Toys and Baby Wishes (19 page)

She sighed when his lips covered hers.  Yes, he did know.

***

On December twenty-first, the cars in the parking lot at The
Toy Tank overflowed from the front parking lot to the back.  Lexa found an
unoccupied space and walked through scattered snow flurries to the front door. 
She wanted to surprise Josh.  He thought she was at a meeting.  She wasn't and
she wanted to tell him why.  She had been Christmas shopping, battling crowds
to find exactly what she wanted.  Josh had been a challenge.  She had finally
decided on an original watercolor of three clowns performing for a child.  She
had been drawn to the painting and knew Josh would love the spirit of it.

As Lexa entered the store, she pulled off her hat and let
her hair fly free.  Stuffing her gloves in her pocket, she went to the
manager's office to find Josh's whereabouts.  Children were everywhere,
chattering, laughing, crying.  Adults were hurrying patiently and impatiently
because they only had fifteen more minutes to shop before the store closed.

When Lexa opened the door to the small office, the manager
smiled.  He was used to Lexa's appearances.  He told Lexa she could find Josh
in the back corner of the store.

At first all Lexa saw was Santa's throne, a box shaped and
decorated like a chimney holding oranges for the children who sat on Santa's
lap, and a basket of candy canes.  She took a closer look at Santa.  Her lips
curved and she nearly laughed aloud as she recognized the face beneath the
white beard.

Lexa watched Josh as he helped a small boy about four years
old onto his lap.  He held the boy with one strong arm as he asked in a deeper
voice than usual, "What's your name?"

The boy put one finger in his mouth and looked at Josh
intently.  Then he seemed to decide he could trust him and volunteered,
"Timmy."

"Well, Timmy.  Tell me what you like to do."

Timmy's brown eyes sparkled.  "I like to play games on
my mom's computer."

"And what else do you like to do?"

Timmy's index finger went into his mouth again as he
thought.  "I like to help Daddy build stuff.  He's a carpenter,"
Timmy said proudly.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Josh asked.

"Yeah.  A sister.  She's in fourth grade.  She didn't
want to come see you.  She says she doesn't haf to ask Santa Claus for what she
wants.  She thinks I'm a baby."

"But you're not, are you?  I bet you help your mom and
dad a lot."

"Sometimes I help Mom empty the dishwasher and water
the plants.  She said to tell you I'm usually pretty good."

Josh looked up and found Timmy's mother smiling at him.  He
ruffled the boy's hair.  "It's not easy for a guy your age to be pretty
good.  I bet you try hard."

Timmy nodded his head up and down.

"So what would you like for Christmas, Timmy?"

The boy swung his legs back and forth, making his balance on
Josh's knee precarious.  "I want a big bicycle.  Red.   With training
wheels.  That's what I really want."

Josh saw the affirmative nod from Timmy's mother.  "I
don't think that's too much to ask for a good boy like you.  Was there anything
else?"

Timmy screwed up his nose.  "I'd like a hamster.  A
brown furry one in a house with lots of rooms.  I saw one in the pet
store."

Josh caught the negative signal from Timmy's mom.  "You
know, you might be a little young for a hamster.  You'd have to clean out his
cage every week, never forget to give him food and water.  Are you ready to do
all that?"

"I don't know if I can.  I can't reach the sink.  I
really want a pet.  How about a kitty?"

Through his fake spectacles, Josh watched Timmy's mother
shrug and mouth "okay."

"I think you could take care of a kitten.  Do you think
your mom will help you?"

Timmy turned to his mother and she nodded.  "Sure. 
She'll help.  And when I'm five, I can do everything all by myself."

Josh chuckled.  "I bet you will."  He picked up a
strip of stickers, gave them to Timmy, and helped him down.  "You have a
Merry Christmas."

Timmy waved his stickers.  "I will.  Thanks,
Santa."

Aware of the store closing in a few minutes, Josh held out
his arms to the last child in line, a little girl about two years old.  She
couldn't make up her mind whether she wanted to laugh or cry.  He held her
loosely and asked gently.  "What's your name?"

She reached out and touched his beard.  "Soft!"
she exclaimed and giggled.

