Unsound: A Horizons Book (18 page)

My stomach dropped and my palms started to sweat. He hadn’t asked me that since the first night I got here. I think he hoped I would open up to him, but I took too long and he obviously felt it was time to ask again.

“I dunno….”

“All the more reason to tell me?” he prompted. With a smile, I relaxed against Jason’s chest. I knew it would be easier to tell him about what happened if I didn’t have to see his face.

“God, this has been a terrible week,” I mumbled into his t-shirt, “might as well top it off by reliving the shit that went on.”

Jason didn’t acquiesce like I had hoped, but rather started to stroke my back gently. He wasn’t letting me off the hook, but he wanted me to be comfortable enough to talk to him. I decided there was no time like the present and started.

“You know in high school, those few months we were friends… you were there for me. You helped me get my mind off a lot of shit that was going on when my parents started drinking again and I don’t know…. You had disappeared all of a sudden and I guess I pulled away from anyone else that was in my life. I knew they couldn’t understand what was going on at home.

“You know those twins I hung out with all the time before meeting you, Emily and Sandy? God, they were so annoying. And had this perfect, charmed little life. Nothing was wrong with them, they had perfect parents, had everything they ever wanted. They couldn’t understand what it was like being at my house. I was too embarrassed.

“You were gone and… I don’t know… God, how am I supposed to tell you this?” I buried my head into Jason’s t-shirt and got the words out as fast as possible.

“Istartedcuttingmyself,” I said. I felt the heat flush my face. I was so mortified telling Jason that. I was so ashamed by the torture I inflicted on myself. Jason’s body was stiff underneath me, but his arms wrapped around me.

“Why?” he managed, his voice sounded thick.

I shook my head, at a loss for words, “I thought it would help? Make me feel better? I was so lonely, I had no one in my life and…”

“Are you… um… blaming me? Since I disappeared and,” Jason asked, swallowing hard.

“No!” I quickly told him, sitting up and finally looking at him, “I don’t think it was your fault. You were gone, but you had to be. It was my own fault that I distanced myself to everyone else.

“I just guess I found it easier to distance myself. I was alone, I was a little depressed. Or maybe everyone assumed I was depressed and left me alone? I don’t know. I liked the separation as much as it hurt at times. Hurting myself, it just, was a different kind of pain. One that I could control.

“During all of this, my parents got worse. Drank more. I was home all the time, besides school hours. I think they hated it. It was them versus me. I had no one in my corner, which again, was my own fault. I never… told anyone how bad it was getting. And then…” I stopped and scooted back down into Jason’s arms. I didn’t want him to look at me while I got to the next part.

Jason never pushed me, he tightened his arms around me, but he never pushed me to talk above my own pace.

“One night, he busted in on me… when I was cutting myself. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. I really wasn’t. But he thought I was. He was drunk. He went off. Told me what a worthless waste I was. That I shouldn’t have even been around in the first place. The fact that I was trying to kill myself made me an even bigger waste of space. He was so mad. I think he wanted to do the honor.

“I managed to get out of the bathroom, but he came after me. We were in the hall. I don’t know, I guess instincts kicked in. Something clicked and I reacted… I pushed him down the steps. And on his way down, I prayed he was hurt bad enough that he couldn’t come back after me.”

Jay pulled me so I was lying on top of him. He wrapped him arms around me and squeezed me tight against him. I pressed my head into his chest and listened to his heartbeat. It was beating so fast. He was angry, I could feel it radiating off of him, and he waited a beat to speak.

I heard his heart slow down with each deep breath before he found his voice, “he walked in on you. But… how often did he try to do that? Had he tried to hurt you before?”

“I…I don’t… I,” I stammered. I don’t know why I expected anything different from him. He was always able to read me, but I expected him to just write me off as the same evil girl my parents saw.

“Did he hit you?” Jay asked quietly. His voice grew quieter and lower. I knew that was a sign of his anger rising.

Jay took my silence as a confirmation, “How often did he hit you?” his voice was quiet but it dripped with venom.

“It only happened when he was really drunk, Jay.”

“If I remember correctly, Melinda, he was drunk on a daily basis,” Jay hissed.

“Listen, I handled myself. I stayed to myself. When that didn’t work… I threw him down the stairs. I think I won,” I tried to say with confidence as I sat up and away from his embrace, “and you can’t beg me for weeks to give you full disclosure and then act like this when I do!”

“Min,” Jason said, sitting up and gently touching my chin so I would look at his face, “I’m sorry I’m not taking this better, but it’s hard to hear that you were a punching bag for that drunk asshole. I just wish I could have done something.”

“You would have. But you had to be here,” I said on a shrug, “I think we all ended up where we needed to be, Jay.”

Jason cupped my cheek, “You know you’re not alone anymore, right? We’re all here with you. I’m here for you again.”

I noticed his eyes slide down to my lips quickly then back to my eyes. I pulled back a bit so his hand would drop from my face, shaking slightly, and laid back down.

Jason

We lay on my bed for a while, facing each other, but silent. I was still pissed. At Mindy’s father for trying to hurt her. At Mindy’s mother for not doing anything but pop pills and chase ‘em down with booze. I wasn’t sure if I was mad at Mindy too. I might have been. I was earlier that week when she continued to shut me out.

I was really angry with myself though. I left her. I let all of this happen to her. I wasn’t going to run again. Not from her. Never from her. I propped myself up on my elbow, head in hand.

“You know that I’m not going to leave you again, right? You know you will always have me, right?” I asked. I had never felt such a strong need to make someone feel safe before.

“Do I?” Mindy asked; her tone was quiet but husky. Her eyes flicked down to my lips quickly as I edged closer to her. I ran my hand down her cheek, to her chin, tilting her face upwards to me. I leaned in closer still, watching Mindy’s eyes. They were wide with surprise as my lips inched closer, and then I saw them flutter shut as she leaned into me.

