Unprotected (28 page)

Lucy raised her eyebrows. “I know that I want you two to get married, buy the house next door, and we’ll all be best friends forever. But you’ve never said what you want.”

Amanda buried her face in the pillow. “I told you I don’t know. Sometimes I think I do, but when he called our night out a date, I got nervous and acted casual.” Amanda pulled in a deep breath and looked up at the ceiling. “I guess it’s just that there are times when it seems like he’s thinking of me as more than a friend. We went out to this nice place for dinner on Valentine’s Day. It was a date by anyone’s definition. But while we were out, he was totally platonic. It was like I didn’t know what I wanted, and he didn’t know what he wanted. He didn’t say anything other than our typical chatting, and at the end of the night he took me back to my apartment. But, maybe that’s not a good example because Skip Huseman was at the restaurant, and he asked about Jake’s cancer.”

Lucy sat back, her eyes wide. “Oh, not good. William can barely go there.”

“I know. Jake and I haven’t talked about it once since we started working together. And that’s kind of surprising because when we met it was more matter of fact. He seems way touchier about it now.” It made his mystery medication more confusing and worrisome.

“William’s dad said it was all pretty scary for a while when Jake was first diagnosed. He talked about Trix being a wreck, and Michael was home a lot trying to support her. That’s actually when Desi’s business took off because Michael had to be home for Jake. Jake was in the hospital for weeks at a time, and they didn’t know if the treatments were working. William didn’t see Jake much because he couldn’t have visitors, and Will was a self-centered teenager, so he didn’t do much for Jake. I just think it was an awful time for all of them, so you can see why he wants to forget about it and put it behind him.”

Amanda was quiet. She didn’t realize it was life or death for Jacob. When she met him he looked and seemed fine. She thought of how desperately Trix wanted her to stay and be Jacob’s friend. Amanda had been so focused on herself that she didn’t realize that Jacob might have needed her as much as she needed him.

* * *

The day passed quickly and comfortably. William called twice to check in, and spoke with Amanda to make sure that Lucy was really as okay as she said. Amanda promised she was.

Amanda slept on the couch, despite Lucy’s insistence that she could sleep in their bed. While she had shared a bed with Lucy many times, sharing her marital bed with her was a line Amanda was not going to cross.

Lucy went to bed apologetically at ten, saying there was no way she would be able to stay up any later. Amanda fell asleep quickly and had the most vivid dream she had ever had.

She could see pictures in pretty gold frames. Shelves full of pictures. Gray shag carpet. There were good smells … Grandma was sitting in her recliner, wearing jeans and a blue-and-gold sweatshirt. She asked Manda to sit on her lap and look at a book full of pictures. “Daddy was the best player on the team.” Daddy …

* * *

“Amanda …” It was a whisper. Lucy. She sounded afraid. Amanda awoke with a start, hopped up and ran down the hall. In the bedroom she found Lucy sitting up in the dark.

“What’s the matter? Are you okay?”

Lucy was holding her belly. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m having contractions, but they’re probably just Braxton Hicks.” Lucy glanced at the clock. “It’s just that they’re pretty hard contractions, and I didn’t think Braxton Hicks contractions were supposed to wake me up.”

Amanda went in and sat on the bed next to Lucy. “I don’t know what to tell you. Should we see if they continue, or do you want to just go to the ER right now?”

Lucy slumped back and got tears in her eyes. “Maybe we can call the OB unit and tell them what’s happening?”

“That sounds good,” Amanda said. She found the phone and the number in Lucy’s birthing book on her dresser next to her already packed hospital bag.

Lucy called and explained that she had been having hard contractions for over an hour. She was sitting up in bed with her hair standing up and her eyes wide and teary, and Amanda’s heart sank for Lucy looking so terrified. Lucy said okay a few times and hung up.

“They said to give it about thirty minutes and see what they do. If the contractions are still intense after thirty minutes they want me to come in.” Tears began to roll down her cheeks, and she covered her mouth with her hand while she put her other hand on her belly. “I’m so scared, Amanda. This is way too soon. I’m only twenty-seven weeks. This just can’t happen.”

