”

“Anything you want to share?”

“Nah.
I did tell Kate we were
cousins though.”

"I’ve heard," he said flatly.

My jaw dropped.
“Already?’

He shrugged. "What prompted it?"

“I don’t feel it’s appropriate to tell you,” I said
with a sigh and somehow, he either understood or just didn’t care.

“Okay,” he said, seemingly eager to get off the
subject. "You have a math test tomorrow."

The reminder immediately depressed me.

"How do you know?" I asked, curious as to why
he even knew that.

He frowned half-heartedly. "Does it matter?"

"It does," I teased, but he ignored it, and
went on.

"Are you ready for it?"

I shook my head. "I hate Math."

"I've heard," he muttered, but I heard it.

I scowled at him.

"Get your notebook, let’s do some work."

That surprised me. "You’re kidding right?"

"I'm not," he said. "What did you get on
your last test?"

I got a ‘D’ but I wasn't about to tell him that. He
narrowed his eyes. “Let’s pretend I don't know. Come on, get your books."

"But, on Skype?"

"Yes Nora, on Skype. Or would you rather see me in
person?” he teased.

I cocked an eyebrow at him, and fetched the notebook
from under my desk. He scribbled the problems down as I recited them to him,
and then patiently went through each one- explaining until he was sure that I
understood them. Sadly, he had to repeat himself a lot because I barely had the
basics down, but at the end of the hour, we were almost done revising the
concentration areas that
Mr
Barron had given to us.

I grew drowsy towards the end and in consideration, he
finally let me go. I fell asleep immediately and got up just in time for
dinner. Walking sluggishly, I found my way to the hall but was accosted at the
door by a couple of girls I had seen with Kate on varied occasions. They
dragged me away to sit with them and quietly, I watched as I suddenly became
more important to them than whatever had made them ignore me for the last three
years.

Kate was already seated when we reached the table so as
soon as I sat down, they started with the attack. "Kate tells us you're
cousins with
Alexandre
," one said.

"Oh my God," another squealed, "you're
so lucky. You get to like talk to him a whole lot don't you?"

"Uh ..." I began, but another interrupted me.
I didn’t have concrete answers to their questions anyway so I just responded in
grunts and nods, until I finally felt too uncomfortable to continue. I looked
away and it was just in time to see Nathan walk into the hall.

He didn't look in my direction but just headed over to
his table, and sat down quietly. He had an unusually dark expression on his
face and I wondered why.

James started speaking to him as soon as he sat down,
and as I continued to sneak peeks at them, I wished more than anything that I
could ditch the nightmare that I was in at this table, and go over. It did hurt
me a little though that he still hadn’t bothered looking around to find me; no
one would have guessed that we had practically spent the entire afternoon
together.

"
Lennie
, please
introduce us to Alex," one of the girl’s finally said, and that brought my
full focus to rest on all of them.
What?

"He's in a bad mood," I replied.

"He seems fine to me," she said, and I turned
around to see what she was talking about. Nathan was now smiling as James spoke
to him and it surprised me; a moment ago he had seemed gloomy.

Before I could respond, Kate was already out of her
seat, the girl that had asked me to introduce her to him with her, and they
were heading towards him. I wanted to slap my palm against my forehead.

“What are they doing?” I asked, but turned when I
didn’t get a response to see the excitement on the faces of the remaining two
girls as they watched their friends go up to him. Apparently I didn’t exist
anymore, so I just turned to watch what he would do.

I expected that he wasn’t aware that they were heading
towards him, so when he stood from the bench before they reached him and
started to make his way towards the exit, my eyes widened in amusement. He did
stop though, when Kate called out to him. They hurried over when he waited and
although he didn't stay long, he seemed polite enough and flashed soft smiles
at them before he finally excused himself, and went on his way.

Both Kate and her friend looked sour as he left, while
I turned away to gloat silently. I did hope that he would be able to get
something to eat before he slept since they had obviously made him miss dinner,
even though as they returned with beaming faces, I didn’t think they realized
it. I logged into Skype on my laptop as soon as I got back to my room so that I
could confirm, but he didn't come online. I fell asleep waiting.

*

My test was bad, but not horrible.
At least I had had an idea of the problems; I just didn't remember the steps
Nathan had laboriously explained to me. It darkened my mood and kept me
wondering about what excuse I was going to come up with when he asked me about
it. I really hoped he didn’t.

