Unprotected (31 page)

The sun was setting as she drove to their home, and she noted with a Minnesotan’s relief that the sun was setting later and later. She pulled into Will and Lucy’s driveway when the sky glowed orange and the stars were coming out.

Amanda knocked and walked in the door.

“I’m so happy you are here!” Lucy yelled from her perch on the couch. “Please come and distract me. If I watch any more daytime TV my IQ will drop below the room temperature.”

She went into the living room and found Lucy lying on the couch on her left side, black hair standing up crazily on her left side. Normally petite and almost frail looking, Lucy’s face was round and puffy. She was wearing a scoop neck nightshirt and flannel pajama pants, and her pregnancy breasts were spilling over the neck of her nightie. Amanda smiled at the sight of her, and felt a surge of gratitude that she had such a sweet and loyal friend.

“How’s Oprah?” Amanda asked on her way to the kitchen.

“You know, I have to tell you that she’s kind of bitchy sometimes. And patronizing.” Lucy was trying to sit up a little higher so she could see Amanda over the back of the couch as she prepared dinner. “I don’t think she would be any fun to hang out with.”

“So tell her you’re busy next time she calls.” Amanda said.

“I’m too desperate for company,” Lucy said. “I’d even hang out with Dr. Phil if he called, and think how awful that would be.”

“Yeah, I wouldn’t be going to that dinner party,” Amanda said. She pulled out the ingredients and started assembling her sandwich.

Lucy dragged herself to a sitting position. “How’s work? How’s your life? Tell me something interesting.”

Amanda pondered how to answer that question. Her instinct was to be vague and superficial, but she decided to just tell the truth. “I went to that house. The familiar house that I thought might belong to my grandmother, or someone like that.”

“Okay that’s interesting,” Lucy said with wide eyes. “So you went up to the door or what?”

Amanda put the top bread on her sandwich and pushed it down lightly. “Yeah, I went up to the door. I knocked but there was no answer. I could see past the newspaper taped in the front window, and there was no furniture in the room or anything.” She let out a sigh.

Lucy made a sad face and looked like she could cry. “Are you sure? Maybe there’s something else you could do to find out who lives there.”

Amanda nodded. “I suppose that’s possible.” She cut the sandwiches and served their dinner on plates, bringing them to the coffee table. She sat on the couch next to Lucy’s feet, laid back and covered her eyes with both hands. “I don’t know anymore. This is a delusion anyway. Thank you for humoring me, but I need to rejoin the real world.”

“I’m sorry, Amanda.” Lucy shifted and sat up next to Amanda on the couch. “So how are you doing? Were you really hoping that you would find someone in your family?”

Amanda looked down to hide her own tears. “I don’t know. A lot of times my life is okay and I don’t think about how awful it was for me growing up. But it always comes back to this horrible aching feeling that I am so completely alone.”

“Oh Amanda …”

“I know, Lucy. I know you’re my family, and I’m so grateful for that.” Amanda smiled a little as she realized that she really did trust that Lucy was her family. “It just would have been nice to have someone who shares my biology. The kind of family that can be considered next of kin. You know what I mean.”

“Sometimes biological family is highly over-rated,” Lucy said with a smile as she bit into her sandwich.

“I won’t tell your baby that in fifteen years when she comes to her Auntie Amanda and says that she can’t stand her family and wants to be emancipated.”

“Thanks for that.” Lucy said, one hand on her belly, the other on her food. “Great sandwich, as always.”

“That’s home cooking for you.” Amanda said.

“Anything new at work?” Lucy asked. “I really do want to hear about the world outside of these doors.”

“Bed rest is not your friend, is it?” Lucy just stared at her and waited. “Jake and I were in court today on our big ugly case.”

Amanda went on to tell her about Judge Bach and how the attorney tried to suck up to him but it didn’t work.

“Impressive,” Lucy said, “although it really shouldn’t be. Judges are supposed to be impartial, right?”

“Of course, but that seems so much harder in this town,” Amanda said, realizing it was true. “Everybody knows everybody. It matters who you were when you were sixteen. That’s what pisses me off. When I was sixteen I was nobody. I was less than nobody.” Amanda heard how she sounded and tried to find something to say that didn’t sound so bitter and sad. “Anyway, I really liked that judge. He seemed really fair and thoughtful.” Amanda’s cheeks got warm as she thought about him again. Lucy noticed and raised her eyebrows.

