The No Cry Nap Solution (20 page)

breaks—times you can switch gears from Mommy or Daddy to

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122 Solving Napping Problems

Man or Woman. The additional benefi t of these breaks is that

you can return to your child refreshed, or at least emotionally

more relaxed, if you’ve used the time to catch up on necessary

work or household tasks.

Mother-Speak

“I don’t think the ‘witching hour’ ever really goes away. My two

are in school full-time and have been without naps for two years,

but they still have that time between 4:00 and 8:00 P.M. when

it can be sheer craziness. Bouncing off the walls doesn’t even

grasp what it’s like; ricocheting across the room racquetball-style

might be a more accurate description. I hope it’s not too late to

initiate a Hush Hour, because I need it more than they do!”

—Kathleen, mother of fi ve-year-old David

and six-year-old Myles

Why a Hush Hour

When naptime sleep is elusive, this is the time to institute the

Hush Hour, a block of quiet time designed to refresh your

child’s mind and body. No matter the reason or the age, your

child (and you) would defi nitely benefi t from a daily respite

from active play. The Hush Hour creates a calming break in the

middle of the day that can act as a very effective buffer, pro-

viding enough emotional and physical refreshment for every-

one to get through the rest of the day with a pleasant mood.

The Hush Hour becomes more effective when used on

a regular basis and is most valuable when used at the same

time every day. Try to create a daily ritual that includes a Hush

Hour in the afternoon, perhaps after lunch, or when your child

returns home from day care or school.

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
123

Components of the Hush Hour

The Hush Hour is a quiet, restful hour that takes place in a care-

fully constructed environment set up to encourage relaxation.

Sleep is not required, but the setting often brings about a

peaceful aftereffect, much as a nap would.

Setting

Choose a room that will host your child’s Hush Hour. It might be

your child’s bedroom, your bedroom, or any other undisturbed

room in the house. Choose a place that would work for a nap,

just in case your child does fall asleep. If possible, remove toys

and games from sight except for a few soft stuffed animals or

your child’s usual sleep-time lovey. (Toys will taunt and entice a

child who is expected to be resting.)

If possible, regulate the temperature of the room so that it

is neither too hot nor too cold. While individuals all have their

own preferences, science tells us that the optimum temperature

for most people is in the range of 60°F to 70°F (15.5°C to 21°C).

If the temperature is too hot, a circulating fan can be helpful.

In addition, the quality of the air can make a difference, too,

particularly if a child has allergies, asthma, refl ux, or the sniffl es.

Use a humidifi er, dehumidifi er, or air purifi er if necessary.

Light

It’s easier to feel relaxed in a dark room, since bright light is

alerting to the human mind. Bright light signals playtime to a

child. When it’s time for a Hush Hour, it’s helpful to use a darker

room or draw the blinds.

There are some children who can sleep no matter how bright

it is—they nod off even in the bright sunshine. However, light is

the most powerful regulator of the human biological clock, so

if your child is resisting a nap or a Hush Hour, you can aid the

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124 Solving Napping Problems

transition to restfulness by closing the blinds and dimming the

lights or turning them completely off.

Sound

An active mind is always looking for stimulation, so noisy distrac-

tions can prevent a child from resting. Conversely, a perfectly

still and quiet room may create anxiety instead of restfulness.

To combat both of these issues, fi ll the Hush Hour with gentle,

relaxing music or white noise (a recording of rainfall, ocean

waves, or static sound). This music or white noise can be com-

forting and also mask any noises that can distract your child,

either sounds from within the house or those from outside.

As an alternative, you can have your child listen to an audio-

book. Choose a pleasant story that isn’t too exciting or frighten-

ing, nor one that your child fi nds boring. Your local library or

bookstore carries many choices. Listening to a book is not only

a wonderful way for a child to relax, but it can also create a

valuable, enriching lifetime habit.

Surface

Even if your child can sleep anywhere when she’s tired, it’s best

to create a cozy nest for Hush Hour since you’ll be enticing a

nontired child to rest, and a comfortable surface will help your

cause. A bed is good, of course, but there is no scientifi c evi-

dence to prove that a bed brings a better nap than any other

comfortable surface. You want your child to be the one who

fi nds his Hush Hour place cozy.

If your child fi nd his bed too demanding of sleep and for

this reason fi ghts you about resting or if he relaxes more eas-

ily somewhere else, then choose the place that works best for

him and you. A sofa is good. A sleeping bag on the fl oor can

work, too. A cardboard box made into a Hush Hour nest or a

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
125

cozy nook created behind the living room sofa are both good

options. I work at home, and over the years all of my children

have slept in my offi ce, either on the sofa, in a stroller parked

beside me, or in a sleeping bag on the fl oor near my desk. I

discovered that they loved being near me and hearing the

click-click of my computer keys. The comfort of having Mom so

close by enabled them to get a nice, long rest (and allowed me

a work session).

Smell

The aromas of lavender, chamomile, jasmine, sweet orange, and

vanilla have long been used to entice relaxation. You can fi nd

scented pillows, stuffed animals, sprays, sachets, or potpourri.

