The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (56 page)

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Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

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BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
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ened, but then see there is no threat. I cannot see the stranger's face, as it is covered with the hood from his robe. The stranger does not speak, but reaches out to touch my arm. I feel like he is welcoming me somehow. I know I must tell my wife this dream as soon as I wake up.
In recounting the dream to his wife, Zoe, Michael said, "I think the cave represents the world of my dreams and that the stranger is really the part of me who lives in that world. I think that part of me wanted to share all this with you." After this, Michael started to believe that working on dreams with his wife was not silly. Rather, he discovered that it was infinite and meaningful, the beginning of a long climb toward the light of sharing and knowing himself better.
Michael's dream illustrates how recounting night experiences can get you in touch with deep and potent feelings. Not only was the imagery powerful to him, but sharing it with his partner made it even more useful. It enhanced the closeness he felt with her and expanded his understanding of himself. Self-understanding is essential to being in a successful relationship, because a couple functions best when both members are confident in who they are and what they need. Being autonomous allows for the development of your couple as a partnership rather than a circumstance in which one person has to provide everything with little in return.
Your Dream Life can Enhance Your Couple
Healthy couples require the four Cs: commitment, cooperation, communication, and community. Using your dreams can help you create and support these four elements and provide insight into how well you are doing at them. Having a dream
 
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related to one or more of the major tasks of couple relationships can be very enlightening.
Bonnie had a dream concerning the commitment she was feeling from her husband, Cory. It led her to speak more openly with him about it. At first she didn't even know that commitment was an issue until she had this dream.
The Gold Cadillac
I am walking along the street in the city. Cars are passing me by. I am not really paying much attention until a particularly beautiful Cadillac drives by. It is so shiny. I realize that it is gold. I run to the stoplight at the corner to ask the driver where he got the car. When I look in I see the driver is Cory. I ask how he got the Cadillac. He says, "You have to really, really, want one." I am confused.
Bonnie saw that in the dream, the car was really her beautiful, shiny relationship. She wanted one, but her husband said she had to "really, really" want it. She said, "I could see that what Cory meant in the dream was that I hadn't really wanted this golden prize enough. Maybe that has been true of my marriage." She then saw that she, not only Cory, needed to express a little more commitment to wanting the relationship.
Building cooperation and community turned out to be the theme of a dream that Neil had. During a time when he was working hard at a new job and his wife, Meredith, was complaining about feeling neglected, Neil wasn't getting much sleep. He was concerned about impressing his new boss, and he was worried about his marriage. In this dream, he saw that getting cooperation and support could make a big difference.
 
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In the Desert
I am late for work. I run downstairs and out the front door. When the door closes behind me, I realize that I am in some kind of desert. I am wearing a suit even though it is about a hundred degrees outside. I turn around to go back into the house but it's not there anymore. I start to dig in the sand where my front door was, but I can't make any headway. I look around and see there are some other guys dressed for work, also looking confused. I yell to them and they come over. We all start digging together. I am scared that I have lost Meredith.
Neil told Meredith what he was dreaming and how scared he had been. "The only part of the dream that felt good was that all those other people would help me dig, looking for you. I was glad they could help." He was able to see that cooperation and support were required to help him get his relationship on track. This dream reminded both of them that they had to work together as a team during this time when Neil was feeling completely overwhelmed.
Ginny was concerned that she and Jack were not communicating very well during a particularly stressful time for them. They were trying to decide whether to get married. She sensed that he was pulling back a little, but she didn't know if more communication was the answer. Ginny's dream focused on her difficulty in communicating.
The Phone Call
I am sitting in the kitchen in my apartment when the phone rings. I go to answer it, but there is no one there. I sit back down, but the phone rings again. No one is there a second time. This time I listen carefully on the line. It is very quiet. Then I begin to hear soft accordion music in the receiver. I am

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