"It tickles, too," he told her with a smile. 
"What's your name, honey?"

She looked for her mother to make sure she was close by. 
"Tina."  She wriggled down off of Josh's lap.  Her mother picked her
up and said, "Tell Santa what you want for Christmas."

"Wanna dolly," Tina said.

"She wants an American Girl doll with blond hair,"
her mother interpreted in detail.

Lexa could tell Josh was having a hard time not laughing.

"What else, baby?" the mother prodded.

"Bwocks," Tina answered.

"Legos," the mother interpreted again.  "She
just loves to build things.  I'm sure she's going to be an architect."

Josh held up a strip of stickers to Tina.  She grabbed
them.  Tina's hand fluttered good-bye as her mother carried her away.

Josh's demeanor and his ease with the children filled Lexa
with joy.  All at once, she knew in every room of her heart that Josh would
love Dani's child as much as he would love a child of his own.  He had so much
love to give and he knew how to give it.  He would be a terrific father.

Josh, unaware of Lexa, sat watching the mother and child
walk away.  The store was quiet except for the check out counters up front.

Lexa walked over to Josh and before he knew what was
happening, she settled in his lap with her arms around his neck.  "Hi,
Santa.  Can I tell you what I want for Christmas?"

He fell in with her game.  "I don't know.  You're an
awfully big girl.  Do you still believe in Santa Claus?"

"I'll always believe in Santa Claus.  And I'm not so
big," she protested.

His hand slid under her coat, slid down her hip and thigh. 
Then he jiggled her on his legs, endangering her balance.  "Not too big,
not too small.  I guess I could say you're just right."

She hung on tighter.  "Just right for you."

He laughed.  "You should know.  Especially after last
night.  I didn't realize your lips and tongue could be so deliciously
skillful."

"Santa!  We don't talk about things like that in
public."

He checked the area around them.  "I don't see any
public."

She poked him in the stomach.  "Are you going to listen
to what I want for Christmas?"

"How long is this list?" he asked suspiciously.

She pondered his question.  "About a foot long."

"Shorten it.  This suit is getting hot.  Let alone the
rash I'm probably getting from the beard."

"Oh, the disadvantages of being Santa Claus," she
sympathized.

"I can tell you really feel sorry for me."

She wiggled on his lap.  "More and more every
minute."

He grinned at her.  "Sit still if you want to tell me
what you want for Christmas."

She behaved for the moment.  "I'll just list the most
important.  I want at least ten kisses a day, twelve hugs, a massage once a
week."

She had other wishes but none she wanted to reveal yet.

She kissed him with his beard tickling her chin and nose. 
"That's all.  For now."

After he studied her for a long moment, he said, "My
glasses are steaming up.  Let's go upstairs so I can get this suit off."

She hopped off his lap.  As soon as they walked through the
double doors to the stock room, Josh flicked off his hat and beard.  Then he
took Lexa into his arms.  "Now I want a real kiss."

"I don't give artificial ones," she returned
smartly.

His kiss punished her for her impudence and praised her for
her femininity, but when he drew her into his body, he couldn't feel her
against him.  "Damn.  I've got to get out of this suit."

She giggled.  "I always wondered how it would feel to
make love to Santa Claus."

"Not very satisfying."

"You don't know that.  Some day you might have a beer
belly."

"Heaven help me."

"I'd still love you," she said, tentative as she
suddenly realized more that than anything else in the world, she wished for a
marriage proposal from Josh.

His blue eyes were serious.  "Would you?"

They stared at each other, probing the depths of their
love.  Josh's voice was gravelly when he said, "Let's go upstairs."

When they reached the top of the stairwell, Josh opened the
door to his apartment and let Lexa pass through.  They stopped in Josh's
bedroom.  He unbuckled his wide black belt, threw it to the chair and
unbuttoned the red jacket.  "What are you doing here, anyway?  I thought
you had a meeting at the Y."

"I did."

He took the padding out of his jacket.  There was a note in
her voice that made him look at her speculatively.  "It must have been a
short meeting."  He shucked off the jacket and unzipped the pants.

"I didn't go."  She stood perfectly still by his
dresser to wait for his reaction.