(Don’t use candles in a room where a child will be left alone.)

Scented oils can be used when washing bed linens. These

pleasant, relaxing smells can enhance relaxation. They can also

become a lovely cue for rest time for your child.

Food

The foods that your child eats prior to the Hush Hour can affect

his ability to relax. Junk food, sugar, red meat, chocolate, citrus

juice, simple carbohydrates (found in white bread and refi ned

wheat products), fatty and greasy food, carbonated bever-

ages, and caffeine can all prevent relaxation, so avoid these in

the hour or two before Hush Hour.

There are foods that can induce a feeling of calm and even

drowsiness, especially when eaten twenty to thirty minutes

before rest time, so a well-planned lunch or snack can help your

child relax. The best foods to aid rest are whole-grain carbohy-

drates, green leafy vegetables, cow’s milk, soy milk, bananas,

avocadoes, nuts, nut butters, seeds, and warm milk And, of

course, the award-winning rest-inducing food: breast milk.

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126 Solving Napping Problems

Zanon, four years old

Touch

Many children respond well to massage, back scratching, or

gentle touch as a way to help them rest and relax. Massage is

also proved to stimulate circulation, digestion, and neurological

development. It can even boost the immune system. If your

child suffers from any aches or pains, massage can bring relief.

Massage can also increase bonding and connection between

parent and child. If you can, build in a time for massage, back

scratching, or cuddles as you set up your Hush Hour routine.

Ritual

The key to making Hush Hour work is to understand that it may

not result in sleep but that an hour of peaceful rest can be won-

derfully rejuvenating.

Decide on a time and place and create a simple daily rou-

tine leading up to Hush Hour, since a child will usually need to

wind down a bit from playtime in order to relax. The pre-Hush

Hour routine doesn’t have to be complicated, but it should be

consistent in its sequence of events and occur at roughly the

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
127

same time every day. The routine might consist of having lunch,

cleaning up, changing a diaper or visiting the potty, choosing a

stuffed animal to rest with, picking out music to listen to, setting

a timer, and settling into the Hush Hour nest.

One way to help your child relax is to assure him that the

Hush Hour has a specifi c beginning and a certain end. You can

do this by setting a white noise alarm, iPod, or clock radio to

play for the entire one-hour period of time. Choose soft music

or gentle sounds. Tell your child that he can get up when the

music or sounds stop. This is a wonderful method because if

your child actually does fall asleep, he will likely continue to

sleep even after the sound stops.

Another Benefi t of the Hush Hour

A hidden benefi t of maintaining a regular Hush Hour routine is

that it can help capture the reemerging nap. Many children stop

napping for a while but then return to naps. This is sometimes

a result of change in their daily schedule, bedtime, or awaking

time. It may also occur in conjunction with a growth spurt or

burst of physical development. No matter the cause, if your

child doesn’t take a break during the day, you’ll never know if a

nap lurks below the surface.

Mother-Speak

“Maddison is allergic to the word nap. I could be two counties

away and mention the word, and she has a total meltdown!

Tantrum, cries, stomps, you name it! I really love the Hush Hour

idea and have started using it. Yesterday, I picked up Maddison

after school, and she got in the car and asked, ‘Mom, am I tak-

ing a Hush Hour?’ She’s accepted this in a way that she could

never accept a nap. It’s been a lifesaver for all of us.”

—Patti, mother to Maddison, age four, and Mason, age two

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128 Solving Napping Problems

The Hush Hour for a Baby

There are times when your baby should be napping but simply

won’t. If you put him in bed, he just plays or cries. If you take

this as a cue to skip the nap, you not only get a fussy baby, you

disturb the rest of the day’s schedule or, worse, start a no-nap

trend. A Hush Hour is important for maintaining a regular set

pattern of play and rest.

The fi rst step to a baby’s Hush Hour is for you to create your

own inner Hush. If you are tense, angry, or rushed, your baby

will pick up on your emotions, and this will prevent him from

relaxing. So, say to yourself, “This rest time is important for my

baby. It will protect our schedule and make the rest of the day

more peaceful. It will help him to fall asleep easier tonight at

bedtime. I will relax and help my baby relax for this hour.”

Set the stage for your baby’s quiet time by going to the

place where you feel most restful: your bedroom, your favor-

ite rocking chair, a cozy sofa. Turn the lights down or off. Turn

on some quiet, gentle music, white noise, or an audiobook (an

adult book works wonders because of the comforting reader’s

voice and is a nice bonus for you). Then use whatever method

relaxes your baby: his bouncer, swing, sling, or your arms. Main-

tain this mellow setting for about an hour. If your baby happens

to fall asleep, try putting him in his bed (use the Pantley Dance,

page 144), and he’ll have his naptime. Even if he doesn’t sleep,

you will both feel more refreshed from this break.

The Hush Hour for a Toddler or Preschooler

Many active children come to dread the word nap. The moment

you say it, they shift into high gear, as if by doing so they will

push rest time away. They can become agitated in a way that

prevents any hope of them falling asleep, even if they were

Shifting Schedules: Time to Give Up Naps?
129

extremely tired fi ve minutes ago! The best solution is to ban the