The Years After (27 page)

Grabbing one, he came back to the bed. She wasn’t shy anymore. Her body was something she felt comfortable in and totally at ease with him. He lay next to her and slid his hand to her waist, bringing her towards him. He began kissing her as they lay side by side. She smiled, pressing her lips together and he easily read the anxiety and excitement and interest, which all showed in her smile. He smiled too, and with the same trepidation, but it was making him nervous. He never had sex when it mattered to him how his partner enjoyed or experienced it. What if he wasn’t all that good? It’s not like he made any art form out of sexing up his previous partners with multiple orgasms. He’d given Olivia more orgasms than anyone he’d ever been with. That was how he learned what made her feel good. It just wasn’t something he ever cared about before.

“I love you, you know.” He didn’t know what else to say, but wanted to make this easier or more comfortable for her. Her smile blossomed at his sincere words and she completely pressed herself against him.

“If you change your mind…”

“I won’t. I promise. But I know I can trust you, always. No matter what.”

His heart struggled with pain and tenderness and shock and love. She really believed in him. No one before her believed in him like she did. No one ever invested their hearts or trust. And bastard that he was, he took it, and loved having it. He began to crave her love and approval and… trust. Trust he actually abused. Even more seductive than her total and complete faith in him was the fact he wanted to live up to it. Even if he didn’t. Not even a little.

She touched his shoulder and draped her leg over his. His erection was immediately straining harder towards her.

How did he do this? How could he make this outstanding? Didn’t the first time more or less set the tone of it for a girl’s lifetime? Wasn’t it supposed to be significant and perfect? He had no idea how to accomplish that. The pressure started to build in his temples and he struggled to breathe more freely.

“Stop. I can feel your heart beating faster. Just kiss me. Quit trying to figure out how to make it freaky, or somehow monumental. Just be with me. Olivia. Like you have for these months. It’s just a little bit further than we have already gone.”

She grinned a sexy little curve on the sides of her mouth, and this time, she showed no nerves. No profundity. Just sassy and sure. He shook his head with a small grin. She was always so perfect. They started kissing and their hands intertwined on their backs. Her hips shifted towards his and he touched her wet opening. The urge to just bury himself inside her was strong. He broke away and quickly rolled the condom on. She watched him until he lay back down and gathered her in his arms again.

“Maybe you should be under me,” he said, ceasing their kissing long enough to try and coordinate their body movements.

She let her body fall back until it was flat and he got on top of her. Parting her legs, she let him fall right on top of her. Her knees poked up near his thighs as her arms held him closer. Ever so carefully, he slid just an inch inside her. She lifted her hips, offering herself to him. He gently entered her a little more and a little more. He was very slow and easy. She squirmed at first and her face scrunched up as if wondering what exactly was happening. She drew in a deep breath as he finally pushed inside her all the way. He stayed there and his entire body nearly whimpered with relief and joy and ecstasy. He was inside Olivia and she felt tight. She surrounded him with radiant heat and slickness. He didn’t observe any excruciating pain coming from her. Wasn’t something supposed to break? Or bleed? Or do something? He wasn’t sure.

“Are you okay?” he asked lifting his head to stare into her eyes.

She nodded. “
So
okay.”

He took great measures to control how fast he slid out of her before diving back in. He was gentle, although his instinct urged him to smash her body against his as hard as she’d allow. He wanted her for so long. The longest he ever wanted anyone. And now, he finally had her and it was so much more than he even hoped.

Abandoning all conscious thought, he leaned down until his mouth found hers. He kissed her again and again, feeling lost inside her. He waited for her, and it was better and sweeter and more meaningful than it would have been if they’d jumped into it at the beginning. It was perfect. There was no other way to describe how her body so easily accepted his with softness and warmth, in a gentle hold. He started off slowly, but had to push harder until she finally wrapped her legs around him. She angled her hips differently as her breath caught and he saw her head roll back on the pillow as her face glowed with sheer ecstasy. That is what he loved most about her, her innermost feelings were always evident on her face and in her expressions. And she loved what he was doing.

