The Blueprint (18 page)

Jimmy kept an arm around Kim until he reached their original table where he switched patients with Lily and took over the responsibility of Tom.  The bride and groom had disappeared out the back door without the pleasure of having bird seed hurled at them, so now the foursome were able to sneak out the front without too
many necessary good-byes.  

Melancholy, the third and final stage of Kim’s alcohol altered consciousness
, cloaked her like a heavy blanket.  With a drooling, snoring Tom draped across her lap on the drive home, she recognized the imminent failure of her plan.  She stared out the window, trying to keep her eyes open, and prayed that once she reached her own bed all the wine she drank would serve her in at least one way, a long dreamless sleep.

Af
ter reaching the ladies' house, Jimmy left Tom in the car with the door open and his head resting precariously on the edge of the seat. 

Lily asked, “Are you going to leave him like that?”

“Absolutely.  If he pukes, there’s a better chance it’ll land on the concrete and not your floor boards.  He’s lucky I don’t put him out in the yard for the night.”  Jimmy retrieved a limp Kim from the other door.  “Here’s the plan, Lily.  You go get Kim’s room ready and find an empty trash can we can set next to her bed.  I’ll carry her in and help get her settled before I drive my idiot brother home.   And I’ll return your car in the morning, unless you want me to swing back by after I drop him off.”

“No, you should go home and take care of Tom.  I’m sure Kim would probably prefer you didn’t see her like this anyway
.  If you’ve got her, I’ll go in and get things ready.” 

“Go ahead.  I’ll be there in a minute.”

Lily unlocked the door and flipped on lights as she scrambled through the house, clearing a path.  

A dazed Kim stirred to find herself floating in Jimmy’s arms.  She mumbled, “Oh Jimmy,” and clung to his neck, nearly choking him and throwing him off balance.

“Careful there, sweetheart, if this is gonna work I’ll need to be able to breathe.”  He stepped into the kitchen gently, maneuvering Kim through so he wouldn’t crack her head on the door jamb.

“Jimmy, will you stay tonight?”  Kim whispered, nuzzling her nose into his neck.

“Not tonight.  Lily is sendin’ me home.”

“You could stay with me
.  I’d never send you away.”

Jimmy stumbled his way through the short hallway and into Kim’s room
, ignoring her remark and her tongue in his ear.  He could hear Lily opening and closing closet and cabinet doors, searching for a barf bucket.  Laying Kim down in her bed and peeling her hands away from his neck, he slipped off her shoes and covered her up. “I’m gonna go, sweetheart.  You’ll sleep like the dead tonight and feel like hell tomorrow.  Lily’s gettin’ you something in case you get sick and can’t make it to the bathroom, okay?”  He studied her small frame and sad blue eyes.  He leaned down to kiss her forehead and silently apologized for being one of many men who’d overlooked the promise in her smile.  Stroking her cheek, he whispered, “I’ll check on you in the morning.”

Kim to
ok his hand and brought it to her chest like a little girl cradles a teddy bear before she falls asleep, “She’s going to hurt you, Jimmy.  I’d never hurt you,” she muttered.

“I know,” he answered and
replaced his hand with a stuffed rabbit he found lying near her pillow.  He turned off the lights, taking one last long look, and left the room to find Lily just outside the door with a pot.

“Do you think this will work?” she asked.

“Uh, yeah.  It should be fine.  Um….she seems settled.  I’m gonna go unless you need me to do something else.”

“I got it.  Hey, are you okay?
”  She smoothed the creases of his shirt and felt his heart pounding.

“Just tired, I think.  I’ll see you in the morning.” 
He kissed Lily on the forehead and then realizing what he’d done, he kissed her again hard on the mouth and left.

Rather than dumping
his pathetic brother at his parents’ house, Jimmy headed back to his trailer. He was grateful for the long drive and the quiet.  The dark and the steady hum of the engine helped tidy his jumbled thoughts.  Although he knew he’d done nothing intentionally wrong, guilt consumed him, guilt for not doing the right thing now or even eleven months ago.  He’d been so caught up in the challenge of winning Lily that he’d missed seeing Kim for what she was, his blueprint.  She wanted what he wanted, marriage, family, the house with a white picket fence.  She had told him all of this months ago, but he hadn’t listened.  He was too busy convincing Lily that she wanted the same and using Kim to help sway her. 

