The Mill House (52 page)

Julia inhaled deeply, and looked down at their hands. 'It's a horrible story,' she said. 'I don't know if I can bear to retell it. The very idea that I'm related to them, though thank God not in the way I first thought.' Her eyes moved to Fen's, and realising she wasn't making much sense, she said, 'Sorry, the journals ... God, it seems so long ago...'

Fen listened quietly as Julia was finally able to recount what she'd read, how appalled she'd been and ashamed - and so full of hate that even now she couldn't feel sorry they weren't dead. 'To think they cheated him like that,' she said brokenly at

the end. 'All these years when we could have been a part of each other's lives ...'

Hardly able to comprehend how devastated she must feel, or indeed how to express the disgust she was experiencing herself, Fen simply held onto her hands and tried to convey as much empathy as she could.

'Are they going to keep me here?' Julia asked, seeming to come out of a reverie.

'I don't know. They've let Rene go on police bail, so maybe we can work the same for you. It'll probably depend on the duty inspector. Have you seen him?'

Julia nodded, but her attention was obviously elsewhere. 'I meant to kill them,' she stated quietly. Her eyes came up to Fen's. 'I wanted to kill them.'

'If that were true, you'd have done it.'

Julia looked away. 'Can you believe that my own mother ... ?' She shuddered. 'It's so horrible, so ...'

'Try not to go there. Just focus on the fact that Douglas was your father, and the man we all knew and loved. It's all that matters.'

As Julia's eyes came back to hers, Fen caught a glimpse of the dreadful pain inside her. 'But to have lied to him like that,' she whispered. Then, swallowing hard, she made a visible effort to get past it. 'I'm so glad he found Gwen, and you,' she said, her voice thick with emotion.

'We could never have replaced you,' Fen said softly, 'but we loved him very much.'

'That at least gives me some comfort, but for what they did to him, to both of us, they deserved to die.'

Not arguing with that, Fen rose to her feet. 'I'll go and see if there's any way I can get you out of here now,' she said.

Julia nodded, then her focus seemed to shift again as she said, 'It all feels like a dream. I keep thinking I'll wake up in a minute ...'

'You're still in shock,' Fen told her. 'You need some time to recover,' and dropping a kiss on her forehead she left the room.

Outside in the custody area she waited for the sergeant to finish on the phone, then boldly said, 'There doesn't seem to be any reason to keep her here, so I'd like to take her home now.'

The sergeant pulled an astonished face. 'Well, as it so happens that was Inspector Bradley on the phone,' he told her. 'He's been at the hospital talking to Mr Hope and his sister, your client's mother. Apparently they don't want to press charges, and by the sound of it the inspector don't seem inclined to either, but I'll have to clear it with him before I can release her - and then it'll only be on police bail.'

'I understand that,' Fen responded.

Realising she was waiting for him to make the call right away he grunted, then picked up the phone and started to dial. 'Just one thing that bothers me,' he remarked, as he waited for the connection. 'Why did Mrs Hope, your client's aunt, call to report an intruder, then end up handing the gun to her niece?'

'You'll have to ask Mrs Hope that,' Fen replied.

'She's claiming that your client smashed the gun cabinet and helped herself.'

'What do Mr Hope and his sister say?'

'The same as your client, by all accounts.'

'Then where's the problem?'

He shrugged. 'Just that I get the feeling something's being covered up here,' he said. 'I don't reckon we're getting the whole picture.'

'Even if that were true, and I'm not saying it is, you're still only facing a domestic dispute, because there are no bodies, no injuries, no break-ins.'

He was just reminding her that firearms were involved, when he made his connection, so letting it go, he began speaking to the inspector.

Leaving him to it, Fen returned to the interview room and beckoned Julia to come out into the corridor. 'I think we're in with a chance,' she whispered. 'Apparently no-one's pressing charges.'

Julia looked at her with strangely clouded eyes, then suddenly she started to retch.

'It's OK, it's OK,' Fen said, going to her.