He slipped himself in and out of her like she was a human glove and his body jerked when he came inside her. She gasped and sighed, but he doubted she was quite there yet. He withdrew long enough to slide his hand down between her legs and finish it for her. It didn’t take much stimulation before she turned her head into the pillow to muffle her own blissful release.

He fell down beside her, and held her tightly against him. Her breathing regulated and her skin started to cool.

“That was good.”

“It’ll be great next time.”

She snuggled against him and sighed softly, “I can’t wait. That’s what I love about being with you; I can’t wait until the next time I’m with you for anything and everything.”

“I feel the exact same way. There’s nothing else in my life, nothing like you.”

She laughed a husky laugh that made his dick twitch; it was so sexy and sounded so satisfied. “You do know how to make a girl feel like she’s all there is for you.”

“But you are all there is for me, Olivia. There is nothing and no one else.”

She shook her head and kissed him with a smile. “Don’t be so dramatic. It was just my virginity, not a blood oath. Now, I’m tired; set the alarm on your phone to make sure we wake up early enough so we don’t get caught.”

Leaning over, he quickly set the alarm. He caught her in his arms and held her tightly wrapped against him. Her head lay on his arm, and her back was to his front with her knees tucked over his. They fit together perfectly. Inch to inch, they were exactly the right height. They were exactly the right weight together too. She was the only person in the entire world who managed to ever fit him so well.

He kissed her neck. “I love you.” There was so much more he wanted to say, but no words could convey his abundance of emotion. Her ultimate permission was like being given the key to the most valuable jewel in the world.

“I love you too, Derek.” Somehow, sleeping next to her with her words mumbled in a soft yawn, he forgot about all the lies and crimes, and all the dark things in the night he’d have to go back and face. For now though, for tonight, he basked in the sunlight that his life had never known until it was touched by Olivia.

****

Olivia and Derek went back to Marsdale together. School started and they returned to the routine just as before. But if it were possible, he spent even more time with her. Thank God, Kylie readily accepted his presence; the dorm room was small and he practically lived with them. It just sort of happened like that. They had sex every day, and sometimes a couple of times a day. They were together more frequently with no discussions of why. That was just how it was. But when Olivia’s grades started to suffer, she insisted they needed to slow down a little bit again.

Derek so often came to Olivia’s dorm that she finally decided to ignore his strange obsession with her safety. She wanted to surprise him one evening at his apartment, with dinner. He had to work late for the last few nights, and she had a band concert and a show with her tin whistle, so four days had passed since they’d seen each other. Yes, it was lame and pathetic, but she missed him. She drove herself to his place at the time he was scheduled to get off, and waited out front.

It was dark. The streetlights were interspersed here and there, but since it was a back road a few blocks off Marsdale’s main street, there were mostly industrial buildings or warehouses along it. She assumed during the day there were laborers and freight trucks coming and going, but now? She had to admit it was creepy. The streetlights made circles of light on the pavement, emphasizing that there wasn’t another soul around. No one. Not anywhere that she could see. Unused alleyways that ended in darkness gave Olivia a shadowy sense of being watched.

She kept her car doors locked and let her eyes roam around, but finally texted Derek to ask when he was getting home. That was not unusual. They often texted ten times a day just for updates on where the other one was. Annoying? Childish? Stupid? Maybe, but thankfully, no one else knew how much they talked and texted or communicated.

When his text came back, saying he’d been home for twenty minutes, she stared at the screen and her heart dipped low. He just lied to her. Blatantly, outright lied to her. What the hell? He was not here. The entire warehouse was black. The few other tenants that occupied it had no lights on.

Her heart started to beat harder in her chest. He lied. Not for the first time either. That could not be so easily forgotten, or totally buried in the haze of rose-colored lust and love that she felt towards Derek. He easily and quite convincingly lied to her about attending college with her. And being in her class.

She started tapping her fingers on the console of her car and kept staring in disbelief at the lies in stark display on her phone screen.
Where was he?