When lunch came, I sat in the cafeteria at the far end
of an empty table and silently ate. It was a bit silly but I was avoiding him,
just in case he came by the courtyard. I was almost done with my food when
Beverly came over with two of her friends. They had their trays in their hands.

“Move!” she said, and I raised my head to frown at her.
Before I could do anything else she picked up my tray and carelessly dropped it
on a nearby table. Its occupants looked up to see what was going on.

I was sick of the harassment, but the cafeteria was the
worst possible place to lose my cool. So without a word, I took my tray along
with me and finished my lunch in the courtyard. I refused to feel anything, but
when I opened my locker a few minutes later to see that Nathan had left a note
for me, I eagerly tore it open. It read:

Do you want to go to the stream on Saturday? 2pm.

Instantly, a wide, heartfelt smile broke out on my
face.
Finally
, I thought,
I will have a little peace tomorrow
.

On Saturday, my hands trembled
as I approached the storage room and it wasn’t because I was more than twenty
minutes late. I found him seated on the floor, but he got up as soon as he saw
me. I sensed immediately that something was wrong with him, but I held my peace
until we arrived at the forest. He laid a blanket on the cool ground for us and
I sat on it, but watched as he walked quietly away from me and towards the
stream. After a few minutes, he called out.

"How was your test?"

I blushed, and was glad that he was too far out to see
how uneasy I’d gotten. I didn’t respond but instead, began racking my brain to
think of a way to change the subject. Then it occurred to me that I could use
the woes of my failed test to tease him into lightening up, since there was obviously
something that was bothering him. Assuming of course, that it wouldn't make him
more upset than he already was.

Either way it was worth a try, so I removed my sandals
and walked over to him. Today I had a pair of khaki shorts on, with a thin,
white, extra-large shirt that hung off my right shoulder. My hair had been
tamed into a very loose bun on the top of my head.

I had taken extra care with my appearance today so
although it was casual, it wasn't as careless as it usually was. He watched me
as I walked over to him and it made me feel thrilled at the appreciation,
-whether it was real or imagined-, that I thought I saw in his eyes. I glowed
under his scrutiny but for both our sakes, paid attention as I treaded
carefully down the banks.

He took my hand when I reached the wide rock that he
was standing on and gently led me from his side until I was facing him. Looking
into his eyes, I took a deep breath and stepped closer to him until our chests
were pressed against each other. His eyes widened slightly when he saw what I
was doing, but he didn’t say anything. He just watched to see what I wanted to
do.

Wondering what the hell had come over me, I took my
eyes away from his and hoped that for both our sakes, he wouldn't mock me too
much because it was surely going to ruin the afternoon if out of
annoyance,
I pushed him off the rock and into the stream.
Still avoiding his gaze, I lightly poked at his chest with my forefinger.

"You made me fail," I accused, and looked up
to watch as the amusement that found its way into his eyes, replaced his
previously dour look.

"You flunked the test?" he asked.

My frown deepened, but I didn't nod. There was still
hope.

"I didn't flunk ... yet," I said and he
laughed softly.

"You're a bad teacher," I accused, but he
shook his head.

"I am
not
,”
he said, and surprised me by encircling his hands around my neck. He drew me
even closer and rested his chin on my head. "You're just a very bad
student."

An overwhelming
warmth came
over me as I encircled my arms around his waist, and leaned into him. It should
have been inappropriate that we held each other like that,
b
ut
in that moment, I couldn’t have objected even if I wanted to. And besides, we
were supposed to be ‘cousins’.

We remained like that for longer than I expected and in
those few minutes, I was able to hear the gentle beating of his heart; although
the rush of the stream and the chatter of the birds overhead were almost loud
enough to drown it. Tightening my hold around him, I eagerly breathed in his
clean scent and relished his warmth as I was reminded of what contentment felt
like.

"You didn't practice it, did you?” he asked.

I smiled sheepishly against his shoulder. "I was
sure I’d remember how to do it."

"You only understood it when I explained to you.
Knowing math takes practice."

“I know that,” I said.

He loosened his arms from around my neck and with both
hands on my shoulder, pulled me slightly away so that I could meet his eyes.