Amanda crawled into bed next to Lucy and put her arms around her. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t know that this is any big deal right now. For all we know, everybody has contractions like this right now.” Amanda squeezed her shoulders and pulled back to look at her. “But I think you should try to relax. Freaking out isn’t going to help and might make the contractions worse.”

Lucy sniffed and nodded. “Okay. Talk to me about something else.” She sat back on her pillows and smoothed the sheets over her lap.

Amanda thought about the dream she was having before she woke up.

“Well, if you really want to be distracted, I guess I could tell you about these dreams I’ve been having.” Amanda told her about the dreams and pictures that came to her at different times, the house with the gnomes, and her conclusion that she was remembering her grandmother’s house.

“Amanda, that’s incredible. Just incredible! Do you think this woman is still alive? Do you realize that you may still have family alive?” Lucy rolled onto her left side and hugged the body pillow she had started sleeping with. Amanda flinched at Lucy’s reference to family, the reminder that she was alone in the world, but Lucy was scared and Amanda was trying not to be so reactive these days, so she let it go.

“I realize. But I have to say that I don’t think anyone is living in that house right now. It just doesn’t look inhabited.” Amanda leaned back on the headboard and tried to ignore that she was lying on William’s pillow.

“There are ways you can find that out,” Lucy said excitedly. “You could check at the county recorder and see who owns the home and who pays the taxes there.”

“I suppose I could …” Amanda couldn’t explain the hesitance. “I may do that. I don’t want to explain who I am or why I’m asking.”

Lucy nodded. “And once you ask, then you have the answer and you have to figure out what to do next.”

“Exactly,” Amanda said. “I don’t know if I want to do anything next. I mean …” Amanda paused and saw that Lucy’s face was contorted in pain. “Another one?”

Lucy nodded and her chin quivered. “They’re getting worse.”

* * *

They went to the emergency room entrance, and an OB nurse was waiting with a wheelchair at the receiving desk so they went straight to the unit. There was already an OB doctor on the unit who wanted to check her immediately. Amanda gave Lucy a hug and said she would call William and be in the waiting area as soon as she could. They had called him from the house, so William had already left the cabin he was staying at with his uncles and was waiting for an update. Unfortunately the cabin was on the Canadian border, the only place where there was still solid ice left, so it was going to take close to eight hours for him to get back. Amanda promised to call him every hour with updates and to make sure he was staying awake on the long, dark drive.

Amanda went up to the OB unit and asked at the desk about Lucy. The doctor was in with her, so she said Amanda could wait in their family room. Amanda made her way down the hall and stood at the nursery window to look at the babies. There were only two little boys in the nursery, even though there were at least ten rooms occupied with new moms, so she assumed that the rest were in with their mothers.

Amanda thought back to Jacob’s question on Valentine’s Day asking if she would ever have kids. For the first time in her life, she thought seriously about whether she would ever be a mother. She didn’t think of herself as “mother material,” but that was mostly because she was never mothered herself. But looking at the babies wrapped like little papooses, she had the urge to stroke their little cheeks and count their toes. She thought of Jacob and flushed, even though no one was there, no one could read her thoughts. But then, unbelievably, she looked up and there he was and she flushed again.

“Hi,” she said, barely able to meet his eyes. They hadn’t had much chance to speak since Valentine’s Day, and there was a new awkwardness.

“Hey.” He smoothed his shirt and seemed uneasy too. “William called me and asked me to be here with you and Lucy. How’s she doing?”

“I don’t know. The doctor is in with her now.”

He nodded and they both looked at the floor. After a moment a young looking male doctor came out and spoke with the nurse at the station, and she nodded and picked up a phone. The doctor approached them.

“Are you Amanda?” She nodded. “I’m Dr. Banks. Lucy asked me to come and talk to you about what’s happening. Let’s head down to the family room.”

Amanda looked at Jacob with big eyes. They both knew that having a talk in the family room was never a good sign. They went in and he motioned for them to sit, but Amanda shook her head so they all stood.

