Torn (13 page)

My heart slammed to a stop when I saw the one person who I not only detested but who turned me into the man I was right then—broken. Her hair was longer than I remembered, the wind blowing it into her face and hiding her from my view for a few agonizing seconds. Tucking the strands behind her ear, she walked toward the back of the car.

As she leaned inside, I couldn’t help but stare at her body. I was far enough away to remain undetected, but close enough to see her sexy curves. Her ass was still as scrumptious, especially encased in those damn jeans, the back of her shirt riding up so I could see a hint of skin.

My brain instantly flooded with the sight of her completely bare, all the times we’d had sex, showered together or just lazily walked around the apartment naked. We never were able to keep our hands off each other, so putting on clothes just seemed like a waste of time most days.

Before I lost myself any further into the past, someone walked outside and approached her. It was a young kid.

A boy.

I’d chosen to roll down my window, turning off the engine twenty minutes prior so I didn’t end up sweltering in my car. Even though it was turning into night, the California heat was still relevant, although not as hot as it was during the day for sure.

As the boy drew closer to her, his voice danced on the wind, his words causing me to stop breathing altogether.

“Mom, why didn’t you call me to come out?” he asked, taking a few of the bags from her hands.

Mom? So, she did have kids, or at least one.

I was so focused on the scene unfolding in front of me, I almost missed the name she called him.

“Holden, I can carry a few bags in the house.” Her tone was teasing but also assertive. It was then I remembered she hated when I’d carried her bags or opened the door for her, throwing it in my face that she wasn’t some weak female who couldn’t do anything for herself. But I couldn’t help it; my mother raised a gentleman. Although the way I was feeling right then was anything but.

She’d called the young boy Holden. That was my middle fucking name.

It can’t be.

There’s no way.

It’s just a huge coincidence.

Leaning forward, I squinted, trying to get a better look at the young man. His hair was the same shade as mine, but that didn’t prove anything. He looked to be around twelve or thirteen, putting him at the right age from when she’d left. But because he was turned to the side, I couldn’t really see him.

Until he turned around and faced the street.

Then I saw it.

It was like looking in a fucking mirror.

Time stood still, a horrified gasp threatening to strangle the life out of me if I didn’t take in oxygen in the next few seconds.

The boy took two steps forward and tipped his head to the side in what appeared to be confusion. Surely, he had no idea who I was. Or did he? His eyes pinned me to my seat as I struggled with just what I was witnessing.

If he was indeed my son, which I couldn’t see how he wasn’t, had she told him about me? All sorts of crazy-ass questions rattled around inside my head, but before I gave them life, I saw Kalista turn to look where her son was focused. As soon as her gaze landed on me, her eyes widened in fear as she stood frozen in place, the quickness of her breaths giving away everything I’d suspected.

Countless seconds passed before anyone made any movements.

It’s now or never. The circumstances unfolding in front of me pushed me to get the answers I so desperately needed, a new level to her betrayal from long ago.

Slamming my car door, I watched Kalista reach for the boy’s arm and quickly usher him through the front door of their house.

There’s no more escaping the past now, sweetheart.

KALISTA

I
practically shoved Holden into the house, so scared of who I’d seen sitting in the car a little ways down the street. Even after so long, there was no denying those piercing eyes of his as they followed every movement I made. Placing the bags on the counter, I told my son he needed to go upstairs and do his homework. When he opened his mouth to argue, I put my hands on his shoulders, turned him around and gently ushered him toward the stairs, the look on my face telling him not to argue.

Thankfully, he listened.

Not a minute later, there was a heavy knock on the front door. I knew exactly who it was even though I prayed with everything in me it was the UPS man.

Realizing I wasn’t going to be able to escape our so-called ‘reunion’ forever, I walked toward the door as he banged again. His knock was angry, and I knew it was just a small sliver of the rage he must feel at seeing me. I knew he saw Holden, but did he realize he was his son? He looked like a clone, only nineteen years younger. Shaking my head at the ludicrous thought, my guilt fueling my paranoia, I stood tall and turned the handle of the door.
      

My heart beat faster the second the barrier between us was no more. I kept my head down, glancing at his shiny, black dress shoes, hoping and praying he would simply walk away without saying a word. But I knew the thought was ridiculous, betting Eli had waited years to finally confront me for what I’d done to him. I had never wished for my mother more than I did right then. I would have sent her to the door as a diversionary tactic, but then that wouldn’t have worked because she’d been telling me for years I needed to tell Eli the truth. All of it. No way in hell would she have allowed me to turn him away when he was standing on our doorstep.
      

The air between us had become stagnant, my eyes still focusing on the ground below. I needed a few more precious seconds before I faced my past.

And my future.

“Look at me,” he growled.

I guess my time’s up.

Recognizing I deserved every bit of his rage, I slowly lifted my eyes until they met his. Instead of panic and fear, though, I was bombarded with a rush of memories of the two of us together all those years ago.

The man standing before me was not the same guy I’d chosen to leave behind back then. Eli was obviously older, the years definitely agreeing with him. If it was even possible, he was more breathtaking than he was in his youth. Sexy scruff hid his strong jaw, all the while highlighting his full and tempting lips. It certainly wasn’t the time to become enthralled with his looks but I found I couldn’t help myself, my body reacting to him as it always did. He was broader than I remembered—hell, he even looked taller. From the suit he wore and the way his hair was styled in that perfect coif, mixed with a hint of messiness, it was apparent he had
done very well for himself financially. Never mind the hunk of steel he drove here in which probably cost more than my mother’s house.

