Torn (10 page)

With my hand in the middle of her back, I shoved her forward until she fell on the bed, ass up and waiting for me to lose myself. “Don’t move,” I warned, shedding my clothes quickly so I could join her.

Crawling up the bed, my hand connected with her plump ass, the pain singing out not only from her groan but from the sting of my hand. “Tell me you love it,” I demanded, needing to know she was still on board with what I had planned.

“You know I love it, baby,” she answered, her blonde hair falling forward and shielding her pretty face from me. Perfect.

I’d learned over the years the only way for me to get off was to fuck roughly, the days of making love long gone.

Slow and gentle didn’t excite me.

It was always aggressive and hard.

Sheathing myself with a condom, I ran my finger over her heat to make sure she was ready for me. When I found the evidence I needed, I lined myself up and thrust inside her in one quick motion, no foreplay necessary. Gasping, her fingers clenched the bedsheet as she lay frozen beneath me. Realizing I was very well endowed, I normally waited a few seconds before I started moving, but I didn’t care right then. All I wanted to do was expel all of my demons, rocking back and forth inside her without further delay.

My fingers gripped her hips, pulling her back toward me as I took her. My quick movements had her moaning my name in no time. At the pace I was going, I wasn’t going to last long, and I needed more time to properly bang out my fury.

Before I realized it, her hair was tangled up in my hand, yanking her neck back so I could gaze at the side of her face. Watching her bite her bottom lip as she met me thrust for thrust was thrilling. She enjoyed our little dance as much as I did—actually, even more so.

The familiar pull in my balls warned me I was going to explode soon, so I pulled out and flipped her over on her back, the surprise evident in her lovely expression. Initially, I didn’t want to look at her, but for what I was going to do, I needed to see her eyes. To watch her reaction that what I needed was okay with her.

Words were useless, so I needed to show her. Spreading her legs wide, I pushed myself back inside until I was buried to the hilt. “Rake your nails down my chest,” I commanded, needing to feel a bite of pain to spur me on.

She needed no further instruction as she glided her long fingernails down my damp flesh, the slight sting enough to do the trick. “Fuck!” I shouted, rutting inside her like a man possessed. My hold on her hips relented as I glided my hand up her body, twisting her pert nipple between my fingers. Arching her back off the bed, I knew she loved my touch, yearning for me to give her even more pleasure. I leaned closer until my mouth found her other nipple, sucking and biting until I felt her pussy clench down on me. “Eli!” she moaned, her orgasm wracking through her body with a fierceness only I could provide. Writhing under my touch, I decided it was time to do what I really wanted.

Situating myself so I was lying directly on top of her, our bodies flush to each other, I whispered in her ear, “I want to try a bit of breath play as I fuck you. Are you okay with that?”

“You want to choke me?” she asked, excitement lighting her eyes.

“Yes.”

She nodded, her tongue sneaking out and licking her bottom lip. I bit down on her earlobe as my hand snaked around her tiny throat. Applying a small amount of pr
essure, I started moving again. K
nowing I had control over how many breaths she inhaled was a dangerous drug, but I knew not to overdo it because it was the first time we’d tried it together. Having some experience with other lovers, I knew exactly how much pressure to apply to make it pleasurable for both of us.

The woman experienced a more intense orgasm, while I felt more in control than I ever had before.

“Is it too much?” I asked, tightening my grip a little more. She shook her head slightly, her nostrils flaring, her pink lips parting to inhale as much oxygen as she could.

Constricting her breathing a little more, I felt my orgasm building, barreling through me like lightning. My teeth sunk into her neck as her body arched off the bed again. I spilled myself inside her as another orgasm ripped her apart, her muscles in turn milking every last bit of pleasure from me.

When we’d finally come back down from our joined bliss, I removed my hand from around her neck and slipped from her body, rolling off the condom and walking toward her bathroom. When I was finished cleaning myself, I approached the bed and sat on the edge. I reached for my discarded clothes and within minutes I was completely dressed, lacing up my shoes before she finally uttered a word.

Her fingers traced over the muscles of my back. “That was amazing,” she admitted. “I’ve never come so hard before.” I smiled at the compliment, leaned back and placed a quick kiss on her needy lips.

“I had fun, too,” I offered. And I did, although our little tryst only allowed me a few fleeting moments to escape my reality, which weren’t nearly long enough. As soon as we were finished, all of my anger, hurt and desolation imprisoned me once more with no chance of escape.

My smile never reached my eyes as I said goodnight and made my way from her room.

I realized right then I was never going to be able to fuck away my rage and sadness. The only thing to expel those feelings dwelling deep within me was an up close and personal conversation with Kalista fucking Ellington.

KALISTA

M
y conversation with Jasmine played over and over in my head. Admittedly, I’d felt much better after I’d told her everything, but disclosing my story meant it was real. The consequences of my choices were going to be grave, and they would be worse the longer I prolonged my conversation with Eli.

Jasmine gave me his office number and location. Of course, she didn’t have his personal number, nor was I ballsy enough to call it even if she did. Going back and forth between wanting to call him or simply show up at his office kept my mind busy for hours—days, even. Every time I worked myself up enough to dial his number, I would only let it ring twice before I hung up, my courage flying right out the window.

Each day, I would tell myself today is the day, but every day, the hours passed in silence. I’d done nothing, hiding out in my mother’s house as if the brick and mortar were going to protect me forever. I knew I was being selfish, trying to protect myself as well as Holden for as long as possible.

