The Mill House (47 page)

His eyes stayed on her, harsh and impenetrable, as though still fully determined not to let her back in, even resenting the fact she was trying. Finally he looked away and at least some of his anger seemed to abate. 'What about this place?' he asked abruptly. 'What are you going to do with it?'

'I can have it cleared in a couple of days,' she answered, 'then I can sell up, if that's what you want.'

He was looking around, seeming to take it all in, the hearth with its logs, the dressers with their

photographs, the cupboards, the windows, the shadow of the mill turning outside. As she watched him she could only guess at what he was thinking, though he knew how much it all meant to her, how desperately she wanted to hold onto it if she could.

In the end he said, 'Where did it happen? You and the Italian. Which room?'

'Upstairs. In the bedroom,' she replied. She didn't have to tell him about the other times, because it was over now, and there was no reason for him to know.

The coldness was back in his eyes as he said, 'I think you should keep it.'

Realising he could be about to offer it as a settlement she quickly said, 'But if it's not somewhere we can share ...'

'That's not what I'm saying. I don't know what's in the future for us, but I do know, if I ever spend time with you here, I won't want to sleep in that bed.'

'Then I'll get rid of it,' she said, without hesitation.

He nodded briefly. 'It'll be a start,' and picking up his keys he turned to the door, saying, 'I'll be back in the morning for Dan.'

The following morning, after a tearful goodbye to Daniel and a difficult embrace with Josh, which was more for Dan's benefit than either of theirs, Julia went straight over to the Bowers to see if she could find Tilde. If anyone would know who to call about removing a bed, she would, and since that was what Josh wanted, Julia was more than

happy to comply. No matter that it had belonged to her father and Gwen, there was no room for sentimentality in this scenario, for if the situation were reversed and Josh was asking her to sleep on a bed he'd shared with Sylvia, she knew only too well what her reaction would be. Even to think of it caused a sickening twist in her heart, for she was still a very long way from being over either the jealousy or the pain, and though she knew Sylvia was in Australia now, it didn't mean she'd stopped tormenting herself with images of them together.

She had never found out what had really happened the night of Sylvia's launch, but for now, at least, it was enough that Josh hadn't gone, and that Sylvia had been utterly humiliated over the next few days in the press. Many of the diarists had gone to town with how she'd been stood up, proving she wasn't quite as popular with journalists as she'd liked to think. Julia had savoured every word, and might even have called to gloat had she not been afraid it would backfire. In the end, she'd just been thankful for the way Josh had claimed to be mystified as to why anyone had thought he was going to the party, and as for his marriage being in trouble, that was plain absurd.

As usual, Tilde was delighted to be asked for help. Since the bed wasn't very old, and was extremely handy with its built-in drawers, she immediately proposed selling it, nice and cheap, to a young couple she knew who were just setting up home. If she wondered why Julia wanted rid of it she never asked, which led Julia to suspect that she

probably knew, for very little ever made it past Tilde.

'I'll get onto 'em right away,' she said, bustling across the big old farmhouse kitchen to the phone. 'I know they don't have a bed yet, because I saw them last night, and they happened to mention it. So I reckon Providence is having a bit of a hand in here, don't you?'

Relieved that it was proving so easy, Julia waited for Tilde to arrange a viewing for the couple, then returned to the mill to unpack the blankets and lines stored in the bed's drawers. After piling them on one of the sofas, she went back to the bedroom for the cash box, which was still on the pine chest where Rico had put it on that fateful morning. Though she didn't want to relive what had happened then, she couldn't help wondering how Rico was now, for it had been almost two weeks since he was last in touch. Hopefully, that was a sign he was starting to get over it. When he'd first gone back he'd been calling at least twice a day, wanting to make absolutely sure she understood how much he still loved her, and to find out if maybe she had changed her mind.

Feeling guilty even as she dismissed him from her thoughts she carried the box downstairs and got into the car to drive over to Chapel Amble where David and Charles lived and Charles had his workshop.

As she wove through the picturesque lanes and byways, she was so focused on Josh and the future, and how determined she was to bring her family back together, that she wasn't really thinking about what the box might contain. But even when it did

finally penetrate her thoughts, she knew in her heart that whatever its secrets might be, no matter how terrible or dark, nothing, but nothing could be worse than losing Josh and her children.

Chapter Seventeen

Josh's face was tight with anger as he glared at Shannon across the kitchen. 'Do you really have to he so selfish?' he demanded. 'Are you the only person living in this house who counts? Is that how it's working with you? Invite in whoever you like, turn the place into a pigsty, leave nothing for anyone else.'

Shannon's cheeks were hot with colour, her eyes blazing with fury at the way he was embarrassing her in front of her friends. 'We have to eat!' she cried. 'And you knew everyone was coming.'

'There's nothing left in the damned fridge,' he shouted. 'It was full this morning, and this kitchen was clean. Now look at it. What the hell's the matter with you? You're supposed to be helping your grandmother, not making her life ten times harder. Now send everyone home.'

'But they're here to ...'

'Don't argue,' he raged.

'I'm sorry,' Shannon mumbled to her friends, who were already sidling towards the stairs. 'I

didn't know this was going to happen. He's not normally so mean...'

'Can it, Shannon,' he snapped, and going to dump his briefcase and a heavy manuscript in his study, he took out his mobile to turn it off mid-ring. He'd had enough of that particular instrument today, for it had seemed to bring nothing but one problem after another, not least of all the call from his mother letting him know that she would be having a lie-down when he came in, because Shannon had a few friends over, who were a little noisy and boisterous for her, and heavens, what appetites they had. Virtually the entire contents of a recent supermarket haul had been demolished, and there was nothing left in the fridge for dinner, but she was sure they'd manage.