Her heart started to hurt. What if their whole relationship had all been lies? How he felt about her? That he was dating only her? That he wanted her? Her stomach started to knot up and twist. What if she were nothing but a naive fool to believe a guy like Derek, alone and uninhibited, would care about parental opinion or change his entire life to be with her? Because he had.

Typical. She was the typical, stupid, naive fool. That’s all she could think about. How stupid she’d been to fall for it all and never once question it. His own admission was he didn’t even kiss without screwing. Now she expected that he’d gone without it for months? She twisted her hands tightly on the steering wheel. She thought it was enough. What a joke. She was the joke. That’s what most killed her.

The fear and timidity of being there left her. It was replaced by complete and utter anger. Furious with rage at being such a fool, she wasn’t sure who she was angrier at, herself or Derek.

It was almost one in the morning before his sedan pulled in. He stared at her, and his expression did not mask his shock at seeing her there. She stared back, with her jaw locked and a skeptical glare very evident. His shoulders sagged as he shook his head and pulled on the door handle before stepping out of his car. She jerked her car door open.

“Damn it, Olivia, you shouldn’t be out here. Alone at this time of night. Have you lost your mind? It’s not safe.”

“How can it be unsafe when you were home three hours ago?”

She held his gaze and his face went blank as he nodded. “Let’s do this inside. It’s too cold out here.”

She shut her eyes and contemplated simply getting in her car, driving away, and being done. Done with the lies, and the unknowns, and the relationship, but mostly with what she feared was about to break her heart.

She stomped up behind him as he stepped much more softly up the stairs and opened his metal door. They entered his dark fortress before he shut and locked it all up again with the crazy bolts. He clicked the light on, keeping his back to her, and his shoulders slumped longer than necessary to turn on a light switch.

“You’re a compulsive liar, aren’t you?”

“Yes,” he replied softly. His tone was half the decibels of hers. “Yes, I lie to you all the time.”

“You came after me. You could have just walked away. You didn’t have to do that to me. I thought, okay, I knew you didn’t always tell me what you were doing, but I tried to believe you weren’t out doing other girls until one in the morning.”

He shook his head. “I’m not! I’m not with anyone! I don’t even want to be. I never did. I only want you.”

“Then what are you doing that would have you lying to me about where you are? What are you involved in? And why should I ever believe you?”

“You shouldn’t. I go out. I go out a lot. I party with people that I never want to see again. That’s where I’m at. It’s nothing about other
girls
.”

“Then why wouldn’t you just tell me? I’m so gullible, huh? Even now, you think with all the ‘I’m the only one who’s ever made you feel this way,’ bullshit, I’ll miss the point of what you did. Of what you are?”

“Not because you’re gullible, because you’re a good person. It doesn’t occur to you to look for lies and angles in anything said by those you care about. The thing is, I do those things. I lie and play angles. It’s all I’ve ever done. It’s how I survived my childhood. It’s how I survive now.”

“I’ve never asked for details, have I? I accepted your choice to keep it quiet. I thought if you learned to trust me, you’d tell me on your own. But you were never going to, were you? You were what? Waiting to see how long it would take you to fuck me? But why? Why bother? I just don’t understand!”

She started pacing. He sucked in a breath and sadly went to the tired, dirty, sagging couch and flopped down on it. Staring at his sneakers, he snuck a peek at her. His eyes were so deep and dark. His gray sweatshirt only magnified the darkness of his skin. Suddenly, he looked a little more menacing than usual. He wasn’t her nice boyfriend who politely escorted her to parties, and lay on her dorm bed so she could get her music done.

“I was there when my father was shot. I know who did it. Someone else knows too and he keeps tabs on me. Keeps me at his beck and call. That’s where I’m at. That’s why I lie.”

Derek could have thrown an anvil at her stomach for how his revelation nearly knocked the wind out of her. Her mouth was open. She had no idea what to say. She felt numb. Shock. Surprise. Horror. She fell to the couch beside him, but refused to touch him.