Would Eli even want to get to know his son? Was he prepared for such life-changing news? Although Jasmine had told me she didn’t think he was serious with anyone, I really had no way of knowing if she spoke the truth or not.

There were so many times I’d dreamed I could reverse time and handle my situation differently, but the girl I was made the decision she thought she should at the time. But in turn, I’d robbed myself from the life I’d dreamed of, Holden from being raised by both his parents, and Eli from the future he’d spoken often of.

With age comes wisdom, but also regret.

And I was riddled with the shit.

Finally tired of dwelling over what should have been or what could be, I snatched my phone from the table and dialed Jasmine’s number. Praying she was available for some dinner, I crossed my fingers tighter with every ring that sounded in my ear.

“Hello,” she finally answered.

“Hi. It’s me.” A deep rush of gratitude washed over me that she reached out to rekindle our friendship again. I didn’t deserve it, not after the way I’d left things. I took off like a thief in the night, never looking back. If I’d been a better friend, I would have at least reached out to her a few years ago, explaining everything then and swearing her to secrecy.

But as the years passed, I knew I was in too deep to ever try and salvage any sort of relationship we’d had.

“Kalista…how are you?” she said, the sound of surprise deep in the tone of her voice, as if she was dumbstruck I’d reached out so soon. I guessed I had a lot of making up to do.

“I’m doing well. Listen, I was wondering if you were free tonight for dinner.” Expelling my story when we’d last seen each other did wonders for me, and I was looking for more of the same. Plus, I truly wanted us to start rebuilding our friendship, maybe someday becoming close like when we were younger.

“Let me check with Steve to make sure he doesn’t have any late meetings. I’ll call you back in a half hour,” she promised.

“Okay. I’ll wait for your call.” I probably sounded desperate, but I didn’t care. I needed my friend more than I’d realized.

As I tried to busy myself while I waited for her to call me back, I instantly started thinking about the man I feared seeing again. There was many a night where sleep eluded me, thoughts of Eli and me so much in love, our world suddenly ripped to shreds because of a rash decision I’d made. When I learned he’d fulfilled his dreams of becoming a lawyer and was doing well for himself, I smiled, though I hated I wasn’t in his life to celebrate with him. But that was
all my fault, and it was something I had to learn to live with.

I never loved another man the way I loved Eli. There was someone I thought I could have had a future with, but he turned out to be a bit on the crazy side. In fact, it was the reason I’d made the decision to move back home.

A story left for another time, I suppose.

****

We agreed to meet at our favorite restaurant growing up. Thankfully, she’d informed me it was still open and going strong. Caluzo’s was infamous for their carbonara, the best I’d ever tasted.

Looking around the restaurant, it was comforting to know nothing had changed, minus new paint on the walls. My heart swelled from the nostalgia, but it also broke because Eli and I had often eaten there. He knew it was my favorite place, so he indulged me more than he probably should have.

Locking my gaze on my friend, my eyes watered from the rush of memories. I tried to suppress my sudden emotion, but she acknowledged it before I could.

“Does this place bring back a lot of memories?” She bit into her bread, her eyes closing briefly to savor the flavor.

“Yes,” I whispered, doing my best to get a grip. How the hell was I going to make it through dinner if the slightest recollection already had me tearing up?

“Are you thinking about Eli?”

Not wanting to delve onto the topic so soon, I lied. Sort of. “I was thinking about all of the times you and I came here, stuffing our faces until we had to unbutton our jeans.” We laughed. “I’m surprised we both didn’t weigh five hundred pounds.”

“We certainly ate that much in pasta.” She chuckled. “That’s for sure.”

Our waiter interrupted our walk down memory lane, taking our order before disappearing. Jasmine and I sat in a comfortable silence and waited for our drinks. We were learning how to be around each other again, and while it was slightly awkward, it was necessary. I desperately wanted to get back to where we were before I left, so I sat across from her, tapping the silverware with my fingertip in nervousness.

Finally, the waiter walked back to our booth, placing our drinks in front of us. He picked up his pad and pen and asked if we had decided yet.

Placing our order made my stomach rumble. My favorite dish was only a short time away from lighting up my taste buds, and my mouth instantly watered just thinking about it. That and I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.

My eyes raked over the restaurant, watching some of the other patrons, when Jasmine’s words brought me back around. “So,” she started, taking a quick sip of her iced tea, “have you worked up enough nerve to call Eli yet?” Arching a brow, she leaned back and got comfortable.

“Don’t pussyfoot around, woman,” I huffed. But I was thankful she asked because I needed to talk some more about the things running around inside my head.

“You’ll quickly remember that I’m blunt.”

“How can I ever forget?” I sarcastically replied. Brushing a lock of hair that had fallen over my eye, I looked at my dear friend, preparing myself for this conversation. “To answer your invasive question,” I smirked, “no, I haven’t made contact with him yet. I just don’t know what to say, Jas. How do I even begin to apologize for leaving him, never mind working up enough nerve to tell him about Holden? He’s going to hate me, probably even more than he already does. He’ll never forgive me,” I said, defeated. “Maybe I’ll just stay hidden.” I was only half-kidding.

Jasmine appeared to be deep in thought as I took a sip of my water. “I’m beyond thrilled you’re back, but what made you return after being gone so long?”

I should have ordered some alcohol.

“It’s a long story,” I responded.

“Well…we have all night. Actually, we have three hours.” She laughed. “So, spill it.”

Where the hell do I even begin with explaining why I’ve been forced to return home after all these years?