“Lucy has pre-eclampsia and she is in preterm labor. Her chart also says that they have been watching her for placenta previa. I gave her some medication to stop the labor, but I’m sending her by ambulance to the University Hospital where she can get some additional testing. It might just be for a few days until they can get a better handle on what’s going on, or they may need to keep her there until she delivers, which they obviously will try to postpone as long as possible.“ Dr. Banks spoke quickly, but he used plain language and he was sensitive and likable. One of the better doctors Amanda had ever dealt with.

“How’s the baby doing?” Jacob asked. Amanda was impressed that he had the wherewithal to think of a question, because Amanda’s brain was frozen.

“Pretty well, “ Dr. Banks said. “Lucy’s hooked up to a monitor, and the baby’s heartbeat is steady and strong. If she was staying here I would do an ultrasound to get a better look at the baby and see where that placenta is, but I’m sure they’ll do that at the U.” Dr. Banks clapped his hands together. “I don’t want to rush you, but I have two other moms in heavy labor and it’s just me here tonight. Do you have other questions?” They both shook their heads, and he shook Amanda’s hand. They watched him rush down the hall into another room, where they could hear some faint moaning.

Amanda turned to Jacob, trying to swallow the lump in her throat.

“She’s going to be okay. The doctor was concerned, not alarmed. You and I both have enough experience reading doctors to know that this is a bump in the road, not an emergency. I’m going to go call William.” He pulled her into a quick hug and kissed the side of her head, before he headed down the hall to make a phone call. Despite everything that was happening with Lucy, she couldn’t help but wonder about his hug.

* * *

The hospital at the university was huge, and the map they got from the nurse didn’t help much. After an hour of driving around the campus looking for parking lot F, they found where they were supposed to be. Amanda talked to William twice, who talked very fast and sounded near tears. Amanda tried to be reassuring even though they didn’t have much information yet.

They wandered around the hospital hallways before finally finding the OB unit. They found Lucy’s room, but the nurse at the desk said that she was sleeping and said it would be better if they left.

“Lucy wanted us here, and we’re not leaving. Amanda is going to sleep in her room until her husband gets here, so it would be great if you could bring her a blanket and a pillow so she can sleep comfortably on the chair.”

The nurse pursed her lips at Jacob, but he stared back until she shrugged and said, “Be extremely quiet. There are a lot of women on this unit who need their sleep.”

Amanda crept into Lucy’s room. Lucy was lying on her side, but woke up as soon as Amanda entered the room Lucy’s tears started again. Amanda sat on the chair next to her and reached over to hold her hand.

“You’re okay. This is just going to be a bump in the road.” Lucy nodded and closed her eyes. It was nearly 3:00 a.m. Lucy tried to go back to sleep, which was difficult with the fetal monitor connected to her belly and an IV in her arm.

Amanda was dozing when William arrived. He came in and put his hand on Lucy’s shoulder and kissed her head. Lucy opened her eyes and her quiet tears started again. William crouched on the floor in front of her. He held her hand and stroked her hair. Amanda was on the opposite side of the bed by the window and felt like an intruder as she watched the two of them together. Neither of them spoke, but William put his hand on her belly and closed his eyes. Amanda could hear him saying a prayer to “Mary, Mother of God.”

Amanda slid out of her chair and left the room without either William or Lucy noticing. She stood in the hallway not knowing where to go next. Jacob was sleeping on the couch in the waiting area at the end of the hall. She went to the waiting area and sat in a vinyl chair opposite him and watched him sleep. She thought about what Lucy had said about Jacob being “weird” about her, and realized she had to agree. But she knew she was weird about him too. They hadn’t dated anyone else during the time they had known each other, and Amanda knew that she didn’t want to. But the idea of “dating” Jacob didn’t appeal either, at least not now. He was just hers. That was all she knew for now. She watched him sleep and knew that she didn’t want to share him with anyone.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Amanda drove to the Clark foster home with apprehension, dreading what she had to tell them. It was March 1st and nearly fifty degrees. March was officially coming in like a lamb, but Zoe had said that morning that there was no reason to think that it couldn’t go out like a lamb too.