Vicious Circles (16 page)

“What’s this?” He didn’t seem angry, just confused.
 

I was caught. I knew. “Well, they’re the Percocet from when I had my appendix out.”
He grabbed my chin between his thumb and index finger. “You’re taking them still?”
I recoiled slightly at the hurt in his voice. “I…see I don’t take them all the time. Just every now and then.”
 

“Why would you need to take them, Fallyn? The refills should have run out by now.” He looked me right in the eyes. “You’re high.”
 

I pushed his hand away and looked toward the floor. What was I supposed to say? I felt like shit and had for years? He would take it personally and judging by the tone in his voice I could tell he already had.
 

“I’m sorry, Mason. I don’t know what to say. I’ll get rid of them; I don’t need them.” My stomach clenched as the lie passed my lips.
 

“Flush them,” he ordered before grabbing my arm and pulling me toward the bathroom. “Make sure there isn’t anymore and if there is, you need to get rid of those too.”
 

He stood in the doorway to the bathroom, waiting for me to decide if I was going to be totally cooperative or not. I did give in to the hurt look on his face in the end. I pulled a sock from my top drawer and emptied my secret stash of pills out into my hand. I felt like an idiot and I felt like

I wanted to punch him all at once. We stood side by side as I dumped every last pill into the toilet and pushed the lever down.
“I hope that was the end of whatever it is you were doing with those fucking pills,” Mason said taking a tight hold of my left hand.
 

I nodded rather than verbally answering him.
 

“Good. Let’s go finish dinner.”
 

We didn’t talk about the pills anymore after that moment. I carried on cooking and he helped me the best he could. We joked and messed around like normal but in the back of my mind I worried about what would happen when whatever amount was in my system wore off. Maybe it was in the back of Mason’s mind too, but I couldn’t tell. He smiled, touched and held me just the same as he always did.
 

Our very first Thanksgiving together went smoothly, despite my worries. My turkey was a little dry, which prompted an ‘I told you so’ from Mason who insisted I should have basted the damn thing more often than I did. I was just happy it wasn’t burnt.
 

“We’re deep frying a turkey next year,” Mason told his best friend and roommate Dave.
 

I shook my head. “Think again you pyromaniacs. I can’t possibly see anything good coming out of you guys with hot oil and turkey.”
 

Chris, who had shown up a little late, laughed at my accusation. “I would have to agree with your woman Mason…”
 

I smiled in triumph and decided Chris was no threat to me at all. “I’m going outside to smoke.”
 

The boys waved me off, meaning they were too involved in their deep fried turkey discussion to even smoke. Chris on the other hand followed me out and took a seat next to me on the top step.
 

“Do you mind?” He asked after the fact.
 

“Not at all.
I did invite you over,” I said in humor.
 

“Listen, I want to say I’m sorry about what happened in Vancouver. I don’t know what I said to upset you but I didn’t mean anything by…well by anything really.” He laughed nervously.
 

I felt like shit. He was apologizing to me for something he had nothing to do with. “You didn’t do anything Chris. I just shouldn’t have gone out that night, plain and simple.” I sighed and lit my cigarette.
 

Chris relaxed a bit, knowing I wasn’t angry at him. “You and Mason seem to have it made.”
 

If you only knew.
“We have our moments but mostly we’re golden. I’m lucky to have him.”
 

“He’s lucky to have you…” Chris said. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but I have seen a positive change in Mason since you came along. I mean, he wasn’t a dickhead or anything. He just seems happier. I saw you at the premiere and I wanted to tell you then…but I didn’t.”
 

A smile spread across my face. “Well, that makes everything worth it then.”
 

Chris laughed and stood, wiping the ass of his jeans. “Lynn told me you were awesome; I’m glad to finally meet you properly myself.”
 

I looked up and grinned once again. “I try. Just don’t ever catch me on a bad day.”
 

“Deal,” he said rubbing the top of my head playfully. “I’m going in to see what the
band of brothers are up to.” He walked a little and turned again. “Smoking will stunt your growth. Just look at Mason.”
 

I laughed as he disappeared inside. There was no reason for me to have feared any of Mason’s friends.
 

December – Christmas Eve/Day
2009

I hadn’t swallowed a Percocet since Mason supervised the flushing of every one I had on Thanksgiving. There was a period of a week or two where my body just craved it and I acted like a total bitch. I was nauseous and sweaty for about three days. After that I took to verbally breaking Mason down whenever he got near me. He didn’t flinch and I suspected he knew deep down that I had become a pill fiend.
Then, the day came that I woke up and didn’t feel so bad. I made breakfast, drove myself to work and had a fan-fucking-tastic day.  There was somewhat of a tantrum thrown on Mason’s behalf when I banned all alcoholic beverages from the apartment. I figured…squash one demon, squash them all.
 

Again, I lucked out with not having to meet the Masons. Since the band was leaving directly after Christmas and headed their way, his parent’s were going to wait to see him. I was fucking relieved to say the least.
 

“Merry Christmas,” Mason whispered in my ear.
 

I rolled over in bed to face him and covered my mouth with one hand. “It’s Christmas Eve. Have you forgotten the morning breath rule?”
 

He laughed and tickled my sides. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry I forgot.” He grinned. “Well go brush your damn teeth and come right back so I can give you an early Christmas present.”
 

“What if I don’t come back?” I asked, trying to be coy. “What if I want to go bake sugar cookies?”
 