He'd
known from the beginning that Kim was interested.  That first night when he was invited over to fix their sink and stay for pizza, he ignored her bait.  Not because he didn’t find her attractive, but because he‘d already spotted his target, her roommate.   There was no denying that he was attracted to both women, Lily for her body and the chase and Kim for her friendship and wit.  Jimmy realized that made him a complete asshole.

Things had
improved between him and Lily since the Chicago trip.  She didn’t seem as closed off and reluctant to share her past.  He didn’t feel like he needed to jump through hoops to please her anymore, because she seemed to want to be with him now as much as he wanted to be with her.  The playing ground had mostly leveled, her defenses had mellowed.  However, these changes in her hadn’t eased his concerns about their future.  His house would be ready to move into soon and he wanted somebody to help him pick out the furniture.  There was still no conclusive evidence that Lily wanted to be that person. 

On the other hand, he couldn’t ignore any longer (although he knew he should) that Kim would love to help him make his house a home and that that was an alternative he knew without a doubt would work.  Things between him and Kim had always been easy, lots to talk about, more to laugh a
bout. 

Shit
, I’ve messed this up big time! 
Jimmy whipped an empty soda can at his brother.

Tom moaned and muttered something unintelligible.

The remaining drive home, Jimmy resisted the urge to beat his head into the steering wheel or hurl more objects at Tom.  As he pulled into his gravel drive, he saw the solution clearly; just because he knew he was an asshole didn’t mean he had to act like an asshole and chase after his girlfriend’s best friend.   After all, things were going well between him and Lily right now.   Maybe everything would work out for the best.

13

The arrival of spring allowed Lily the luxury to
once again take her lunch breaks out by the fountain in front of the library where lusty co-eds prowled for potential mates.  Without the camouflage of companions, she pretended to read while observing the performers’ lives entangle and plots unravel.  This year’s players appeared more ludicrous than usual, and she missed Kim’s company and witty commentary during the show.  Lately, she hadn’t seen much of her roommate.  Kim’s internship with the family courts system was in full swing and all of her available time and energy was spent learning the ropes, or so she said.  

Jimmy, more often than not, was also unavailable because of work.  His father had finally decided it was time to give him a shot as foreman and his first job involved a big hotel renovation project downtown.  Between that added responsibility, and his house nearly ready for
habitation, he was a busy, but very happy guy.  Though they saw each other less often, Lily was content with the holding pattern in their relationship.  Rather than Jimmy always towing her along, expecting her to catch up, they were idling together in the same gear: neutral. 

Lily
marveled that, for once, her life was moving along just how she would have hoped.   Simon continued to be a wonderful boss who gave her the space to do her work in peace.  And now that he was happily married, he saved those awkward intimate relationship conversations for his wife.  In the last year, Lily had saved enough money to believe herself covered in the case of a minor emergency and was feeling increasingly confident in the security of her job and finances.

Kim and Jimmy were
bonuses.  The consistency of Kim as friend and companion brought a comfort to Lily’s life that she hadn’t imagined possible.  Her roommate added flavor to the blandest of days and the most mundane of duties.  Lily found herself looking forward to the spicy drama Kim dished up, even when it interfered with her well established boundaries.  It was easier for Lily to contemplate making changes and taking chances with Kim’s support and friendship as a reliable buffer.

Her relationship with Jimmy continued to be the biggest surprise.  He was gentle, kind, pla
yful, and sexy.  He knew her secrets, understood her pain, and stuck around in spite of it or maybe because of it.  On their trip, she had taken a step closer to him, clearing some baggage that lay between them, and he had taken a step or two back, recognizing the need.  Their relationship was warm and fun without expectations, just how she would have hoped if she allowed herself such dreams.

She hadn’t forgotten his big plans for the future.  She hadn’t forgotten that the foreman position and the completion of his house were just the beginning.   Did he stop pushing because
he’d given up on himself or her?  How long would he be content with neutral?  She wanted to ignore the inevitable conclusion and enjoy her abundance of unexpected blessings; after all, avoidance had always been her strongest defense.

Jimmy itched with the need to drown the trailer in gasoline and throw a lit match over his shoulder as he closed the door on that decaying mess.  He resisted the urge as he triumphantly crossed the new grass toward his house and his much anticipated first night in it.  Tom wanted to move into the trailer as he moved out.  As much as Jimmy disliked that idea, he was going to have to come up with a less obvious way to keep his brother out.

