The Makeover (44 page)

“That’s what I
said!” Phoenix seethed.  “That’s exactly what he did!”

“And yet here
you are, willing to push away a man who is in love with you for the same reason. 
God answers your prayers for help.  On top of helping you grow spiritually
in Christ, He does so much to rebuild your self-esteem.  He blesses you
with our friendship and love.  He blessed
me
with you too.  He
has used you to teach me how to love again, to open up my heart to trust him
for love.  Even as I am struggling, He’s using you to teach me to wait on
Him—even though I fail sometimes.  He has been teaching me to enjoy loving
a woman and to have fun with the woman I love—”

“Paulo—”
Phoenix’s heart melted against the words he spoke right into her heart. 
“I—”

“I,
nothing!  The way you want to make use of these blessings is to
deliberately get revenge on Cedric.  But you refuse to see how foolish and
crazy this sounds, am I right?”

“Yeah…”Phoenix
answered, reluctantly, not liking the way it sounded coming from Paulo. 
I
am a fool.  Why did I even say anything to him?

“So what makes
you better than him?” Paulo asked through clenched teeth. 

“Excuse me?”
Phoenix’s neck twisted.  “What did you say?”

“I asked you
what makes you better than Cedric?  You were a blessing to him and he used
you spitefully to further his own agenda.  God sends blessings to you and
you plan to use them to spitefully further your own agenda.  You are even
willing to put everything on hold until you complete your plan.  So again,
I ask the question, what makes you better than Cedric?”

“I am nothing
like Cedric!”

“I
disagree.  The Bible calls us to forgive because none of us are
perfect.  The Bible says that if you condemn people for their actions,
then you are just as bad as they are.  The Bible also warns us that when
we stand in judgment of others, with bitterness in our hearts, we can actually
become just like the person we are holding bitterness towards.  That’s
what is happening now.  You stand there and judge Cedric’s actions, but
what makes you better than him?  You are doing the very thing you’ve been
holding against him.” Paulo declared, standing up.

“How could you
say that?  I am nothing like that piece of garbage!”

Sadly, Paulo
looked down on the woman he had hoped he could marry one day.  “You’re
right, Baby.”

“I know I
am.  Thanks for admitting it.”

“You’re right,”
Paulo continued.  “You not like him because you are worse.”

“Worse?”
Phoenix’s jaw fell.

“Worse. 
You’re worse because you know better.”  He kissed Phoenix with hard
lips.  “I’ll see you tomorrow morning.  Think about what I
said.  Until you get this out of your system, we can do the work out and
the Bible study and the church.  I am not going to pursue you romantically
because it is clear you are not ready for me.  I am so in love with you,
Querida
,
and this hurts so much…”  Paulo
snatched a gulp of air and shut his eyes.  After a moment, his eyes
snapped opened, and he looked at Phoenix with an unwavering resolve.  “But
it is clear that I was moving too fast anyway.  We’re clearly on different
levels here.”

Phoenix’s heart
dropped as she raised a shaking hand to touch Paulo’s face.  “No, Paulo,
don’t do this.  I—”

But Paulo
snatched his face away and stepped back.  “No, you did this, and I won’t
do this with you.  As I said, I am going to step back from pursuing you
romantically until you figure out what is most important to you.  I will,
however, keep praying you will let this craziness go.”

And for the third
time in one evening, Paulo walked away wondering if he had heard wrong about
the woman he had grown to love.

Chapter 24

A gentle
answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare (Proverbs 15:1).

Three months
later…

“What do you think,
Chica
?” Cara laughed.  “You like?”

Phoenix turned
from side to side in the mirror.  “Oh my gosh, I love it!”  She ran
her fingers through her new waves that swirled midway down her back.  “I
look…I look…”

“Gorgeous,
Mija
,
” Delores offered, admiring her new
handiwork.  Winking at Cara, she whispered loud enough for Phoenix to
hear.  “And it took only three months for us to convince her to take the
braids out to get this look.”

“But the braids
were so convenient,” Phoenix pouted, still marveling at her new look. 
“But this is way better!  Oh my goodness.”