My lustful thoughts kept me frozen in the entryway, his eyes mirroring my own as they raked over me from head to toe. Silence continued to stretch between us as I tried to decide how to handle our upcoming conversation. He was clearly pissed at me, hated me even. And I didn’t blame him. Not at all.

I’d left him, only a note telling of my abandonment. Then to top it off, I gave birth to his son, raised him for the past thirteen years and never told him he was a father.

The most uncomfortable stillness swirled around us, the snarl never leaving his lips as he finally pushed past me into the foyer. Barreling through the lower level of the floor, he turned on me abruptly. “Where is he, Kalista?” he shouted, loud enough to scare me but not loud enough to draw Holden’s attention from his room upstairs.

“Who?” I played dumb. Probably not the best choice. He stalked toward me until he’d backed me up against the countertop, his nostrils flaring while his eyes bore holes into me, intimidating me in ways I’d never even realized he was capable of.

I was trapped.

Nowhere to go. Nowhere to look except deep into his fury-filled eyes.

“Holden.” It took me a precious second to realize he’d spoken, and when it finally registered exactly what he’d said, my mouth dropped open in utter surprise.

“How do you know his name?” Had he run into Jasmine? Had she spilled her guts to him, forgetting to tell me she betrayed my trust?

“I heard you say it. When he came outside to help you.” I hadn’t even realized I’d said Holden’s name out loud, but then again I had no idea Eli was watching us, either.

“Leave him out of this, Eli,” I pleaded. “This is between you and me.” Without thinking, I placed my hands on his chest, the rapid thumping of his heart telling me he was more than amped up. I wanted more than anything to shove him away, to cry and beg for him to leave before anything escalated, but my body betrayed me. A sharp jolt sliced through me, my own heart quickly matching his rhythm. And I wasn’t the only one affected. As soon as he’d felt my touch, he physically jerked, but not enough to dislodge my hands from him.

Glancing down at my fingers, he stilled a minute before his eyes met mine again. For a split second, his features softened, as if he was in the midst of a beautiful memory of us.

A memory of two very different people.

Finally, he backed up while still managing to crowd my personal space. “He’s my son. He has everything to do with this. Does he even know? Or did you keep me a secret from him just as you kept him from me?” He started to pace, his hands tugging at his hair in frustration. I feared him right then. Not that he would physically hurt me, but that he would do something drastic to tear my carefully orchestrated life of lies apart at the seams.

I knew I was wrong for keeping Holden from his father, and vice versa, but I’d made enough excuses over the years to justify my actions. Or at least enough to allow me to sleep at night.

Well…some nights.

When I remained silent, Eli stopped moving, cocked his head and not so patiently waited for me to answer. He clenched his teeth, his strong jaw pulsating under the weight of his annoyance. I’d only seen him react that way a handful of instances during our time together, and only once was it ever directed at me, when he’d mistakenly thought I encouraged another guy to grope me at a bar.

I knew he was beyond angered and the more I stood there, like a deer in headlights, the more upset he became, his rage shrouding him like the heaviest of fogs.

Nostrils flared, I knew he was going to explode if I didn’t answer him. “He doesn’t know about you,” I confessed, tears welling in my eyes as I spoke. “The decision I made was for the best back then, Eli. Please understand,” I pleaded, taking a single step in his direction.

“Understand?” he shouted. “Understand what? That you left me a fucking note telling me you no longer wanted to be with me? Understand you never even thought to call me, not once in the following years after your disappearance to tell me what I’d done to make you leave? Understand you had my son,” he gritted. “My fucking son, but decided it best…for you…to keep him a secret from me. FOR THIRTEEN YEARS!” He crushed whatever little distance remained between us and grabbed hold of my arms. “What exactly do you want me to understand?” he asked me once more.

I heard footsteps above our heads, no doubt indicating Holden was going to make an unwanted appearance very soon. I was sure he heard raised voices and was coming to inspect what all the ruckus was about. My son was very protective over me, and in most cases, I thought it was sweet. But not this time. All I prayed for was for him to remain in his room and allow me the necessary time to convince Eli to leave.

His bedroom door opened, the creak of the hinge alerting me he was on his way down.

How the hell am I going to figure this one out?

Eli heard my son…
our
son…bouncing down the steps, and his head whipped in the direction of the noise. Before I could say anything, Holden appeared from around the corner, stopping dead in his tracks as his eyes landed on the both of us. Thankfully, Eli had enough sense to release me from his grasp and back up a few feet.

“Mom,” Holden called out, walking toward me. Toward the both of us. His young eyes glanced from me to Eli, then back to me again, a look of confusion apparent on his handsome face.

He really was the mirror image of his father.

“Are you all right? I thought I heard shouting.” He finally reached me, instinctively standing in front of me, blocking me from Eli’s view, if only for a brief moment. Holden was always respectful toward his elders but when it came to me, he made sure I was taken care of before his manners to others. I couldn’t have asked for a better child.

Pushing his hair back from his forehead, I answered, “I’m fine, honey. No shouting. Just excitement.” I was successful in giving him a smile, although I was a nervous wreck on the inside. I had no idea where I was going with this tale, but my mouth wouldn’t stop moving.

When Holden turned back around toward Eli, he stepped forward and extended his hand, his manners back in full effect.

“Hi. I’m Holden Ellington,” he greeted, waiting for Eli to reciprocate his welcoming. Although my son was only thirteen, he was very mature for his age. I forever joked he was an old soul.

Eli was clearly shocked, not only by the amazing similarities between father and son, but from his maturity, as well. He composed himself rather quickly before extending his hand forward to meet Holden’s. Without warning, Eli’s lips curved in the all-too-familiar smile I’d long since forgotten.