The stuff he’d salvaged in the short move lay scattered throughout the family room
: a couch and chair, two side tables, a television, a boot lamp, and lots of old boxes he’d retrieved from his parents’ basement.  Lily was on her way over and he hoped she would help put her female touch on the place and, later, help christen every room.  Recognizing the sick rumble of her car, he hopped out the front door.  Standing on the front porch with his arms open wide, he announced, “Welcome to my casa, darlin’!” 

Lily laughed, “Jimmy, I’ve been here a hundred times.”

“Yes, but tonight we celebrate its grand opening!  I’m open for business, and you're my first official visitor.”  He waited for her at the top step and the moment they were face to face he picked her up and threw her over his shoulder.  Slapping her on the bottom, Jimmy explained, “First things first.  We’ll begin by having hot sex on my new big boy bed; that’s what my nephew calls it.  Then, if I can figure out how it works, I’ll feed you somethin' cooked on my brand new stove.  And finally, we’ll work on moving some of my stuff around so this place starts lookin' like a home before we trip and break our necks.”  Stepping inside, he asked, “How’s that grab you, darlin’?  Best date ever, right?” 

He sounded
happy and excited.   She couldn’t resist him when he was like this and she didn’t want to.  As she peered upside down at the heap of things between them and the bedroom, she said, “It might be safer if I walk.”

“No way!
  This is how the cavemen brought their women home.  This is my cave and you’re my woman.” 

Even long after
the bedroom had been dedicated, Jimmy buzzed with enthusiasm.  All during their celebratory spaghetti dinner, Lily noticed him lose track of the conversation while studying his handiwork as they chatted.  She loved that he showed so much pride in his work and in his accomplishments.  She didn’t think there could be anything sexier than a man realizing his dream.

They cleaned up their dishes and wiped off the kitchen table, the only piece of furniture other than the bed that appeared to have found its permanent residence.  Jimmy turned to the pile of furniture and boxes awaiting his attention.  Scratching his head, he said, “Lily, I need you.  All this shit needs to find a home.  Lady folk seem to have a special talent for
decoratin’.  I was hopin' you could help me make this look good.”  He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and together they surveyed the mess.

“Jimmy, I hate to disappoint you, but I’m no good at this
, either.”

“That can’t be right.  Your house is full of little knick-knacks and stuff.  I have to admit though
... some of it's pretty weird stuff.”

“That’s all Kim’s doing.  Part of the game we play is to find weird stuff and see if she can find a place for it, or make it look like something somebody might want.  I have a special talent for finding ugly junk—that’s where my talents end.”

Jimmy argued, “But you’re a girl and girls decorate—right?”

“The only room in our house I decorated was my bedroom.  Tell me what that looks like.”

He pushed some stuff out of the way and reclined on the couch. “There’s a bed with an old pea green and yellow blanket.” 

Lily
sat on his lap. “The ugliest blanket I could find.  What else?”

“Books, l
ots and lots of books stacked on the floor.”

“What else?”

Wrinkles appeared on his forehead as he focused.  “Nothing else,” he grumbled. “You don’t even have a dresser or a lamp.  And the bed sits on the floor.  There’s no frame.  Your walls are bare except for some old wallpaper.”  He couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed before.  He was obsessed with the idea of making his home cozy like the house he grew up in.  And he’d never noticed his girlfriend lived with only the essentials. 
Why?

He looked at her perched on his lap, and she looked back as if none of what he’d just realized was of consequence.  “Lily, is it about the money?  Why don’t you have stuff?  I can build you a dresser and a bookshelf.  Just tell me what you want.”

She smiled and gave him a peck on his pouty mouth.  His tone was entirely too serious.  She wanted playful Jimmy back.  “No thanks.  I’ve got what I need.  It’s not about the money, although I will admit to being a miser.”

“Why don’t you have any stuff?” Jimmy asked again with increasing concern.  He was starting to feel like there was a secret between them, one that had been revealed a long time ago, but he was too stupid to see.

Running her fingers through his thick cropped hair, she soothed the hero who was unnecessarily readying himself for a rescue.  She answered simply, “Stuff can be lost.  Stuff can be taken.  I don’t want to own anything that I might miss.  Books are different because there’s not just one.  If I lost my favorite book, I could easily find another, and even if the outside cover was different the words would be the same.  That’s why I work at the library; the books always come back.  That’s the deal, and everybody knows the rules from the start.”

“Why didn’t I know this about you?”