“I know,
right?” Cara smiled, “You look sexy,
Linda.  
I know we suggested
the braids to you ‘cause you were working out, and they were easier to handle
than that damaged afro you had, but this weave is just as convenient. 
Your own hair is braided up underneath so it won’t get damaged and you can
change your look as often as you want.  I still think once you grow out
your relaxer, you should go natural.  But for now, you can rock this. 
You can also wear it up in a ponytail, which will make it easier when you can’t
get here to get your hair done.”

“Exactly,”
Delores agreed.  “So you like it huh?”

“I love it,
thank you ladies.”   

After Phoenix
paid Delores her fee and a huge tip, the ladies headed out for their weekly
lunch. 

“You seeing
Paulo tonight for your Saturday-evening date slash Bible study?”

Phoenix tried
to keep her face from falling as she gave a nonchalant shrug.  “Definitely
the Bible study, but the date hasn’t happened for three months.  I told
you that.  We meet every morning at the fitness center, and on Sundays and
Tuesdays for church.  We don’t even have breakfast together anymore. 
Of course we do the Bible studies.  As for dating, he hasn’t asked me out
since that night we had the fight and I shared the truth with him.  He
won’t even speak to me on the phone for longer than five minutes whenever I
call.”

“That’s because
he’s still waiting for you to finally come to your senses and let go of this
plan to make Cedric pay,” Cara said, her smile long gone.  “Seriously,
Chica
,
what man is going to sit around and
wait while you try to make your ex jealous or try to win him back for
revenge?  Christian or not, there is only so much a man can take. 
Frankly it must be strictly the power of God that allows him to even deal with
you at this point.  I wouldn’t.”

Phoenix rolled
her eyes, struggling to keep her temper in check, as she listened to a lecture
she had heard at least twice a day for the past three months.  “I know,
but it will be over soon.  If Paulo or you, for that matter, can’t
understand—”

Cara neck was
already twisting.  “Oh no, Lady, we
can’t
understand and we won’t
understand no time soon.  How do you sound right now?  It’ll be over
soon
? 
It should have been over the moment that sexy Brazilian knight in shining armor
rescued you.  Unlike Cedric, he was loving you
before
you’ve lost
all that weight.  Now you
gonna
mess around and
throw God’s blessings back in His face.  The worse thing, for me, about
all this is that the Lord isn’t even allowing you to find Cedric.  You are
obsessed with having Cedric see the new you so you can move on this plan, but
it ain’t happening,
Chica
. 
Every
time you’ve reached out to Cedric to quote unquote speak to him for closure, he
hasn’t bothered to show up.  You tried inviting him out to dinner, telling
him you want to remain friends, and he didn’t come.  What about when you
called him to pick up that letter from the child support people?  He
didn’t come get it for two weeks, and after you called him nearly every day, he
sent his friend to pick it up.  He barely returns your calls and when he
does, he rushes off.  That man wants no part of you.  I bet the Lord
is seeing to that!  God is trying to protect you from going through with
this and you still keep pushing.  How much more of a sign from Him do you
need?”  She laughed.  “Besides, too bad for you ‘cause me and James
have been praying.  And I know Paulo.  Baby, you’re messing with one
of God’s prayer warriors.  He is not going to allow this mess to happen
either, not without his best fight.  I bet his prayers are probably seeing
to these roadblocks you’ve had.”

Phoenix
considered Cara’s words.  It wasn’t like Phoenix hadn’t thought about the
way Paulo had loved her and rescued her time and time again.  It wasn’t
like she didn’t wake up in the middle of the night feeling empty and alone when
she thought about how she had pushed the man of her dreams away.  It
wasn’t like her stomach didn’t turn inside out every time she was reminded of
Paulo’s scent, his sweet kisses, his voice, or the way his hazel eyes changed
colors depending on his mood.  She wasn’t too blind to see that something
was standing in the way of her plan.  Since Paulo had refused to discuss
the issue with Cedric since their disagreement, three months prior, she figured
he had given up on changing her mind.  She hadn’t realized that Paulo
could have been the one who was staying on his knees to block her
efforts.  She hadn’t understood that Christians may argue with spoken
words, but truly battled in prayer. 

