The Do Over (54 page)

As I jogged up the steps leading to the bar, my phone rang. I stopped mid-step and looked at the screen.
My mother
. I put my phone back in my pocket. I wasn't up to her shit right now. Standing outside the doors, I looked into the bar. Lo and behold, there he was, drying goddamn glasses. I hated him, but if I could fool Daniela for months, I could play nice with my archenemy. Pushing the door open, I walked inside.

"Hey, Bruce," I said casually. "Is Madison here?"

The cocksucker snickered and poured me a drink. It was fucking Black Label. This was fucking bad.

"Dude, she's done with your shit. Have your drink and get the hell out of here."

The asshole had no idea that today was not the day to push me. I slid the drink back to him. I'd come a long way. I could've thrown that back in a heartbeat, but I needed a clear head.

"I'll get the hell out of here when you tell me where she's at."

The motherfucker laughed. Reaching over the bar, I grabbed his shirt and yanked him toward me. He was a couple of inches from my face.

He smirked. "Fuck you, asshole."

Big. Fucking. Mistake.
With one hand on his shirt, I reached back with the other, closed my fist, and swung across his jaw. It hurt my knuckles like hell, but he deserved it. His head flew to the side as he stumbled back, as I let go of him.

"No. Fuck you!" I yelled.

My cheek was tender, and now, my knuckles were red and burning.
Shit.
I hoped I hadn't broken something.
What the hell happened today?
I'd tried to do the right thing, but everything was falling apart.

While my hand throbbed, I turned on my car and called Madison from the Bluetooth. There was no way I could tap the numbers on my phone. Again, I got fucking voice mail.

"Maddy. Please. I'm going nuts. I just punched Bruce. I'm losing it. Where are you?"

I leaned my head against the steering wheel. This couldn't be happening.
Where is she?

The instant my phone rang, I jerked up. I didn't recognize the number.

"Hello?"

"Boss," he said. "I found her."

Walter. I love that fucking guy.

I had no idea how long I had been lying in bed. I'd made such a mess of things. I still couldn't believe he'd left. Shortly after, Candace had come over. I had no idea how she had gotten inside. For all I knew, she and Macy had somehow made keys to my home without my knowledge. I really didn't care. I'd fallen asleep after a while.

When I woke up, everything was dark. Candace was sitting on the side of my bed, reading my Kindle. If I wasn't so depressed, I would've snapped a picture of it.

She saw me looking at her. "You know, Dani, this book's really good. I think I might have to get myself one of these." She got up and turned on the light. "Come on, girlfriend, you need to get up, take a shower, and eat something."

"Candace, leave me alone." I just wanted to lie here in the dark and feel sorry for myself. I didn't have the energy to do anything else. I deserved a reprieve from emotional health, considering it had been an eventful twenty-four hours.

"No such luck, my dear. You're not going to wallow here. Absolutely not. You had a rough day yesterday, so you can have a small break today, but tomorrow all bets are off. So, yes, let's throw the biggest and grandest pity party ever, and I will be your guest."

"Go away, Candace," I said, covering my head with the pillow.

"Dani, that's not going to happen," she said as she removed the pillow. "The last time Macy and I let you deal with things in your own way, it didn't work. So, as your best friends, we aren't going to stand aside and let life pass you by. You can feel sorry for yourself today, but tomorrow, you're going to get your act together."

"Candace, you're being really annoying right now."

"I'm going to see if I can help you with your pity party. Okay, here goes. Oh, Dani, you have every right in the world to feel miserable and horrible. Liam Lucas is—and I say that because he is a present and not a past—the best thing that has ever happened to you, and you messed up massively. You should have trusted and talked to your best friends. We wouldn't have judged you for engaging in conversations with that mother-effing a-hole you'd been in a dysfunctional relationship with for an entire year of your life."

"You're not helping, Candace," I said, rolling my eyes, as I sat up. "You just don't understand. I never stopped loving Liam. I never even thought about Rick when I was with Liam. Rick had made such a huge impact on my life, and I guess I just hadn't let go of all of it. I still can't believe that I was so gullible and fell for his lies. I really thought he had changed. A part of me was making peace with the way things had ended between us. When we were saying our good-byes, I was getting closure. But I can't deny that when we were at the club that night, I wanted to have sex with him, and before this freak show, there was a part of me that was still intoxicated with him."

"Dani, I'll deny ever having said this because I loathe the man. Rick is sexy and charming, and that damned smile of his has granted him access to more panties than we'd like to think about. When I saw him at Martini Bar, I told him to stay away from you, and I, um…" She shifted uncomfortably. "I grabbed his penis and threatened him."

When I had a mental image of that, I had to laugh. "Candace, you're lying. There's no way you would've done that to any man in public, let alone Rick."

"Honest to God, I did. It was disgusting because Rick is gross. I think he liked it though. I felt him, you know…respond a little. Anyhow, for a brief moment, it was kind of hot, and I hate the man. You have history with the idiot, and he was pouring on the charm and manipulating you. Come on, he's gorgeous. And you were under the influence of how many Cosmos? Give yourself a break. You didn't sleep with him. Or did you?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"No, I didn't have sex with him. I didn't talk to him, text him, or see him other than by coincidence. I just had the charades on Lincoln Road. I don't know what I wanted with him. I just know that I did want something."

