Unplugged (A Portrait of a Rock Star) (15 page)

“Mara?”

“Yeah?”

“Why are you rambling?  I’ve never heard you talk so much.”

“I’m nervous, I think.”

“Why would you be nervous?”

Mara didn’t speak at first, but I waited.  I knew she would.  “It was a little overwhelming being with you, when people were recognizing you.  And that hostess, coming on to you, like that.  It’s going to take a lot of getting used to.”

Mara was still speaking when I pulled to the side of the road and parked the car.  I felt a pang of guilt for putting her in that situation, so I turned to her and compassionately and seriously said, “Mara, I’m so sorry.   I never really realized that this part of our relationship would be new to you.  I’ve never known anything different, growing up as Kenya and Auggie’s son.  But, it never occurred to me that this could be overwhelming to you.”

“I’m sorry, Tagg.  I’ll get used to it.”

“You don’t have to.  I mean, we don’t ever have to go out, really.  I’ve done it for an entire decade.  I’d be totally content to stay in with you twenty-four hours a day.”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  I’ll get used to it; I’m sure I will.”

“Okay, but not tonight.  I’ll pick up a pizza and some wine and we could spend a quiet evening at home.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“It does.”  I pulled off the side of the road thinking this night could only get better.

Mara and I had finished our pizza from Mario’s and put the extra slices in the fridge.  I cleared off the counter where we ate, washed and dried the dishes and poured us each another glass of Chianti.  Mara was still sitting on the stool when I took her by the hand and led her into the rec room.  Plopping down on my black leather recliner that sat across from the television, I pulled Mara onto my lap.  I winked at her and gave her my slyest smile.  She bit her bottom lip, as she often did when she was nervous, but I caught the edges of her mouth turn up with a just a hint of seduction.  It was an extremely becoming expression.  As I held her intimately around her waist, Mara moved her legs so they draped over the edge of the chair, but she still held her hands on her lap.  She looked uncomfortable, as she held an unyielding posture, until, after minutes of my left hand caressing her back beneath her blouse, she began to loosen up.  I hugged her close and nuzzled her neck while she raised her arms and laced them behind my neck.  I slowly kissed her pulsing neck, her jaw, and one corner of her mouth, before meeting her lips and entering her parted mouth with my tongue.  Her kiss was soft, delicate and still a bit faltering.  But her timidity made her that much more appealing to me.  “You don’t have to be nervous with me, Mara; we don’t have to do anything you’re not ready for.”

She laid her head in the curve of my neck and I felt her eyelashes sweep my skin as she closed her eyes.  Faintly, I heard her whisper, “I’m ready.”

I reached over to retrieve the remote on my end table and turned the soundscapes music channel on my flatscreen, but turned off the screen.  Then I reached for the lamp to turn it off.   My mouth met hers again as my hand caressed her bare leg and slowly made its way underneath the hem of her skirt.  I let my hand linger just below her hip as I continued to kiss her.  After a few moments of stroking her upper thigh, I tucked my arm beneath the back of her knees, lifted her off the recliner and carried her to my futon.  It would have been nice to lay Mara on the king-size bed I had upstairs, but I knew in the future we’d have our own and tonight my futon would have to do.

I lowered her down on the mattress and kneeled on the bed next to her to unbutton her blouse.  With each button, I circled my finger over her bare skin, watching her eyes roll up behind her lids with every revolution.  Once her blouse was completely open, I gently took it off and unclasped her bra, trying to remove it with as much finesse as possible.  I leaned over her and let my tongue glide over her erect nipple; lingering on the one for a few minutes before moving to the other.  Slowly, my tongue grazed each breast while I lightly moved my hands down her hips, eventually lowering her skirt before removing it entirely.  Her peach lace panties were enticing next to her flat abdomen and olive skin tone.  Using my pinky fingers, I cast-off her panties and slowly but zealously caressed her body with my mouth, from her dainty feet to the honey-sweet skin on her face.  Mara’s hands were entwined in my hair and her lips were sweetly kissing my neck.  I felt her body arch up in a slow rhythm to meet mine.  She lifted my t-shirt over my head and unbuttoned my jeans.  I held my hand behind the small of her back while my free hand maneuvered my jeans and boxers down to my ankles, ultimately kicking them free.

