The No Cry Nap Solution (16 page)

Inconsistent, or Nonexistent

Many times, the steps in the prenap routine are misaligned, so

they don’t aid in helping a child sleep. For example, if you get

a child cozy in bed and then get back up to use the potty and

wash hands, then your child may lose whatever relaxing state he

acquired during your wind-down routine. Or, perhaps there is no

prenap routine at all—a child engaged in play is suddenly whisked

off to bed and expected to fall asleep. Without a good routine, it’s

natural for your child to resist a nap.

Solutions

A calming prenap routine sets the stage for sleep. A nap routine

doesn’t have to be long or complicated to be effective. What’s

important is that the routine is consistent from day to day and

that it helps a child prepare for rest. Often a mini-version of the

bedtime routine is best, since a child is already familiar and com-

fortable with the nighttime routine. So, as an example, if you read

for twenty minutes before bed at night, you might read for ten

minutes before a nap. If singing a lullaby occurs before bedtime,

you might incorporate the same song or a similar one into your

prenap routine.

If your child is old enough to understand it, you can create a

naptime poster and hang it on the wall. It can have simple pic-

tures (or photos of your child) that show the steps to naptime.

That way, he can be involved in orchestrating the steps and be

more accepting of the process. An older child can often be moti-

96 Solving Napping Problems

vated with a nap calendar on which he can put a sticker each day

after he wakes up from his nap.

Problem: Too Busy

Children have an incredible amount of energy. While most adults

would love to have someone tell them to take a nap, most chil-

dren resist even the idea of slowing down. Children may be afraid

that if they take a nap they will miss out on “something.”

Solutions

In order to help your child welcome his nap or rest time, avoid

letting him get involved in a fun activity right before naptime.

If your child is beginning to build a wonderful castle of blocks or

has just opened a new tub of clay, she’ll be reluctant to leave her

Adriane, three years old

The Nap Resister
97

project to take a nap. End any exciting activity a half hour or so

before naptime. Help your child switch gears to something mel-

low. That way, when you move toward naptime, he won’t fi ght you

to continue playtime.

As you set your child up for a nap or quiet time, let him know

what he can look forward to when he gets up. Tell him that by rest-

ing he’ll have more energy to enjoy the afternoon plans. Explain

what you’ll be doing as he sleeps, and make it sound boring, such

as “I’ll be doing paperwork while you sleep.” Saying this lets your

child know he won’t be missing anything exciting and that the

fun stuff will happen when he wakes up.

Parents often pull a child away from a fun activity and take

him to a boring crib or bed for naptime. You can make an easier

transition by allowing him to nap in a more interesting place: cre-

ate a fort out of a bedsheet and table with a pillow and blanket

inside, put a sleeping bag on the fl oor in your offi ce, or take a rest

with your child. Few children will resist napping with mommy or

daddy! (And the nap is good for you, too.)

Problem: Sneaky Micro-Naps

The very fi rst stage of sleep can last as little as fi ve minutes and

can reduce the feelings of sleepiness brought on by homeostatic

sleep pressure—it lifts the lid and lets the steam out just enough.

If your child hits a tired zone and is lying on the sofa or going for a

ride in the car, he may nod off for fi ve or ten minutes. This micro-

nap doesn’t give your child the full benefi t of a real nap but can be

just enough to rejuvenate him and prevent him from being able to

sleep when you put him in bed later for a nap.

Solutions

Avoid putting your child in a nap-inducing environment, like a

ride in the car, at a time when he’s likely to need a nap, unless you

98 Solving Napping Problems

can leave him for a full nap. Schedule your days, when possible, so

that you are home at naptime. Take advantage of carpools, baby-

sitters, or schedule fl exibility.

If it’s impossible to avoid driving during your child’s tired spell,

then plan for a car nap. Turn on soft music or a white noise CD;

keep a book, knitting, your computer, or paperwork in the car;

and park to allow your child to take a real nap in his car seat. To

make this safe, tilt your child’s seat back (if it has this feature) or

let your child rest with a child-sized neck pillow to prevent him

from slumping over in his seat.

Keep aware of your own needs for sleep. If the car is set up to

be a relaxing environment and you are sleep-deprived, then you

may fi nd that this isn’t a good idea, as you don’t want to be driving

while drowsy. Stay safe and stay home, nap along with your child,

or revamp your own sleep routines so that you aren’t feeling so

sleep-deprived.

