The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (20 page)

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Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

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BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
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whether they be waking or sleeping dreamsquickly disappear. "Out of sight, out of mind" definitely seems to apply here.
Whatever display or object you come up with, it does not have to be elaborateen writing it down on Post-It notes on the refrigerator or mirror will do. If you want to spend more time on it, you can make a painting, drawing, or collage that represents your proclamation (using magazine clippings, personal photos, or other mementos special to your couple). That is what Phyllis did while attending a retreat shortly after having her "Shooting Stars" dream. She made a drawing of the dream inside a circle, sometimes called a mandala, a collection of symbols that in Hinduism and Buddhism symbolize wholeness or unity. A dream mandala is similarly symbolic, representing the whole of your dream story. It is also sometimes referred to as a dream shield, derived from Native American tradition, which involves the creation of a ceremonial shield to represent sacred community and personal identity. The elements in a dream shield or mandala should have special meaning for you and your couple, drawn from your significant dream experiences and their relation to your waking life. You can focus on one dream, as Phyllis did in the example below, or draw on recurring or memorable images from several dreams or couple proclamations. After completing her dream mandala, Phyllis shared it with the members of the retreat and later with Peter. It is now displayed in Phyllis's study, where we can both see it and be reminded of its significance for our couple. See Figure 5.1.
The process of working on a display will serve to reinforce your couple's commitment and give it an added dimension of power and creativity. One couple with the proclamation "We are artists in everything we do" made a collage using lines of music their young daughter had copied as well as sheet music the wife had played and poetry the husband had written. They
 
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Figure 5.1
"Shooting stars" dream shield
framed it, hung it in their dining room, and continue to be inspired by it as the months go by. See Figure 5.2.
You can also purchase something that represents your couple's proclamation, such as a plaque or framed poem that has special meaning for both of you. One couple bought a wooden box shaped like a yinand-yang symbol to represent their proclamation of being "a perfect match" and to hold things special to their relationship. You can also buy a special kind of perfume, flowers, or food that relate to your couple vision. Any object may be applicable as long as it supports your couple's proclamation and reminds you of your commitment to each other.
Stay open to discovering things that remind you of the power of your vision even when you're not specifically looking for them. One couple with the proclamation "We are a safe
 
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Figure 5.2
"We are artists" collage
harbor for each other" found a plaque in a catalog that had a poem inscribed on it about a home being a safe harbor; they ordered it as a gift to themselves and hung it in their entryway. They are now reminded of their commitment to the kind of couple space they are creating each time they walk into their house. If you and your partner keep your eyes and ears open, there's no end to the gifts you can create and receive to reinforce your commitment. Be generous to your couple, and keep the presents coming!
 
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Chapter Six
Cooperation: Developing Teamwork Through Dreamwork
Eight Tennis Balls
Peter is going to be in a contest that involves doing something with eight tennis balls. There are only four balls in the can. I tell him that he doesn't have to worry about the other four balls because I already did those and that will make it easier for us to win.
Phyllis had this dream shortly after we became engaged and were preparing to move into a house we had just bought together. We were still very much in the process of negotiating how much physical and psychological space we both needed as we made this new commitment. The house we bought had eight rooms in it, and we were figuring out how to divide them up and share the responsibilities for the upkeep of the house. Phyllis says,
 
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I knew that I wanted some of my own private space and that I wanted to share the responsibilities for housekeeping, but I was still unsure of what seemed "fair." This dream helped me realize that we could divide things up equally [both the physical space and the responsibility for chores] and that we could feel good about that, even though it was very different from what I had been taught and had done in the past.
We worked it out so that we each got our own study and bathroom and took equal responsibility for the housekeeping chores. It took a while for us to figure out the details, but we had fun in the process, and both of us ended up feeling like we had won something.
Why Cooperate?
As you can see from Phyllis's dream, learning to cooperate and take on the world together is an important part of being couple. Her dream illustrates a solution to her concern about the need to work together in a marriage. She used her dream as an opportunity to speak with Peter and iron out the real-life details that worked best for both of them. You can learn to work together in your dreams, and you can learn to cooperate in using your dreams as well. You may have dreams about teamwork or collective action with your partner from time to time. These will be most useful for creating waking visions of cooperation for your couple.
Cooperation has many advantages over individual action, especially in a couple relationship. After commitment, the ability to cooperate effectively is most crucial. It represents not

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