Unbeautifully Loved (Breathe Again) (30 page)

But staying wasn’t an option.

As I finished pulling on my jeans and a powder pink tee, Mollie and Finn came running in, laughing; happy.

This wasn’t going to be easy or fun.

“Beat you auntie,” Finn laughed as he ran and jumped on my bed making himself comfortable with his Gameboy. “You’re a slow poke.”

Mollie looked at him, laughing and shaking her head. “You cheat little man,” she turned to me, “your son cheats just so you know.”

“That’s nothing new, you taught him so you can’t complain,” I said zipping up my hoodie.

Mollie rolled her eyes as she sat on the end of my bed. “So what’s up? Where’d Luke run off to this morning?”

Grabbing my brush off my dresser, I ran it through my hair looking at her. “He got called into work, had to take care of something. Is Erik here still?”

Mollie leaned back on her elbows, her legs dangling over the edge of my bed. “No, he left a couple minutes before Lukas, had to pick up a co-worker on his way to work,” she said looking around the room.

I nodded as Mollie started talking again, “So, again I ask, what’s up? Why did you summon us up here and,” I saw Mollie’s head moving around the room as if she was looking for something, “where’d you hang you pictures?”

“I wanted to talk to you about– wait what? What pictures?” I asked the latter of her questions sinking in as I looked around the room.

I don’t hang pictures.

“The ones of you and Finn, didn’t you have some up here? Or did you move them and put them elsewhere?” she asked and the moment she finished talking, the icy cold shiver ran through my body as I turned my head, in what felt like slow motion, in the direction of my dresser.

What the fuck?

Where are my pictures?

The pictures of me and Finn I had on my dresser were now no longer there, in their place along the back. I tossed my brush down leaning over and looking behind it. I didn’t see anything and my heart began to race in my chest and I looked at Mollie, with wide eyes.

Seeing my face Mollie bolted up right. “Finn sweetie, could you take your game into your room and play in there for a few minutes,” she said sounding cheerful. “Auntie needs to talk to mommy for a second.”

I waited until Finn was out of the room before I spoke. “Mollie something’s not right,” I said sounding panicked. “Between things missing from my room and these gifts or whatever the fuck they are being left for me...” I trailed off, running my hand through my hair.

“Are you sure things are missing and you just can’t find them?” she asked looking around the room.

“Molls, I’ve looked everywhere for my bra and it’s nowhere to be found, my cross is gone and I even asked Lukas if he took it and he didn’t. Now
it’s pictures and I know they were there, they were there yesterday when I asked you about my cross.” I paused looking at her, “And the gifts, I didn’t tell you but I got another one yesterday at work. Erik found it sitting at the front door when he stopped by, same as the first,” I told her pacing back and forth across my room.

“What’d the card say?” she said anxiously

“Not much longer.”

“Shit Lexie. It has to be Dex; I mean who else could it be?” She was worried. “He hasn’t contacted you has he?”

“No, he couldn’t,” I paused shaking my head, “he doesn’t have the number.”

Mollie stood, crossing her arms over her chest. “Good. Okay so what are we going to do?”

I opened my mouth but was cut off by my cell vibrating on my dresser. Grabbing my cell off my dresser, I looked at the screen and didn’t recognize the number.

“Hello?” I answered.

Silence.

“Hello?” I asked again ready to hang up. “Is anyone there?” I looked at Mollie who was watching, waiting.

Then the familiar acidic voice answered. “Alexia.”

Oh, God.

No.

Hearing him say my name still had the same effect on me; it caused bile to rise in the back of my throat. My hand gripped my phone tighter as my breathing escalated. I forced my body to face Mollie.

“D-Dex,” I barely got out. “H-How’d you get this number?”

Mollie rushed to the door, closing it then came to my side. “So, you’re a small town girl now,” he said disregarding my question. “I’ll see you soon,
sweetheart
.” And then the line went dead.

He’s coming.

Oh fuck.

My feeling was right. Dex knew where we were and he was close. The gifts had to be from him, I don’t know how he was doing it or how he got my number and found us and I didn’t care. I only cared about getting us the hell outta Camden before he arrived; unless he already had.

“What’d he say?” Mollie said grabbing my arm, making me jump.

“That I’m a small town girl now and he’d see me soon,” I said dazed, not looking at her.

“I think you need to call Lukas and tell him, he can help you and keep you guys safe.”

“No, not gonna happen. We’re gonna pack and get the fuck out of here, find a new place somewhere far away and lay low; hit the States if we have to,” I rushed out.

“But Luke–”

“I’m not seeing Lukas again and I’m sure as hell not going to tell him about my fucked up past with an abusive drug dealing psycho who’s on his way here as we speak, or who’s already here for all we know,” I shrieked.

“No.” Mollie said firmly, looking at me, challenging me.

What the hell?

No?

“No?”

“No more running. We said we’d stay here and start our lives and we have. I have Erik and I’m happy with him, I think I’m falling in love with him Lexie and you have Lukas and Finn loves him and Lukas–”

I can’t hear this.

“Stop it Mollie,” I snapped raising my hand to stop her. “Listen, I’m happy you’re happy with Erik but Finn and I are leaving–”

She crossed her arms over her chest, eyeing me. “Fight.”

I took a step back from her. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you need to fight god dammit, and you need to stop letting him ruin your life.” Her voice tight, I’ve never seen her eyes so dark and I was completely taken back by the Mollie standing in front of me. “I’m sorry Lexie, but it’s time to take a stand with Dex, for you and for Finn.”

“Mollie, no,” I said firmly having nothing else to say on the matter.

My mind’s made up.

