Unprotected (33 page)

Looking at Jess’s face she could see that those details were not important right now. As Jess talked, her face began to relax, while Amanda felt her shoulders get heavier. Amanda told Jess to close her eyes and try to get some sleep. Jess rubbed her hands over her face, pulled her cell phone and her keys out of her pocket, and lay down. She was snoring quietly within seconds.

Brittany had been sitting on the floor with Amanda, crying along with Jess as she told her story. As soon as Jess was asleep Brittany grabbed her phone and started scrolling through her messages.

“Weird,” Brittany said, rolling off the floor and going to the kitchen. “She has twelve missed calls from Rachel Thomas.” She touched the screen a few more times. “She has a bunch of texts from her too, just saying to call her. They must have been together at the bonfire last night.”

“Why don’t you text her back, tell her we need to know who she was with last night.” Amanda followed her to the kitchen. She was exhausted, her eyes watering with fatigue.

Brittany’s eyes were bright. “Got it,” she said. Amanda poured herself a glass of water, and put her head down, too tired to drink.

“Whoa, she texted back already,” Brittany said to the buzz of the phone. “’Who is this? Where is Jess?’ I wonder how she could tell it wasn’t Jess. I tried to make it seem like I was Jess.”

Amanda rolled her eyes. “Brittany, why don’t you give me the phone?” The phone rang with an actual call.

Brittany saw it was Rachel calling again. “Hey, Rachel, it’s Brit … what? Yeah, she’s okay, I mean, I guess she’s pretty messed up actually … well, we’re at Amanda’s house. The social worker from my group. You remember her … Rachel?” Brittany looked up at Amanda. “She hung up.”

“Well it’s almost three in the morning,” Amanda said. “We can try to check in with her tomorrow. Speaking of that, do your parents know where you are?’ Amanda asked.

“I told her we were sleeping over at Jess’s place so we could study.”

“Same thing you told Jess’ mom. What if they talk to each other?”

“They never talk,” Brittany said. “No one in our family can stand my mom.”

Too tired to respond, Amanda just nodded. “I think you should sleep in the living room with Jess. Tomorrow we’ll be talking to both of your parents, but I think at this point it would create more problems than it would solve.” Amanda didn’t have any more blankets, but she found a sleeping bag she bought for camping in college, and unrolled it for Brittany. She went back in her bedroom and gave Brittany her pillows since they were the only ones in her apartment, and she headed to her room to go to bed.

* * *

Amanda had lain in her bed less than a minute when she heard a car door slam outside. The wind was picking up with the impending storm, and she noticed that a soft rain had started to fall. She thought about Lucy, still stuck on bed rest for another three weeks at least, and wondered if she even noticed what was happening outside her apartment. She had expected to fall asleep immediately, but sleep wouldn’t come.

And then there were footsteps on her stairs coming up to her apartment, and she heard the door open. Brittany must have let someone inside. Amanda jumped out of bed, pulled a sweatshirt on and went out to find another teenage girl in her apartment, looking frantic and angry.

“Brittany, what’s going on?” Amanda asked, recognizing the girl but unable to place her. She had long dark hair that was messy and wild, and her wide eyes looked frantic.

“Don’t you remember? This is Rachel.” Rachel went straight to the living room.

Rachel Thomas. Of course. Amanda was instantly uneasy about having this girl in her living room, and wondered if this would somehow mess up her case that was heading to trial very soon. She could hear whispering so she went in the living room to find Rachel trying to wake up Jess.

“Rachel,” Amanda said, louder than she meant to, but she was feeling protective. “Jess needs to sleep.”

“Stay out of it!” Rachel snapped, and turned back to Jess. “Come on Jessie, wake up. Let’s go to Sydney’s.”

Amanda didn’t know who Sydney was, but she knew that she was not going to allow Jess to leave with Rachel in the middle of the night. “I’m serious, Rachel. She’s not leaving.”

“You need to stay the
fuck
out of my family’s business, for your own good as well as everyone else’s.”

Amanda’s heart started to beat faster. “What do you mean, your family’s business? How is Jess part of your family’s business?”

Rachel’s head snapped around to look at Amanda, her face showing a sudden fear.