As the front door slammed Josh went back into the kitchen, and hearing Shannon starting upstairs to her room he shouted, 'Back down here please!'

When she appeared her face was mutinous, her eyes glittering with anger. 'You really showed me up ...'

'You deserve to be shown up. Christ, I've got enough on my plate without coming in to find the place stuffed full of your friends who can't be bothered to pick up after themselves.'

'You said they could come over,' she yelled. 'I asked you this morning, and you ...'

'I didn't say they could eat us out of house and home and send your grandmother upstairs to lie down because she can't take any more. You were supposed to be doing homework, and if any one of those cans contains alcohol- or caffeine-charged

liquids you are going to find yourself grounded for a month.'

'Then ground me. I don't care. It's like living in a prison anyway, with you. I'm never allowed to do anything. At least Mum never minded my friends coming over, and she never showed me up the way you do. She'd let us eat what we wanted ...'

'But your mother's not here, is she? And she never will be if it goes on like this.'

Shannon's angry expression showed a trace of unease. 'What do you mean?' she demanded.

'I mean you won't even speak to her on the phone, so to be holding her up as some kind of icon now is a bit rich, isn't it?'

'I was just saying ...'

'I'm not interested in what you're saying. Just quit arguing and start tidying up this mess. I have to pick Dan up in ten minutes, and now, thanks
TO
you, I'll have to go to the supermarket so the rest of us can eat tonight.'

'There's stuff in the freezer.'

'Well, thank you.'

As he snatched up his keys and started to leave Shannon broke down in tears. 'You're always taking it out on me,' she sobbed, 'and it's not my fault I didn't make her do that, so it's not fair to keep picking on me, and being horrible to me ...'

Taking a deep breath, he stopped and turned back. 'I'm just pointing out that your behaviour is not very helpful when Grandma is trying so hard to take care of us,' he said, softening his tone a little.

Shannon's distress was growing to a point where she could barely catch her breath. 'Mum

never had a problem with my friends,' she cried, 'and I could always talk to her about anything. You're just mean to me, and I want to go away and never have to see any of you again.'

'Come on,' he said, pulling her into his arms. 'I'm sorry I shouted, and I'm sorry if I showed you up.'

Allowing him to draw her down onto his lap, she put her arms round his neck and wept into his collar. 'I really wish Mum hadn't done what she did,' she said. 'It's messed up everything, and we're all really unhappy now. Why did she have to do it, Dad?'

As he tried to think how to answer, she said, 'It was wrong and really bad of her to do that to you, and I understand why it's made you in a bad mood all the time, but I just hate it when you keep picking on me.'

'I'm sorry if that's how it seems,' he said, stroking her hair. 'I don't mean to. I guess we're all a bit stressed and we need to sort out what we're going to do, because poor Grandma can't cope much longer.'

For a while they sat quietly amidst the debris of her teenage feast, their thoughts inevitably focused on Julia, though neither of them knew quite how to proceed from here. In the end, Shannon said, 'Is she living with him now?'

He frowned. 'Do you mean is Mum living with Rico?'

She nodded.

'No, of course not,' he answered. 'She's on her own down there, and, actually, she really wants to come home.'

Shannon sat up and looked into his face. 'Do you want her to?' she asked, her watery eyes searching his for guidance.

He nodded. 'I think so,' he answered. 'Do you?'

Her gaze moved away, then tightening her arms around his neck, she said, 'I really love you Dad and I don't want her to hurt you again.'

He laughed sadly, and held her close. 'I don't think she wants to do that,' he said, feeling wretched for letting Julia take all the blame. However, confessing his own guilt was hardly going to help Shannon to understand things any better - if anything, it would be too much for her to bear.

'But how are you going to forgive her?' Shannon asked.

'Oh, I think I can manage it,' he answered, realising that she might be waiting for such a signal to allow herself to forgive too. To his surprise though, she started to cry again.

'He would have been my boyfriend, but she took him away,' she wailed.

'Don't be silly now. He was far too old for you...'

'I'm not being silly! You never understand ... I really liked him, but she knew you'd be angry because he was so much older, so that's why she did it, to stop me from getting into trouble with you...'

His eyes closed at her tortured teenage logic, and the guilt that he hadn't realised she'd been carrying. 'That's not why she did it, sweetheart,' he said . 'Then why?'

Knowing he didn't have an answer that would be suitable for her ears, or that he could even think about giving without seeking Julia's advice first, he said, 'Maybe we need to ask her why.'

Immediately Shannon shook her head. 'I don't want to. I don't want to talk to her about it ever.'

'But you would like her to come home?'

'No. I want it to be just us, like we are now.'

He smiled. 'You know that's not true, and besides, it's not really working very well, is it? You said yourself, I'm always in a bad mood, and it's because I miss her.'

'But you can't still love her after what she did.'

Taking her face between his hands, he looked deeply into her eyes. 'One day,' he said, 'you'll understand why things aren't quite as straightforward as you're seeing them now. I've done things that have hurt Mum, and she's tried her best to forgive me, which is why I'm trying to do the same now. That's how it happens sometimes in relationships. We don't mean to hurt the people we love, but one way or another we almost always do.'

He watched her struggling to take that on board, then felt his heart sink with dismay at the sound of his mother coming down the stairs. He loved her very much and was deeply indebted to her for the way she'd bailed them out these past weeks, but it was driving him insane having her here, when the only person he wanted walking into the kitchen right now, or at any other time, was his wife.