I heard a contented moan as I slipped tenderly inside her, her body reaching up to meet mine as I thrust deeper inside.  Her moans got louder as I simultaneously pushed faster until we had released all the sexual tension that had been building since she showed up at my doorstep for my first training session.

I fell to the side of her and wrapped my arm around her, snuggling her close to my side.  I kissed her soft ear lobe and whispered, “I love you, Mara” before kissing her again. 

She pressed her head on my shoulder and whispered, “I love you, too, Tagg,” before falling asleep.  Her warm, sated, naked body next to mine felt as natural as coming home.  And when I was with Mara, there was no clearer definition than being home.

Mara slept like that in my arms, for several hours, while I lay there awake the whole time.  I was finally with Mara, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that my past was unfinished.  I carefully lifted my arm from underneath her so I wouldn’t wake her, and got out of bed.  I got a drink of water and sat on the bottom step of the stairs that led to the second floor.  After about thirty minutes, I drained the last of my water and placed the empty glass beside me on the step.  Feeling strong enough, I got up and shuffled up the stairwell, taking one step at a time until I reached the top.

My stomach began to churn and my eyesight hazed as the memories were becoming fresh in my mind, purposely etching them there in an attempt to move forward.  I braced myself against the door jam, slowly inching my hand toward the dusty doorknob.  With a trembling hand, I turned the knob and allowed the magnitude of my visions to encompass me.  The woman whose name I still could not recall.  Crystal’s entrance and immediate awareness of my infidelity.  The disappointment so evident in her eyes.  The contemptible manner in which I felt about myself and the reprehensible, reproachful, unforgivable act of causing her to drive so perilously that it resulted in her death.  I dropped to my knees, and bowed my head.  I pleaded with God for His forgiveness and appealed to the spirit of Crystal for her’s.  I cried for the courage to forgive myself.  I no longer wanted the heaviness that pressed on my chest, nor did I want an albatross impeding the development of my love for Mara.

I prayed for some time, did the sign of the cross and walked slowly backward out of the room, whispering “I’m sorry” before I closed the door to my past forever.

By six a.m., I still hadn’t gone back to sleep, so I made a pot of coffee and poured myself a cup.  I brought it into the rec room and sat on the floor next to the futon where Mara was sleeping.  With the back of my free hand, I caressed her cheek.  She was even more ethereal asleep.  I closed my eyes and listened to her slow, deep breathing while I let the events of last night pour over me.  The sweet scent of Mara as I undressed her.   The salty taste of her skin on my lips when I kissed her.  The satiny feel of her curves as my hands discovered parts of her I’ve never known before.   The guttural sounds that came from deep within her as I satisfied her ravenous appetite.  And the reassuring look in her eyes when I asked her if she was happy.  Because, with Mara, I have never been more euphoric.

Mara began stirring, putting an end to my reverie, but confirming that it was all so wonderfully real.  “Good Morning, Princess.”

Mara rubbed her eye with her finger and blinked back the sunlight that was coming in through the bay window.  “Morning, Handsome,” she murmured as she bit the side of her lower lip and smiled at me.

Still sitting on the floor next to the bed, I put my coffee down and took her face in both my hands and kissed her good morning.  Considering she just woke up from a full night sleep, her breath was still sweet smelling.  However, Mara didn’t think so and she pulled away, holding her hand over her mouth.  “Let me brush first, at least.”

I kept my hands on her face.  “It doesn’t bother me.”

“But it bothers me.  Is that coffee I smell?”

“Yes, it is, would you like a cup?”

“I’d love one.”  Mara pushed the covers back, but then realized she wasn’t wearing any clothes and pulled them back up.

“That doesn’t bother me, either.”  I flirted, noting the way her breasts were so perky in the morning.  Mara’s face turned a pretty pink and since my intention was not to make her uncomfortable, I took my t-shirt off and pulled it over her head.  “Is that better?”