Julia took a breath. Nothing had come up, but the nausea was still there and a cold sweat was breaking out on her skin.

'Do you need to sit down?' Fen asked.

'No, I'm fine,' Julia was finally able to answer. 'It's passed now.'

Fen was watching her closely. 'It's part of the shock,' she said gently. 'You've been through quite an ordeal.'

Julia looked past her as the custody sergeant came to find out where they were. 'You'll need to leave details of where you're taking her,' he told Fen, 'and fill in the relevant forms.'

Knowing the forms inside out Fen had them completed in next to no time, and five minutes later, after waiting for Julia's few personal effects

to be returned, they walked out of the station into the cold, clammy drizzle that was drifting across the yard.

'The car's just around here,' Fen said as they exited the van-dock door. 'I should have brought an extra coat and umbrella.'

'I'll be fine,' Julia assured her.

As they reached the Volvo Julia was about to get in when a set of headlights swept in from the road and across the lower car park, to come to a stop at the foot of the grassy bank directly below them.

Even before the lights went out Fen realised it was the Porsche, and as Josh got out she heard a small sob catch in Julia's throat.

For what seemed a strangely long time husband and wife merely stood looking at each other in the darkness. Josh's face was pale in the lamplight, his eyes lost in shadow, but in those moments even Fen could sense the power of the feelings that connected them. Finally Julia started to move towards him, walking, then breaking into a run, and as she reached the bottom of the bank he caught her hard in his arms.

As Fen went down to join them they continued to cling to each other, making no attempt to speak, simply yielding to the need to be close. Fen could only feel glad she had instinctively agreed that Bob should alert Josh to what was happening.

'She'll be fine,' she said quietly, as Josh looked at her over Julia's shoulder. 'Still quite shaken up...'

'Can I take her home?'

Fen nodded. 'I gave them my address, but I can go back inside to change it.'

'We need to collect my car,' Julia said, pulling back to look at him. 'It's still at the house.'

'We can do it another time,' he told her gently.

'No, I want it over with tonight,' she insisted. 'Then I'll never have to go there again.'

'You won't have to. I'll pick it up.'

As she gazed into his eyes it was as though she still couldn't quite believe he was here, then putting her hands either side of his face, she looked at him with so much love that in spite of Fen's presence, he had to kiss her. 'Let's go now,' he said. 'You can tell me what happened on the way back in the car.'

She was still holding his face, and gazing into his eyes as though unable to make herself stop, then turning to Fen she said, 'Do you mind if we use your car for a moment?'

Fen frowned curiously and looked at Josh, who appeared equally as baffled. 'Of course,' she said, shrugging.

After making sure Fen had the keys to the Porsche so she could wait in the warm, Julia linked Josh's arm and they climbed the bank, to the Volvo. 'Sit in the back with me,' she said, as he unlocked it. 'I want to be close to you, and I can't in the Porsche.'

Still not quite understanding, he held the door open for her to slide in first, then slipped in next to her and drew her back into his arms. 'Are you OK?' he whispered against her hair.

She nodded. After a while she said, 'I love you so much.'

He kissed her head. 'I love you too.' Then, with a note of irony in his voice, 'Tell me, how the hell did we get here?'

'I don't know, but as long as we're together ' She tilted her face up and kept her eyes on his as he touched his lips to hers.

'Do you want to tell me what this is about?' he murmured.

She nodded, but then found herself almost overcome by the urge to cry. 'I'm sorry,' she said shakily. 'I'll have myself together in a minute.'

'Why don't you let it wait?' he suggested. 'Let's just go home now.'

'No, I need to tell you,' she insisted.

Letting her do it her way, he listened in silence as the nightmare of the past eight hours finally began to unfold. All the time she spoke he gazed intently into her lovely face, watching the tremble of her lips and occasionally wiping the tears from her cheeks. He understood completely the horror and rage that had driven her to confront her mother and uncle, because he was feeling it himself, though in her shoes he doubted he'd have been so circumspect with the gun.