Josh kicked off the cumbersome black boots and stepped out
of the pants.  "Why not?  Was it cancelled?"

She stared at his long, powerful legs, the beauty of his
male body.  "No.  I called the coordinator of the teen program and told
her I wouldn't be able to attend any more meetings."

Josh laid the red pants on the bedroom chair, propping the
boots beneath it.  "Did you tell her why?"  His inflection said he
wanted to know himself.

Lexa waited until he was standing straight, facing her. 
"I told her my personal life needed more attention."

He approached her slowly.  "Exactly what does that
mean?"

"I'm going to stay involved at the senior center and
give one night a week to tutoring.  The rest of the nights are ours."

He grinned.  "I thought I was Santa Claus."

She spread her fingers on his shoulders, appreciating the
hardness, his strength.  "What do you mean?"

He began unbuttoning her silk dress.  "That was one of
my wishes for Christmas, but I didn't think it would happen."

"Josh, I love you."

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand.  "I
believe you do."

"Didn't you believe it before?" she asked, hurt by
his doubt.

"I knew you loved me, but I wasn't sure how committed
you were."

"Do I have to prove it by spending every night with
you?" she asked sadly, stepping away from his hand.

He reached out and grasped her forearms to pull her toward
him again.  "Of course not.  I told you I respect what you do.  But I
needed to know I was as important as everything else."

She realized he had uncertainties and vulnerabilities just
as she did.  "You are more important than everything else."

He hugged her to him and asked hoarsely, "Do you want
to take a shower with me?"

She tilted her head back while devils danced in her eyes. 
"Is that a proposition, Santa?"

Although he released her, his look was as powerful as a
physical caress.  "It sure is, Number One Elf."

She felt closer to Josh tonight than she'd ever felt.  He
held out his hand to her and she took it.  She'd love him the best way she knew
how and maybe afterwards, she'd find the courage to tell him about her
sterility.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

Josh sat in Tom Norman's office, examining blueprints for
the expansion of his store.  He tapped his forefinger on a white line.  "I
like the special section for family games and outdoor sports."

The husky, overweight contractor said, "Yeah.  The boob
tube and computers are making kids lazy.  One night a week we turn  off the
computers and TV and play games after dinner.  The kids look forward to it.  Me
and my wife, too.  You married?"

Josh had had several meetings with Tom and the contractor
had inspected Clare's house.  But they'd never talked about anything more than
business.  "No, not yet."

"Don't rush it."  Norman poked his cigar at Josh
for emphasis.  "There's lots of fish in the sea.  And it's damn hard to
find the right one.  Lucky for us men, there's no hurry.  We can have kids when
we're was seventy.  That's somethin', isn't it?"

"It sure is," Josh agreed with a smile.  "But
kids aren't the only reason to get married."

Tom shrugged his brawny shoulders.  "No, maybe not.  My
wife and me, we still go bowling and out to dinner.  She tells me we have to,
so when the kids all move out, we won't be strangers.  She hears this stuff on
talk shows then tells me about it.  Some of it's crazy.  But she has good
sense.  She only tells me what she thinks will work."

"Have you been married long?"

"Eighteen years."

"That's a long time."  Josh wondered what Lexa
would look like eighteen years from now.  With her classic beauty, she'd age
gracefully.

"Yep.  When we hit twenty-five, we're gonna take one of
those cruises around the Caribbean.  Ever been there?"

"No, I haven't."  But it would be a great place to
honeymoon.  He and Lexa could go to St. Thomas, Martinique or maybe she would
prefer Hawaii.  In a flash Josh realized he had decided he was going to ask
Lexa to marry him...now...tonight.  Maybe then she could tell him.  Maybe then
she'd realize he'd love her, children or no children.

Tom Norman motioned to the blueprints.  "So everything
here meets your approval?"

Happiness stirred Josh's heart as he brought his attention
back to Tom and kept his excitement in check.  "Sure does.  You've done a
good job."

"I'll get back to you in a couple of days about a start
date.  Are you going to be around over Christmas?"

After he asked Lexa to marry him, he didn't know what she'd
want to do.  She might want to go to her dad's for a few days.  "I'm not
sure.  If I go out of town, I'll give you a call."