"I can't have you flunking your tests," he said,
and tucked the tendrils of escaped hair that were now blowing across my face
behind my ear.

I couldn't respond; I was too busy trying to remain
sane from the way he was looking directly into my eyes. “I’ll do better next
time,” I eventually said, and he nodded in agreement. "You will."

We continued to stare at each other until the thought
occurred to me that if I just reached up on the tip of my toes, I would be able
to kiss him. As soon as it did, it felt like my breathing slowed down. So I
took my gaze away from his, and took a deep breath as I tried to think of
something to say that would change the suddenly tense air around us.

His gloom from the previous night and earlier
immediately came into my mind, so I returned my gaze to him and asked.

"Was something bothering you? Earlier you seemed a
little... distracted.”

His eyes narrowed in surprise.

"What makes you think that?”

I shrugged. "I don’t know
,
you just seemed a little down. Is everything alright?”

Lifting his hand to my face, he gently stroked my
cheeks and shook his head. "It's fine," he said. "I'm
fine."

“Okay,” I
said,
the dismissal
of my concern a little disheartening. I started to pull away from him so I
could head back to the clearing but he refused to let me go. Instead, he took
my hand and slowly guided me to the rock closest to the water. We sat down on
it and watched as the clear water lapped noisily against the rocks, and rushed
downstream.

"One of my brothers sent me a message on Tuesday,”
he said, "just before dinner. He told me that my dad had a heart attack
late last week…”

My breath caught as soon as he said that, but he
hurried on to relieve my concern. "It’s fine… he’s fine; luckily it was a
mild one, so he's already recovering. They didn’t tell me immediately because
they didn’t want me to be unnecessarily worried about it.”

"I'm so sorry," I said, feeling absolutely
useless because that was all I could say.

"He's strong," he said. "So he’ll be
fine. Come to think about it the only times I've seen him weak were in his
dealings with my mother, and that, I could not understand. She practically
ruined him."

"What do you mean, ‘she ruined him’?" I
asked, and his eyes roved over my face. I assumed he was trying to decide
whether to reveal this part of himself or not but I didn't want him to feel
uncomfortable. I started to tell him not to bother, but he began before I could
speak.

"My dad loved my mom. I always knew that, but not
until she left did any of us realize just how much.”

"She didn't love him back?"

"I want to believe that she did, to an extent at
least, but it wasn't enough."

"How?"

He sighed heavily, and even though he stared straight
ahead so I couldn’t see the pain that was no doubt in his eyes, I heard it in
his voice. His tone had become harsh, and it was obvious that he was still so
angry about it.

"He wasn't rich enough for her.” He stated
plainly, and the statement immediately drove a chill down my spine. “Her dad
hadn't been wealthy either so she saw it as a cruel repeat of history. She left
when I was thirteen, but my dad still let her come over anytime she wanted to
see us. At first I was mad at him, but when she only came once or twice a year,
I didn't mind so much. She went back to the States and married some guy – I
never really bothered to find out all the details."

"Wait, your mom
is
actually an American?" I asked. He turned to me, wondering
why I seemed so surprised.

"Yes, why?"

"Nothing," I said, but couldn’t stop the
sheepish smile that found its way to my face. He understood then.

"Your little lie about us seems to hold," he
said.

I smiled shyly at him, while he just shook his head.

"Your dad didn't get remarried?"

"No, he never wanted to. Not after her, and it’s
scared me in a way.” He turned his face so that he could meet my eyes. “I feel like
I’m going to make the same mistake; fall for someone so deeply that I don’t
recover from it.”

“That’s not a bad thing,” I said, but he disagreed.

“It is, because if it goes south you can literally not
be able to function. And from what I’ve seen so far, that’s almost always the
case. I don’t want to ever get to that point where I have no control over
myself in that way; it terrifies the shit out of me.”

“Well, you do have a point, but I still believe you can
choose who you give that kind of power to.”

“Maybe, but that’s the thing; everyone is an angel
right now. But what about ten years down the line when life is not as sweet
anymore?”

“Well, that’s the big question, and how do you know
that you won’t be the one to flip out?”

“I don’t, but I’ve come to trust myself enough to know
what I will and will not do. And like my dad, if I ever come to the point where
I promise my heart to someone, I’d never want to be able recover from that.”