'But he was my father,' she said forcefully at the end. 'He was, and I'm so happy for that, not just because of what it would mean if he wasn't, but because he was so special.'

'So's his daughter,' he said, 'and I can't tell you how glad I am you're sitting here now. Not that they don't deserve worse, but I couldn't bear to lose you.'

Lifting a hand to his face, she ran it over the hard stubble on his chin and on into his hair. 'I kept thinking about Daniel and his seizures,' she said.

'Epilepsy happens to thousands of children, he said gently. 'It doesn't mean ...'

'I know, but when I first read that...'

'Don't torment yourself. It's not the reality and that's all that matters.'

'It is for Pam though.'

'Yes. We'll have to decide what to do about that.'

She rested her cheek against him then and felt the comforting warmth of his arms, as his words reminded her that she wasn't alone.

'Do you feel ready to deal with Shannon?' he asked after a while.

Her heart contracted, and there was a pause before she could bring herself to answer. 'Not really, not yet,' she confessed.

'Then I'll come to Cornwall with you. My mother can probably cope for a couple of days.'

She sat up to look at him, and loved him so much for his offer, that it could almost surpass everything she'd felt before. How could she allow herself to come first, though, when they had two children who even now were at home without them? 'The kids need you more than I do right now,' she said. 'I'll get over this. It'll just take me a day or two, then I'll come home - if you're sure you want me.'

'Don't ever doubt it,' he murmured, and as his eyes gazed more deeply into hers, she could feel the familiar longing for him starting to stir. The sensation became so forceful that she pushed herself harder against him. 'I've been such a fool,' he said, his lips almost on hers. 'I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I swear, I'll never let anything come between us again.'

She started to respond, but her throat was locked with emotion, and as his mouth covered

hers all she would allow herself to think about was this precious, beautiful moment, because as much as she'd like to tell herself it was all behind them now, she knew in her heart that this was far from true.

Though it was against Fen's better judgement, she agreed to take Julia to her car so that she could drive it back to Cornwall, since she would need it when she got there. When they arrived at her uncle's house lights were blazing from most of the windows, and a small police unit was guarding the scene, preventing any contamination before forensics turned up. After some to-ing and fro-ing, which involved several calls to the station and even one to Alice who was still at the hospital with George, Fen managed to persuade the officer in charge to let the car go. After filling up with petrol at the first garage they came to, she led the way back to the motorway, where she set a much more sedate pace than either of them had taken on their northward journey.

By the time they got back to the mill it was just after nine a.m. and Julia was clearly exhausted.

'Get some sleep, we'll talk later,' Fen said, walking as far as the front steps with her.

Julia turned to look around, needing to absorb the sense of calm and welcome that exuded from her surroundings, the feeling of rightness and normalcy that separated it so completely from the world from which she'd just emerged. Drawing her mind back from those shadows, she let her eyes settle on Fen. 'Thanks for coming,' she said, wishing the words didn't sound so inadequate.

'I'm glad you called,' Fen responded. 'Are you going to be OK?'

Julia nodded, though she wished now that she'd let Josh come, for she wanted nothing more than to lie down with him and feel his arms around her. 'I'll be fine,' she said. 'I imagine you're pretty shattered too.'

'I'll probably grab a couple of hours before going to the office,' Fen admitted. 'You know where I am if you need me.'

After thanking her again, and embracing her, Julia stood watching as she turned her car round and drove back to the woods. Once she was out of sight, Julia pushed open the door, and without even removing her coat went straight upstairs. When she got to the sitting room her heart twisted to see the journal she'd thrown across the room last night. It was spread out on a rug in front of the fireplace, and feeling a terrible sadness starting to weigh her down she went to pick it up. Her father's words were one of her most precious possessions now, the link that would always bind them together, and after gazing down at the writing for a while, not reading it, just needing to see it, she closed the book and hugged it to her. She knew that soon the grieving for him would begin in earnest, but it would be a normal, healing process of mourning, unclouded by doubt and suspicion, unburdened by lies and despair.