Unprotected (38 page)

But now things were different because her family wasn’t just made anymore. Now it was born. She had biological, “next-of-kin” family. But this man, the former judge, her father, was also a stranger.

After driving for a long while, Amanda crossed the railroad tracks and found herself in front of her grandmother’s house. She got out of her car and trudged through the sloppy wet snow to the backyard. Just the rim of the tractor tire sandbox was visible through the snow. The edge of the yard against the house had been protected from snow, so the gnomes were only buried to their little knees. Amanda crouched in front of those gnomes and knew that she had played there a lot. Their faces were amazingly familiar, and she smiled at the girl gnome that she knew had been her favorite.

Amanda didn’t realize a car had parked by hers until she heard a car door slam. She looked over to see Matthew Bach getting out of a very expensive looking SUV and making his way through the slush to the yard. He was wearing a leather jacket instead of his suit coat. He held up a hand in a greeting and awkwardly dropped it by his side. His hands were wide, but his wrists were narrow, just like hers.

“Hello, Amanda.”

“Hello.” It came out as a whisper.

He clasped his hands in front of his face. After watching him testify today she learned that must be his nervous gesture. “I just want you to know … well, there are so many things that I want you to know. But I just wanted to say that Jacob Mann tried to contact you all weekend. Neither one of us wanted you to find out this way.”

She nodded. “I know.” She looked around the yard because it was just too intense to make eye contact with him. “But I just needed to get away from everything for a while. It’s my fault for not calling him.”

“No.” He shook his head. “None of this is your fault. No one would begin to expect that this is why he was calling you.”

“I suppose.” They both grew uncomfortably quiet.

Matthew motioned around at the backyard. “So do you actually remember being here?”

“A little. I’ve had memories that I didn’t understand.” A thought suddenly dawned on her. “How did you know I was here?”

“Jacob talked to one of your coworkers. Zoe maybe? He asked her to watch for you when you came to court, and to, well, to follow you if you left.”

Amanda glanced over at her car. “So Zoe followed me here?” Amanda had no clue someone had followed her.

He looked sheepish and concerned. “Jake said that you might leave. He obviously cares about you very much. I spent a good part of the weekend in his office, and it was clear that you were on his mind the entire time.”

Jake’s concern brought a lump to her throat.

Matthew cleared his throat. “Amanda. I need you to know some things. First, I am just so incredibly sorry. I didn’t know about you until last fall. My mother had kept you a secret from me until just before she died. She had had a massive heart attack and needed to go to a nursing home. I was packing up her belongings and trying to get her house ready to sell when I found letters and newspaper clippings and photos. They were all about you. I went to her and asked who this person was, and she finally told me the whole story.”

Letters, newspaper clippings, and photos. This woman, her grandmother, had been following her life.

“Your mom was pregnant at the time of her house fire, but she didn’t tell me. It happened in March, and I was in Alaska by June. April went to my mother that summer because she needed money. April’s family, your family too, I guess, scattered after the fire, and your mom was on her own. My mother helped her, and your mom actually lived here for a while, both before and after you were born.” Amanda turned around and looked at the house that was actually her first home.

“I lived here.” Being homeless, it felt good to know that she had belonged here at one time.

“I was at college and my mother never said a word to me about you. When I talked to my mother about you last fall, she admitted that she kept you a secret from me because she didn’t want me to quit college, which I probably would have done. Apparently you were here for a few months until your mom got a job in Apple Falls and you two moved back there.”

It was fascinating to hear about her life from his perspective. She had never thought about what it had to be like for her mom as a teen mom. She did know that April had never gotten along with her family and said they basically abandoned her. From Matthew’s account, that was true.

“Amanda … I have something else to ask you.” He looked even more nervous and kept rubbing his hands together. Amanda felt a strange little jolt every time she saw those familiar hands.

“Okay,” was all she could think of to say.

“Would you like to stay here, in this house? It’s pretty much empty, but I kept the heat on so the pipes didn’t freeze. I know you need a place, and I would like to do this for you.”