“Much.  Thank you.”

I helped Mara out of bed and gave her the tightest squeeze I could manage without hurting her.  “Thank you for last night, Mara.”

She blushed again.  “No.  Thank you.”

Taking her hand, I led her into the kitchen and pulled out the stool so she could sit.  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her pull the t-shirt down before she sat, so she’d be sitting on the shirt.  I gave a chuckle under my breath.  I prepared Mara’s coffee with whole milk and sugar, the way she preferred it, but never allowed herself the indulgence.  “It’s a special occasion.”  I told her when she furrowed her brow as I placed her coffee in front of her.

“Oh, Yeah?   What’s the occasion?”  She asked, then took a sip out of her mug.

I stared her right in the eyes and put my hand to my chest.  “Oh, that hurt.”

She giggled.  “It was special, wasn’t it?”

I walked around to her side of the counter, spun her stool so she’d be facing me and put my hands on the back of the chair, pinning her in.  “Now we both have coffee breath, so no excuses.”  And I kissed her hard on the mouth, ready to take her right there in the kitchen.  Instead, she giggled again.  “What’s so funny?”  I couldn’t see the humor in my kiss.

She giggled again.

“What?”

“Nothing. Really.”

“Then, why are you cracking up?”  I smiled, but still, no humor in it for me.

“I just remembered something…”

“Care to clue me in?”  My hands were still holding her prisoner, by keeping them on the back of the chair.

Her lips disappeared inside her mouth to hold back her smile and get hold of her composure.  “Do you know how many nights I drifted to sleep fantasizing that I was making love to you?”

“And this is funny, how?”  Still not getting it.

“I was fourteen.  You were like 20.”  She started giggling again.

“Ohh.”  Now I got it.  Still not that funny.  “So, you’re saying your fantasy of banging an old man finally came true?”

“No.”  She sighed.  “My fantasy of being with you finally came true.”  This time her hands cupped my face.  “And it was waaay better in real life.”  And then she kissed me.

“So Mara,” I sat on the stool next to her and swiveled her around.  “What would you like to do today?”

“Anything.  Or nothing.  Either way, I’ll be happy.  Oh, but I meant to mention it yesterday.  My car was making some kind of thumping sound.  I should probably have it looked at before I go home tomorrow night.”

“Oh.  Okay, sure.  I know a mechanic near by.  I’ll give him a call and we can bring it by later.”

“Great.”  Mara hopped off her stool, keeping the t-shirt pulled taut below her thighs.  “I’m just going to use your bathroom.”

“Sure thing.”  I got my cell and called the local mechanic.  By the time I hung up, Mara was back in the kitchen.  “We can bring your car in this morning.”

“You called already?”

“Of course.   We can’t jeopardize your safety, now, can we?”

“You’re sweet, Taggart.”

“You sound like my father, calling me Taggart.”

“You don’t like when I call you that?”

“Actually, I do.  It sounds sweet coming from you.  When Auggie says it, he’s so condescending.”

Mara chuckled.  “I like your name. Taggart.  It’s different.  It’s a strong name.

Now I chuckled, but changed the subject.  “Usually when I’m down here, I take a run on the boardwalk.  Would you like to come with me?”

“Of course.  That sounds like fun.”

“Great.  Go get ready.  We’ll leave in ten?”

“Minutes?”

“Yeah?”

“Oh.  Okay.”  She stood on her toes and kissed me again.  “I love you, Tagg.”

My arms easily reached around her waist and I pulled her close.  “I love you, too, Mara.  Very much so.”  I was getting hooked on holding her so close to me.  I don’t think I ever wanted to let her go.

We took a leisurely jog along the boardwalk, from one end to the other and back again.  We had our Ipods on low to keep up conversation every now and then.  It wasn’t much of a workout, but it certainly was one of my favorite runs.  Mara and I fell into a comfortable pace as much as we were able to fall effortlessly into conversation.  It was easy being with Mara.  The more time I spent with her, the more I realized that the two of us were meant to find each other.  When we were done with our run, we kicked off our sneakers and walked onto one of the jetties that jutted out into the ocean.  We stood hand in hand as the white caps of the Atlantic’s waves broke beneath our feet, the vast body of water dwarfing us as we stood, appreciating the massive blue wonder.  The miracle of the ocean was like the miracle of life.  Sometimes the water was bright and calm and serene and sometimes it was overwhelmingly black and ferocious.  But if we were lucky, it’d exist somewhere interestingly in between.

