The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships (51 page)

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Authors: Phyllis R. Koch-Sheras

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BOOK: The Dream Sharing Sourcebook: A Practical Guide to Enhancing Your Personal Relationships
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with dream details that were remarkably similar. This is the first time I ever had a dream that was essentially identical to someone else's. We told my husband and son about it, and it has been something we have marveled at as a family ever since."
Guided Fantasies
Waking fantasy plays an important role in changing and finishing night dreams, creating daydreams, and generating visioning dreams. A wonderful way to bring your partner and others into your waking fantasies is through the means of guided fantasy. This process provides a way to include other relationships in your fantasy or dream life in a concrete and intimate way. It is, in a sense, the sharing of a daydream.
Guided fantasy involves one person, the "guide," relating a basic story or experience while another person or persons actively visualize and embellish it. You could also put the fantasy on tape so that you and your partner can listen to it at the same time. Just like dreams, guided fantasy offers much material for analysis; almost any exercise you can do with a dream, you can also apply to working with guided fantasy. This kind of fantasy work offers some advantage over dreams, too, as a basis for inner exploration with your partner. Unlike the dreamworld, your fantasy world is always accessible to you. Even if you or your partner is unable to remember any dreams at all, you can use your imagination to explore important issues in your lives and to stimulate your dream recall for the future.
Relaxation of both body and mind is crucial to a guided fantasy. You want to be close to the same alpha state you enter into just before sleep. In order to do this, you and your partner should remove all distractions and perhaps put on some calming or inspirational music. Part of a sample relaxation and fantasy exercise called "The Body Journey" is included here, reprinted
 
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from Phyllis's book
Dream On
, cowritten with E. Ann Hollier and Brooke Jones. You can use it with one of you reading the part of the guide for the other and then switching. Or you can tape-record it, including the appropriate pauses, and go through it together when you are ready. Use it as is, add to it, or amend it to meet both of your needs or interests.
Often we dream about aspects of our bodies and about our feelings regarding physical and sexual issues with our partner. These issues frequently disguise themselves in our dreams and may be difficult to address either alone or together. Addressing the topic through a guided fantasy can bring to light sexual needs you might be afraid to express or admit even in your dreams. "The Body Journey" fantasy can help you and your partner get more in touch with your body and your sexuality, and give you a way to discuss your feelings in a concrete way.
The Body Journey
Prepare to take a journey. Just relax. I will be your guide. This journey is very close to homethrough your own body. Begin now by paying attention to the sensation of your body resting against the chair [cushions, rug, or floor]. . . . Notice any parts of your body that you feel yourself tensing or numbing. Pay attention to those parts of your body . . . . And now, let me guide you on a journey through all the parts of your body, exploring as you go the sensations you feel, and noticing any memories which come back to you as you go through each part. . . . Pay attention first to your head. [The guide mentions all the parts
 
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of the head next, and then goes through every other part of the body, including the genitals, down to the toes.] Now that you have traveled through your whole body, notice any part of your body that may still feel tense or numb. . . . Go to that part of your body now, and have it give you a message. . . . Take whatever you get. . . . And now take a deep breath. As you inhale, feel yourself breathing energy into those parts of your body that feel numb or deadened. . . . Take another deep breath, and as you exhale, feel yourself releasing tension from those parts of you that feel tense. . . . As you complete your journey, thank the parts of you that have communicated with you, and let them know that you will make use of their messages, even if they don't make sense now, to help yourself and your partner now and in the future. . . . Notice the sensation of your body resting against the chair. . . . Imagine the room you are in. . . . Take a few deep breaths, and on the count of three, open your eyes.
After going through this fantasy, share with your partner the reactions, memories, and messages that you got from the various parts of your body. Just sharing the fantasy itself can enable you and your partner to overcome inhibitions and increase your sensitivity. You may also get a better understanding of each other's physical sensations, and open up your communication about sexual issues in new ways. This then increases the intimacy between you and your partner, often leading to sexual fantasies
 
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that you can create and act out together. Be sensitive to the body information you receive from your partner, and you can then use it to enhance your sex life on an ongoing basis. Never express disapproval of any of your partner's reactions to the fantasy; just be curious about them, and think of them as gifts of insight and intimacy for your relationship.
Many other prepared guided fantasies are available in
Dream On, The Dream Sourcebook
, and other publications. (See the bibliography at the back of this book.) You might also experiment with creating your own fantasies and sharing them with your partner in a similar fashion, such as being the seed of a tree growing, being born, flying, and so on. You can also use the stories and images from your dreams as the raw materials for a guided fantasy to share with your partner or others. Afterward, you can hear the listeners' experiences or use them to expand on your own fantasy like a "continuous story." In the process, you can gain insights from other people's comments that may help you understand more fully what your dream means for you and what it might mean for your partner and others. That is what Barbara did with the following dream she had exactly six months after her father died.
"Relax and Have a Good Time!"
I'm in the corner of an elegant restaurant with several round tables off to my left. Many people are sitting and eating. I have some corned beef on a piece of rye bread. It tastes good. I see my dad at the last table. He looks healthy and happy, relaxing and eating. He smiles and says, "Hi, honey. Relax and have a good time!" I'm shocked and pleased. I start to cry.
Barbara was very moved by this dream and asked her husband, Bob, if she could take him through it as a guided fantasy. He agreed, and then added onto the dream story, speaking

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