Amanda looked up at this stranger who had spent more time in her dreams than in her actual life. While she intended to say no, there was no way that she could accept his offer, somehow she found herself nodding. There was no desperate urge to run, only the desire to stay and try to absorb everything that had happened. And to maybe just let herself get to know this man who called himself her family.

“For a while … I’ll stay.”

* * *

While the former judge, Matthew, her father, ran around finding the basics for her to live in this house, Amanda sat in the living room that was barely, vaguely familiar and looked through the box of stuff that encapsulated her life. There were a few older photos of Amanda as a baby, sitting in the sandbox and by a foil Christmas tree—she actually had remembered the tree. There were a few pictures in the Apple Falls weekly newspaper that she had never ever seen—one from her third-grade school concert where she was front and center in a group shot of her class, and another of her fifth-grade softball team when they won a tournament. There were more photos as she got older—of softball and volleyball team photos and action shots. The paper actually printed the list of kids who made the honor roll, so there were at least a dozen of those articles. Eerily there were also a few actual photos from her games, including when she played in the state softball tournament that they eventually won. Her grandmother had been watching her for most of her life, and Amanda never knew her. Through all these years, how could she never have tried to make contact?

Amanda found her mother’s brief death notice. Since she was the only family member, there had been no obituary because Amanda didn’t know it was her job to write one. It hurt to think about her grandmother being the one of the only people in the world who read that notice and knew who April Danscher was.

As it grew dark that evening, Amanda found herself in a house with a new futon, bath towels, a few kitchen necessities, and a new flat screen TV and DVD player. Matthew was grinning sheepishly as he brought in the TV. “I’ll call the satellite company this week. I thought you should be able to see the weather at least.”

Amanda watched as he hooked up the TV and DVD player, and was able to locate a single channel that she could get without any cable. “At least this will help for tonight,” he said, gathering up the boxes and putting them in the utility room by the kitchen.

“Thank you,” Amanda said shyly. “I really do appreciate it. Everything is so up in the air, I don’t know where I’m going to be yet. I may only be here a few days. You really didn’t have to do all this.”

“I know. If you decide not to stay here, that’s fine. You can take these things with you, if you like them. We can settle it with your insurance company, or you could just have them. It’s such a small gesture compared to how much I’ve missed …” He looked at her with such affection that Amanda had to look away. His kindness was overwhelming, but too much for one day. He sensed her discomfort. “If you’re okay now, I’m going to head home. I’ve got two kids, you know. Two other kids I mean. Boys, eight and four. Maybe you could meet them … ?”

Amanda nodded briefly. “Maybe. Sure.”

He headed toward the door, and then turned. Awkwardly, he lifted his arms like he was going to hug her, then put them down and just held out his arm to shake her hand. Amanda shook his hand, and he took her hand in both of his. “I’m very happy you’re here.” He fumbled in his pocket. “Here’s a house key for you,” he said as he took it off his key ring. I have another one at home, as long as you don’t mind, of course. I would never just walk in…”

“That’s fine. It’s your house.” Amanda smiled at him. “Thank you again.” He turned around and left.

Amanda looked back at the bare living room with the futon and the television resting on the floor. She suspected that Matthew might be back the next day with more to fill up the house. And that would be just fine.

* * *

Amanda had no sooner sat on the futon to watch her one channel when there was a knock at the door. She got up and answered it expecting to see Matthew with a recliner or a bedroom set, but instead it was Jacob holding a pizza and two blizzards. Stepping back to let him in. It felt foreign to invite someone into this home.

“Matt told me you were staying here.” Jake stood in the doorway and looked around.

“He’s ‘Matt’ now, huh?” Amanda smiled shyly.

“We spent a lot of time together this weekend,” Jake said seriously. “He’s a really good guy.”

“He seems like it. Obviously I don’t know him.” Amanda said it without anger or sadness, just exhaustion.