“Don’t toy with my nether region woman. It’s Christmas for fuck sake.”
 

The look on his face was priceless. I burst into laughter and was still laughing as I brushed my teeth. Much to his dismay, I showered as well and didn’t return to bed. He was sitting on the couch in a pair of jeans, talking on his cell phone when I emerged from the bedroom.
 

“Lynn just called,” he said, holding his hand over the mouthpiece of his phone.
 

I found my phone and cleared the missed call before calling her back.
“Hey Lynn. You called?”
 

“Yes! I’m so glad you called me right back. Listen I have serious last minute gift shopping to do and I can’t possibly go in my car. I need something with a bigger trunk.”
 

“It’s Christmas Eve. Are you mental?” I shuddered at the thought of going anywhere in LA that wasn’t a gas station or fast food joint a day before Christmas.
 

“Please…” she begged shamelessly.
 

I turned and looked at Mason in all his shirtless glory. I had planned on sexing him up after making cookies. Then again, I couldn’t let Lynn go in her car. I remembered the last time she tried to shove a large purchase in her trunk. It ended up on PCH in the middle of the road
..
 

“Fine…FINE,” I agreed. “Meet me here. I’m already dressed.”
 

“What did Lynn want?” Mason asked as he ended his own call.
 

“Apparently she didn’t buy enough shit so we’re going back to hell to get some more. Oh and she needs me to drive because her trunk just isn’t big enough.” I rolled my eyes even though I didn’t mind helping her out.
 

“Well, you remember the television don’t you?” He was referring to the item that fell out on PCH.
 

I laughed. “And that’s why I’m going.”

***

“What did you end up getting Mason for Christmas?” Lynn asked from the passenger seat of my car on the way back from shopping.
 

“I got him the guitar strap, with the monogram.” I sighed because I had wanted to get him something so much better. Without the drugs running through my system I felt less sure about
my gift.
 

“He’s going to love it, Fallyn. Stop worrying.”
 

I pulled the car up to my building and let Lynn out. While she was getting into her own car, Mason got into mine.
 

“What are you ladies doing now? You’ve been gone most of the day.”
 

“I’m following Lynn back to her place to unload her loot and then I’m all yours.” I grinned at him. “Have you been waiting for me long?”
 

“No, I actually was bringing in your present from the trunk of my car. Now I’m going with you.”
 

I smirked at him as I did my best to follow Lynn’s car in the holiday traffic. He turned the radio up and slipped his left hand into mine as it sat over the gearshift. We rode in the car like that often; in silence with the music playing loudly in the background. It suited us and it relaxed me.

His presence was calming. We eventually made it to Lynn’s and I helped her unload her bags. Mason hugged her and I handed her a small box.
 

“Merry Christmas, Lynn.
It’s not much because I didn’t know what to get you.”
 

She took the box and smiled. “I got you something too but you won’t actually get it until after Christmas.”
 

I gave her a hug and a confused look. “I’ll take your word for it.”
 

Mason and I both shed our clothes when we got back to my apartment. He fell back along the couch to call his mother and I got started on the cookies I’d
been wanting to bake since Lynn gave me the cookbook. I’d never made sugar cookies and it looked slightly beyond my culinary level but I knew I could bake them.
 

The dough was chilling in the fridge when Mason sauntered into the kitchen wearing only his boxer briefs. “How’s the cookie baking, baby?”
 

“The dough has to chill for a few hours before I can roll it out,” I said, never once acknowledging he was practically naked.
 

He grabbed me from the back and flipped me around until I was sitting on the counter in my John Lennon t-shirt and plain white panties. I squealed a little as he moved himself in between my legs and pulled me to the edge of the counter.
 

“You owe me something and I’m collecting right now.” The right side of his mouth slid up into a sideways grin.
 

“On the kitchen counter?
The same place we eat from?”
 

He chuckled darkly.
“Precisely my intentions.”
 

“Fuck, Mason we can’t do this in the kitchen,” I groaned.
 

“Why not?” he asked before he pulled my t-shirt over my head.

***

The kitchen sex blew my mind and I almost forgot about my cookie dough in the fridge. Mason, who still had his wits about him, reminded me. He pulled the cookie cutters I bought from Target and dropped them on the counter in front of me.
 

“I don’t want Santa shaped cookies.”
 

Mason opened the bag and dumped the cookie cutters out. “What shapes do you want? There isn’t a Santa shaped cookie rule, you know.”
 

I laughed and pulled a few letters from the pile. “I want my cookies to say things like, fuck and ass.”
 

“Well, it would be the first sugar cookie I ate that spelled out a swear word but I’m game,” he said with an amused look on his face.
 

So, we did just that. We made inappropriate cookies until I couldn’t stand to look at another and then we went to bed. When I cracked my eyes open the next morning, Mason was absent from bed and I could smell the distinct scent of fresh brewed coffee. I sat up, rubbed my eyes and then let my nose guide me to the kitchen. I passed our mini Christmas tree and noticed there
was two gifts underneath. I wanted to investigate but the coffee was screaming my name.
 

After two cups of coffee, Mason and I exchanged gifts. He loved the guitar strap and couldn’t wait to put it on his instrument. He totally surprised me with his two gifts and I almost cried. For anyone else, a laptop and webcam was a general gift, but to me it was a huge step forward for Mason and myself. He wanted me to be accessible to him while he was on tour and vice versa.