Torn (8 page)

“Good, ‘cause you’re going to need it,” he mumbled under his breath, but I heard every word.

“What? Why?”

He walked toward me, his arm outstretched with my drink. He did an about-face and took a few steps until he reached the couch on the other side of the room. Dangling his glass with his fingertips, he sat down, leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs, dipping his head and blowing out another nervous breath. Taking way too damn long to tell me why he’d barged into my office.

“Mike! What the hell is wrong with you, brother?” His downtrodden state was freaking me out, and I would give him ten seconds before I demanded an answer. Again.

Raising his head, he grimaced, the pained look on his face telling me everything and nothing at all. “Thank God you’re sitting down. Although, I wanted to tell you this after we’d had a couple of these,” he grumbled, raising his glass in the air. “It would have made it so much better. Well, not better…but easier. Shit, that’s not right, either. Not easier, but…” he rambled on.

“Mike!” I shouted, the boom from my voice reverberating loudly around the room, making him flinch in surprise. “What the hell are you trying to tell me? Out with it already!”

Without delaying another second, his right hand came up and squeezed the muscles of his neck, preparing himself for whatever was going to spill from his mouth. “She’s back, Eli.” He dropped his gaze from mine and repeated, “She’s back.”

Completely confused, I leaned back in my chair and knit my brows so tight I almost gave myself an instant headache. My lips fell open to speak, but he beat me to it, explaining what he meant by she’s back.

One single word dropped from his mouth, destroying the carefully orchestrated world I’d built for myself over the past fourteen years.

“Kalista.”

The air in the room stopped circulating. Feeling as if I’d been frozen in time, my breathing slowed and any subtle movement I’d made ceased to exist. Hell, my heart stopped beating for what felt like forever.

A name. A fucking name and I was rocked to my core. It was enough to torture me. I’d tried for years to rid myself of that woman’s memory, failing at every turn, but I’d at least gotten to the point where I didn’t think about her every fucking day.

Until recently, that is.

Hearing her name spew from his mouth instantly enraged me. Not because he said it, which I’d forbidden him to do, simply because it hurt too much, but because of what he was telling me.

Kalista’s back?

Those emotions from all those years before, when I’d discovered she’d left me, came rushing over me, tunneling my vision with hurt, pain and anger. I’d been so lost that day.

And every day since.

I hadn’t even realized Mike had risen from the couch and was standing by my chair, his hands stuffed into his jeans’ pockets again. He was so still, the exact opposite of me. I suddenly started to twitch, my breathing picking up pace, matching my erratically beating heart. Gripping the arms of the chair, my fingers clenched until they hurt, my knuckles turning white from the exertion. My nostrils flared and the muscle in my jaw pulsed, preparing my dear friend for an explosion which was going to take place in T-minus…

Three…

Two…

One…

Jumping up, I shoved him back and screamed in his face. “What the fuck do you mean she’s back? What are you telling me, Mike?” I roared. My hands connected with his chest, pushing him again. Needing to expel the rage swirling within me was my only driving force, allowing some time for my brain to catch up to the unfiltered words tumbling from my mouth.

Clenching my fists at my sides, I took a menacing step toward one of my oldest friends. He knew I wasn’t myself, not responsible for my actions, and because he knew me so well, he side-stepped me and walked around the desk to move out of the tornado which was picking up speed. He knew what was coming because he’d witnessed it once before.

On the day she took off.

I’d been so clouded with rage I didn’t know how to react except to freak the fuck out, Mike catching my right hook to his jaw when he tried to tell me to calm down.

“Eli,” he warned. “I will hit you back if you put your hands on me again.” He took another step back before he continued. “I understand you’re upset, trying your best to process what I’ve just told you, but you need to calm the fuck down.” I knew Mike wasn’t afraid of me, but he was trying to refrain from contributing to my escalating volatile situation.

“ELI!” he boomed, finally breaking through my brief snap with reality. Focusing on his face, I saw him, really saw him, for the first time since he’d told me what I never wanted to hear.

Or did I?

I’d tried to prepare myself in the past, longing to hear such news but refusing to ever believe she would come back. I’d become numb realizing I would never be given the closure which might have helped me to move on. I wanted answers, but I was resolved to the fact she took them with her the day she left me.

Tipping his head to the side, he did his best to gauge whether or not he should approach me. I nodded, indicating I was fine. Well…not fine, but well enough to continue our conversation.

Closing the distance between me and my favorite scotch, I had a second drink poured, swallowed and working on my third within fifteen seconds flat.

Taking a seat on the couch, I leaned back, my head resting on the top of the leather fabric, my eyes closed. My mind was warring between hearing all Mike had to say and drinking myself into oblivion before he uttered another filthy word.

Countless heart-breaking, silent minutes passed before I opened my mouth. My lids continued to block out my reality. “How do you know she’s back?” I waited in deafening silence until I heard him draw a breath, preparing to answer my question.

“I ran into her at a coffee shop near my garage.” I felt the couch dip, finding his weight next to me somewhat comforting. “I was shocked, to say the least. Thought I was seeing a ghost.” Hearing him swallow some of his drink, I relaxed in the knowledge that my buddy would get rip-roaring drunk with me, if that was the road I chose to travel.

Finally tearing my eyes open, I turned to engage him, to focus on my friend who was inherently ripping me apart with mere words. I needed to know every detail, slow and steady, then decide what action I was going to take.

I had to do something.

I hadn’t even heard the whole story and I was already tense, my nerves clawing at me from the inside.

