The Mammoth Book of Tasteless Jokes (79 page)

Hit him with an axe.

How are a strawberry and a rabbit alike?

They are both red, except for the rabbit.

A white man, a Mexican and a black man find a genie lamp and rub it. The Mexican wishes for all Mexicans to go back to Mexico. The black wishes for all blacks to be brought back to Africa. The white man, who misses his friends, wishes for an annual holiday for his black and Mexican friends, so that they may visit America again if they so wish.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a poodle?

An unfortunate interbreeding between two different species which will result in undesirable characteristics.

“Doctor, doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!”

“Unfortunately this the least of your problems. You also have an inoperable brain tumour.”

What do you call five Pakistanis in some quicksand?

If you are unfamiliar with their names, just say, “Excuse me.”

How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagen?

You would have to manufacture a very large Volkswagen. This will solve your problem.

Why did the black guy get lynched?

Because he was the victim of a terrible race-hate crime.

What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

Michael Jackson was the “King of Pop”. A plastic bag is a type of flexible packaging made of thin, plastic film, and is used for containing and transporting goods such as foods, produce, powders, ice, chemicals and waste.

My mother-in-law is so fat that it may have an adverse efficet on her health, leading to reduced life expectancy.

A German couple have a baby and name him Klaus. As time goes by Klaus grows up and yet he never utters a word. After years of trying to find out what is wrong with him, his parents just accept that he is mute. When Klaus reaches his fourteenth birthday his parents throw a party for him and he is given a slice of his favourite cake. Suddenly, Klaus turns to his mother and says: “Mother, zis cake is dry.”

His mum can’t believe her ears. Overcome with emotion she hugs him and cries, “Klaus, you can speak! Why have you never spoken before?”

“Well,” replies Klaus, “until now, everything has been satisfactory.”

“Knock knock.”