Our lips brushed for the feather of a second. Before I could deepen the kiss and really get a taste of Mindy, the door swung open with a crash.

Chris stumbled into the cabin, heading for his bed. He was too drunk to even notice us. He collapsed on top of his covers with all his clothes on and his breathing evened out to snores as he passed out.

I looked over at the clock and quickly hopped out of bed, pulling Mindy up with me, “we better go see what’s going on. Jeff is going to be back from his date soon.”

Mindy nodded, not looking in my eyes. I saw the flush in her cheeks even in the dim lighting. She turned to walk out of the cabin but I tugged on her arm, forcing her to turn back. She stared at my chest. I didn’t think she would regret that moment. The signals were there, I followed her lead. I could only think that she was embarrassed that Chris walked in and interrupted us.

I gently touched under her chin and tipped her head back to look me in the eye, “we’re finishing this conversation soon,” I told her before giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. I hesitated, wondering if I should just kiss her now and get it over with. Instead, I took her hand and dragged her out after me towards the girls’ cabin.

Julie

After Mindy left, we started to party. Stacy put music on and I found a deck of playing cards. Marie had only drunk one other time and I had to slowly go over the rules to Kings and Drunk Driver. It wasn’t long before we were buzzed, and the cards were left to the side while the music was turned up for a dance party.

The three of us were dancing and singing around the cabin, unaware of the three boys standing at the entranceway, watching.

“So, is this what happens every night when you gals get together behind closed doors?” Chris asked loudly. We quickly turned towards the door, spotting the boys. I felt a huge grin form on my face and my eyes locked onto Jon.

JONATHAN

When Julie’s eyes found mine, mine were already focused on her, taking her in. She was wearing a pair of tiny pink short shorts and a skintight white tank that rode up on her stomach, showing a few inches of her perfect, flat stomach. Her hair was loose around her face, wavy and tousled and her face was flushed.

Julie half stumbled off the bed she had been jumping on and walked over to me. She paused and looked up at me.

“Hey hubby, you look tired after a long day of work. What do you say you come in and I’ll fix you a little drink?” Julie offered, whispering the last few words with a not-so-smooth wink.

She held a beer out to me.

The other two boys looked at her with open mouths. I ignored them and took the beer from her. As I opened the beer and took a long swig, I subtly pushed her further into the cabin and shifted to block her body from the probing eyes of my roommates. Julie smiled up at me as she started swaying her hips to the music.

I felt my pulse speed up as I watched her dance softly to the music. I imagined running my hands down her body to her waist and pulling those hips against mine. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to throw her on the bed and have sex with her. I took another long pull from my beer instead.

The longer I watched the beautiful girl, the more I felt my brain fog and I knew it had nothing to do the beer. She filled every one of my senses. Julie moved closer and tugged my sweatshirt, pulling me towards her. Our bodies brushed for a moment, but that’s all it took for me to lose self-control.

I pulled Julie flush against me and swayed with her to the music, shutting down everyone around me.

While we were locked in our embrace, Anthony found Marie and pulled her over to him. A couple of shots had pushed her over the edge of drunk as Tony swam into her line of vision. I didn’t care that Anthony was all over my ex-hook up. I didn’t notice anything but Julie. I didn’t feel anything but her tight body underneath my hands.

Chris didn’t waste any time on the booze. He and Stacy quickly started a game of Drunk Driver, where Chris played with the intention to lose. He missed parties, high school was a fun experience for a guy like him. Popular and good-looking, parties were the best part of high school for a guy like Chris.

He called over to me to try and get us to join their game, but I couldn’t pull myself away from Julie. I hadn’t even finished the beer she had given me but my head was spinning. I felt warm all over; my skin tingled under her touch. I had her body pulled tight against mine. She had her hands on my shoulders and her head rested on my chest.

“What the…” I heard Mindy’s voice trail off at the door. I heard a chuckle in that direction that sounded like Jason. I didn’t bother to look over; I just kept looking down at Julie in my arms.

Then I felt a smack on the back of my head, jogging me to my surroundings. I thought I heard Mindy call me playboy under her breath as she walked away towards the windows.

The music had been turned off, Chris and Anthony were gone, Stacy was passed out in bed and I could only assume Marie was in the bathroom. I looked down again at Julie, still resting against my chest. Her eyes were closed and she had a tiny smile on her lips.

“What do we do with these two?” I heard Jason ask Mindy.

“Can you start opening some of the windows? It smells like booze in here,” Mindy said

“What,” Julie said suddenly and pushed back from me. She looked around and noticed Mindy and Jason. My gaze slid down Julie’s body to the pair of tiny shorts she was wearing and the tank that didn’t reach the top of them leaving inches of bare skin around her navel. As much as I wanted to taste that skin, I reached back to the sweatshirt I had taken off and handed it to her.

Julie looked at me curiously but pulled the sweatshirt on. I turned away from her and helped Jason open the windows. I glanced back quickly to watch as she pulled my sweatshirt towards her face, inhaling deeply. I saw a smile on her lips again before she scurried off to the bathroom.

A moment later, she screamed.

I immediately made my way towards the bathroom, but her strong arms shoved Anthony out, shirt in hand, before I made my way to save her. I started to chuckle, but then Marie appeared in the doorway, disheveled and drunk, clumsily walking to her bed. I didn’t think it was funny anymore.

I realized I was watching Marie as she drifted off to a drunken slumber and looked back towards the bathroom. Julie stood in the doorway, a small frown on her lips. I looked carefully at her face, but she avoided my eyes and walked back into the bathroom. I couldn’t help but watch where my sweatshirt fell on the backs of her smooth, toned thighs.