“Did this happen to Jess at your house?” There are four boys in the Thomas family …

Rachel shook Jess’s shoulders again, and this time Jess’s eyes fluttered. “Come on, Jess. Let’s go to Syd’s.” Jess opened her eyes and looked at Rachel, and then looked around, not appearing to know where she was. “There, you’re awake. Let’s go.” Rachel started to pull on Jess’s arm, but Jess wouldn’t move.

Brittany lunged forward. “You’re not taking her,” Brittany said, and she sat on the end of the sofa and put her hands on Jess’s legs protectively. Her eyes narrowed as she leaned toward Rachel. “It was your brothers, wasn’t it? Both of them, I bet. They’re such jerks I wouldn’t put it past either one.”

“You need to listen to me,” Rachel said, her voice dropping. Amanda saw that her hand on Jess’s shoulder was shaking. “Stay out of it.” She looked down at Jess. “I’m serious now. Let’s go.”

Jess sat up slowly, groggy. She looked at Rachel, her eyes narrowing. “They do it to you, too. Don’t they?”

Rachel pulled her hand away and stood up. “Fuck this.”

Rachel ran for the door and grabbed the doorknob, but Amanda put her hand across the door. “Rachel.” Amanda looked her in the eyes. “This can end today.”

Rachel’s eyes welled with tears. She looked back at Jess, who looked at her pleadingly. Slowly, Rachel’s hand slid from the knob and dropped by her side. She lifted her head as tears ran down her cheeks, and she breathed one word, “Finally.”

Chapter Twenty-Six

The four of them sat in the living room, Jess still on the couch, and Brittany, Amanda, and Rachel cross-legged on the floor. Rachel wrapped herself in the sleeping bag, shivering as she talked.

There were many girls. Rachel had been eight-years old when she realized that her older brother, now in college, was bringing girls back to the house. There was usually drinking involved, coming from the ever-present supply of liquor in the basement. She didn’t know until she was older that most parents didn’t allow their sons to have girls “sleep over.” Sometimes they left in the middle of the night. Sometimes in the morning. When she was young, she thought her brother must be a bad boyfriend because the girls always looked glassy eyed and scared when they were leaving.

“But I can’t believe one of those girls was my friend,” Rachel said. “I can’t believe they would do that to her.” The tears flowed again.

“Rach, it’s not your fault,” Jess said, looking stronger than she had since the night started. “How can you blame yourself for what your brothers did?”

“You think you get it, but you really don’t,” Rachel said.

“Help us get it, “Amanda said. “What about you?”

Rachel shook her head.

“Who hurt you?” Amanda asked again.

“Everyone,” she blurted. “Everyone does what they want, but now it’s my fault too. Can’t you see that? It’s my fault that they do it to me. It’s my fault that they do it to her, and all those other girls. All of it is my fault.” Amanda knew that girls who were sexually abused blamed themselves, but it was still shocking to see it actually happen in front of her.

“None of this is your fault,” Amanda said. “You’re a kid, and you haven’t done anything to deserve any of this.”

Rachel glared at Amanda, and she seemed to be making a decision about whether to continue. She rubbed her face with her hands. “If they’re doing it to her, they can’t do it to me,” she snapped. “I hide. I barricade my door. I stay over with friends. I do whatever I can to keep them away from me, but if they don’t have me, they just get it from someone else. It’s just what men do, and I need to accept that.”

Those were someone else’s words. And Rachel said men.

“Rachel,” Amanda started slowly, afraid of shutting her down again. “What do you mean by that last part, ‘It’s just what men do’.”

“It is,” Rachel said, shaking her head. “It’s how they are.”

“Who said that to you?”

She scoffed. “I just know that. I’ve lived it.”

“But, your brother’s aren’t really men yet …”

She rolled her eyes. “You think it’s just my brothers?”

Amanda’s heart started beating faster. “Are you saying…”

“How do you think my brothers learned it? Chuck showed them. Chuck made them.”

Brittany sucked in her breath. “Holy shit.”