“So in other words you don’t want to be as unlucky as
he was.”

“Exactly.”
He said and it made
me chuckle.

“My dad’s relationship with my mom scared me too,’ I
said. “
Especially since that didn’t end well.
So
sometimes I think about it and I get really scared, but then there’s also a
solution to the whole mess.”

“Really?
And what is it?”

“Don’t get married,” I said, sounding like a game show
host announcing a million dollar win.

He chuckled. “So you don’t plan to get married?”

“I hope I do, I’m just not planning for it. If it does
happen, it happens and if it doesn’t, oh well. It’s not a big deal.”

He took a moment to consider what I’d said but when it
didn’t look like he was going to share what he thought about it, I nudged him
so that I could get a response.
 

“So, what do you think?”

“I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I’ve never really
thought about it, because even though it became bad, I did see it when it was
good. I don’t know if I want to miss out on that.”

“Well, I never saw that, and the parts I did see, I’m
more than ready to miss out on.”

“I understand,” he said and ruffled my hair. I
playfully slapped his hand away.

"Do you want to take a swim?" he asked, but
before I could answer he was already on his feet and taking off his shorts. I
immediately turned away at the glimpse of his dark boxer briefs, a low heat
spreading rapidly across my cheeks.

Lowering himself, he slipped in one foot after the
other before finally letting his whole body go in. Ducking his head to
completely submerge himself in the water, he came up a few seconds later and
shook the water off his face.

"Come on," he said to me as he ran his
fingers through his hair. And although I was tempted, I shook my head, content
to just watch.

“I’ll pass. If I want a swim I’ll go to the sports
complex.”

"Come on," he urged. “Why swim there when you
can swim here?”

“Because I don’t know what’s in this water, and isn’t
it cold?”

“It’s not, and it’ll only be for a few minutes.”

I shook my head again but he reached me, and began to
tug on my shirt.

"Nathan, no!"
I
said, but only had time to gasp when he suddenly grabbed my legs and pulled me
to the edge of the rock. With his arm behind my knee and the other around my
waist, he lifted me up and out into the water. I screamed as I hovered over the
water, holding onto his neck and pleading for him to take me back.

Laughing at how hysteric I’d gotten, he lowered me just
enough to wet the back of my shorts before he finally complied, and took me
back. As soon as he settled me back on the rock, he swam away before I could
attack him. I watched him go and it wasn’t long before I began to feel the
chill of being left alone.

After taking a few more minutes to make up my mind, I
stood to take my shorts off but left my shirt on. I tested the water with my hands
and then feet, before eventually slipping in as slowly as I could. But in the
end, my efforts did little to dull the bite of the cold water as it came up to
cover my waist. However, I quickly adjusted to the temperature and began to
move further out so that I could search for him.

“Nathan!" I yelled, when a few seconds later, I’d
still not sighted him. Still a little paranoid with what could be lurking
underwater, I moved as quickly as I could and was about to turn back when he
called out to me. I followed his voice, swimming a little further out before I
eventually saw him studying something against a rock. He turned when he heard
me and with a broad smile, disappeared underwater and towards me. He came back
up when he reached me but his face was just a few inches away from mine; I
forgot to breathe.

"You wore your shirt in?" he asked and I
nodded shyly. I saw him reach down but before I understood what his aim was,
his hand was already on my thigh. I reacted immediately.

"Hey!" I shrieked as I slapped water in his
face to get him to move away. He ran his palm over his face to clear it.

"Would you relax?" he said, amused. "I
was just checking."

"Well don't," I said. “Ask me instead.”

“Okay,” he said, but since he still looked amused by my
reaction, I moved closer to him and without any warning, reached down to
touch
his thigh too. He moved back.

"Hey!" he protested. A laugh escaped from my
lips.

"
See."
I gloated, but when he started coming towards me, I turned and around and swam
away.

It didn’t take any time at all for him to catch up with
me and when he did, he grabbed a hold of my legs, forcing me to stop. I laughed
as he turned me around but was surprised when he lowered himself to wrap his
arms around my knees, and lift me up till only a part of my legs were covered
by the water. I squealed excitedly as he moved with me to a deeper part of the
stream and then he let go, sending me through the water with a loud splash.