Jerking my chin for him to continue, I braced myself for the details of their surprise run-in.

“We sat down for a few minutes, simple pleasantries at first, but I couldn’t hold back my anger for long. She fucked you up, man, and I let her know as much. But she really started losing her shit when I told her I was going to tell you she moved back home.”

My heart skipped a beat. “Wait. She’s back for good? Like, living here permanently? She’s not just visiting?” My palms started to sweat in anticipation, a heat rising through my core.

Shit, maybe it’s the alcohol.

“Yeah, that’s what she said. I could be wrong, but I think she’s staying with her mom.” He tipped back the rest of his drink, his eyes on me the whole time. He was quietly gauging my reaction, probably preparing himself to leap to safety if I lost it again.

Dreading the answers, I asked my next questions. “Is she married? Does she have kids?” Holding my breath did wonders at calming my erratic heart, if only for a few seconds. If I wasn’t breathing, I wasn’t living. And if I wasn’t living, heartache couldn’t rip my life away from me yet again.

He shook his head while uttering, “Not that I know of. I didn’t see a ring on her finger, and she never mentioned having any ankle biters, although I didn’t give her much of a chance to talk. I pretty much read her the riot act until she fled the place. But I know one thing, she doesn’t want you to know she’s here, or at least not for a while.”

“I’m sure running into me is the last thing she wants. Because that would mean she has to explain herself.” I slumped forward on the couch, my arms resting on my thighs, my head heavy on my shoulders, not sure how to process all of the information. I tried to push my memories from my brain, but I failed. Big time.

Mike said she didn’t make any mention of having kids, and he didn’t see a ring, but that didn’t mean either one of those scenarios was true. Instantly, I was bombarded with the times we used to sit up late at night, wrapped up in each other after making love, talking about one day getting married and having a boatload of kids.

I flinched at the thought she shared our dreams with another man, the sheer notion driving me insane, whatever sanity was left at that point.
      

“How did she look?” Please, don’t tell me she looks good.

“Sorry to say this, Eli, but she looks even better than she did back then. Something certainly agrees with her.” We both winced at his choice of words. “Sorry,” he repeated, raking his fingers through his hair.

A little while later, after we’d downed another two drinks, Mike asked me his final question.

“So…what are you going to do?”

I never verbally answered him, instead walking toward the wall of windows on the other side of my office. I braced myself against the pane, looking out at the world below, my only response a painful shrug.

That was the million dollar question, after all.

KALISTA

F
orty-eight long hours dragged by since my conversation with Mike. I hadn’t heard anything from either one of them during that time. Maybe he didn’t tell Eli I’d moved back home yet.
Who am I kidding?
He probably ran to his house after he left the coffee shop. Maybe they were plotting to surprise me, catch me off-guard and make me answer for my betrayal.

I knew I was being dramatic, but anything goes when someone’s been scorned. Even his friend attested that he’d been devastated.

Is he still?

Has he moved on?

Does he hate me?

I had so many questions, and I wasn’t sure yet whether or not I wanted them answered.

I heard the doorbell ring while I was walking into my bedroom after taking a long, hot shower. My heart slammed to a stop. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was just after ten at night.
Who would be stopping by at this late hour?
Never moving from my spot, I decided to remain quiet and wait until whoever was at the door went away. But another ring of the bell sounded, followed by three raps on the solid wood entrance.

I knew it wasn’t my mother, simply because she left to visit her newest love interest Kevin a couple hours earlier, informing me she was spending the night. Plus, why would she be ringing her own damn doorbell?

Knowing whoever was out there wasn’t going to give up and leave, I quickly threw on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, covering my body before venturing out into the hallway. Walking past the bedroom on my right, I closed the door completely, fearing the sounds were going to disrupt him, causing an even graver situation for me, depending on who was there.

Each step I took down the stairs was one step closer to my future. Bombarded with all different scenarios, I tried my best to come up with answers, excuses and all-around lies if need be. When I finally reached the front door, I hoped and prayed the person on the other side wasn’t Eli. There were too many variables at play, things I still needed to think about before we saw each other again. I knew the time was quickly approaching, but I wasn’t ready. Not just yet.

With my hand bracing myself against the side of the window, I slowly pulled back the curtain, angling my head to see if I could identify the visitor. As the person came into focus, moving back a step so I could see them, I was suddenly filled with a sense of relief. Then guilt and trepidation barreled down on me like never before.

The person interrupting my solitude for the night was none other than Jasmine Stacks, a dear friend of mine from years back. When I wasn’t glued to Eli’s hip, I was with her. Being only children, we’d formed a bond much like that of sisters. And my heart had broken knowing I’d left her behind, never explaining why for the fear she’d tell Eli why I’d taken off and where to find me.

Forcing myself back into the moment, my fingers released the curtain and I wrapped my fingers around the door knob. Counting to three, I pulled the barrier between us open until I was face to face with my former best friend.

Having no idea why she was there, I prepared myself for anything. Screams could erupt from her, as well as tears; I simply had no idea what to expect. As soon as her eyes found mine, her posture became rigid. She was in shock, I figured.
Well, join the club.

“Kalista? Is that really you?” she asked, launching herself at me before I could respond, her tiny body crashing into mine while her arms wrapped themselves around me to pull me in closer.

A short time ticked by before she pulled away, never moving her eyes from my face. Jasmine looked even more beautiful, the years certainly having been kind to her. Shorter than my five-foot-eight frame, her blonde hair was cut to just below her perfectly shaped ears. She was still a thin person, with the exception of some additional curves. She looked very well.