They went to the kitchen and found that Matthew had purchased a box of dishes—four plates, cups, saucers, and bowls—in plain white. “He really thought of everything.” Jake helped himself to pizza and Amanda went right for the ice cream, suddenly remembering that she hadn’t eaten anything since the powdered donuts and was starving. She leaned against the kitchen counter while Jake stood by the sink not eating.

“Amanda.” He put his food down and put his hands on his hips, a gesture she remembered from the summer she had lived at his house. “I’m so sorry I was so rude to you last Friday. I know you were doing the best you could in a crazy situation. I feel like a complete ass.”

Amanda hardly knew how much she needed the apology until it came. Tears welled up and she wasn’t sure she could keep them away any more. “You’re right. I did do the best I could, but I still screwed up. That’s what makes this job so scary.”

“You’re good at this. Max and Zoe both said so. Please don’t let this situation scare you away.” His voice was thick and pleading.

“I thought for sure I was going to be fired already. If they let me stay, then I’ll stay. I like it here, and I like my job.”

Jake looked visibly relieved and nodded. “They set bail for Chuck. Five hundred thousand dollars. It’s the maximum for arson and aggravated criminal crime sex.”

“I’m surprised he got that much after the initial charges were dropped.” She couldn’t meet his eyes.

“Your landlord saw his sons start the fire, and we have a tape of a phone call from the jail when Chuck told them to do it. We were able to get a search warrant for his house, and you cannot believe all the nasty stuff we found there. It’s pretty much a slam dunk case at this point. The hearing today was to make sure that he sits in jail until his criminal trial.” Jake looked exhausted and proud at the same time.

“I’m glad there’s good evidence,” Amanda said. “It would be terrible for him to get off on a technicality.”

“This sex stuff goes way back, and there are tons of victims. Kemper and about five other investigators have been doing interviews for days. Once it got out that Chuck got arrested, a lot of girls came forward.”

More than anything, Amanda felt relieved. Relieved that the victims would get some justice, and relieved that her mistake didn’t ruin the entire case.

“So, Amanda. I want to tell you something. I’ve wanted to talk to you about it for a long time.” He took a deep breath and couldn’t meet her eyes. “I’ve been going back to Mayo Clinic.”

Suddenly she thought back about the pills in his medicine cabinet and her eyes grew wide. He was sick again. The cancer was back. She felt her heart speed up and her tears fell before she could stop them.

Jake was looking down and trying to get his words out quickly. “I went back because I wanted to know if the cancer was back, or if it ever could come back. I had been on yearly checks and there’s been nothing. But with leukemia, there’s a bigger chance of recurrence. So they put me in this clinical trial where they are trying a new preventative drug.” He paused, waiting for her reaction, and he saw her tears and shook his head. “It’s okay. It’s been six years, so they think I’m in pretty good shape … for it not to come back, I mean. They can’t guarantee, but the odds are on my side.” He tilted his head as he looked at her, and he had tears in his eyes too. “I needed to know … for you. I couldn’t try to … be with you if I wasn’t going to be around very long. I couldn’t put you through that. I wouldn’t.”

Amanda almost dropped her ice cream.

“I know you stop talking when you’re upset, so I’m just going to keep going.” He rubbed his hands over his hair. “I’ve loved you since I met you that summer. And you left, and I never got over you.” He took the ice cream out of her hands, and held her hands in his. “Would you ever think about being with me … or dating me … or whatever it’s called?” Jake cringed. “God, I sound stupid. I’m just nervous. It took me a long time to work up to this because I was so afraid it would wreck our friendship if you said no.”

Stunned, Amanda just stared at Jake.

“So, maybe this is too much right now.” Jake dropped her hands and started to move toward the door. “That’s okay, Amanda. I shouldn’t have said anything …”

At that, she found her voice. “I love you too.” She blurted it out, and Jake stopped and turned back to her. She shrugged and smiled at him shyly. Jake lunged at her and wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. The worry and fear of the past few days, and much of the loneliness that had been with her for her entire life, seemed to lift away, and Amanda was flooded with completeness and happiness and relief. Jake pulled back and pushed her hair back from her face, grinning at her.