“Looks like you liked him.
Do you
like
him or just like him
?” Lucy leaned forward as far as her belly would allow.

“Oh, gosh, Lucy. I just thought he was a good judge.” Amanda got up and started clearing their dinner.

“Clearly.” Lucy said. “Remember that you are betrothed to Jacob, and the two of you have to get married and buy the house next door to ours so our kids can grow up together.”

Amanda’s stomach dropped and she smiled involuntarily. “You need to get a grip on reality.”

Lucy sat back looking exhausted and full, even though she ate about a quarter of her sandwich. “I understand reality just fine, and the retired couple next door is talking about getting a townhouse. I’m just saying …”

* * *

Amanda dreamed about Judge Bach that night. She was pitching softballs at him, and he was a goalie in a hockey net making glove saves. He was on the ice, and she was on a softball field. He wasn’t wearing a goalie mask, so she could see his face clearly as he gave her pointers on her pitching. Jacob was on the sidelines with Trix, Michael, Lucy and William cheering her on. Jacob brought her a hockey stick and told her she needed to start playing hockey, but Amanda argued and told him that she needed to stay on the pitcher’s mound. Judge Bach approached the mound and told her to keep throwing softballs because he could handle anything she threw at him. Jacob threw up his hands and left the field. Amanda threw another ball at Judge Bach and hit him in the face. Amanda could see blood dripping on the ice and watched the paramedics load him on a stretcher when she woke up, still feeling guilty that she injured a judge. Then she was embarrassed that she dreamed about a judge, and grateful that no one knew how good it felt to see his face, even if it was in a dream.

Chapter Twenty-Four

In the days that followed her dream, Amanda’s caseload became so busy that she had little time to do anything but work. One one particularly hectic afternoon, Amanda was standing in the doorway of LaToya’s trailer watching Marlys’ boys play with JeMarquis’s trains. LaToya stood by Amanda, facing the wall, so the boys couldn’t see her tears.

“I knew this would happen. I told you it would happen. It still don’t make it any easier.”

“I know.” Amanda said. Marlys had left her halfway house three days ago, and she wasn’t responding to anyone’s calls. Amanda went to LaToya’s house to inform her that Marlys had just been arrested for felony drug possession and distribution. With her prior record, Jacob expected that she would serve a minimum of three years in prison.

LaToya blew her nose and heaved a deep sigh. She wiped her eyes again with her hands and Amanda noticed that she wasn’t wearing artificial nails any more. She was wearing a Chicago White Sox baseball jersey and jeans. The boys were building towers with painted blocks and then knocking them over wildly.

“What’s does this mean,” she asked bluntly, “for them.” She motioned to the boys who had sent dozens of blocks flying across the room. They scrambled after them fighting about who could get to the biggest blocks first.

Amanda exhaled. “Well, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about. You’ve had the boys here a lot, and you do a great job with them. You helped Marlys with every part of parenting them, from attending school concerts to driving them to swimming lessons. She would have probably gotten them back after the next court review at the end of the month, mostly because of your support.”

LaToya dropped her eyes modestly.

“Both the boys’ dads have said that they’re unable to take the kids full time. I think they would want to keep doing their visits. But they have also both told me that they want the boys to stay together.”

LaToya nodded and blew her nose. “They would both be so sad if they weren’t together anymore.”

“I know. That’s why I would like to recommend that permanent custody be transferred to you.”

LaToya looked up at Amanda with apprehension approaching anger. “Don’t fool with me, sweetheart.”

“I’m not,” Amanda said. “Our hope was that your sister would get her kids back, and our “plan B” was that they could go to their dads. Neither of those plans worked out, and we all kind of assumed that your criminal conviction would rule you out for the kids long term. It still would for foster care, but we could do a direct transfer of custody. As long as the judge agreed it was appropriate and safe, despite your criminal conviction, then we could do the custody transfer. I really think the judge will go for it.”

LaToya was speechless. She devoured Amanda in a hug and heaved big sobs of joy and relief. Amanda wasn’t sure if it was appropriate, but she happily hugged back.