After leaving the beach, we stopped at the mechanics, but he said Mara’s car wouldn’t be ready until three. So I took Mara to The Chatterbox, a retro breakfast house, back in Ocean City; where I introduced her to scrapple.  She loved it.  Until I told her it was made from pig’s head.  I thought she was going to hurl.  “Oh Tagg, that’s so gross.”

“How’s it different from any other meat you eat?”

“Because it’s the head.  Gross.”

“But you enjoyed it, didn’t you?”

“That’s not the point.”

I couldn’t help but laugh.  “What is the point?”

“Ahh.  Nevermind.”  Mara gave up, but smiled.  “Don’t do that again, please.  Inform me of what I’m eating before I eat it.”

“Okay.”  I tilted my head to the side.  “I’m sorry.  Forgive me?”

“Yeah.  I forgive you.”

Back at my house, Mara and I decided to conserve water by showering together.  Well, we also decided it might be fun to soap each other up and rinse each other off.  But, before doing that, I picked up Mara as she wrapped those toned legs around me again and I thrust myself inside of her while the hot water descended steadily upon us.  The wetness of her body both inside and out made me so hot I exploded before I had wanted to, but not so prematurely that I didn’t send Mara quivering with pleasure.  Simultaneously we let out a delighted moan.  “Mmmm.”

We continued showering, then dressed in our comfy sweats.  Since it was the middle of October and quite cool in South Jersey, I thought starting a fire in the fireplace would be cozy and warm.  I went outside on the back, enclosed porch where I kept the wood and gathered a few logs for the fire.  When I came back in the house, Mara was half asleep on the couch.  I startled her unintentionally, by making so much noise trying to start the fire.  “I’m sorry, I woke you.  I had to open the flue.”

“That’s okay.  I didn’t mean to fall asleep.  I’m sorry.”

“Mara, don’t be silly.  But, I noticed that you do nap a lot.”

“I get tired easily.”  She paused to consider her next sentence.  “Did you ever hear of Fibromyalgia?”

“I”ve seen those commercials about medicine for it.  But I don’t know what it is.”

“Well, its kind of like Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.  You get tired a lot, the muscles ache all the time and it kind of feels like you have the flu.  It’s painful.”

“And you have this?”

“Yes.  For several years now.  Some of my doctors suggested it was due to the trauma of Brad dying so unexpectedly.”

“Are you sick?  I mean, can it be cured?”

Mara gave me a lighthearted smile.  “Tagg, I’m not sick.  It’s nothing like that.  I just get tired a lot and I hurt most of the time.  Nothing I can’t handle and nothing terminal.  But, I do nap regularly.  I guess I lied that day when I told you it was only one nap.  I’m sorry.”

Thank God it wasn’t terminal.  “Oh, what’s a little white lie?  It’s a relief that it’s nothing debilitating… Why don’t you get comfortable and take that nap?  The fire should keep you warm, but I’ll get you some blankets, anyway.”

“Okay, but just an hour.  Don’t let me sleep longer than that.  We need to get my car by three.”

“Just go to sleep, Princess.”  I got her a pillow and some blankets and sat on the opposite side of the couch so I could massage her feet, while she drifted off to sleep.

“Mmm.  That feels nice, Tagg…” She was out in a matter of seconds.  I leaned my head back and closed my eyes for a little while.  I couldn’t actually nap, I figured if I fell asleep now, I’d be out all afternoon, considering I didn’t sleep at all last night.  Instead, I decided to walk to the mechanics to pick up Mara’s car.

By foot, the shop was about twenty minutes away.  Once I paid for the repairs, I’d been gone a total of thirty-five minutes.  I could never have conceived that within that amount of time, my whole world would come crashing down.

Again.