She shrugged and stood, "I just figured it out myself.  I didn't think so much about
why
until I started hanging around with you.”  Grabbing his hands, she struggled to pull him from the couch.  “Come on, Jimmy.  We’ve got work to do.  Let’s get this mess cleaned up.  I might not be much of a decorator, but I can help you move stuff around.  We’ll do our best and then you can invite some other
lady folk
over who actually know what they’re doing.  I’m sure Kim would love to help.”  She was still pulling on him as Jimmy was trying to process what she’d said about the “stuff” and if it mattered.  “Get up, you big lug!   Messes make me crazy.  If we can’t find your crap a home, at least we can organize it.”

They positioned the t
elevision and couch first, deciding that that was the most straightforward decision.  With those in place the remaining chair and tables quickly found a home, too.  The boot lamp joined the side table in its place of prominence while the artistic black and white photo Kim had given Jimmy for Christmas found its permanent spot on the mantel as he imagined months ago.  It was the other framed pictures of family and friends and mementos from school and trips that stumped them both.

Lily placed each picture carefully on the floor scanning each one for a familiar face.  “I’ve never seen these before.”

Jimmy stopped hooking up the television and VCR, a housewarming present from his parents.  Squatting down next to her, he said, “Most of this stuff was boxed up.  I haven’t seen it for a couple of years myself.”  He picked up the largest of the photos, pointed, and explained, “This is the whole gang at my grandparents’ lake house.  I’m probably around 15 years old.  That’s my big sister, Janie, next to me and you probably recognize Tom and Ed.  And Steve’s the kid in the cast.  He was so ticked that whole trip because my mom wouldn’t let him get in the water.  He spent the week setting booby traps for us while we were out rafting.”  He sat on the floor next to her and rolled up his jeans.  “That’s how I got this scar.  The little shit set a trip line in the woods that worked perfectly.  I'd like to think the rock I fell on wasn’t part of the trap.” 

They stayed nestled together on the carpet for the rest of the night as Jimmy showed Lily team pictures, yearbooks, family snapshots, sharing stories to go along with the photos.  Some of the tales she had heard before, but she didn’t bother interrupting.  She enjoyed hearing his words come to life like the art work in a children’s book.  Pride in family and his past
proved the central themes.  Again, she was reminded of how different their early years had been.

“This is a picture from our annual family picnic taken probably twenty years ago.  That baby in my mom’s arms is Ed.  I’m at the other end.  You can’t tell it, but I’ve got both Tom and
Steve by their tighty-whities.  And there wasn’t a thing they could do about it with everybody standing around yellin' at them to stand still.” Lily squinted at the tiny people standing in the front aisle in a group of over fifty, looking for evidence of yet another of his childhood pranks.  “Mom always wondered why everybody’s elastic bands on their underwear were all stretched out.”

Lily asked, “Everybody in this picture is related to you?”

“Yup.  There are way more of us now.  See all those kids.  Those are just first cousins, and they’ve all grown up and had more kids of their own.  My mom’s side of the family breeds like rabbits.”  

“No wonder you know half the town.”

“I’m related to ‘em.”

Jimmy stood and stretched.  “I think we’ve done all we can for tonight.  Now that I’ve gone through everything, I’ll decide later what I want to put out and what will go back in the box.  I hope you didn’t get too bor
ed drivin' down memory lane with me.”  He helped Lily up and moved the boxes against the wall.  “As my punishment, you could make me look through your old pictures, too.”

Lily yawned
.  “I told you.  I don’t have any stuff.”

“Don’t you have old yearbooks?”  He kissed the tip of her nose.  “I’d like to see how cute you were as a kid with freckles.”

“Yearbooks cost money and none of us had any to spend.  Kim bought a cheap camera when she started college.  I’m sure she’s got some snapshots of me, but I didn’t look much different then."

“What about old toys or trophies or projects you made in art class?”

“Nope.   We weren’t allowed anything like that at the home.   Even the clothes we wore were borrowed and then borrowed from us.  I didn’t bring anything with me when I got dropped off, and I only left with a couple of outfits when I started college.”  Jimmy took her in his arms, offering comfort even though Lily was stating the facts and didn’t require it.  Pulling away and flashing a reassuring smile, she added, “Kim used to make little sock animals by rolling socks inside of socks and then drawing faces on them.  She’d give them to the little ones if they were having an especially hard time.  Ms. Sweaney found a couple of them, but no one would tell her who made them.  Kim’s pretty good at hiding things.  She may have snuck out of the home with stuff.”