Not wavering Mollie spoke. “I know you’re stronger than this Lexie and running from Dex is just gonna keep this continuous cycle going and it needs to stop and now’s the time to do it. Pick up the phone and call Lukas, tell him everything. He’s a cop who cares for you whether you wanna see it or not.”

“I’m not calling him, Lukas and me– it was just sex, okay. I’m not getting him involved with this, it’s safer for him this way and if we just leave, then he won’t have this mess to deal with along with everything else he has going on. We leave, him not knowing anything means he doesn’t have to worry about us,” I snapped not only lying to her but myself as well.

Mollie threw her head back laughing. “You seriously can’t be that clueless, can you?” she asked in disbelief. “Nothing I said got through your stubborn head did it. You’ve just been waiting for him to find someone else and toss you aside, haven’t you?” she asked accusingly, her eyes flaring with anger. “I know you think you’re fucked up but, but you can’t be
that
fucked up not to see, really see, how Lukas feels about you,” she exasperated.

Anger bubbled to the surface and I couldn’t hold back. “You want the fucking truth Mollie; yes that’s it, you nailed it on the head, you happy now?” I said then turned away from her and walked to my closet to start packing.

Mollie didn’t say a word; instead I heard her feet move across the floor. My door opened then my door slammed right after.

“Fuck.”

I hated when we fought. It was rare but when it happened it was never pretty. I also couldn’t deny that she was wrong in every way with what she said because she wasn’t, she wasn’t wrong at all. I knew how Lukas felt about me, at least I think so. I wasn’t sure if he said he loved me last night or if I dreamt it but it didn’t matter– not anymore. Not when we had to leave and never look back.

I never asked for help when I needed it.

And it always cost me in the end.

I was too fucking stubborn.

I was crouched down in my closet looking for my duffle bag, not much time had passed, when my door opened then closed. I didn’t turn to see who walked in ‘cause I thought it was Mollie.

“Molls, I’m sorry. I don’t wanna fight okay?” I continued looking for my bag, waiting on her.

Great.

I sighed.

“Mollie,” I said standing up with my duffle bag in my hand, turning around “are you just going to ignore–” I trailed off as my eyes locked on to a pair of scorching greys, that, for the first time reminded me of liquid metal, glaring back at me.

Fuck.

Not what I want to deal with right now.

He stood just inside my room, not moving, just standing there watching me. He was enraged, his energy filling my room making it almost suffocating. His broad chest was rising and falling rapidly, his eyes shifted from me down to the duffle bag I had clutched in my hand.

“Lukas what –”

“Don’t” he said through gritted teeth, his eyes narrowing in on me as he took a step forward. “My place,
now
,” he bit out making me jump back, almost bumping into the nightstand.

I wasn’t usually afraid of him when he was mad but this was a different kind of anger, a whole new level of madness from Lukas.

“What’re you doing here?” I asked, my voice surprisingly steady as I turned away from his stare and placed the bag on the bed; disregarding what he said

“Got a call from Mollie… my place… let’s go,” he said gruffly then turned to open the door.

“No,” I spoke, standing tall with square shoulders.

Lukas turned to look at me, his hand frozen on the door handle, “Wanna say that again?”

“I said no Lukas; I’m in the middle of taking care of some things,” I said crossing my arms over my chest. Tightly.

“I see that,” his eyes shot to the duffle bags, “wanna explain to me what the
fuck
is going on Lexie?”

“No, you should just leave, go back to your life and don’t worry about me.” I told him coldly.

I hated myself as the words came out.

I hated myself regardless right now and what I was doing to him. But there was no other way.

“Go
back
to my
life
and not
worry
about you?” he said mockingly.

I nodded my head. “Yeah,” I answered, my eyes not leaving his.

He turned, standing in front of the door with his arms now crossed over his chest. “What exactly did
you
think was going on between us?”

I shuffled on my feet, wanting to drop his gaze. “I don’t know.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Having fun until someone better came along, someone who actually deserves you.”

I lied, I knew that’s not what we were doing, or I at least
hoped
that wasn’t it. But any doubt I had was now nonexistent seeing the look on Lukas’ face. But I had to do this, I had to cut him loose, then be on my way.

Taking my shit with Dex with me.

“Fucking hell,” Lukas rumbled out as he ran his hands through his dark, already messy, hair.

I dropped my eyes from his and turned my head to look across the room and out the window. I waited to hear my door whip open then slam behind him as he left and I would finally be alone to do what I needed. But I could feel this eyes on me still, watching me like he was waiting for me turn to him and tell him I didn’t mean what I said then run into his arms; but I didn’t.

I heard my door fly open then slam and he was gone and just like that it was done.

Over.

I powered through packing then went to Finn’s room to get his stuff packed but stopped as I passed Mollie’s room. She was standing with her back to the door in Erik’s arms, I could hear the sniffles and knew she was crying. I didn’t say anything to interrupt them but as I moved to walk away Erik’s head came up, his eyes meeting mine.

He nudged Mollie who then turned around, her red blotchy face and puffy eyes staring back at me. “Where’d Lukas go?” Mollie asked her voice raspy from crying.

“I don’t know,” I said taking a few steps into her room, “he left.”

“Oh,” she said pulling her sweater tighter around her as she crossed her arms over her chest, looking disappointed. “I thought he would have–”

“Would have what Molls, gotten me to talk to him about everything then I’d run into his arms, where he’d tell me everything would be okay?” I said sarcastically as I leaned against the door frame. “Thanks for calling him by the way.”

“Lexie you can’t just run away from this anymore–”

“Mollie,” I hissed looking from her to Erik who stood behind her then back to her. “Not
here
, not
now
.”