* * *

From LaToya’s house, Amanda drove to Buckhorn Elementary to meet with Angel. Social workers need to meet with children in foster care monthly, and Amanda found that the easiest way to see her was to go to school.

Angel slid into the chair across from Amanda, folded her arms and put her head down with an angry sigh.

“Hey there, Angel. Not in the mood to see me today?” After Angel’s initial distrust, they were getting along pretty well.

“I hate Mary.” But she didn’t sound angry or hateful.

“Did something else happen or is it just the typical stuff?” Angel always had a list of Mary’s offenses ranging from wicked crabbiness in the mornings to obviously favoring Justice and ignoring the rest of them. Perceptive Angel was definitely keeping score, and Angel believed that Mary was only tolerating her and Blaze so she could keep Justice. It was clear that Larry adored them all, but Angel barely talked about him.

“She’s a bitch.” Again, no venom behind the cursing, which Amanda ignored even though she vaguely felt that it was her responsibility to correct it. “She and Larry fight a lot. Why’d you put us somewhere with parents who don’t like each other?”

“It looks to me that they do like each other.” For all her chilliness, Larry did seem to love his wife. “Sometimes adults are pretty private with that stuff, though. And even if they’re fighting that doesn’t mean they don’t still love each other.”

“Larry loves everybody. He’s a freak like that.” Angel suddenly sat up and fixed her headband to get her hair out of her eyes. “They want to get you fired.” Said for impact, Angel seemed to be reveling in this juicy announcement.

Involuntarily, her eyes widened, but she sucked back her gasp. “Hmm,” she managed to say casually.

“They think you don’t know what you’re doing because you’re going to hand us out to anyone who asks, just to save money.” Angel seemed to be trying to read Amanda’s face to see if it was true.

Ouch. Had they actually said this to Angel, or at the very least in front of her? Money had actually been a very small part of the discussion the many times they had staffed this family. Max and the other workers had focused on the many mandates and guidelines that dictated child placement, and the conundrum of keeping fathers involved while keeping siblings together. The situation was messy, and every option came with significant downsides, but they had eventually agreed that they were going to have to separate the siblings, at least to some degree, because Anthony had the opportunity to live with a biological parent. Anthony would have been with his dad already, but Mary and Larry filed a motion in court to ask the judge not to separate the siblings, so they had a new hearing scheduled in two weeks. “Angel, I just want you to know …”

“Yeah, I know. You already told me that you have to get kids with their parents and all that. But that girl, Heidi, told me that she’s going to tell the judge that she wants us all to stay together.” Angel looked smug and satisfied to have so much adult information, and to have an adult on her side. Heidi was the Guardian ad litem assigned to these kids, and she and Amanda had spoken frequently. If Heidi had taken this position, she hadn’t shared it with Amanda.

“Heidi told you that?”

“I heard all of them talking. Mary said a bunch of times that she didn’t think Justice could handle moving again, and then she went on and on about Blaze and his helpers and how good he’s doing. Mary said that you guys are just trying to save money instead of doing what’s best for us. And Larry was crying and stuff, but he kinda cries a lot. They don’t like you at all, and they said you’re too young and new to know what you’re doing.”

Even a nine-year-old could tell that she was in over her head.

Amanda let out a heavy sigh. “Angel, I’m going to be really honest with you right now. You and your brothers are very important, and we all want to do what’s right for you. The problem is that it’s hard to know what the right answer is. We know that kids need to be together, and we also know that kids really need to be with their parents. Both answers are right, and both answers have problems. Now, I told you that we would have to send Anthony with his dad because he is a biological parent.”

“I know. But if you let him leave we’ll never see him. He lived with us a while, remember? He was a jerk, and he
hated
Blaze. Larry loves Anthony the best, and he’ll freak out if Anthony leaves. And if Larry freaks, then he might not want any of us, or he might not take care good care of Blaze, and Blaze has never ever done this good in his whole life. Nobody likes Blaze but me and Larry, and even Mary kinda likes him too.” Angel was as animated as Amanda had ever seen her. “You can’t let Anthony go. It’s bad for Anthony, bad for Larry, and bad for all of us. Please listen to me. Please!”