But why
couldn’t they see she
had
to do this.  It was the only way she
would feel good enough about herself to move on. 

When Phoenix
didn’t respond, Cara let off an annoyed sigh.  “Crazy thing is, you’re the
psychologist.  You mean to tell me don’t none of this sound crazy to
you?  You know what?  Don’t answer that.  Seem like most
psychiatrists, psychologists, clinical social workers, or mental health
counselors are crazier than most of the patients you’re supposed to be
helping.”  She shrugged.  “I guess I answered my own question.”

Phoenix
couldn’t refute her friend’s statements because she knew that her plan was
crazy.  She just couldn’t get herself to let it go.  “You have no
idea, Cara, how many times a day I replay what happened in my relationship with
Cedric over and over.  You have no idea how that feeling of being played
fills me with anger and rage.  Every time I picture what happened the
night I caught him with that chick, and the things he’s said, I want to chew on
his face.  I did so much for that dude and he repays me like that?”

“And Paulo has
done so much for you and you repay him like
this?
” Cara snapped. 
“Come on!  He prays for you before he even officially met you.  He
offers you his assistance for free.  He brings you to his fitness center
and trains and counsels you personally—which he has not done in years! 
He’s got a large staff for that!  He introduces you to a group of nice
people.  He came to your rescue every time Satan tried to use Cedric against
you.  He helped you lose almost sixty pounds!  He even surprised you
with a new wardrobe when my plus size clothes didn’t fit you anymore—and this
is after he put the courtship on pause.  How could you even remember
Cedric’s
name
after all that.  I would have
been
moved on!”

Again, Phoenix
had no words because every argument would have simply been Goliath to the David
of Cara’s truth. 

Defeated.

“And, what
makes Paulo even less deserving of this is the fact that he has never judged
you.  I know for a fact that he was crushed when you told him you were
doing this mess.  He came over the next day and vented for hours. But he
kept saying how much he loved you.  He had us pray for you.  And as
upset as he was, as hurt and betrayed as he felt, Paulo has never mistreated
you or spoken ill of you—”

“He stopped
being romantic with me,” Phoenix said with a pout.

“No you stopped
opening yourself to him, and your future, the moment you told him you were
going to revisit the past.  He did what any real man would do.  He
pulled back and gave you your space.  Any real man, let alone a man of
God, would do that.  He would pray for you and try to help you, but he
would not pursue you if you’re not on the same spiritual level as him.”

Now Phoenix was
upset.  “I’ve been going to church every week and the Bible studies.”

“But has it
changed you?  Have you returned to Jesus in your heart and chosen to do
things God’s way?  No, because you still holding a grudge against that
idiot!  Ain’t I right?”

Phoenix looked
away.

“
Thought
so!”  Cara sucked in a breath and closed her eyes.  Bringing her
volume down, she said, “Listen.  God clearly has a plan.  Paulo
clearly has your heart.  Why not just make the effort to let this foolish
plan for revenge go so you can have all the things you’ve been praying for?
Paulo loves you, but as a man of God, he’s not going to move forward with you
until you make the decision to put your hopes in the Lord and your eyes on the
future.  Let this go.”

Phoenix sighed
as Cara’s words pricked every inch of her skin and worked their way
underneath. 

It was as salt
stinging a wound.

As they headed
towards their favorite eatery in silence, a tall dark-skinned, handsome man
walked past them and cast a bright smile at Phoenix.

She nodded coyly
and smiled back, admiring the bald, broad-shouldered man with the beautiful
smile.

“Well, hello
there, Sister,” the man stopped and lightly touched Phoenix on her arm.

Phoenix looked
at the place where the man had touched her and looked up with a smile in her
eyes.  “Hello.”

“I just wanted
to stop you and tell you how beautiful you are.  What’s your name?” the
man said, letting his eyes take in Phoenix appreciatively.

“Phoenix,” she
answered, looking away quickly.  She remembered Cara, standing there,
taking in the exchange.  “This is my friend, Cara.”