Problem: Separation Anxiety

Separation anxiety can pop up at any age and become an obstacle

to napping. Babies can suddenly have doubts when a parent leaves

the room—
Where did mommy go? Is she gone forever?
This can pre-

vent a baby from relaxing enough to fall asleep.

Separation anxiety is very common all the way up through

the preschool years. It’s a sensible fear: children who feel safe and

secure when their caregivers are close by may feel unsettled when

they must separate from them to lie alone in a dark room.

Solutions

Maintaining a consistent prenap routine is an important com-

ponent to overcoming separation anxiety. It may help to use

soft music during the nap as a transition from being with you to

being alone. You might also encourage your child’s attachment

The Nap Resister
99

to a stuffed animal or special blanket; these are called “security

objects” or “loveys,” and they can give your child something to

keep him company when you aren’t there. Living company can

be helpful too: a goldfi sh, turtle, or guinea pig as a bedside pet can

provide some comfort to a child who doesn’t want to be alone.

Reassure your child when she goes down for her nap that you

are just down the hall and you’ll see her as soon as she wakes up.

Keep the door open or turn on a baby monitor and go to your

child the minute you hear that she is awake. Sometimes a prenap

discussion about where you will be while she is sleeping and then

chatting about what is planned for when she wakes up can help

encourage a peaceful sleep.

There is another way to solve naptime separation anxiety, if

you wish. Set up a sleeping place close to wherever you will be

spending the time. If you have a baby, use a cradle or stroller and

park your baby next to you. An older child can be set up on the

sofa or in a sleeping bag on the fl oor. Let him know that he can

stay there as long as he keeps his eyes closed and rests, but if he

gets up, he’ll need to move to his bedroom.

One more way to solve naptime separation anxiety is to rest

with your child. Play soft music, white noise, or an audiobook.

Once your child is sleeping soundly, you can get up. That is, if

you’re not sleeping, too! If you
do
fall asleep, it’s because your body

needs that sleep. Research tells us that a short siesta midday is

extremely benefi cial for adults, so you’ll be improving your own

health and wellness with this daily rest.

Problem:
Thinks
He Has Outgrown Naps

Typically, children are ready to give up daily naps sometime

between the ages of three and fi ve
if
they get an adequate amount

of nighttime sleep. However, a good percentage of children con-

tinue to need a daily nap; 65 percent of three-year-olds, 25 percent

of four-year-olds, and 15 percent of fi ve-year-olds still take naps,

100 Solving Napping Problems

Benjamin, two years old

and it’s very likely an additional percentage should be napping

even though they aren’t. Plenty of children believe that they are

too old for naps; since many of their peers have stopped napping

they think they should, too.

Solutions

Possibly the best way to contend with a child who thinks he has

outgrown naps is to eliminate the word
nap
from your vocabulary.

Instead of making the dreaded naptime announcement, offer your

child a series of choices that lead her in your intended direction:

“What books do you want to read today?” “Do you want to lis-

ten to music or birdsong?” “Which stuffed animal do you want to

cuddle?” Older toddlers and preschoolers love having choices, and

they are more likely to cooperate if they are making the decisions

themselves.

The Nap Resister
101

You may want to implement the Hush Hour, described starting

on page 120. Your child may be open to a rest time versus a sleep

time. Teach him that it’s important to have a daily break in order

to enjoy the day and have more fun. Help him understand his own

sleepy signs. “When you start to get grumpy that means your body

is saying it needs you to take a break. You’ll feel much happier

when you get up.”

You may want to invite your child to create a solution. Many par-

ents suffer through the nap/no-nap war yet never think to include

their child in coming up with the right solution. Preschoolers can

often contribute valuable ideas, and if they are involved with creat-

ing solutions, they may be more likely to cooperate with the plan.

Problem: Has Truly Outgrown Naps

Sometime between the ages of three and fi ve, most children are

able to give up their daily naps without devastating effects. How-

ever, the journey between needing a nap every day and not need-

ing naps at all is not a straight line. Most children spend months

or even a year in an in-between place where they sometimes need

a long nap, sometimes need a short nap, and sometimes just need

a quiet rest break.

Solutions

Stick with a napping schedule for as long as you can. If you sus-

pect your child may be outgrowing naps, then it’s a good time to

read the chapter “Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?”

Even after your child gives up naps for good, though, he can still

benefi t from a daily quiet time to recharge his energy. The ideas

for creating this rest break, called a Hush Hour, are also described

in that chapter.