"You're in love with Liam. You never loved Rick the way you love Liam. The first time I saw you with Liam, I could see the difference. Yes, Rick was lustalicious, but Liam is so much more. I think you're scared to death of just how much you love Liam, and you're even more frightened of how much he loves you. Personally, in my not so humble opinion, you were on a self-destruct mission, so you sabotaged things with Liam."

"Candace, you couldn't be further from the truth. Yes, I love Liam. You have no idea how much. I just couldn't understand my attraction to Rick. Madison…the skank's words haunted me. How could I love Liam but be so attracted to Rick? I mean, the Rick I thought he was. I can't believe I fell for his lies."

"Number one, Madison should be ashamed of herself. I'm going to make sure she knows she messed with wrong girl."

"Leave Madison to me," I interrupted.

"Okay, if you insist. Back to what I was saying, you're full of crap. Every woman who comes within a five-mile radius of Rick lusts after him. He's lustable. Although I hate him, I've lusted after him. I know, it's disgusting, but I digress. You and Liam are foolishly in love with each other. The man was threatening Rick's life in my presence. Hello? I'm an officer of the courts. You need to stop being scared of loving him and let yourself be completely loved by him."

"He thinks that he's my default or sloppy seconds."

"He's hurt. Give him a little time. If you love him half as much as I know you do, you're going to win back your man."

"Do you think there's hope? I hurt him so badly. What if he moves on and forgets me?"

"Sweetie, we really need to deal with your daddy issues. There is no way this man is going to forget you and move on. He has it bad. You're just going to have to show him how bad you have it for him. Now, you need a shower and some food."

Candace made everything sound so simple. Maybe she was right. I hoped she was. She had never been wrong. I held on to that little nugget.
Liam is Liam
.

As I sighed, reality smack me in the face.
Dani is Dani
. And I had no idea how to make this right.

I'd spent two weeks in utter and complete misery. The only thing that had seemed to help was spending time at work, so I'd picked up as many shifts as I could.

The truth was that I hadn't wanted to walk into the apartment I'd called
our
home or sleep in the bed where I'd made love to her. That damn box, not that all her stuff fit in it, had haunted me. Chris had refused to take it, and Macy had stepped away from it as though it were filled with poisonous snakes.

So, I'd been hiding out at the station house, blocking out all thoughts of her, as I'd focused on emergencies, drills, and whatever else I could to try to numb the pain from the gaping hole in my chest.

Wyatt had come through for me. He'd offered to kill Rick, but I'd declined. As much as I had wanted to inflict pain on Marin, I knew it wouldn't make me feel better. Compromising, Wyatt and I agreed to keep this shit from our mom. I'd kept her at bay with text messages because I could fake my feelings in those.

Chris had been a great friend. For the first week, he'd said nothing. With the exception of quick greetings, he'd been completely silent. It had been a welcome reprieve to the bullshit and nonsense I hadn't been in the mood for. He'd come over when I wasn't working, which hadn't been often, but it would be just enough to distract me. We'd watch basketball or ESPN highlights with some beer and a bowl of chips between us. We'd shoot hoops or go fishing. It had been male bonding at its best. In the quietness, we'd said everything that had to be said. He had proven that he had my back.

Although Chris had kept his mouth shut, he'd been a relentless texter. Every day, he would ask me to lunch, dinner, clubbing, or barhopping, and I wouldn't be interested. When he'd invited me for wings to watch the NFC Championship game, I finally gave in to his persistence, and now, I found myself sitting in my car across the street from the bar, staring at the people piling in through the door. I wondered if they were overcapacity. I was always on the job, one way or another.

Suddenly, this seemed like a bad idea, but Chris had already sent me five text messages, letting me know he was there, where he was sitting, and that he'd ordered a pitcher and wings. I pulled the keys out of the ignition and opened the door as I crossed the street. I had to man up and just get this over with.

After I made my way through the crowd, I found Chris sitting at a table surrounded by TVs. The pregame show had just started as I sat down and got comfortable on my side of the table. Before I could even open the menu, our server, a very perky Megan, brought over a pitcher and served each of us our first drink in an iced glass. After she let us know that she'd be right back with our wings, she shimmied away in her extremely short shorts and two-sizes-too-small shirt. Then, out of nowhere, armed with a beer in neutral territory, Chris began sharing his warped version of wisdom.

"Bro, enough is enough." He took a long swig of his beer. "This isn't the time for you to grow a dick with a complementing set of gigantic balls. You love her. She loves you. Macy told me that she found cat adoption pamphlets from the Humane Society at Dani's house, and now, her Kindle addiction is in full force. She's clearly depressed, and you're a workaholic. The only reason I've seen you is because Santos won't let you work twenty-four/seven."

Silence was golden and sorely missed. I drank my beer, hoping it would drown out Chris. I didn't want to hear about Dani being depressed or sad. I never wanted any of this. I wasn't the one that needed time. I wasn't confused. My feelings for her and what she meant to me were never in question. The idea that I was an unknown variable to her was a crushing truth I didn't want to think about. The bottom line was that she was looking into cats instead of fucking looking for me.

He picked up a drumstick, waving it in the air. "When it comes to Dani, embrace your mangina. Now isn't the time to turn off your pussy-whipped, tampon-needing, birth-control commercial chickness. Dude, suck it up and go to her."