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Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

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The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (53 page)

BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
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they were together. Marla was very hurt by this and at a loss for what to do. After having this dream, she thought of sharing it with Betty in a letter or a meeting of some kind. The dream had so much anger in it, though, that she decided to share it with a mutual friend, John, first, and get his coaching. She was glad she did, she said, "because I realized how 'enraged' I still was and that I was not ready yet to have a productive conversation with Betty. I could see that I was still as 'blank' as she was about how to communicate." Marla felt better, too, after hearing from John that Betty missed their friendship and just needed some more time. Shortly afterward, Marla saw Betty at a party, and they danced and talked with each other. Marla thought of her dream and how glad she was that she had gotten help with it when she did.
Although working on a dream together can be useful at any time, there are some special advantages to having regularly scheduled dreamwork sessions with a friend. Knowing that you have set aside time periodically to examine and sort out your dream feelings with a committed listener can be very comforting. It can also serve as a kind of dream therapy, a place to stop and deal with what's going on in your life and in your unconscious. You might also get some extra help in analyzing your dream from someone who knows you well and is not as involved as your spouse in your everyday life.
Phyllis has been doing dreamwork with the same friend for more than eighteen years, meeting faithfully every other week, with wonderful results. "I might often forget to look at the negative aspects of myself," Phyllis says, "if my dream partner didn't remind me to do so. We don't try to interpret each other's dreams, but the occasional guidance in a certain direction is always helpful. It's also interesting to see the similarities in our dreams and issues as we meet together." Her dream
 
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partner, who has no professional expertise in dreamwork, adds another benefit of having scheduled sessions: "One of the great things about working together is I
do
it. I wouldn't work on my dreams anywhere near as often if we weren't meeting!"
The self-directed format that Phyllis and her dream partner developed for these sessions is similar to many of the techniques described earlier. The total session is about an hour and a half long, with the time divided equally between the two dreamers. They alternate who goes first, unless one of them has a special need that day. Each session starts with the speaker briefly stating the "new and good" things that have happened since their last meeting. This helps them focus, create a context for their dreamwork, and get back in touch with each other in a concise and positive way. Next, the speaker recounts the dream in the present tense, then in dream language, describing the feeling at the end and giving the dream a title. At this point, the dreamer acts out various parts of the dream until a clear message is received. Often the dream is changed to give it a positive ending.
If the speaker does not feel finished at the end of her allotted time, she contracts to continue the dreamwork on her own. It is important to give your undivided attention to the speaker, interrupting only to indicate when time is up, to point out a forgotten part of the dream when retelling it in dream language, or to interject a direction for the dreamwork, if needed. If the speaker agrees to some action to be taken out of a dream, her partner should note it also and check on it at their next meeting. At the end of her turn, each dreamer says something about what she is looking forward to in the coming weeks. This helps redirect the focus back into the realm of waking life.
When you begin working with your own partner, you may wish to make changes in this format to meet your particular
 
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needs. Phyllis and her dream partner modified their routine and conducted shorter sessions by telephone for a year when one of them was away. It worked out for them and gave them more possibilities for dreamwork together in the future. Experiment with your own ideas of what works best for both of you. If your partner moves away or drops out, find another one. Remember, everyone dreams, so it's just a matter of finding an interested and committed party!
Dreamwork with and about Coworkers
Other than family and friends, the people many of us have most contact with on a daily basis are those we work with. Like other significant relationships in our waking lives, these coworkers will often show up as characters in our dreams, bringing up work-related or other issues. And our dreams can provide insights or clues to solutions or directions to take. We aren't suggesting that dream insights take the place of balance sheets, research data, or annual reports; however, they can give us access to intuitive information we might otherwise miss, as in the following example.
A Room of One's Own
Angie and I are to share an apartment together. I am upset that there seems to be only one bedroom with two twin beds, as I am anxious to have a room of my own. We discover that there is a second bedroom after all, also with two twin beds. One side is open to the living room. Angie volunteers to take it, and I offer her a set of blinds to hang across the open side to give her more privacy. I feel a little guilty, as this arrangement serves my selfish desire to have a private room.
Angie and Sylvia worked closely together on a large research project. When Sylvia had this dream, she had begun to
 
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be very concerned about the demands on their time. "The dream made it very clear to me," she said, "that we needed to divide up our responsibilities (have our 'own rooms'). The dream gave me clues as to how this should be done: I should focus on the data management (which is what I 'selfishly' yearned to do), while Angie's skills fit the more public ('open to the living room') work of running the staff training program."
The dream alerted Sylvia to her guilt about letting Angie take on such a demanding task, and she decided to talk with her about helping her out. Sylvia shared the dream with Angie, and from the notion of "twin beds" in each room, created a joint vision of delegating responsibilities. They immediately began training other staff members to help out, relieving both of them of the pressure they had been under.
Dreams can also be useful with employees. A dream can give you an idea of how to handle a difficult situation with an employee when your business sense my not be enough. Steven figured out how to deal with a particular employee, his mother-in-law, by working on the following dream.
Finding A Way Home
I am at the opera with my mother-in-law. I would like to stay for the free second opera, but she wants to leave. I'm disappointed. I try to find her some way home, so that I can stay.
When Steven had hired his mother-in-law a few years back to help out with his small business, it had worked out well for both of them. However, the business was growing, and his mother-in-law was not able to keep up. He kept trying to accommodate her, but it was getting extremely frustrating for both of them. After having this dream, he realized that where she needed to be was at "home," in retirement. He discussed
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