Rachel seemed to be irritated by Brittany’s response. “Uh, yeah. Holy shit about covers it. You have no idea.” Her eyes got wider as the words just spilled out. “They kept having boys until finally they got their girl. That’s what he always tells people. They wanted a girl. They wanted me for a toy. I was five years old and they were doing it to me. All of them. And it probably happened before that too. I went to a sleepover birthday party when I was in second grade, and I kept wondering when her dad or her brother was going to come in and start on us. Because that’s what men do.” Tears ran down her face, seemingly unnoticed, as she kept talking so fast she seemed to be afraid to stop. “When I was little I used to tuck myself into my bed so tight just hoping that would stop them. At least slow them down. He started giving my brothers alcohol when they were twelve. It got so much worse when they were drinking. My oldest brother is drunk all the time. He’s going to kill himself someday just by alcohol poisoning. He started bringing other girls home to his bedroom, and it was like Chuck was proud of him. They call it the mancave, like they’re being funny. He would get the girls drunk with booze that Chuck supplied. He was practically their bartender. I told myself that if they got girlfriends, it would be better, so I was always relieved when the girls came over. But that’s when Chuck would go after me even worse. I didn’t even know what to wish for anymore.”

The other girls stared in shock and horror. Jess was quietly sobbing.

“But I never wished this for you,” Rachel said to Jess, looking angry and ashamed. “I’m so sorry they got you.”

Jess shook her head, the fear and shock turning to anger. “Stop apologizing,” she said wiping her face with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “I’m sorry they have been getting you your effing whole life.”

Amanda was trying to think like a social worker, but she was almost shaking herself. Rachel and Jess both seemed to be getting stronger as they told their stories, and she could see relief in both of their faces. For Amanda, the opposite was happening. She was becoming overwhelmed, knowing that she was the only adult in the room. It was her job to help them, and to finally make this stop.

Rachel and Jess were leaning against each other, both silently crying. Brittany held Jess’s hand, crying too. Amanda went to the kitchen, found her workbag, and pulled out her digital recorder usually used for dictating case notes. She grabbed her pen and notebook and went back to the living room.

Rachel saw the notebook and immediately began shaking her head back and forth. “No. I can’t. No.” She looked at Amanda in fury. “You know him. You already saw what he did to my little brother. You saw it. That was my fault too, you know. I tried to refuse, and he went after him. Even if you get me out of there, don’t you see what’s going to happen to him?”

Amanda’s jaw dropped. The broken arm was retaliation for Rachel, and was obviously a very effective way to keep her quiet. “Rachel,” she began, thinking fast and choosing her words carefully. “If you start talking about this, then everyone in your family can be kept safe.”

“Chuck owns this town. No one will believe me over him,” Rachel said.

“But it’s not just you, Rachel,” Amanda said, gesturing to Jess. “It’s Jess too. And from the sound of it, there are lots more girls. You can make this end tonight.”

Rachel curled into a ball and hid her face in her hands. A full minute passed. Then Rachel took a deep breath in and exhaled shakily. Finally she spoke. “Okay.”

* * *

Amanda did her best to interview her the way she had seen Leah interview kids. Surprisingly, Rachel nodded when Amanda took out her digital tape recorder, and she allowed Amanda to record their interview. Amanda was just grateful that she had her work bag at home. She asked basic, non-leading questions and let Rachel do much of the talking. Amanda focused on the interview, but the trauma of Rachel’s life was almost unbearable to hear about. Amanda tried to think of the details she would need, things like when and where, how many times, was there penetration every time… ? Cold, direct questions that have to ignore the pain behind the answers to get to the facts. It had started early in Rachel’s life, in her bedroom and in the “mancave.” Chuck would touch her, and make her touch him. He brought the brothers in too. He would make the brothers watch what he did, and then make them repeat it. Rachel talked about how she would “go away” when it was happening, and she would lose all feelings and sometimes even all awareness. At some point Rachel had “gone away” during their interview. Her words were flat and emotionless, and her eyes had slid to a far away place.

After nearly an hour, Rachel said she had had enough. “I can’t talk anymore,” she said, rubbing her eyes. It was after 5:00 a.m.

“Okay, Rachel,” Amanda said, knowing she had not heard everything, but hoping for now it was enough. “You did great. Thank you.” Rachel lay back down on the floor next to Jess. Brittany had fallen asleep on the couch, and Amanda guessed she would be sorry that she missed the interview. “Why don’t you girls try to sleep for a few hours, and I’ll let you know what comes next.” They both nodded and curled up on the floor under the sleeping bag. Amanda went to her room and pulled the comforter off her bed, realizing that she never did sleep that night, and she brought it to the girls, who were already asleep.